Interview Transcript: Justin Kayze and Dr. Tan, "Hot Spotlight Tonight; Season 2, final episode"

Justin: "Welcome! It's so nice to meet you. Thank you for agreeing to this interview today."

Dr. Tan: "Thank you for having me, Justin. You know, I'm a big admirer of your publication."

Justin: "This is a television show."

Dr. Tan: "Ah, well that would explain the cameras, then."

Justin: [politely clears his throat] "Glad we cleared that up. Now, Dr. Tan… may I call you Dr. Tan?"

Dr. Tan: "Yes, please do."

Justin: "Out of curiosity, do you have a first name, Doctor?"

Dr. Tan: "Yes."

Justin: "…May I ask what it is?"

Dr. Tan: "Certainly."

Justin: "…"

Justin: "Well, what is it?"

Dr. Tan: "What is what?"

Justin: "Your first name."

Dr. Tan: "Doctor."

Justin: "What?"

Dr. Tan: "What?"

Justin: "…"

Dr. Tan: "….."

[The director, from offstage, makes a "hurry it up" motion with his hands]

Justin: "Yes, well. Ahaha. Our viewing audience have sent in a few questions through our social media channels they'd like me to ask you during this interview. First up we have Michelle from Sarasota who asks, 'What was it like to travel through time?' Did I read that right? Travel through time?"

Dr. Tan: "Yes, that's correct. It was shortly after I discovered the existence of the secret organization known as 'DCI'; a nefarious bunch of rapscallions who were determined to destroy my dreams of world dance domination. Anyway, I may have spirited away a few of their employees to come work for me instead. DCI didn't like that idea, so they came after me with the full might of all their crews. I had to escape through time to evade their machinations. The time travel itself wasn't too bad, as long as I was able to keep a steady beat."

Jason: "I… see. How interesting. Would you care to elaborate on the process of time travel itself? Or what you did on your temporal journey?"

Dr. Tan: "Well, I visited several decades and collected thematic dance moves from each one. I visited the seventies, the eighties, the nineties, and the aughts. I couldn't go back too much further, as the time machine I built only allows me to visit years in which I've lived. Kind of like that one fellow… What was his name? The one who invaded the minds of defenseless people and took over their lives?"

[Dr. Tan snaps his fingers, trying to remember.]

Dr. Tan: "Sam Beckett. That was the one. A fine fellow. Slightly misguided though. He could have used that power to bend the future to his will."

Jason: "Are you talking about Quantum Leap?"

Dr. Tan: "Yes, that sounds right."

Jason: "You know that was a TV show, right?"

Dr. Tan: "…Yes, of course I knew that."

Jason: "Moving on… Our next question comes from David in Topeka. David asks, 'Dr. Tan, how did you build all those robots?'"

Dr. Tan: "An excellent question! But if I told you, I'd have to kill you."

Justin: "Ooookay. The next question is from Quentin all the way from Lyon, France. Quentin asks, 'What is your favorite animal?'"

Dr. Tan: "Oh, Quentin. Haven't you been paying attention? It's the crow of course. There's a whole motif, outfits, even a venue. And you know about the crew's name, right? My secret lair is called the Crow's Nest, for goodness' sake. Wait, is this live? Can we take that out in editing? It is my secret lair after all. I'd hate for word of it to get out like this."

[Jason smiles charmingly]

Jason: "I'll talk to the producer and see what we can do."

Dr. Tan: "Excellent."

[He taps his fingers together, quite like Mister Burns from the Simpsons]

Jason: "This next question is interesting. Pauline from Cleveland asks if you're single!"

[Dr. Tan peers directly into the camera with an intense gaze, creeping out Michael the camera guy]

Dr. Tan: There is a certain dancer I've had my eye on, but so far, they haven't succumbed to my tremendous charms. So yes, Pauline, I am single. If you know how to boogie and want to get down, call 555-TAN-STEP for a good time. That's my private line."

[Dr. Tan winks at the camera.]

Jason: "Well, it looks like it's time for our first commercial break. We'll be back in just a few to continue our interview with the infamous Dr. Tan!

[Jason gestures to a runner for a bottle of water. A production assistant comes over to escort Michael the camera man offset. Michael quivers in fear as the PA gently whispers to him and pats him on the back, throwing dirty looks at Dr. Tan the whole while. Cameraman Chip replaces Michael behind Camera 1]

Jason: "And we're back! For those of you just tuning in, we are joined today on Hot Spotlight Tonight by Dr. Tan!"

[Dr. Tan grins and waves at the camera.]

Jason: "Doctor, before we get back into the viewer questions, I have a few questions of my own if you don't mind."

Dr. Tan: "Please, Jason, go right ahead."

Jason: "Thank you! Doctor, you confirmed right before the commercial break that you are single, is that correct?"

Dr. Tan: "Single and ready to mingle, Ladies! Or Gents. Or Enbies, I'm not picky."

Jason: "But you have a biological son, is that correct?"

[Dr. Tan appears agitated.]

Dr. Tan: "Yes, that's right."

Jason: "May I ask, Doctor, what happened to the boy's mother? I've heard rumors, but I wanted to hear it from the man himself."

Dr. Tan: "That's a very personal question, Mr. Kayze. My attorneys have advised me not to discuss it publicly. Just suffice to say she is… no longer in the picture."

Jason: "Ahem. I see. I apologize if I made you uncomfortable, Doctor."

Dr. Tan: "No, no, it's quite alright. Pleading the fifth and all that. Please continue!"

Jason: "Let's just get back to the viewer questions, shall we? Our next question comes from Lisa in Chattanooga. Oh, this question is about your son and his relationship status. What a great segue! Lisa asks, 'Is Oblio single?' I assume Oblio is your son then?"

Dr. Tan: "Why does Lisa want to know about my son? Oh, very well. I have no idea if he's single or not. The boy flits about like a startled bird on that motorcycle of his, being all sad and philosophical all the time. He's a real bummer, to be honest. I'm not sure why anyone would be interested in him. He's an excellent dancer, but I wish he would apply himself to global domination like I did. Why, at his age I was already beginning to build my empire! That's the problem with young people these days. They don't apply themselves. In my day, planning how to rule the world was all we did, day and night. It made me feel so alive! It gave me a sense of purpose! Not like these altruistic pursuits I get up to these days."

Jason: "I, ah… I think we're getting off topic, Doctor."

Dr. Tan: "No, Jason, I think we're finally on the correct topic. All of you dancers out there – Lisa, Pauline, Quentin, those fools at DCI, and all the rest of you… Finally, finally my ambitions will be realized. Prepare yourselves to be under my control. To do what I say! Prepare yourselves… for the power of TAN! Ha! Ha ha! Ahahahaha!"

[Dr. Tan laughs manically, standing up and stretching his arms to the sides, his fingers crooked and raising slowly to the sky. The director shouts desperately from offstage to cut the feed. Robots slowly walk into the shot carrying helmets. They grab Jason by the arm, but he tries to resist. The screen goes dark.]