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GENERAL WELFARE
The 53rd Annual Hunger Games
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Part III. The Clear
"The storm is what they threw at me; the hurricane is what I became."
― Matshona Dhliwayo
Finally, she sees him again.
Amidst white fluffy clouds, Shae stands tall, his arms open wide as he beckons Nim closer to him. For the first time in ten days, she can actually breathe, and oh, how nice it is to take in the air without worrying about being attacked.
"I missed you," Shae calls out to her, his voice Nim's most favorite symphony.
She smiles as she walks toward him. "I missed you too!"
"I always knew it'd be us forever," he says.
Behind Shae, another familiar figure rises above the clouds. It's one Nim hasn't seen in ages and was worried she'd never see again, but refused to forget.
"Dad?" Nim cries.
Corwin van Amstel bellows, "Nim; oh honey, it's so nice to see you again."
"It's so nice to see you too!"
Even if it's in heaven, Nim is grateful to be reunited with her family once more. She opens her arms and runs towards them, the smile on her face wider than a seagull's wingspan. The feet between them dissipate into inches, and Nim opens her arms, ready to wrap them around the people she loves more than only for—
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ʷʰᵒᵒˢʰᵎ
/o/
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"Nim. Nim," a female voice repeats.
ʙᴇᴇᴘ.
ʙᴇᴇᴘ.
ʙᴇᴇᴘ.
ʙᴇᴇᴘ.
The sound of an alarm —or is it a machine?— echoes through her ears, the sake of familiarity making her far less eager to open her eyes and face whatever's causing the jarring noise.
Once again, Nim's in an unfamiliar place. Once again, she's a stranger to her own reality. Once again, she has no damn clue who she is or who she's supposed to be.
ʙᴇᴇᴘ.
ʙᴇᴇᴘ.
"Nim, it's okay. You can wake up now." The voice becomes clearer to her, but she still can't put her finger on who it's coming from.
Is it Viscania? she wonders, because Yara wouldn't sound so sweet, and she sure as hell wouldn't dare talk to Nim after she quite literally killed her.
(She deserved it too.)
ʙᴇᴇᴘ.
ʙᴇᴇᴘ.
"You won, Nim. They fixed you up in the Capitol, and you can wake up now."
Her eyes flutter open to the sight of Crista Starlett's head hanging over her. Has it really been so long that Nim couldn't immediately identify her voice? And has she really won?
She rolls over to the side and yawns. "What the hell is going on?"
Because even now, even while she's awake, nothing about this feels real. Nim's just waiting for somebody to come and pull the sheets of reality from underneath her feet, sending her plummeting into fantasy once more. She'd prefer it that way, too, because then she'd be with Shae again. Then, she'd be with her father again.
"You won," Crista says again. "Nim, you're the Victor of the Fifty-Third Annual Hunger Games!"
Victor. The word stings inside Nim's mind, as does "win" because Nim doesn't feel victorious or like she won something. She only achieved a future of misery, one she deserved because she maimed and killed and let Shae die. She let him die, and now she's the one who walks with his ghost when he should have been walking with hers.
"I did?" Nim's brow furrows as she tries to convince herself she's still dreaming; this isn't real, and soon she'll be with Shae again. Soon, everything's going to be alright.
Crista places her hand on Nim's shoulder, the frigid temperature of her palm making Nim shiver. "You sure did, Nim. I know it was hard, but you won. You get to go home now."
Go home to what?
Without Father and without Shae, there's nothing back in Four for Nim to return to other than traveling reminders of all she's done and how little she deserves. Home was never a place for Nim; it was a person, and now she has to be in charge of burying said person because she couldn't bury the other person she considered "home."
Because Nim knows now that her father's not alive. If Corwin was, there's no way she wouldn't have found him by now. The scraps of his boat were a tell-tale sign of his demise, and Nim's a fool for spending eight months looking for him. She's a fool for dragging Shae along and spending their last months together searching for something they'd never find.
"Thanks?" Nim says.
She closes her eyes and pulls the sheets of the bed she's in towards her face, hoping she'll be able to go back to sleep and that when she wakes up, she'll be in the clouds again and she won't have to worry.
But, no matter how long Nim spends trying to lull herself to sleep, it doesn't work. Because she's awake. She's awake and alive, and there's nothing in this world that can change that, just like how there's nothing that can change that Shae and her dad are dead, which means it's now Nim's job to claim the van Amstel legacy and make it her own.
(As if they even had a legacy. They were just recluses, and they were happy that way. But now? Now that last name will forever be associated with Nim, who let her brother die and fell for Yara's traps, then killed her too then—)
"I know you're confused," Crista tells her, her voice still as gentle as it was when she woke Nim up. "I was confused too when I won.
Confused feels like a massive fucking understatement. Nim van Amstel is beyond confused. She's mourning, and she's heartbroken, and she's sick and feels like dying, but at the same time, she doesn't want to die because she proved in the arena that she deserves to live, and wants to live too. She wants to do what Shae and Father don't have the opportunity to do, even if it makes her selfish.
"I thought I'd see them again," Nim stammers, every word that leaves her lips causing her chest to contract around her heart a bit more. "I wanted to see them again."
"I saw my parents too when they knocked me out after the Games," Crista says. "I know you think you're alone, Nim, but I've been through the exact same thing you're going through now. You'll be alright, even if it doesn't feel like it now."
She hopes Crista's right, but at the same time, Nim doubts it. How could she possibly be okay again now that everyone she loved is gone and there's truly nothing in this world meant for her except a lifetime of sorrow?
Nim whispers, "I hope so."
Then again, she closes her eyes and prays for sleep to take her, knowing damn well that it won't.
The stylists were much kinder when they prepared Nim for her "victory interview," which all but confirms just how superficial they were in the first place. Nim didn't have it in her to thank them.
Crista told Nim that her interview was her "final hurdle" before returning to Four. Nim smiled and pretended she was excited to return home, but again, what's there for her to return to?
She thought she'd be relieved, excited even when she sat across from Caesar once more, hoping the flashing lights would cast the demons out of her head, but still, all she feels is dread. She wonders, did she make some sort of a mistake in killing Azure? It would have been easy for her to throw the Games and return to Shae, but Nim didn't. Is there a reason she was so eager to return to a life she knew would now be miserable?
(Yes. Being alive means being given a chance to heal. It means not apologizing to Shae time after time as they parade the cosmos. It means someday Nim van Amstel will be able to heal, even if that day seems so far in the future Nim doubts she'll ever reach it.)
"First off, I just wanted to congratulate you," Caesar begins their interview, and Nim knows it's her job to charm them. It's her job to charm the entire nation, to convince them that she's more worthy of living than anybody else in there, even if that's not true.
She paints on a fake smile and reaches out to shake his hand. "Why, thank you, Caesar. I'm glad I get to talk to you again."
"So much has changed since we last spoke," the Master of Ceremonies states what's obvious. "You truly did go through so much in the Games, but we're all glad to see that you made it through in one piece."
Hearing that things changed from lips other than her own makes Nim's stomach sink. Has everyone else seen how obviously the arena altered her? Does the audience realize that Nim left the arena a different person than the one she was when she entered, and do they somehow like that about her?
"I'm glad too." Nim bites her tongue because no nation wants to hear that their victor is ungrateful for the gift of life she's received. Because really, she's selfish to loathe the fact she's alive when so many people wished to be her only to die. So many people had something to prove, yet Nim's here instead; the least she can do is act somewhat appreciative.
"Now, what do you say we watch your incredible journey in the arena as a group?"
Crista warned Nim that she'd be forced to watch a recap of her time in the Games. She said it'd be horrible and atrocious, which wasn't very assuring, but Nim does appreciate her telling the truth when it'd be so easy to lie. The last thing she needs now is for things to be sugarcoated.
Nim nods. It's not like she can stop Caesar from playing the video. There's no need to delay what's inevitable.
Her chair turns as a white screen rolls down the wall behind them. With a smile, Caesar presses a button on a remote control and the colors begin to flicker to life.
A man with a camera walks toward Nim and points it in her face. This too, is something Crista warned her about. The audience is going to want to see her reaction. It's cruel, yes, but at least she's alive, or something like that. She does her best to ignore the camera as the bloodbath begins to play, knowing that if she can make it through that, the rest of the Games will be, well, still not easy, but relatively easier.
The first shot is of her running into the middle of the shipwreck, the camera panning to show Azure choke out the Eleven girl before returning back to Nim. There's a tight zoom on her fist as she rams it into Cheney's nose, and she can hear the sound of her own heartbeat tenfold, unable to tell if it's coming from her chest or the speakers.
They show Sorrel killing Nisha, the worried look on Nim's face, and then cut away to what Nim wanted to see least.
Standing tall on top of the shipwreck, Shae looks around, clearly exhausted. Nim hates to think this could be the closest she ever gets to seeing him again. He turns his head over his shoulder and makes eye contact with Azure, the One girl pushing him to the ground with ease.
Nim remembers what Azure said before she killed her, that Shae's dying words were ones cursing Nim and claiming she never loved him. At the time, Nim powered through and deemed Azure's words a lie, but as she plants her sword in Shae's neck and laughs while he coughs up blood, Nim begins to doubt herself.
If watching Shae crash against the rocks was terrible, seeing him here is easily a thousand times worse. The color in his face is slowly draining, and his expression is that of pure misery and hopelessness. A tear slides down Nim's face, but she's unable to do anything to stop it. Even if the Capitol expects a perfect and poised victor, Nim has enough dignity to cry as she loses the one person she loves more than anything.
The camera zooms in on Shae's face, his lips trembling as he tries to say something. In the faintest voice, Shae whispers, "I love you, Nim. Please, go win for me," and the screen goes black.
Nim slumps back in her seat and begins to sob. Based on what Shae said, it seems like he's somehow forgiven her in some form, but she still isn't sure what to make of it. Funnily enough, Nim is sobbing on the screen, too, Yara and Viscania holding her as Shae's face illuminates the sky.
She was at least right to assume that watching Shae die would be the worst of it. Nim hardly recognizes herself when she kills Minos, not because she's stronger now, but because she's weaker in a different, arguably worse way. As the hideous monster squeezes the life out of Viscania, Nim watches herself run over and save her, again upset that she couldn't do that for Shae.
After the fire, it still doesn't get much better. She's forced to watch up close as Sorrel severs Yara's arm, puffing out her cheeks, so she doesn't puke all over her dress. Nim watches herself kill the girl from Nine, and then it cuts to the feast, Nim once again forced to brace for the worst.
When she introduces herself to Halcyon and Reese, a montage plays of the pair's friendship. Nim watches the two of them play card games and climb dead trees with massive smiles on their faces, unable to smile with them because she knows the next thing she'll see is an ax in Reese's neck.
As Halcyon screams for his dead ally to wake up, Nim watches the Six girl knock Sorrel to the ground. Again, she tries to save him, but it doesn't work. Tears fall down her face once more as she watches herself hike back to the restaurant, already cringing at what's about to happen.
The video shows Nim's relationship with Yara through a rose-colored lens. There's none of their awkward silence or clear frustration, just smiles, red cheeks, and peaceful music. It's like they're showing the world what Nim and Yara could've been in any other world, not the ugly truth of what they actually were.
As the two of them sit in the rain, the video cuts to Azure and the girl from Two. They're slow-dancing and kissing, arms tangled in one another's hair. They look peaceful almost until Azure grabs a knife from her pocket and plunges it into Two's spine. As the girl falls to the ground, Azure cries, the rain washing away the blood on her hands.
There's so much in the arena that Nim never knew about and so much that she'll never know, because if her and Yara were edited to seem almost ideal, there's undoubtedly lies in the portrayal of everybody else.
(Maybe it'd be easier if Nim believed what the video showed of her and Yara. Then at least she wouldn't seem like an idiot for not seeing the other girl's betrayal coming from a mile away.)
As Nim kills Halcyon, feeling as guilty now as she did in the moment, the camera pans to Yara, stabbing Azure in the thighs, and bringing her to her knees. She stabs her in the upper chest when Halcyon's camera roars, making Nim see how Yara could've thought it was for Azure.
(Either that, or she was lying.)
Nim's heart aches for the version of herself that she watches on the screen, the one who is so shocked to see Yara betray her as if she hadn't been leaving signs this entire time. When she sees herself climb the rope and then kill the Eight girl, Nim actually smiles, even if the tear in her eye betrays her.
And just like how it happened in real life, the video's segment of her killing Azure is brief and unceremonious. As the film stops, Nim finds she's just as tired as she was in the arena. For the same reason too: she's won, but she still doesn't know at what cost.
Nim wipes the tears from her eyes as the audience claps, shuddering in her seat as she wonders what Caesar will ask her. He reaches into his pocket and hands Nim a handkerchief, then reclines in his seat and says, "Now, wasn't that something, Nim?"
"It sure was," Nim replies, her voice shaking. "At least I was able to get some closure, though."
Because she was, and Nim's grateful for that. Even if nightmares will plague her head tonight, at least now Nim has undeniable proof that Shae somewhat forgives her. Or at least, he wants her to be here.
"With your brother?" Caesar inquires.
Nim nods and continues to blot her face. "I miss him more than I have the words to say."
"I understand," Caesar says, but Nim doubts he actually does. "But hey, he said he loves you, and I can't even begin to imagine how proud of you he is now."
"I hope he is," Nim remarks.
After leaving room for a significant pause, Caesar begins his next point. "You know, it's interesting that you killed Azure at the end of the Games, Miss van Amstel, because Azure's own sibling, Mx. Razzie Astaire, is actually the victor of the Forty-First Hunger Games."
And just like that, Nim's heart sinks. Even if Azure killed Shae, Nim did the exact same thing to Razzie. She separated them from their sibling, and now they'll always be a bit empty, even if they must have quite the age gap for Razzie to have won over a decade ago. "I didn't know that."
"I know you didn't, but it's just an interesting coincidence," Caesar points out.
"Yeah, I guess so."
"Anyway, I'll move right along," he continues. "Tell me, Nim, if you could use any word to describe your relationship with the girl from District Eight, Yara Kazminov, what would it be?"
She doesn't hesitate for even a single second. "Stormy."
(Because again, maybe if the two of them met in different circumstances before the world convinced Yara that she was a lost cause, Nim actually could have healed her.)
"Very interesting," Caesar says. When he realizes Nim's not going to elaborate as she's honorable enough not to speak ill of the dead, he asks another question. "Who in District Four are you most excited to see?"
Nim shudders. As if she needed the reminder that tomorrow morning she's leaving the Capitol behind and returning to nothing because everything she loves is already gone.
"Well, actually, I never knew my mother, my father died recently, and Shae was my only sibling, so nobody," Nim answers, the audience gasping in response. "He raised us rather secluded from the rest of society, so it's just going to be me, I guess, and the house in Victors Village that Crista told me about. They have an empty one waiting for me, so that's nice."
Nim sincerely doubts that she's even going to get close with the other victors. Aside from Crista and Mags, Four's other living victor is a Career, which means chances are Nim won't get along with him. Mags is sort of hard to talk to, and while Nim likes Crista enough, she's apparently busy with her young daughter most of the time.
"Oh yes!" Caesar enthuses, "You are going to absolutely love living in Victors Village. Four's is located right on the shore; it's stunning!"
That does, admittedly, sound rather lovely. Maybe if she tries hard enough, she'll be able to pretend it's the same beach that she and Shae grew up on.
Nim knows the next few months will be challenging, and even if she isn't sure she's capable of it, she will have to push through.
After answering more questions than she knew what to do with and standing still as President Snow placed a laurel on her head, sleep truly can't come quick enough.
Within seconds of arriving back at Four's apartment, Nim tore off her dress, scrubbed off her makeup, and slipped into a set of silk pajamas. She went over to Crista's room, wished her and Mags an easy slumber, and was about to fall asleep herself when she heard a knock at the door.
Nim sighs, so exhausted she isn't sure she can do anything ever again, but she opens the door regardless. Standing in its frame is a person a bit shorter than her with bleached blonde hair and an angry expression on their face.
Before they can walk into the apartment, Nim blocks the door with her arm and asks, "I'm sorry, do I know you?"
"You don't," the person answers flatly. "I'm not going to rob you if that's what you're worried about."
"I wasn't," Nim replies. The person tries to push past her arm so Nim grits her teeth and eases them backward. "Look, I'd appreciate it if you at least told me your name."
Lord, she's really not in the mood for small talk right now.
"I'm Verdigris," they respond. "Victor of the Fifty-Second Games, if that means anything to you."
Oh! Nim's eyes widen. It's really been so long since she watched their Games on the train that she didn't recognize them. She removes her hand from the door and leans against the kitchen counter. Nim gestures for Verdigris to shut the door behind them, wondering what they could possibly want to talk to her about.
"Is everything okay?" Nim asks.
Verdigris rolls their eyes and crosses their arms. "If everything were okay, I wouldn't barge into your apartment at nearly midnight."
"Right." Nim nods. "What's wrong then?"
"To put it as nicely as I can, I really didn't appreciate you killing my little brother," they sneer, Nim gasping immediately. "Halcyon, if that rings a bell."
Nim's jaw goes slack as she realizes she's now separated not one but two sibling pairs, hence making her worse than Azure, who split just one. Not only that, Verdigris is clearly upset with her, and they have every right to be considering Halcyon was overall innocent.
"You killed him in the finale. He was—"
"I know who he is," Nim cuts them off and sighs. "I'm just processing; that's all."
"And you think I'm not processing?" they hiss. "Caesar's bitch ass didn't even mention him to you at your interview! Probably 'cause my witch mother fuckin' rigged Hal to fuck with me. I bet she paid off Caesar too."
This is all too complicated for Nim to wrap her head around, and she's so tired all she can do is say, "I'm so sorry. Really, I am."
"You better be," Verdigris says, their brows furrowing and their face turning red, all while Nim stands completely helpless. "Do you know how excited I was to finally stick it to Mayuko if Halcyon won? I was so fucking thrilled that I'd finally shown her she can't fuck with me, yet you had to go and ruin it!"
Nim nods, but again, she doesn't understand. Furthermore, how the hell was she supposed to know that any of this was going on when Halcyon, or anybody else for that matter, didn't tell her?
"Do you even have anything to say?" Verdigris scoffs.
"I'm sorry!" Nim repeats. She ducks under the counter and breathes rapidly, worried that Verdigris will come after her. "I can assure you I feel fucking terrible for everything that happened in there. Please, though, I'm tired beyond belief, and I'd appreciate it if you could leave me alone."
Verdigris screams and rams their head into the wall. They step back, clearly dizzy, and then yell again. Nim gets up and runs behind them, pinning their arms behind their back despite their kicking.
Hearing the noise, Crista rushes into the room and gasps. "Now, what's going on in here?"
Verdigris tries to say something, but they're clearly flustered so Nim explains, "The boy I killed in the finale was Verdigris' brother, so they're understandably upset. They said something about how he was rigged, and I ruined their revenge plan. And then they ran into the wall with their head, so nothing good."
They hiss, squirming out of Nim's arms only for Crista to grab onto their shoulders. "Listen, Verdi; I know you're upset about Halcyon. Nim was upset too when she lost her brother. Do you want to talk to me about how you feel, or do you want to go back to your room and sleep it off?"
Verdigris doesn't respond, instead jolting away from Crista's arms and storming out of the apartment. Once the door slams behind them, Crista sighs. "I'm sorry about that."
"It's fine," Nim responds, because truly she does understand. Maybe it'd be easier for her if she was able to react to Shae's death with their same unbridled anger. Perhaps then she'd have burned down the arena in a fury and not even given a fuck if she died by her own flames.
Everything would be so much easier if Nim reacted with anger, yet she didn't because that's not who she is, and now the rest of her life is a consequence of it.
She takes a deep breath and then walks back toward her room, somehow feeling worse about Halcyon now that Verdigris is gone. It's that grief that leads her into Shae's room in the apartment. She sits on his bed and sighs, feeling closer to him than she ever thought possible now that he's gone.
Nim rests her head on his pillow when she feels something shift underneath. She lifts the pillow and sees a folded-up piece of paper.
Not even a second after she reads the first line, her tears begin to fall.
𝚂𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛,
𝙸𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞'𝚛𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚕𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛, 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝚏𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍 𝚒𝚝 𝚒𝚗 𝚖𝚢 𝚛𝚘𝚘𝚖 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚜𝚗'𝚝 𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚘𝚛 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝙷𝚞𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚛 𝙶𝚊𝚖𝚎𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚛𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚐𝚎𝚍 𝚊𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍 𝚒𝚗 𝚖𝚢 𝚛𝚘𝚘𝚖 𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚜𝚎𝚍 𝚖𝚎. 𝙸'𝚖 𝚐𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚊𝚜𝚜𝚞𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛.
𝚂𝚘 𝚢𝚎𝚊𝚑, 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚐𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚞𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜, 𝙽𝚒𝚖! 𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚘𝚗 𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝙸'𝚖 𝚠𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚊𝚐𝚊𝚒𝚗, 𝚋𝚎𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝙶𝚊𝚖𝚎𝚜, 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝙸'𝚖 𝚜𝚞𝚛𝚎 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚍𝚒𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚠𝚒𝚗 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚐𝚎𝚗𝚒𝚞𝚜. 𝙸 𝚑𝚘𝚙𝚎 𝚒𝚝 𝚍𝚒𝚍𝚗'𝚝 𝚒𝚗𝚟𝚘𝚕𝚟𝚎 𝚔𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚖𝚎, 𝚊𝚝 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚝 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢.
𝚆𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝙸 𝚟𝚘𝚕𝚞𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚍, 𝙸 𝚔𝚗𝚎𝚠 𝙸'𝚍 𝚍𝚘 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚒𝚝 𝚝𝚘𝚘𝚔 𝚝𝚘 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚊𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚒𝚜 𝚝𝚛𝚞𝚎 𝚗𝚘𝚠. 𝚈𝚘𝚞'𝚛𝚎 𝚖𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚍 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚖𝚘𝚜𝚝 𝚒𝚖𝚙𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗 𝚒𝚗 𝚖𝚢 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎, 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚋𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚢 𝚊𝚕𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚢 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝. 𝚃𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎'𝚜 𝚜𝚘 𝚖𝚞𝚌𝚑 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚕𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚍𝚎𝚜𝚎𝚛𝚟𝚎, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝'𝚜 𝚠𝚑𝚢 𝙸 𝚟𝚘𝚕𝚞𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚍, 𝚜𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚕𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚎𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝚘𝚞𝚝𝚜𝚒𝚍𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚊𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚊 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚐𝚘 𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚘 𝚍𝚘 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞'𝚛𝚎 𝚌𝚊𝚙𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎 𝚘𝚏.
𝙼𝚊𝚢𝚋𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍'𝚟𝚎 𝚍𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚖𝚎, 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝙸'𝚍 𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚘𝚘 𝚖𝚞𝚌𝚑 𝚊𝚝 𝚑𝚘𝚖𝚎, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚒𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚍𝚒𝚎𝚍, 𝙸 𝚠𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍𝚗'𝚝 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚍𝚘 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚖𝚢𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏. 𝙸 𝚐𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚗𝚘𝚠, 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚖𝚎, 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚖𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚊𝚖𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚢. 𝙸'𝚖 𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚢. 𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝙸'𝚖 𝚊𝚕𝚜𝚘 𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚢 𝙸 𝚖𝚊𝚍𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔 𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚝 𝚗𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝙸 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕 𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚋𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝'𝚜 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚊𝚜𝚎, 𝚗𝚘𝚛 𝚍𝚘 𝙸 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚠𝚑𝚢 𝙸 𝚜𝚊𝚒𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝. 𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢 𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚢𝚎𝚕𝚕.
𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚘 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠, 𝙽𝚒𝚖, 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚗𝚘 𝚖𝚊𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚘𝚐𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚊𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚊 𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚜, 𝚒𝚝'𝚕𝚕 𝚗𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚛𝚞𝚕𝚢 𝚋𝚎 𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛. 𝙹𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝙸'𝚖 𝚐𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚍𝚘𝚎𝚜𝚗'𝚝 𝚖𝚎𝚊𝚗 𝙸'𝚖 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚝𝚠𝚒𝚗 𝚋𝚛𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛. 𝙸 𝚖𝚎𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚒𝚝 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝙸 𝚜𝚊𝚒𝚍 𝙸'𝚍 𝚋𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎. 𝚂𝚘 𝚢𝚎𝚊𝚑, 𝚒𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚐𝚘𝚝 𝚛𝚒𝚍 𝚘𝚏 𝚖𝚎, 𝙸 𝚑𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚊𝚢 𝚒𝚝, 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚍𝚒𝚍𝚗'𝚝. 𝙸'𝚖 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚊 𝚐𝚑𝚘𝚜𝚝 𝚗𝚘𝚠, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝'𝚜 𝚘𝚔𝚊𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝙸 𝚜𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚝 𝚏𝚎𝚠 𝚍𝚊𝚢𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚖𝚢 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞.
𝙷𝚘𝚙𝚎𝚏𝚞𝚕𝚕𝚢, 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝙸 𝚍𝚒𝚎𝚍, 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚍𝚒𝚍𝚗'𝚝 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚎𝚎 𝚒𝚝. 𝙸 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚒𝚝'𝚜 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚘 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚢 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚜𝚊𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚐𝚘𝚘𝚍𝚋𝚢𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝙳𝚊𝚍 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝙸 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚊𝚜𝚜𝚞𝚛𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞, 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚍𝚒𝚍 𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚠𝚛𝚘𝚗𝚐. 𝙱𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎'𝚕𝚕 𝚗𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚋𝚎 𝚊 𝚐𝚘𝚘𝚍𝚋𝚢𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚞𝚜, 𝙽𝚒𝚖. 𝚆𝚎'𝚛𝚎 𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚘𝚐𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚒𝚝 𝚘𝚛 𝚗𝚘𝚝.
𝙸𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞'𝚛𝚎 𝚌𝚛𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚋𝚢 𝚗𝚘𝚠, 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝'𝚜 𝚗𝚎𝚛𝚍𝚢 𝚘𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞. 𝙱𝚞𝚝 𝚊𝚕𝚜𝚘 𝚜𝚊𝚖𝚎; 𝚖𝚢 𝚎𝚢𝚎𝚜 𝚑𝚞𝚛𝚝. 𝙸 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞, 𝙽𝚒𝚖. 𝙿𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝.
𝙵𝚘𝚛𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚖,
𝚂𝚑𝚊𝚎
Nim folds the letter once more and places it over her heart. She walks out of his room and shuts off the lights, standing in the doorway for just a moment.
"Goodnight, Shae," Nim whispers, one hand on the doorknob. "I'll see you in the morning."
After closing the door, she returns to her room, placing Shae's letter on her bedside table. Nim peels back the covers and slides into bed, sleep taking ahold of her the second her eyes shut.
She dreams it's the kind of day where a blanket of silky white clouds has covered Four's cerulean skies, ripples of silver tearing through its seams. Without the sun's natural light shining to its full extent, the ocean water has dulled to a slate hue, only saturated by the occasional luminous specks reflecting off its surface and onto the sand.
Shae stands beside her, the smile on his face nearly as wide as the waves slowly heading towards the shore.
And it really is a perfect day.
generalwelfare . weebly . com
Y'know, I debated posting an A/N at the beginning of the first chapter to give people a heads up regarding WTF this is, but I ultimately decided against it literally just for the aesthetic. Anyway, hello those who for some reason decided to read all of this.
This fic was a part of the SYOT Verses Discord server's annual Victor's Exchange event. For those of you who don't know what that means, basically we all submitted characters that were then randomly assigned to an author who wrote said character winning the Hunger Games in the form of a oneshot. Most of them are not nearly as absurd in length as mine; I do not know what got into me.
But yeah, this was Nim's story!
Thank you RB for sending Nim into the exchange and to the gods for giving her to me. I am kind of dumbfounded with how perfectly she fit into my verse. Literally, a District Four girl who was reaped right when I burnt down Four's Academy? That's got to be some kind of sorcery. It was also a joy to write a victor for Miss Baloons after Hedy was the only person in the ACD finale who did not die. I guess this is equivalent exchange? I am sorry if you were sad but not that sad because you made me cry on five separate occasions last Friday. Anyway, if you couldn't tell, I'm kind of obsessed with your daughter and christ has it been difficult not to blabber about her to you this past month. Hopefully you enjoyed what I did with her and what I continue to do with her now that she's officially an important player of sorts in my verse.
Additionally, thank you to Erik and Goldie for listening to me not shut up about Nim for the past month while I wasn't able to talk about her to the general public. Furthermore, thank you Erik for beta-ing this gigalith alongside Laney, who I am also thankful for. I couldn't have made this happen without y'all. Oh and of course, thank you to everybody on the Verses mod team who organized this incredible event. I genuinely had such a great time!
If you have time, be sure to check out Erik dearest's fic The Universal Remedy because I spent a lot of time brainrotting with vim over it and ve popped the fuck off. If you have even more time, go read Em's (District11-Olive) fic A Stone's Throw because she captured my child, Ataru Wantanabe, oh-so-perfectly.
And that's that! Everything that's been told in this story is on the blog along with the playlist I curated, so check that out if you have the time, and with that, I'll be making my exit.
Fuck this shit, I'm out,
Linds