Julian
First/Rough draft
The Twenty One Major Arcana And Their Meanings
0- The Fool
Upright the fool means beginnings, innocence, spontaneity and a free spirit.
The Arcana is believed to be the fool's journey throughout life and therefore he can be placed at the beginning of the deck or at the end.
Reversed, the fool means holding back, recklessness and risk taking.
1- The Magician
Upright the magician means manifestation, resourcefulness, power and inspired action.
The magician is well associated with the planet Mercury and they are believed to represent new beginnings. The magician is placed first in a tarot deck as all are according to their number.
Reversed, the magician means manipulation, poor planning and untapped talents.
2- The High Priestess
Upright the high priestess means intuition, sacred knowledge, divine femininity and the subconscious mind.
The high priestess represents femininity and subconscious/conscious realms, wearing a veil to mean that only the initiated shall enter.
Reversed, the high priestess means secrets, disconnected from intuition, withdrawal and silence.
3- The Empress
Upright the empress means beauty, nature, nurturing and abundance.
The empress has a connection to the mystical realm and the cycles of the natural world such as the months and the planets.
Reversed, she means creative blockage and dependence on others.
4- The Emperor
Upright the emperor means authority, establishment, structure and a fatherly figure.
The emperor is the father-like figure of the Tarot deck, similar to the motherly aura of the empress. He has a connection to Aries and Mars.
Reversed, the emperor means domination, excessive control, lack of discipline and inflexibility.
5- The Hierophant
Upright the hierophant means spiritual wisdom, religious beliefs, conformity, traditions and institutions.
The hierophant is the male counterpart of the high priestess, ruled by Taurus.
Reversed, the hierophant means personal beliefs, freedom and challenged status quo.
6- The Lovers
Upright the lovers mean love, harmony, relationships, value alignment and choices.
The lovers, man and woman, are meant to represent physical and emotional healing.
Reversed, the lovers mean self-love, disharmony, imbalance and misalignment of values.
7- The Chariot
Upright the chariot means control, willpower, success, action and determination.
The Chariot is a warrior believed to control through the strength of his will and mind.
Reversed, the chariot means self-discipline, opposition and lack of direction.
8- Strength
Upright strength means strength, courage, persuasion, influence and compassion.
Strength represents ferociousness and she is believed to be able to tame raw passion and instinct with inner strength and resilience.
Reversed, strength means inner strength, self doubt, low energy and raw emotion.
9- The Hermit
Upright the hermit means soul-searching, introspection, being alone and inner guidance.
The hermit has mastered spirituality and accomplishment, he is also believed to represent self-discovery and growth.
Reversed, the hermit means isolation, loneliness and withdrawal.
10- Wheel of Fortune
Upright wheel of fortune means luck, karma, life cycles, destiny and a turning point.
Wheel of fortune is meant to represent the building blocks of life and formative power.
Reversed, wheel of fortune means bad luck, resistance to change and breaking cycles.
11- Justice
Upright justice means justice, fairness, truth, cause and effect and law.
Justice has a similar realm to the high priestess and hierophant which symbolizes law and structure. She is also meant to represent compassion.
Reversed, justice means unfairness, lack of accountability and dishonesty.
12- The Hanged man
Upright the hanged man means pause, surrender, letting go and new perspectives.
The hanged man is shown to be hung upside down by his feet, viewing the world differently from others. He does this willingly and represents insight, awareness and enlightenment.
Reversed, the hanged man means delays, resistance, stalling and indecision.
13- Death
Upright death means endings, change, transformation and transition.
Death represents invincibility and they spread the word that the end is inevitable.
Reversed, death means resistance to change, personal transformation and inner purging.
14- Temperance
Upright temperance means balance, moderation, patience and purpose.
Temperance represents the need to stay grounded (or down to earth) and the need to be in a flow with life.
Reversed, she means imbalance, excess, self-healing and re-alignment.
15- The Devil
Upright the devil means shadowed self, attachment, addiction, restriction and sexuality.
The devil is in the form of something similar to that of the Baphomet. Originally the devil was meant to represent the balance between light and dark, male and female and man and animal though he seems to be more associated with the evil entities of life.
Reversed, the devil means the release of limiting beliefs, exploration of dark thoughts and detachment.
16- The Tower
Upright the tower means sudden change, upheaval, chaos, revelation and awakening
The tower shows destruction and chaos. They are associated with ambitions and goals set on false premises.
Reversed, the tower means personal transformation, fear of change and averting disaster.
17- The Star
Upright the star means hope, faith, purpose, renewal and spirituality.
The star represents the five senses and the subconscious and conscious (similar to the high priestess). She is nurturing and may also represent fertility and growth.
Reversed, the star means lack of faith, despair, self-trust and disconnection.
18- The Moon
Upright the moon means illusion, fear, anxiety, subconscious and intuition.
The moon is a symbol of intuition, dreams and the unconscious. They also represent both tame and wild parts of the human mind.
Reversed, the moon means release of fear, repressed emotion and inner confusion.
19- The Sun
Upright The sun means positivity, warmth, fun, success and vitality.
The sun represents all life on Earth as well as the four suits of the Minor Arcana and the four elements. He also represents joy, purity, innocence and strength.
Reversed, the sun means inner child, feeling down and overly optimistic.
20- Judgement
Upright judgement means judgement, rebirth, inner calling and absolution.
Judgement represents insurmountable obstacles and the impossibility of avoiding judgement.
Reversed, they mean self-doubt, inner criticism and ignoring your calling.
21- The World
Upright the world means completion, integration, accomplishment and travel.
The world is linked to the magician with two wand-like objects in her hands, she is shown looking to the past but walking towards the future. She symbolizes continuous cycles of successful completion and new beginnings.
Reversed, the world means seeking personal closure, short-cuts and delays.
[Prologue
The waves of the ocean crashed softly in the distance, a milky white froth forming at the ends just as they settled against the sand and drew back from the warmth of the golden grains as if they were a forbidden fruit. The soft sound of trees blowing in the distance was like a calming euphoria sweeping itself over me. I could succumb to the sound and scenery, lay here forever and let the salt stained ocean take me away.
I let the tide wash over me, flowing over my waist. Droplets of water fall from my wrists like shimmery pearls and disappear once they meet with the damp Earth. I clasp my hand in a fist, bunching piles of wet sand.
I watch as small brown grains fall from my fingers in clusters. The tide washes up, shocking a cold sensation through my body and numbing my legs. I let my hand drop and feel the sand wash from it.
I close my eyes, listening to the faint conversations of seagulls in the distance.
I breathe in the sting of salt, smelling the vast ocean in front of me and the fresh scent of plants and dirt not far from the beach. It's times like these I wonder how far this calm of nature could go if such beings like me never stepped foot onto our planet.
I open my eyes back up as the tide rolls in once more. It has brought me a dead sand dollar. I smile, caressing it with my fingertips. It has a flower-like design in the middle with four long oval holes cut into it on each 'corner' of the round shape. It's almost a perfect circle, so simple yet beautiful.
I hear soft crunches on the sand in a steady rhythm, footsteps. I turned to face the sound, my chin rested on my shoulder. I smile as he bends down and wraps his arms around me. "I missed you," I say with hardly a sound. He chuckles and cups my cheek in his hand, his pale skin warm against mine.
The wind blows his hair back and I run my fingers through the soft locks, running it back and letting it fluff in front of his face. I trail my hand to his ear, pressing his hair behind it and watching as his soft curls frame his face. His eyes shimmer fondly.
He kisses my cheek and I lean into his soft shirt, a blur of white cloth. He laughs softly, running his fingers through my auburn-brown hair and playing with the ends that lay on my shoulder.
"She may contain the urge to run away but hold her down with soggy clothes and breezeblocks," He teasingly sings in my ear. I laugh, looking at my wet clothing. I zone out, succumbing to the touch of him. "Cetirizine your fever's gripped me again, never kisses all you ever send are fullstops,"
His voice is smooth like honey as he sings to me, begging me to fall asleep. I close my eyes and loosen my muscles, not realizing I had been tensing. I can feel his cool breath on my cheek with every word he breathes. I feel a tug of the other world, making me drift into a daze and sleep. But if I could, I'd give up the whole world to just stay here with him forever.]
Chapter One- Satori
"One moment, I'll be right there!" I yell in a panicked tone, rummaging through my things. It's too early in the morning for this and I didn't even think I had opened the store yet. I lock the door to my personal office, check the mirror and pull my hair into a low bun trying not to mind the auburn-brown strands falling to frame my face.
I hurry to the counter and step behind it with a pained smile. "Yes, how may I help you?" I ask, trying to sound polite. "I was wondering if I could see the sandbox?" The customer asks, refraining from eye contact. He moves his deep red hair out of his face looking frustrated at the curls that don't seem to allow him to pull it back in any sort of way.
I reach under the counter and pull out a small wooden box with a design carved in shape like a perfectly round sand dollar, four oval shapes on each 'corner' and a flower-like pattern in the middle. I open up the box and face it toward the customer. He eyes my light colored hands for a moment and then reaches forward. He must be a regular if he knows the sandbox, but his name escapes me.
His eyes almost glow in curiosity and wonder. He picks a sand dollar from the box and sets it gently in front of me as if he's scared it will break. He holds his finger up coyly and plucks a raven's feather from a jar on a counter a few feet away and sets it next to the sand dollar.
"This will be all please.. I'm not sure I know your name," "Elowen. My name is Elowen," I smile and ring him up. He hands me the cash he owes and whisks the items into a satchel he has strung around his side. He goes to walk out and turns his head just slightly, the sun peeking through the door and lighting up his eyes like small moons looking at me. He smiles as he looks directly into my eyes, flitting between my right eye with a coffee complexion and my left eye with an icy blue glow. He looks at them with wonder.
"Julian, pleased to meet you." The door shuts gently and in an instant I'm alone. He leaves me with a sense of curiosity. He struck me with familiarity though I can't seem to put my finger on who. Like I said, he's probably someone who passes through here a lot. I smile and shake my head as if that rids the thoughts from my mind and retreat to my personal space.
Just as I sit down a loud peck sounds from the window, making me jump in my chair. I cautiously step outside of the shop and round the corner, walking toward the window. A large, male indigo colored raven lays still directly below the window and just as I spot it my heart sinks.
I reach for a pair of black leather gloves hanging from my trousers and strap them on. I coyly step toward the raven. He tussles on the ground as he hears the crunch of my boots beneath the sand. I tensely crouch next to him and softly shush him so he calms.
I sit next to him and reach out my hand. The raven eventually gives in and stops moving. "Oh you poor thing," I mutter looking toward his stunned body. I carefully pick him up and lay him on my trousers, the bird easily blending into the color.
He squawks painfully and tilts his head, facing me with one clear eye. He turns in a laggy motion and sits up like a dog. My mind is filled with interest, I've never seen a blind bird- especially not one with only a single seeing eye.
I slowly run my finger along his chest, ruffling his feathers and he curls up in my lap seeming exhausted. I noticed his wing splayed out on my leg in a distorted shape. It must be broken and I frown. I can't possibly imagine what that must feel like- I don't have wings but this beautiful creature certainly doesn't deserve something like this.
I carefully scoop the raven into my arms and carry him inside away from the bitter cold of clouds roaming the horizon. I turned the sign on the shop door to "Closed", I can't say I felt like working today anyways. But it's good to have a worthy excuse.
I lay the raven on my desk and gently pry open his mouth, inspecting the insides. I let go and tear off my gloves, eyeing the bird and watching how he tilts his head with every motion I make.
I laugh softly and scratch his chest as he coos softly like a cat purr. "Are you hungry?" I ask him in a honey-like tone trying to sound as sweet as I can and brushing off my foul sounding morning voice like a growl deep in my throat. I laugh to myself imagining what this poor bird must be thinking as a complete stranger talks to him in a foreign tongue.
I reach behind me to a cabinet and pull out a small bag of birdseed which I used to sprinkle out in the front. I scoop out a small handful and let it fall through the gaps between my fingers and in front of the raven. He shoots me a curious expression and begins inspecting the seed.
I smile to myself and pull a couple of dried fruits out of a container and place them in front of the bird. The raven pecks at a dried strawberry, plucking the seeds from it and taking small bites of the fruit. He squeaks and closes his eyes in satisfaction. I watch as he finishes, curls up and blinks at me slowly as if he is waiting for something.
I gently pat his head and lean back in my chair, unbuttoning my soft khaki colored vest. "What should we do about that wing, hm?" I ask the bird leaning toward him. He walks across my desk, toes pattering against the wood and he softly chirps toward a canvas covered in a sheet.
I get up and make my way toward the sheet, pulling it off. I look to the raven almost in search of approval and his feathers ruffle. He looks almost twice his size as he opens his left wing, fluttering it and squeaking excitedly. I look at the half finished painting.
The canvas shows a large monkey-like creature with long wings and a fluffy tail. The creature is half-crouching looking directly toward the viewer. It has a lion-like abundance of fur on its neck and chest and ram horns splaying out of its skull. The scenery is a bright forest, painted with a beautiful blue sky and a river in sight in the background.
The creature remains untouched by color, centralizing it by complete accident. "Ah, the Satori. I guess I have a mind of my own, eh? I'm sure they don't really look like that at all," I laugh to myself, frankly a little embarrassed.
The raven coos at the painting, his alabaster colored eye glowing with interest, the other eye rather dull looking not matching the rest of his demeanor. "You like it?" I ask, almost proudly. The raven flaps his wing in response. "I was painting it for someone. He told me he found the legend interesting and I-" I cut myself off. My memory fails me as I can't seem to remember whom I was painting it for and why I seemed to care about what interested them.
"Nevermind that," I mutter. My lips upturn in a smile as I face the raven. "That's what I should call you! Satori. Do you like it?" I step toward the raven and he nudges my hand slightly. I beam a smile at him and sit back down.
I feel a sudden tug, similar to sleep but it feels different somehow. It's like my consciousness is fading before my eyes, but I guess it's just been a long day. Before I close my eyes to catch a wink, a small deck of cards shines brightly on the bookshelf in front of me.
I step towards it and reach out, caught off guard as Satori flies next to the deck and squawks loudly. Wait, but wasn't his wing broken? How can he fly? I catch a dizzying headache as I suddenly remember painting for Alexander and his caramel complexed face becomes painted for me before my eyes.
I remember him and his salt-and-pepper hair falling in waves in his face as he spoke. How could I have forgotten him? I've known since the beginning of time. The cards seem to be screaming out names that seem familiar but I just can't bring myself to remember. The voices topple over each other making every fiber in my head beat with nauseating pain.
The deck of cards pulls me closer to them like I'm bound to it with chains. I reach out and pull the first card from the deck. It's a tarot deck. I'm unsure of how this got here, I've never touched a tarot deck in my life. Although it seems I can't even remember my own life.
I flip the first card over displaying an upright "One" in roman numerals. My eyes trail down to examine the figure on the card, but I'm overcome by a strange dizzying motion sickness. The world blurs around me as if I'm spinning in circles at a non-comprehensible speed. I feel like I'm falling and there's a suffocating lump in my throat like I'm slowly being choked.
~
When I wake up I'm greeted by the sound and smell of the ocean and the grit of sand beneath me. I hear the drift of grass in the wind and conversations of whales in the distance. The ocean is a mere reflection of the night sky, stars shining brightly and the water flowing a purple-black. The sun is setting and the sky shows all of its colors to me, revealing its secrets and yet I still feel lied to.
Now I know where I am. Something so surreal it cannot possibly be real. In here time is different. "Elowen," a soft voice greets me. I turn my head over my shoulder to view the familiar fox standing proudly, their arms crossed. They tower over me intimidatingly, but I feel too weak to stand.
Their black-tipped ears blow in the wind, orange fur glowing against the light of the sunset. They take their hand and clutch their red cloak to their side. It seems silky and yet depicts transparency as it seems to mirror the sunset in different shades of red and orange. Their robe falls to their feet, framing their anthropomorphic body as the wind blows hard and silent against them. Their robe is a pure white, gold floral accent and patterns sewn along the soft material.
The creature eyes me sympathetically with starry purple eyes that seem fixed to my figure, unmoving and unblinking. I feel calmer with their presence, a familiar face. I audibly let go of a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. My company seems to release the tension they were keeping built up in their shoulders.
I decide to break the silence, my brows pinching against each other. I feel hot at the confrontation- "Magician, why must you feed me blanched dreams?" They reach out to cup my cheek with long black fingers, fur soft against my skin. "My dearest Elowen, you have a great journey ahead of you,"
Chapter Two- The Magician
"Elowen? Elowen-!" My ears ring at the sound of the voice and a calming smell of jasmine washes over me. My lips twitch into a smile as I hear Alexander's voice, easing my whirling mind. "Elowen, wake up," he says softly, his voice always so calm and never far from a whisper.
My eyes slowly open, blinking away dizziness and sleep. An abundance of fur greets me in my lap as I sit up carefully against the bed. A small, bright orange fox barks at me softly. "I was worried," she says in tongues. "Worried? I was just having a dream, Mercury. I'm okay,"
"Ah I see she is speaking to you more clearly now," Alexander says, his presence washing over me once more with ease. "Yes. I can hear her in full sentences now, much like you with Satori," I reply, facing Alexander's bright jasmine colored eyes. His bangs are low and framing his face perfectly against the sunlight in waves, a braided ponytail lazily slumped over his shoulder. I remembered him differently in my dreams, he was younger like when we first met.
"As a person grows closer to their Arca, he will be able to speak to them more clearly. Hear what they are saying and feel their emotions, much like The Arcana. I see your bond has grown close to Mercury, I am proud of you Elowen. You've come a long way, my friend. Now, I must wake you or you'll sleep the day away," Alexander says, standing up from his chair and smiles.
I return the expression and look at Mercury who is still sitting on my lap. She seems to smile at me and her black ears twitch as I touch them, stroking her soft sunset colored fur. "Yes, we have grown rather close now haven't we?" She speaks, curling into a ball on my lap with her white tipped tail pressed against her nose. "Yes, we have," She raises her head and licks my right eyebrow.
Mercury studies my eye for a minute and then lowers her head once more. Most think I can see visions of future peril or past mistakes, but Mercury simply just likes the color. As fascinating as it would be, I can't see any differently from my left eye just because it is blue. I tap Mercury's shoulders gently and she sits upright in an instant, shaking out her fur and hopping off of my lap, her wispy purple colored eyes staring expectantly at me. I drowsily get off of the bed and walk to the kitchen where Alexander has been waiting patiently.
He flattens his silky black shirt, designed almost like a kimono but tucked in nicely to his matching black pants. I study his shirt, tracing the woven red and teal pattern on the deep collar like a swirling complex. "Elowen," he says softly, reaching out across the table and breaking me from a trance.
He puts my bangs behind my ear, fixing stray hairs. "I like your hair down, it's been awhile since I've seen it this way," he sighs, lingering for a moment on my auburn-brown waves barely draping over my shoulders. His eyes flit to the left on the single white stripe through my bangs, making me tense. He retreats to his side of the table and tilts his head sympathetically, his long braid falling with it.
"What has been troubling you, Elowen? You seem tense," He says, filling the silence. "The Magician spoke to me," I breathed out with a stifled cough. Alexander turns to Mercury as she pads into the room, looking into her Amethyst colored eyes. "I can't say I'm surprised," He says.
I looked at him in confusion, my forehead creased. "You two are very similar," Alexander smiles almost as if he knows he never quite answers me. "They showed me this dream- I can't seem to remember, but it was distorted. I didn't know anyone, but they were all people from our town, from Selasia. I didn't work here, but I can't seem to recall anything else. When I woke up they told me I have a journey ahead of me. I don't understand, Xander," I wince at the sound of my own voice.
Alexander walks to my side of the table, resting his hand on my shoulder in comfort as I am visibly anxious and overwhelmed. "That I cannot tell you, my friend. You are the only one who can answer your questions," I sigh and bury my head into my hands, clenching fists into my hair.
Alexander softly grabs my hands away from my face and cups my cheek. His jasmine eyes pierce my gaze and his scent washes over me with a sense of calm and home. "I trust you will make the right decision, Elowen. I always have," He squeezes my hand and walks away, opening the door and retreating out of the shop.
When I hear the door shut, I exhale a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. "Do you think he will come back?" I hear a soft voice say. I look down to see Mercury sitting at my feet and looking up at me intently. "I never know, he never tells me,"
Chapter Three- Julian
I sulkily walk through the town, fading out the voices of vendors and citizens yelling on the streets and conversing. I feel soaked. Soaked with aching headaches and exhaustion pulsing through me and dragging my feet. It seems as though any motivation to do anything but lay down in my room and sleep all day has simply left me. I sound like a teenager. At a whopping age of twenty five, I am acting like a teenager.
I sigh in both self pity and relief as I come across Sal's Gal, a tavern down the street from my shop. With my luck it will only make my headache worse, bar fights and drunks loathing about. But I could really use a drink right now.
I step into the bar. As soon as I open the door, loud music streams through my ears and conversations- drunk and sober, fill the room. I spot a lonely booth in the corner and make my way to it, swiftly ordering a beer first and slouching in my singular company.
"I don't think I've ever seen you around here. And surely I'd recognize a pretty little face like yours," a smooth masculine voice speaks from above me. I look up regretfully at a rather tall, handsome man who is grinning down on me. He is wearing a white button down shirt- halfway unbuttoned, a completely unbuttoned black vest with floral patterns, raven black pants and a matching black belt with a gold buckle.
His shirt is halfway tucked in and his sleeves are rolled up lazily to his elbows. He swiftly wipes his right parted crimson hair out of his face, revealing glowing moons of ivory eyes and a perfectly pale chiseled face. I feel a bit taken aback by his presence, surprised by his drunken flirtatious attitude and odd sense of familiarity. I'm not sure where I'd know him from.
"Greetings and salutations," I say rather sarcastically. He laughs, his pink lips peeled back in a wide smile. "Now, now. No need to be so sour," He replies, drawing out the word "sour" in a slow tone. He slumps down next to me, our shoulders bumping. Ah yes and there's the instant regret of coming here.
"What do you want?" I say, feeling a pinch at the back of my head. A tension headache already manifesting. The man just laughs and puts his arm over my shoulder gingerly. "Such pretty eyes for someone who's tongue stings so sharp," he says.
He gets up with a grin, knee high boots patting against the wooden floor as he moves. "I'm just messin' with ya. Don't look so pleased to meet me-!... er I haven't quite caught your name, love," "Elowen. My name is Elowen," He flashes a shark smile and offers his hand. "Julian. Pleased to meet such a wonderful personality," I shake his hand and laugh, easing a bit.
"Are you always this flirty?" I ask, his hand lingering on mine for a moment then he pulls away looking offended. "What? You don't like it?" He says in a theatrical manner. I chuckle softly and he eases, looking relieved. "I was worried for a moment there. You got me good. I've been practicing on my skills, how am I doing so far?" he asks, grinning again with one eye open.
"Not too shabby. I can certainly beat you at it though," I say, leaning toward him and glaring up into his eyes glittering with competition. "Oho, I will hold you to that Elowen. No doubt," He whisks around as someone calls his name. "Ah it appears I have to go, but I will be looking forward to our competition my friend," he says looking regretful and suddenly rather sober.
"It was nice meeting you, but come prepared to lose," I laugh. He winks and slinks off toward the door catching my eye once more and steps out into the city out of my eyesight, but the smile he planted on my lips still lingers.
Chapter Four- Cursing Under My Breath
I enter the shop, Alexander nowhere to be found. He's always off without telling me, sometimes he could be gone for an afternoon, other times he will be gone for days. He can do what he wants, but he never tells me. I always assumed he was off to see a girl- or a guy (or just someone), but anyhow you get what I mean.
It's possible Alexander went off to speak to The Magician, summoning a higher power (without a connection to them like I have) to travel to his realm. Or another character Arcana, one way or another he is gone and there's no telling when he will be back.
I hear a loud squawk from Alexander's room. "Satori?" I call out, answered by a large raven flying onto my shoulder as I enter the room. "Did he leave you to watch over me?" I ask the bird, stroking his chest with a single finger and watching in amusement as he turns one cloudy blind eye toward me.
"He would have brought Satori with him if he were to be long, hm?" Mercury says softly from behind me, padding into the room. "I suppose you're right, of course," I reply. Mercury draws her black paw to her face and licks it a few times before rubbing behind her ear.
"I just wish he'd tell me these things, Mercury," I sigh. "We all have our secrets," she replies. I smile weakly at her. Her wisdom always catches me off guard. Satori flies out of the room off onto his own little adventure or to find Alexander. I drag my feet to my bed and slump down lazily.
My eyelids suddenly feel heavy and they tug down with gravity as I shut them. A small plop sound comes from next to me and Mercury noses my hand gently. Before I know it, I'm off to sleep.
~
I'm greeted by the familiar smell of freshly baked goods as I walk through the town. I'm in a good mood, greeting familiar faces. It's insane what a good night's sleep does to your emotions. I decided to take a walk in the forest today to clear my head. I've had a lot to process ever since The Magician fed me blanched dreams and brought me to his realm. I can't say I've fully comprehended or come to terms with it all. I'm unsure what any of it could mean.
I shake the thoughts away from my head, my shoulders dropping with released tension. I seemed to have been sucked into my own thoughts as I returned to reality just barely passing the edge of town and into the forest. The forest welcomes me with a whispering breeze, touching my skin softly.
I'm surrounded by textured green and purple tipped trees, their wood winding around the trunks in swirls. The grass swishes calmly along with the wind. White, orange, yellow, pink and purple flowers all line the forests' floor in beautiful natural arrangements, twisting around bushes and branches and herbs that stick up from the ground.
I smile for at least the fifth time today and practically skip through the forest, intaking the scent of pine and fresh air. My mind is clear as well as my sinuses, a fresh prick of euphoria sinking into my skin.
I stop at a river, gently touching the surface and watching dark ripples skim across the slow moving surface. The blue-grey water glistens in the lowering sunlight, rocks cut on the banks of the river and toppling in the middle.
I follow the river upstream, feeling a tingle in my fingertips as they go numb. The wind brushes over my wet hands, causing them to freeze and turn pink. A ripple of excitement courses through me and I pick up the pace.
I hear water rushing in a downfall, spilling into the river in pools and strong currents. I brush past bushes and my eyes lay on the gushing waterfall, pouring into the river and causing it to froth a sea foam white.
I almost jump out of my own skin as I look below the waterfall to find a familiar face sitting on a large rock. He turns to face me, his side profile creating a gentle light that frames his nose, cheeks, shoulders and wet hair. His eyes glow like newfound pearls and a shining water droplet falls from his pink cheeks.
A smile dances across his lips, the orange sunset light making his hair glow a bright red and his curves are marked with peach colored light. His hair is dripping wet and a few droplets fall from it as he leans back on the rock. His shoulders and back are slicked with smooth water, his muscles tensing from underneath his skin yet his pants and boots seem completely untouched by water.
My heart hammers in my chest as a pang of realization hits me. I softly curse from under my breath and all at once my instincts tell me to run. Am I really that embarrassed? Maybe I'm just nervous, I didn't mean to intrude on anyone. My cheeks grow hot, realizing I've just been standing here staring at him. No, not just him- Julian.
Chapter Five- Heart of a Dancer
"Can't get enough of me, Elowen?" Julian says in a slow, gravely voice. I feel calmer, the silence now cut through and the adrenaline lowering from its high. He senses my energy and chuckles softly. He shifts his weight on one shoulder and swivels his head to beckon me over.
I cautiously step through the river, balancing myself on rocks so I dont slip. Once I reach the other side Julian smiles softly at me and lifts his hand for me to sit next to him. I tuck my knees into my chest and wrap my arms around them. I feel Julian's stare boring into my sides but I refrain from eye contact.
"It's beautiful here isn't it?" he says softly, skin practically glowing. He leans back on both of his arms, pearly drops of water streaming down his neck and onto his chest. "I've never come here before," I reply.
"You ought to come more often. The water is perfect this time of year and the sunsets are just amazing. I can't wait for you to see the starlight against the river," he chuckles softly. A smile tugs at my lips at his comment.
"We barely know each other, Julian," I whisper. He looks embarrassed, flushed. He turns to me with a wet whip of his hair and laughs nervously. "I- well I know. It's just I thought you might like it and we, uh seem to get along, yeah?"
I beam at him and touch his shoulder for a short moment. "It's okay. I'd like to get to know you," Julian rubs the bridge of his nose nervously and smiles. "I didn't mean to intrude by the way, I was just taking a walk and I heard the waterfall and-" I cut myself off as Julian gets up and walks toward the river.
I follow him coyly and watch as he crouches. He brushes his hand through the water and my eyes follow the glowing red ripples. He looks at me and smiles mischievously. He splashes my torso and beams proudly. "Hey!" I yell, splashing him back and tightening my face when he jumps out of the way in time.
Julian hops across stones to the middle of the river and turns his head over his shoulder with a big grin. I follow him, looking at my feet. As I get to the next stone I am a few feet away from Julian. He raises his hands and flicks moon-lit water into my face. I wipe my eyes and gasp as the next second I find myself sitting knee deep in the river.
Every part of me is absolutely soaked. My face tightens in a 'pinning my ears back' type expression and I glare coldly at Julian. His face is red and his hand is slapped over his mouth. "What," I growl. He bursts out laughing, hands on his knees. "Oh my God, I cannot believe you fell! You look so sad," he says in between laughs.
I get up and drag my feet heavily toward Julian. "Oh really?" I say. His expression changes to terror as he repeats "Oh no, no, no," over and over again. He swiftly turns and I grab him, my arms over his in an embrace. "No!" he whines, squirming. "Who looks sad now?" I laugh, squeezing him tighter.
Suddenly my heart leaps in my chest, beating loudly. My blood roars in my ears and my cheeks feel hot. I realize I'm touching Julian's bare skin, holding him against me. Before I could feel any more awkward, I let him go. He's dripping wet, much like me now and he looks like an angry puppy.
His expression softens as he lets out a slow laugh. "I guess I deserve that," he says with a shrug. He plops down into the river and sighs, looking up at me. I laugh quietly and sit next to him. He looks like a child right now, accepting defeat and letting sleep tug at him.
We sit in complete silence for what seems like ages. It could have been minutes, seconds or even hours but it's comfortable. The river basks in a purple moonlit haze, making any blue or grey color glow slightly. In the background crickets chirp in rhythm with the steady sound of the flowing river and suddenly quiet waterfall.
Julian starts humming softly, moving his head from side to side. He rises from the water with a grunt and tucks his hair behind his ears. He grabs his shirt and buttons it halfway. I follow, get up and watch as he returns to the middle of the river, offering me his hand. "Dance with me?"
I take his hand with a smile and we begin to perform a quick version of a classic four step slow dance. I get lost in our matching steps, Julian twirling me every so often. My smile is hard to contain, I haven't had this much fun in awhile and Julian is practically glowing.
When I snap myself back to reality I hear Julian singing. "Count my little scars I've got dozens down inside. I come complete and invincible behind my dirty imbecile," his voice is smooth and soft. It's quiet but as we move with each other he doesn't seem to stutter or alter his tone at all. I squeeze his hand slightly and he smiles, "All the things I've tried, boy: be cute, be dumb, be wise, be young so don't tell me what to fear in the darkness of this atmosphere," He cuts himself off with a laugh and trails his hand from my waist to my back.
"Well that was fun, wasn't it?" He asks, a smile glowing. "I didn't realize you could sing- or dance. You have a beautiful voice," I reply sheepishly. "I can do a lot of things, love. But what can I say, I have the heart of a dancer," he winks and slowly takes his hands off of me. He then grabs my hand and swiftly walks out of the river, slipping his hand out of mind equally as fast as he had intertwined them in the first place.
"You're quite fun to have around, Elowen. We should do this again sometime," he says with a smile as he buttons the rest of his shirt and slips on his vest. I nod and we begin walking into the forest and back toward the town. We reach the edge of the forest and Julian turns to me as if to make sure I am still behind him or to say goodbye.
I feel my lungs collapse as he looks at me fondly. The moonlight reflects on his eyes creating a dark purple ring around his irises and a silver glow in color. It's as though his eyes contain a white-washed ocean with pearlescent foam reaching out toward his dark pupils. He smiles at me.
"Your eyes. They're beautiful," I say impulsively, not yet embarrassed that I am staring at his features. He just stands there, not phased by a single word. I get goosebumps with a feeling of nostalgia. I feel like I know him already but it's only been one conversation and one night that i've shared with him.
"So are you,"
Chapter Six- Wolves Who Cry
I wake up from sleep rather abruptly. I blink hard a few times to shelter my eyes from light and sit up feeling dazed. My eyelids grow heavy as I climb out of bed. I grab a white button down and put it on rather lazily, fastening a khaki colored vest over it. I slip on black pants and slide a matching khaki colored belt through the loops and tighten it until it presses snugly against my waist.
I walk out of the room, putting on socks while jumping on one foot to keep my balance. I hear a soft chuckle from in front of me. "Good afternoon, Elowen," I shoot up my head and stagger forward, promptly pressing my other foot to the ground and standing up straight. "Xander, you're back. I wasn't sure how long you would be gone," I reply with a small smile.
He returns the expression and says "Late night? Whatever have you been up to in my absence? Anyhow I brought back someone I'd like for you to meet," he moves to the side revealing a rather peculiar figure. His skin is a smooth complexion with chiseled out features such as his nose and jaw, only slightly darker than Alexander.
His hair ends abruptly past his shoulders, a silky jet black. His bangs hang to his cheek, a braid made out of them on his left side with a single brown-white feather hanging from it. His lips are darker than his skin, naturally pointing down in a resting position, his whole face seeming rather calm.
"Hello," I breathe out the words seeming to have left my mouth in a mere whisper. His ears perk up. Wait- his ears? My eyes drift toward large wolf-like ears sitting toward the top of his head on each side. They're outlined in black, the insides fluffy and grey. They're tipped black but silver almost everywhere else other than flecks of black where they emerge from his hair.
He stands, amber eyes glowing and his pupils shaped like diamonds. "Pleased to meet you. I've heard many things from Alex," he says in a soft deep voice that seems to shake the utter silence away. He reaches a single black gloved hand out across the table and I take it and shake it twice then let go.
"This is Wolves Who Cry, they're a good friend of mine," Alexander says. Wolves Who Cry steps out from the side of the table, revealing a large cloak hanging from their shoulders. It's made out of grey and silver hides with what seems like soft bison fur emerging from the shouldered pads. They're wearing a matching silver-grey turtleneck with beaded necklaces hanging down from where the collar would be.
They once-over me slowly and then finally look up and smile warmly. "You may call me Wolf for short as most do," they say, sharp canines poking out as they speak. I nod and look to the ground and trace my eyes up their silver-heeled black boots and deep brown pants.
I refrain from eye contact, feeling two pairs of eyes bore into me like hot coals. Alexander steps out of his chair and touches my shoulder, noticing the empty awkwardness. "I believe they may be able to help," Alexander whispers. "They'll be staying here in the meantime,"
I nod. "They can stay in my room," my eyes darted up to meet Wolf's, their's glowing a feral yellow-orange. They bow shortly and Alexander leads them to my room. "Stay as you can Elowen, but leave if you wish," He says.
My mind whirls at the tension filling the shop. Alexander's personality has shifted as well. I can't say I ever really understood Alexander. He's always looking for something, running from something or running to something, but I've never been sure of what. I'm not even sure if Alexander himself knows what he's looking for, but one day I hope he finds it and finds a piece of himself along the way.
"Thank you for your hospitality, Elowen," A deep voice says, shaking every nerve down my spine. "Oh, of course. It's nothing, I can always sleep on the couch or find someone else to bunk with in the meantime. So how did you meet Xander?" I ask, genuinely curious as to how close they are.
Alexander quickly rushes into the room, squeezing Wolf's shoulders and grinning nervously. Just as Wolf is about to speak, Alexander quickly interrupts them. "Ah, that's a story for another time, my friend. Tea anyone? Elowen has practically slept half the day away and it will be late soon, a nice wind-down and chat sounds nice," Alexander's cheeks turn a soft pink.
He swiftly turns to brew tea in the kitchen as I eye him thoughtfully. "Odd fellow," Wolf says quietly as if I wasn't supposed to hear. I look at them as their eyes glitter in admiration. I can't help but to feel a slight pang of jealousy at the closeness Alexander and Wolf seem to share.
I haven't been in the same room as both of them for very long, but they seem to have known each other for years. I feel slightly taken aback by my emotions, a sour bile filling my mouth and a knot tying tightly in my throat. Just how many secrets has Alexander been keeping from me?
We sit and drink tea with stories from the past, making the jealousy grow even more. The distraction of laughter is nice, but it hurts to think about. The soft shush of rain ushers a calm aura into the shop, adding to our voices with ease.
I stifle a yawn as I rise from my seat. Suddenly the chatter dies down to a heart-clenching silence. "Please excuse me, I'm going to sit outside for a moment. I enjoy the rain," I say with a soft smile as I turn to the door and step outside. I immediately cringe at my own proper demeanor as my words repeat back to myself in my head.
I sigh and sit down on the last step leading up to the shop porch. The cold temperature of rain washes over me as a few drops hit my hair and drip down my neck. It's soothing my rather tense muscles and mindset. I breathe in the cotton-like smell of rain washing through the slight breeze and almost forget I was ever upset.
"What makes you so tense, Elowen?" A playful voice says from behind me, tickling the back of my neck as calm hits me just simply hearing his footsteps grow louder as he comes closer. I can almost see his sopping wet red hair, turned dark from the rain and frizzy curls, his smile wide and mischievous and eyes glowing with amusement. "I don't think the person I once trusted the most is someone I know anymore,"
Chapter Seven- Cape Thatching Reed
Julian sits next to me with an audible thump, stretching out his long legs. "Often people may be just too dangerous to be around, hm? So they want to protect you," he says softly. "So he can just leave me in the dust the whole time? Leaving that entire part of himself locked away while I search for the key endlessly?" My nose stings and I can feel the tears rise in my eyes as my face gets hot. I try to fight back as much as I can, Julian is no stranger but I don't want him to see me like this.
He whirls his head to me with an expression of concern and sympathy. "Sometimes it's for the best, Elowen. If he really loves you he has to learn to let you go for the sake of making sure you're safe from whatever he keeps locked up inside of that cage," Julian's eyes shimmer with envy only slightly detectable. He reaches out to touch my shoulder but quickly refrains as if he burned himself on a hot stove.
"It's not like that. I mean I do love him, but he's my best friend. He's family, someone I've known my whole life. Or I guess someone I thought I knew, but maybe the person I had grown accustomed to was someone I made up to cover for all the secrets," hot tears stream down my cheeks silently as I stare in front of me, refraining from eye contact with Julian. I didn't want to cry, that's the last thing I wanted to do. But inevitably I tremble and let out the one emotion that makes up for words I can't speak.
Julian pulls me close in a tight hug, pushing my head into his shoulder. He wraps his other hand around my back and says not a word. I silently cry into his neck and wind my arms tightly around his back. When he lets go he looks me up and down as if expecting me to be bleeding or broken. Our eyes meet and the color drains from his face as he wipes a tear off my cheek in a coy manner.
"Please don't cry," he whispers. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to cry, I didn't want to-" I stop myself and blink hard, washing all the tears from my eyes in hopes I can finally stop but when I open them again my vision is blurry and my face is still hot. He gently wipes the tears off of my cheeks and ushers me closer. I lean against his chest and he plants his hand on my hair, playing with loose strands. "It's gonna be okay, alright? Everything will be fine, I promise. And if he isn't who you thought he was then I'm really sorry, Elowen. I am. I know how that can be, but you're amazing and if he cares about you at all he'll tell you the truth even if that ends in having to let go,"
I mumble a "Thank you, Julian," and he chuckles at the sound being muffled from his shirt. I breathe in the scent of Cape Thatching Reed and rain, not sure of whether the fluorescent scent is coming from him or from the soft sprinkles of rain bringing up all the plants' scents. Regardless it smells good and calming as it washes over me I feel like I could fall asleep.
Just as soon as my eyelids begin to weigh down, I feel Julian softly peel me off of him. With his arms still around me he smiles. "Come with me," He bolts up and offers me his hand. I rub my eyes which feel dry and rubbery from the crying and join my hand with Julian's.
He beams at me and begins running at a constant pace through the town. He seems to pick up speed as we pass through the marketplace. I grip his hand harder, afraid to slip away from him as I push past people and yell