He knows he's supposed to be a loser.
It's pretty obvious, isn't it? The geek who likes fantasy games a little too much, who's off in his own little world, whose best friends are all dice-throwing nerds. He only auditioned as a lark, because one of his friends dared him. Why not? He could do with a million dollars. Besides, he never expected to be chosen.
But when he was, oh, he knew exactly what the joke was. He'll even admit it's a bit funny. Invite a total nerd onto the show, let him make a total fool of himself, then give him the boot. It's metaphorically the same as stuffing a nerd into a locker, and he should know. He's been on the receiving end of that a few too many times himself.
They want him to look like an idiot. And the thing is, they're right. In high school, the grades don't matter, the subjects don't matter, all that matters is where you fall on the food chain. Jocks at the top, D&D playing nerds at the bottom. But there's something that these Total Drama guys don't understand.
He's fine with that.
Sure, he's a weirdo. Sure, he's a geek. Sure, he likes lame things. Sure, none of his friends will ever be considered cool. And this idea that you should be nice to nerds because eventually they'll run the world? It's never really panned out, because nerds are socially inept. Maybe he'll end up with a nice job doing math for some big company, but he's never really liked math. But he'll survive. Because out in the real world, none of that stuff really matters.
Out in the real world, it's okay to be a nerd, because there's a bunch of you. It's okay to like weird things, because a lot of people like weird things. It's okay to be strange, because a lot of people are strange. It just doesn't seem that way when you're in high school and everyone tries to get you to confirm.
But high school's only a few hundred people. The real world's a few billion. And the same thing applies to this show. It's only a few people, and even the normies aren't going to be that populous.
So perhaps the viewing world's a lot larger. But here's the thing: he knows he's not going to win. He's not going to look cool. He's just going to show up, be incredibly lame, and get booted off to the laughter of the other contestants and probably everyone watching at home. Heck, even the people like him are going to laugh; editing can do a lot.
So why not just play into the whole thing, is the question. Why not do exactly what the producers want? They want a giant nerd to laugh at and mock, they want some weirdo who doesn't fit in at all, they want a loser. Why not give in and give them exactly what they want?
He knows he's not going to win.
But that's okay.
The season's supposed to feature 14 contestants. 13 of them will lose. And of the losers, most of them won't be remembered for long. Even the winner probably won't parlay their win into much more than the grand prize. The fan favorites, whoever they are, will likely be forgotten for the most part. And the most forgettable losers will be brushed aside like so much refuse.
So if he's going to be a loser, he might as well be memorable. Might as well get weird with it. Might as well go all out with the geekiness and nerdiness. After all, it's what the producers want, isn't it? It's what he's supposed to be: a weird, geeky loser.
But here's the thing: five years of elementary, three years of middle school, and two years of high school hasn't beaten his individuality out of him. He's never wanted to play the popularity game, because he knows there's no chance he'll win. And besides, it's pointless: who really cares who the most popular kid in high school was five years after they graduate? Wasting his energy on a competition he's guaranteed to fail at just stinks of stupidity. He'd rather spend his time on role-playing, thank you very much. At least he enjoys that. Unlike popularity contests, everyone can win if the dice just fall right.
He'd like to win. But he knows there's no chance he will.
And that's okay.
So instead, he's going to give them exactly what they want. He's going to play up the weird for all it's worth. He's going to dive so far into character the greatest method actors wouldn't be able to compare with his abilities. He's going to be the very model of a modern Canadian LARPer. He's going to take his character and stick with it.
The problem is which character to choose. Normally he's fighters or rogues–so sue him, he likes to play against type. But now that's more of a hindrance than a help. He doesn't have the build for a fighter, and there's no way he can get ripped enough to pull it off–not that he wants to, given that he's only doing this for a reality show and that's way too much work for a gag. Same goes for rogues; sure, it'd be cool, but he's never actually stolen anything in real life. Besides, he's not even sure how that would work in-game; maybe stealing from the opponents? But that seems like an easy way to get beaten up and lose everyone's trust. He needs something a lot less physical. Which means he's going to have to be an–ugh–wizard.
He's not a huge fan of this idea. Wizards just stand behind the tanks before casting spells that leave massive damage. They're not up in the muck; they stay clean and let everyone else do the dirty work.
Then again, that might be for the best. He doesn't actually want to do the dirty work. Plus, this way the audience will get exactly what it wants: a delusional nerd who thinks magic spells are real. It might even be fun; he'll sit back and watch as the rest of his team does all the work. Occasionally he'll blurt out a magic spell, or make a suggestion that fits in with some sort of delusional fantasy world that the rest of the world will imagine he inhabits. It'll be a good way to get out of doing any work, and let him play up his character for the cameras.
It won't pay off for him. He knew that from the moment he was chosen, though. He's here to be humiliated; might as well give them a good show while he's at it. He just has to remember.
It's okay to lose.