Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the apartment, just the DVDs. There's no profit except writing practice being made here. Nor do I own the film You've Got Mail.
Return the Favour: To do something the same or similar in return for something done.
Joey sighed when he entered the restaurant. He had hoped that Chandler would have spent his hours in the office regretting his outburst earlier and realising his conclusions were drastic. The atmosphere of the restaurant, however, proved he'd concluded the opposite.
Chandler looked completely defeated. Concerned for his friend, Joey sent him a look, hoping to quietly gauge what was going on but all Chandler did was shake his head, gesturing like his heart was hurting, his normally bright eyes saying "I can't."
Joey twisted his lips. That wasn't the result he'd been hoping for.
The two of them weren't saying anything, that much was clearly written all over Monica's confused expression. The poor woman didn't even know what she'd done wrong.
"Monica was just telling me some great news," Chandler informed them as Phoebe hooked her purse over the back of her chair. He sounded half-way excited for whatever Monica had been saying, but Monica glanced over at Chandler with her remonstrance (words of the day toilet paper, thank you Chandler!) on her face. If Chandler saw it, he didn't react.
At least Chandler seemed to be engaging with the conversation once Phoebe joined in, talking with both girls but only really looking at Phoebe, pretending there was nothing wrong.
Chandler was very good at pretending. He was always good at keeping a straight face, which was always frustrating for Joey, who still struggled figuring out whether Chandler was being serious or sarcastic sometimes. Joey suspected that Chandler's penchant for pretending things weren't funny, or that he was dead serious extended to the things he told himself. That would explain why he'd never considered Monica was ChefGirl when the two were so similar, at least from what Chandler had shared of their emails. That would also explain why Chandler had never tried anything with Monica, as far as Joey could tell.
He knew his introduction to the group came a few years after it had been established. Hell, Phoebe was out of the building by the time he'd moved in. But there had been something between Chandler and Monica in those days, Joey was sure he'd caught glimpses of it over the years.
He wasn't an expert in much, but he knew sexual tension and romantic interest. He knew flirting. And he knew those two exhibited all of that in spades.
He'd asked Chandler about it twice. Once, in those early days when he'd thought for two seconds that Monica wanted to thank him with sex, as most women did, when Joey thought he should probably tell the man that had told him to steer clear of her that he'd already crossed a line, but not to worry because she refused to even look at him. Chandler had laughed hysterically as Joey had apologised profusely for both breaking the rule and breaking Chandler's trust, he hadn't realised that there was an obviousness between Monica and Chandler when Chandler said back off from her and Monica said Chandler was the best friend she'd ever had and Joey was going to figure that out pretty quick. They both spoke so highly of each other, Monica giving a pretty unveiled threat that she'd make Joey move out if he abused Chandler's generosity.
The second time had been more recent, a check-in that they were still not a couple despite what Joey thought were obvious signs of the contrary. It had been about a week or so before Rachel had joined their quintet. Chandler had taken to staying up late and waiting for Monica to get home so that he knew she was home safely. Sometimes he even stayed late from work and then ducked in to Iridium during the last rush of patrons so that they could walk home together. Chandler claimed it was only because Monica's friend Paula wasn't there, she was on holiday for two weeks and therefore Monica didn't have anyone to walk home with, but Joey had to ask just to be sure.
Monica launched into details about her mother showing an interest in her catering but she was clearly deterred by Chandler's seeming disinterest. Which Joey thought was absolutely ridiculous. There was no way Chandler was brushing the hugeness of Judy Geller paying attention to Monica. He would normally be warning her that it might not be a permanent interest and that Monica shouldn't get attached, at which point Monica would call him cynical and distance herself from him for the rest of the evening instead. Chandler didn't know anything about cooking, but he'd at least comment. Most of the time Chandler would be boastful and proud, but when he wasn't putting Monica on a pedestal, he was making sure that she didn't grow too inflated, never trying to be mean, but trying to keep Monica balanced and in check.
But the man remained silent. The idiot.
If only Chandler would open his eyes to the possibility that people liked him for himself. That maybe Monica was shocked and had a few conflicting emotions that made her refer to him in her email.
No wonder Monica sighed and then turned to Phoebe, discussing something with the other woman that sounded a bit like an invitation to help Monica.
"What's up with them?" Rachel nudged him at the table when she sat down beside Joey. "Mum and Dad have a fight?"
"Don't," Joey warned. "You know how much Chandler hates it when you call them that."
It had only happened a handful of times over the years but Rachel was still new to their group dynamics. If he remembered correctly, it was Phoebe who endowed them with the name first. She'd been talking to Joey and referenced Chandler and Monica as the parents of their group, explaining that the two of them always acted the way she thought parents would treat their grown children; patient, kind, generous, exhausted by their antics.
It had made sense at the time, Joey thought. Chandler made sure that Joey was sheltered with a roof and from the electricity bill while Monica made sure he was fed, the two of them collectively ensuring that he was happy but also keeping him in check. Monica would frown if he ever even hinted at mistreating a girl, not that he would, he had a million scary sisters and knew what women were capable of. Still, the threat of Monica kept him in check. Chandler was supportive and encouraging, and while Monica might insist he take some carpentry classes so he had a trade as a backup, or that he should try his hand at modelling as well as acting just in case, taking whatever gig he could do all his eggs weren't in one basket, Chandler was less sensible about his faith in Joey, letting him know he had talent and that things would fall into place one day. They were like parents, in that regard.
Even Ross had nodded along with the comment once. The two of them had been in the kitchen, expertly moving around each other, when Joey had likened the pair to his own parents, two people who had spent so much time with each other daily over the years, that the other person's next move was predictable and knowable.
They never said anything remotely similar to Monica and Chandler on purpose, but Chandler had overheard it once and objected profusely. At the time, Joey had thought Chandler was insulted by someone equating him to the sort of person his father was, selfish, neglectful, proud. But new information was highlighting some of those moments in new colours and Joey had to wonder if some of Chandler's frantic flapping and ground-out words were so that the image of him and Monica as an actual couple would be locked back away and shoved to the back of everyone's mind mostly do that he himself didn't get too attached to the idea.
"His fear of commitment does manifest itself in strange ways. Can't even be called a 'dad,'" she laughed, hushedly.
Joey felt himself scowling.
That was a gross simplification of what Chandler was thinking. Joey couldn't read minds, but he could read the signs beneath Chandler's dropping of the women he dated because he couldn't see himself being with her forever, and the sarcastic comments about being desperate and the bits about being afraid of being alone that were all too sore and not jokes but sounded like them. It wasn't that difficult to put together that Chandler wanted something permanent, something real, something that could help him rewrite the way he was treated by his parents, proving that he wasn't like the people that raised him, showing him that real love existed and the world wasn't only filled with people that lied and cheated and hated each other and abandoned their sons.
The one time Chandler had ever protested the name had been complicated and loaded. It was the only time Chandler had ever heard the term. It was when Ross and he teasingly called Monica 'mum' when she was being disciplinary and strict. That never bothered anyone but Monica, who hated it, but took the word as a signal to reevaluate the way she was treating them.
Or when Phoebe and Rachel thought Monica was being nurturing and sweet and cooed that she was such a mum.
That was what Chandler objected to most.
He didn't like it when Monica got called 'Mum.' It was an affectionate nickname from their friends but it made Monica smile for two seconds before she wallowed for another two days that she wasn't a mother, that she was not even close to being a mother. She'd crumble and try to pick up the pieces and they'd all noticed the trend that whenever Monica was trying to fix herself emotionally, she ended up trying to use her physicality to do it. She'd had many a stupid boyfriend because of it, desperate to get that happy family she'd always wanted that she put blinders on to the intricacies of the relationship. At least, that's how Chandler described it.
Joey just figured Monica used sex to try and make herself feel better.
But Joey's real concern was Chandler overhearing the rest of the group lumping him with Monica.
Parents didn't have to be romantic, Chandler knew that best. But there was a confirmation that would probably hit a little too close to home for Chandler to handle.
Especially now.
"There's a definite chill, though."
There was a chill, yes, but not for long if Joey had any say in the matter.
Joey nodded. He figured he owed it to Chandler to stay quiet about the where and whyfor this was happening. Joey also figured it fell onto him to fix it, in some way. Chandler was always fixing Joey's blunders and sweeping his mistakes under the rug, like when he footed the bill at a restaurant or reminded him he had an audition because Joey had forgotten to write it down on the board. Chandler was always encouraging Joey to go after what he wanted, that maybe this casting director would see his talent for what it was, that he could get the job if only he auditioned. It was Joey's turn to return the favour.
He so badly wanted to tell Rachel what had happened. Not to give away Chandler's secret, although he did want to do that. But so that he could get her opinion on the matter.
"I think they might have had a fight," he told Rachel. Chandler hadn't wanted to tell Joey about his online date, Joey didn't think he would have told Rachel. Nor did he expect Monica had told her, but you could never tell with girls in Joey's experience. He leant towards her, whispering. "Has Monica told you anything?"
Rachel shook her head. "Nothing that would involve Chandler."
From the sound of it, nothing about the anonymity of the date she'd been expecting yesterday either. Maybe Monica hadn't said anything, or left the context of the man she was meeting blank for Rachel to fill in herself; fill in wrong without Monica's correction.
"Is she okay at least?" Joey asked, figuring if Chandler wasn't going to do it, he should. That way Joey could report back and ease Chandler's mind about Monica's feelings, or he could guilt Chandler into coming clean to their neighbour.
Rachel leant closer to Joey, revealing that Monica had a bad date and was a little shaken by it, but was otherwise fine. Thankfully, Chandler was keeping Ross entertained so the palaeontologist wasn't glaring hotly at Joey for leaning so close to Rachel.
Joey sighed. Their group was getting complicated.