It was late in the afternoon when Shepard left the Citadel Embassies. What she thought would be a quick meeting with the diplomats turned into a prolonged discussion that lasted three hours. In the end, nothing was achieved except the usual results; stern demands with vague promises from the representatives of each species.
As she entered the elevator, she slapped the terminal with her palm, and as the door closed, she leaned her head against the cool surface of the wall. As the diplomats' words echoed in her head, images of war-torn Earth also crept in.
She began to laugh uncontrollably. Perhaps Joker was right, when confronted with absurdities it is best to laugh them away. She stopped when the robotic voice announced she arrived at her destination,
"Presidium Commons."
Shepard stood up and adjusted her uniform. She needs a drink.
As she maneuvered past the overwhelming crowds of people, she wished she was on her way to Normandy instead of going to a bar for a quick drink. Her main goal was to calm her nerves and take a minute for herself, but with so many people around her, that seemed impossible. Her mood somewhat improved when she saw her favorite bartender, a quiet Salarian who minded his own business. She raised her finger and he nodded. Without a word, her usual order was on its way. While she waited, she leaned back against the bar and looked around. To her surprise, most of the tables were empty. Just as she was about to check out the terrace and maybe sit down there, a beer was placed next to her arm.
"Thanks," she said absent-mindedly, and almost choked as the reply came in a deep, raspy voice instead of the gentler Salarian one she was used to.
"So, was that stuck-up bitch of our diplomat helpful, or was she annoying as shit as usual?"
Shepard cleared her throat.
"Matriarch Aethyta," she said, setting the bottle aside. "Still manning the bar, I see?"
"For the time being, I'm more useful here."
"If you say so."
"I do. So," she grabbed a rag and began cleaning the surface of the bar in somewhat passive, circular motions, "how did the meeting go?"
"As well as can be expected. Especially with your, what did you call her? 'Stuck-up bitch of a diplomat'?"
"Need any help with her? I have some dirt she left behind. Oh yes," Aethyta continued as Shepard raised her eyebrows, "if you are looking for information, this job is very profitable. Find a way to open the dam," she traced the neck of the bottle, "and away it goes."
Shepard dismissed the suggestion with a wave of her hand.
"Maybe some other time. I'm tired of politics."
Aethyta chuckled, "Well get used to it, Commander. There will be plenty of that before the war is over."
"If it ends," Shepard muttered before taking a sip of her cold beer.
Aethyta gave her a peculiar look before saying, "It will. One way or another. But listen to me! I am offering you secrets and information while your own Information Broker is just dying to please you." She smiled as Shepard rolled her eyes.
"Liara is very good at her job, frighteningly so," Shepard added.
"She is, isn't she? So good that even I don't recognize her!"
Shepard wanted to point out that Aethyta could not even know her given the past between them, but she swallowed that response. She's not in the mood for an argument. Instead, she voiced her concerns.
"She became more distant when she got that job of hers."
"The way I see it," Aethyta began, polishing one of the glasses, "when something catches her attention, she has trouble letting it go. When she sees a relic sticking out of the ground, she will not stop digging until it's pulled out. And that's when she needs someone to pull her away to show her that it's just as easy to get lost when you focus on one thing as it is when you try to focus on everything. How does that human saying go? Can't see the wood for the trees?"
"Yeah well, I don't think that saying applies to Liara." Shepard leaned away from the counter and continued, "Unfortunately, being focused is more than welcomed right now."
Aethyta slammed the glass down on the bar so hard that Shepard was surprised it didn't shatter. Aethyta now stood menacingly over Shepard, her hand clutching the cloth as if it was the last barrier keeping her from taking out her anger toward the human in front of her.
"Now listen to me, Shepard. I know what it takes to win a war. But the problem is that I have become a sentimental old fool since Liara came into my life. I agree that the war must end, but not at the expense of my daughter. To hell with the galaxy."
Shepard stood up slowly, barely able to control himself.
"Careful, Matriarch."
"You should be careful, Shepard. Especially when the life of my only daughter is in your hands."
"Let me make something clear, Matriarch. I would rather die than allow anything to happen to Liara. I care about her. And for the rest of my crew," she added quickly, seeing the trace of a smirk on the old matriarch's face. "It's my job to protect them."
"Your job, you say? Well, then you are very bad at your job because your most valuable crew member is working herself into an early grave! From collecting information for the war effort, taking care of the refugees, and accompanying you on missions. Focus is what you need, you say? Well, you damn well have it at the cost of her health. She's digging so hard for that relic she does not realize her fingers are bleeding."
"And what I'm supposed to do?" Shepard asked, faking ignorance. She knows what she has to do, but that would mean bending in ways that make her uncomfortable. "I told her to take it easy."
Aethyta was now inches away from Shepard's face.
"Don't play dumb, Shepard. Pull her away, at least for an afternoon," Aethyta glanced towards the terrace and Shepard followed her gaze. Her heart fluttered as she saw Liara sitting at the furthest table, typing rapidly on her datapad, oblivious to the world around her.
"She's here?" asked Shepard in disbelief.
"For a few hours now, yes."
"So she did take some time off," Shepard said quietly, her eyes on her friend. If it was not for her energetic typing on the datapad and the concentrated expression on her face, she would look so... peaceful.
"You idiot!" snarled Aethyta. "She had her nose glued to the datapad screen for two hours. At first, I thought she was reading a book or something, but of course not. She's doing her secret stuff. When I asked her to take a break, she said she couldn't afford it."
"I'll go and talk to her," Shepard said without taking her eyes off Liara's form.
"Yeah, you do that. Maybe she'll listen to her girlfriend since she won't listen to her father."
Shepard stopped in her tracks and returned to the bar.
"You should stop joking about that. It was funny at first, but it makes Liara uncomfortable."
"Jokes?" asked Aethyta asked, innocently.
"Now it's you who's being stupid, Matriarch. Stop teasing her about our relationship. We are just friends. Good friends." Shepard emphasized the last word.
Aethyta raised her hands in defeat and smiled, "If you say so, Commander."
Shepard nodded in satisfaction and turned away to speak to Liara. As she walked, she tried to ignore the heat that formed in her cheeks, triggered by such a simple, wrong word.
When Shepard reached the table, Liara greeted her with a smile.
"Shepard. Done for the day?"
"You know," Shepard said as she sat down next to Liara, "when someone says they are taking an afternoon off, it usually means they are going to spend the afternoon doing something other than work."
Liara smirked.
"My father sent you? You can tell her that-"
"I wanted to talk to you myself," Shepard interrupted. "A few days ago I asked you to take some time off when we dock at the Citadel. You agreed. So I'm not leaving until you stop what you are doing and do something for yourself."
Liara gave an impatient sigh. "Shepard, this is important."
"So are you. You are going to burn out if you do not take care of yourself. Either you slow down or I'll take the datapad and throw it in the lake."
"You wouldn't dare!"
Shepard leaned forward, "Are you going to test me?"
"Is that why you fought with my father? It was, wasn't it?" said Liara said as she noticed a spasm of a small muscle under Shepard's eye. "Well, you can leave because I have work to do," Liara said and resumed reading the latest report on her datapad.
Shepard refused to be drawn into an argument and stared at Liara silently. Liara, annoyed, rose to the challenge and stared back. She did not last long.
"Oh fine! Give me a minute, Shepard. Just to finish this."
"I'm counting."
Shepard looked around the bar, trying to discover something interesting to keep her occupied until Liara was done with... Whatever she was doing.
Her eyes landed on the couple sitting on the other side of the bar. They were close to each other, holding hands on the table next to the forgotten drinks. The man whispered something in his partner's ear, which made her giggle. Shepard noticed her leaning closer to him, and slowly made traces on his back with the tip of her fingertips. If Shepard is to judge, they'll be leaving soon. For them, war doesn't exist.
She wondered how many happy moments they had shared, how many memories, good and bad, awaited them. A brief, faint tug at her heart reminded her that despite the ugliness of war, there is life and beauty. But not for her. Even though a small smile lingered on her face, her soul was filled with cold despair. A frightening question forced itself upon her: what if Hell wasn't a blazing inferno? In the realm of emotions, Shepard preferred solid ground to an unpredictable sea. Love and all its companions were fickle, and Shepard didn't trust them. As a result, she sometimes felt lonely, even if she would never admit it.
What Shepard did not realize was that there was a warmth beside her that could conquer the frost that was forming inside her. So mesmerized by the happiness of others that she failed to see a chance for her own.
When Shepard finally tore herself away from the machinations of her mind, she decided to look at Liara. There was no trace of a longing look or a smile that Liara had reserved just for her. Instead, she saw a busy Shadow Broker, a role that distanced her friend far more than Shepard would have liked. If she had turned her head just a second earlier, she would have seen Liara looking at the couple too.
Annoyed at her thoughts, for which she blamed her workaholic friend, she tapped the surface of the table to signify her lack of patience.
"Just a few more minutes, Shepard," Liara said. Shepard thought her voice was trembling, but it was probably just a figment of her imagination.
Liara didn't look at her as she asked, "Is everything alright Shepard?"
Instead of answering, Shepard grabbed Liara's datapad so hard that she flinched.
"Shepard! What are you doing?" she scolded, reaching for the datapad.
"You said," Shepard replied as she raised the datapad above her head so Liara couldn't take it, "that you were taking this afternoon off."
"I just need to-"
"Take a break." Shepard finished for her.
"Shepard..." Liara tried again.
"Come," Shepard said as she stood up. "I know a perfect place for you to take some time off."
Liara should have known she would lose as soon as Shepard sat down beside her.
"When you said perfect, I didn't think you meant going to a park!" Liara happily said after they'd walked in silence for some time, interrupted only by the crunch of gravel beneath their feet.
"And where did you think I was going to take you? To some rowdy bar? You can't have a conversation with bottles flying around."
Liara sighed, and Shepard could swear she looked disappointed.
"What do you want to talk about?"
"About you. You'll work yourself to death if you go on like this."
Liara stopped suddenly and turned sharply to Shepard. She was tempted to slap her. She was getting tired of being treated like a child. It seemed that everyone else respected her except her father and Shepard. She could understand to some extent why Aethyta was so protective of her, but Shepard? The thought hurt on more than one level.
"Did my father put you up to this? Does she think that if I don't listen to her, I will listen to you? I'm an adult, Shepard, and I can take care of myself. And in case you haven't noticed, we're at war. I can't afford to go sightseeing or take walks in the park while thousands of people are dying every minute. So if you'll excuse me, Commander. There are several thousand refugees who need food and shelter."
Lifting her head high, she set off but didn't manage to take a few steps before Shepard pulled her roughly by the arm, causing her to stumble.
"Shepard!" she cried, startled.
"I'm aware that there's a war going on, Doctor T'Soni. Perhaps you haven't noticed, but the galaxy put me in charge to save it. And I'm doing my best to give us a chance. But I can't do my job if I have to worry about my damn crew because they won't take care of themselves! And risking their lives in the process because they are stubborn!"
Shepard let go of her arm, took a step back, and looked away. They stood there in silence, neither of them knowing what to say.
"I'm sorry, Liara. I didn't mean to... look, I know you can take care of yourself, but sometimes you get so lost in your work. And yes, your dad is worried too. I didn't drag you here to argue or lecture you. I just wanted to remind you to take some time off. And I was hoping," Shepard looked away before continuing, "we could spend some time together. Put the war behind us, at least for a few hours."
Liara's anger vanished as quickly as it appeared.
"I'm sorry, Shepard. You're are right, of course. I'm just on the edge... With everything that is going on."
"I know," Shepard said gently. "I have a proposal for you, Doctor T'Soni. An afternoon with me, here in the park."
Liara quirked a smile and asked teasingly, "Is there a catch?"
"There's always a catch with me! No war, no politics, no work. Just us. Unless you want some time alone?" added Shepard awkwardly.
Liara smiled, "I can't think of a better way to spend my free time."
"Well then," Shepard said, offering her arm, "shall we, Doctor T'Soni?"
Liara linked their arms and they began their walk.
"Lead the way, Commander."
"I'm glad the earth biome got its turn," Liara commented as they reached tall flowers of various colors.
"Those are tulips," Shepard said, proud that she could recognize the different plants in the park. Not only that, but Liara seemed impressed with her knowledge!
"They are really beautiful."
Shepard let go of Liara's arm, picked one of the yellow tulips, and gave it to her.
"Here. I like tulips too."
"Shepard! If C-Sec sees us..."
"Yeah, can you imagine?"
She stood next to Liara and positioned her fingers in the form of a camera in front of them.
"Breaking news! The unprecedented scandal happened today in the Presidium Commons' most famous park," Shepard imitated one of the popular news anchors. "C-Sec officers chased two vigilantes through the park as they committed the horrendous crime of picking a flower. Since they haven't yet been caught, C-Sec is advising citizens to stay in their homes and lock their doors."
Liara rolled her eyes and playfully pushed Shepard away from her.
"That would be exciting, wouldn't it?" Shepard winked.
Liara blushed as she took the flower.
"Well, I suppose it would be rude to refuse a flower from the Savior of the Galaxy."
Shepard's features froze for a moment before she replied jokingly,
"And don't forget the prestigious achievement of being the first human Specter!"
"Those are just some of your less impressive qualities," Liara said quietly, turning away.
"Liara?"
Shepard put her hand on Liara's shoulder, but only briefly, as Liara walked away towards the bench.
"Sit with me, Shepard."
Shepard dutifully followed Liara, slightly confused at her change of mood. Was it something she said?
They sat down on the bench under the cherry blossom tree and spent some time in silence, both lost in thought, each finding the beauty in their surroundings. The only sound was the chirping of birds and the children playing somewhere in the distance.
"It's so peaceful here," Liara finally said.
"Yeah," Shepard agreed, "I've been wanting to visit this park for some time."
"But?" Liara gently urged her to continue.
"I thought that visiting the park with the earth biome would be... I don't know, hypocritical of me. Enjoying the best of the earth's biome while the Earth itself is being destroyed. Sometimes I feel like I'm not doing enough. I should be there, Liara. Fighting with a weapon in my hand, not wasting my time arguing with politicians."
Shepard had no intention of talking about the war, but the tiring meeting from earlier came to mind, and with it the frustration she felt. Normally she is quite good at hiding her emotions, but in Liara's presence, they always seemed to slip away.
Liara put her hand on Shepard's.
"Shepard, I can understand that it's hard for you to leave and that you feel you aren't doing enough. But that's far from the truth. We cannot win this war alone. We need to unite as many people as possible. The galaxy has placed a great burden on your shoulders, and I do not doubt that you're capable of carrying it." She gave Shepard's hands a gentle squeeze. "I only wish you would let others share the burden with you, if only for a moment."
Shepard pulled her hands away and leaned forward.
"You need to rest, Shepard." Liara tried again to reach out to her, but Shepard rejected her attempt.
"You know I can't do that."
"You can't or you won't?" challenged Liara.
"That's none of your business," Shepard replied sharply.
"This is coming from someone who lectured me on the importance of not being selfish and caring about your crew members!"
"Then I'll rest when I'm dead," Shepard said. "Satisfied?"
Liara's eyes burned for a moment. How could she say such a thing? How could she be compassionate one moment and cold as ice the next?
"Well, if you're planning to die, what's the point? Why do you care?" asked Liara angrily.
Shepard jumped up and paced back and forth.
"Because I want to give the galaxy a chance! I want those kids to have a future. I want..."
She turned away, breathing heavily.
She wants peace. She wants whatever the couple in the bar have. But she knew there was no chance of that. There is no way she can cheat death twice.
She felt an arm on her shoulder, and before she could react, Liara gently turned her around and embraced her. Shepard let out a breath she hadn't known she was holding. Liara's warm body against her own calmed her, but somehow she couldn't find the strength to return the hug fully. Instead, she wrapped one arm around Liara's back and let the other hang lazily at her side.
They stood like that for some time before Liara raised her hand to Shepard's face and gently stroked one of her cheeks.
"What do you want, Shepard?" she asked.
Shepard looked into Liara's eyes, and for a moment she saw a spark of possibilities in them.
"I don't know," she admitted.
Liara smiled at her assuringly.
"You will find out. But you need to give yourself a chance, Shepard. And maybe you will allow someone to help you find whatever you are missing."
"I'm not so sure about that."
"Oh, Shepard," Liara said with a sigh, resting her head on Shepard's shoulder. "Stubbornness is part of your charm, but sometimes it is so tiring."
"I'm sorry."
"Just promise me something." She looked up longingly again.
As if hypnotized, Shepard said, "Anything."
"Don't die. Promise me you will survive the war. Promise me so we can rebuild the galaxy together. And then take some time for ourselves. Enjoying the peace."
Shepard hesitated. She wanted to tell her to be more realistic, that she couldn't promise her something so impossible. But she was too weak in Liara's arms, which she found frightening, and she gave her the only answer she could.
"I promise."
Liara smiled and Shepard was transported back to the present where neither future nor past existed. Shepard couldn't take her eyes off Liara. She felt so many emotions playing in her eyes, but she couldn't identify a single one. Liara slowly closed the distance between them. Reflexively, Shepard tensed and turned her head slightly to the side. It was too late to back away without making things even more awkward, so Liara, ever the diplomat, changed course and gently kissed the scarred cheek.
Shepard's heart pounded in her chest, cold sweat forming on her forehead. Not strong enough to maintain the closeness, she chuckled nervously, and not knowing what to do, rubbed the back of her neck in a futile attempt to calm herself down.
"What was that for?" she asked, her words slurred because of her dry throat.
And offered what she thought was a smile.
Liara returned the smile, though her eyes weren't as alive as before. So instead of answering what she was sure was Shepard's rhetorical question, she gently took her hand.
"Come. We still have some time and it would be a shame not to explore the park further."
Shepard, still confused by what had happened earlier, said,
"I think I should go back to Normandy. There are reports I have to write."
"Shepard." Liara came closer once again and Shepard felt a tingle in her stomach.
"The future is so uncertain. We can hope for the best, but maybe it never works out. Maybe there is no tomorrow. Or the next hour. So let us enjoy the moment. Let us fill the rest of the day with beautiful memories."
"What are good memories for when there is so much uncertainty?"
"It's a way to remember what you have. What you could have," she stretched out her hand once more.
Shepard took it, though she was still full of doubt. Liara smiled and together they began the rest of their walk through the park.
They talked, they joked, they laughed. Even an innocent gossip or two found its way into their conversation, mostly supplied by Liara, of course. For the next few hours, the war didn't exist for them.
That night, as Normandy glided gently through space, Shepard didn't write a single report. Instead, she spread out on the couch in her cabin, turned on some music, and let her thoughts wander to a more pleasant place. Before she fell asleep, she touched her cheek and smiled. After a long time, she had a good night's sleep.
Liara was a little more disciplined. She worked, but she often turned away from her computer and traced the delicate petals of the flower Shepard gave her as she paced around her office. Maybe she shouldn't have kissed her. It was a bittersweet kiss, but as she stared through the window at the passing stars, she thought that perhaps in the future there would be a chance for another kiss; one that would be without bitterness.
They created a beautiful memory for themselves that day, one that they will often relive in the privacy of their thoughts.