Wind blew over his head, breeze flapping his scarf backwards and forwards in the dawn of the night as he looked out of the window to stare up into the endless abyss of the black starry sky. He sighed, thinking to himself that he may have made a significant mistake trying to vent openly and hoping that somehow the others would understand him.
For him, the human-turned-Mudkip had been through his own fair share of adventures. Ranging from waking up one day with the realisation he couldn't remember anything from his past life except his name and his existence as a human, to the times spent in all the places he visited - Serene Village, the dungeons between, Lively Town, the Air Continent, the Voidlands, the Tree of Life's Primeval Forest and even beyond during his battle alongside his partner - a Bulbasaur called Sprout - in the suffocating stratosphere of the ozone layer.
His memories of the fight still persisted in the front of his mind - a burdensome, fearful memory of lament making him fear the outside with all of his heart. A young human who didn't even come from this world and yet was thrown in without a second thought. Why did this world have to make him believe he was able to even hold the burden of all the stresses of the Pokémon that suffered the most without him? For him, it didn't make sense, and any more processing in his mind would've made it even more frustrating that it had any need to. However, despite his frustration and all that he was still thinking about, there was nothing more than anything else in the world that scared this human right down to his very core.
Dark Matter.
He never had fought something with so much malice that it made it difficult for him to concentrate, breathe or simply have the strength to fight back - for him, giving up would've been a far easier option than trying to endure anything else that was thrown his way. If he couldn't even fight back, then what was the point?
His partner was here to fight against the entity in the end anyway, so why was he even here in the first place? If all that the both of them were doing was hitting a core of nothing but aggression that would ultimately go nowhere with even one lingering thought of doubt, what would be the point of trying anyway? It was his partner's fight, not his own.
So much so was he convinced, that this was all that Cormac ever had on his mind when he stared out into the realms of Serene Village. Viewing the night sky was something he had grown accustomed to when he had arrived back from fleeting feelings that wouldn't exit his mind, when he began remembering things he thought he wasn't supposed to.
His recent past, along with the far-gone past of his first arrival of himself into the world as a human with long dormant memories of his life up to that point, had come back up somehow without explanation for him to process. The longer he began to even try and ask questions surrounding himself, the longer he thought that none of the things he was experiencing were making any sense. For once, he didn't even feel like he belonged in any world whatsoever. It must have been a cruel fate from Arceus - being stuck in this world without a second thought, and left to stray there for all eternity if it meant existence around him could be satisfied from seeing his torment.
He didn't understand and flat out refused to entertain the idea with any thought.
If everyone and everything was so happy from seeing him suffer, then why on earth with the world now being saved did he always feel the odd one out?
Was he scared that now his best friend and lifelong partner from the moment he woke up was no longer with him since he disappeared, now having the knowledge that he wouldn't be able to say goodbye properly to him both from in the past and in the present?
Was it how every part of his journey there were so many twists and turns that he found himself having such a hard time even trusting those he once called his friends?
Was it now since he was wearing the only Harmony Scarf on the entire planet that he felt there was still some sort of role he still needed to fulfil, with him somehow in the centre?
Cormac couldn't tell, with the weight of the world on his shoulders, his fin furrowed and all he could ever think about was wanting to cry. He felt like such a baby - even worse than perhaps how Carracosta found Sprout and became his surrogate father, tending to his nearby berry fields, maintaining village relations and needing to look after a reincarnation of a child who sent his consciousness thousands of years into the future with the hopes of stopping the world's calamity yet again.
He was tired of being heralded as a hero - he didn't ask for this fate and he wanted no part of it anymore. Everyone looked up to him as a role model, but he couldn't see himself as a person who anybody could take pride in for doing the right thing without delay. All this recognition for just "saving the world" - and for what?
Crippling anxiety?
Endless questions?
An identity crisis?
With no set understanding of his small brain churring away with every which way no matter what he thought about, the Mudkip human turned his attention away from the window, readjusting his scarf which had fallen down from where he had been leaning to get a better view of the moon.
He was staying within his old home - Nuzleaf's house, only there was no guardian in sight to look after him, leaving Cormac all by himself.
Although he was that naturally worried, he could always go and knock on Carracosta's door - or 'Pops' door which felt more tempting to the human - but he couldn't bring himself to do so under the fear that making him see his face at this late hour would make the poor old turtle Pokémon more depressed than he already was from the loss of his foster son.
As for Nuzleaf - the unofficial guardian father of the estranged Mudkip - he had at one point come back to the village, in the hopes that maybe there was a way of rekindling all he had done the very moment that the one he hurt woke from his daze in a secluded spot in the surrounding woods. However, much like Cormac's heart itself, he couldn't bear seeing the human with a face so betrayed that he was thinking hard about himself. This was why he had decided to stay along with the Beheeyem in a secluded building not too far away from the village, in the hopes that one day, without fear, the human would find it in his heart to let them all back into his life, despite how through it all it wasn't just them he felt he couldn't trust, but everyone around him and even himself.
For the Mudkip human himself, the silence felt deafening. Most of the village was asleep, and the last time he could remember anything significant happen when he was up during the night with everyone else was the celebration party the villagers had when they all told stories of the journey he had sustained upon his journey from time off from the Expedition Society.
In his mind... all of it felt like it was eons or centuries ago, despite it being months since the time it took place before the moment Sprout had disappeared.
...
The Big Tree.
The human in an instant made his way onto his feet, plodding on all fours to look out from the doorway to stare up at the leaves blowing in the tree on the hill. Where it had stood for ages since he was a younger human to the Pokémon he was today, that hill signified everything he ever knew for most of the Pokémon world.
Reminding him of the Tree of Life and its many branching roots that fell into the ground to signify the varying life force of the living things around him, it made him think of all the past times he spent with his partner and both versions he had grown to know in one point of the past and the now of the most recent past - the present day.
Mew... and Sprout...
The smiles, the tears, the triumphs and the last defining moment - the regret of worry he had from preventing him going away from a promise he had forgotten because his past self willed it into "being for the greater good".
How wrong he must've felt how he couldn't look into the future and was now experiencing it for himself whilst reborn, how he didn't know what he was supposed to say outside of anything else for the sole purpose of living as one part of his team - the Kipsaurs, a portmanteau of both of their Pokémon names together.
Glancing up at the tree now, a thought began to crop up in his mind how it had been a long time since he ever went up there.
Maybe once again... for old time's sake.
Thinking that would be the best idea, the human got up and exited the house, looking to the right from where he was standing.
No light on in Carracosta's home. Must've meant he was asleep.
Thanking he wouldn't need to have any awkward conversations as to why he was suddenly sneaking out in the middle of the night without any warning, the Mudkip human made short but simple steps along the cobbled path that led the way out from where he first began. Whilst on his way, he made sure to check on all the other notable buildings he could see, mainly to the left over the bridge near the signpost arrows.
The Connection Café was shut for the day for Kanghaskhan to look after her kid, the Kecleon brothers had called it in for the night and Hawlucha had fallen asleep from self-training whilst not reminding some of the other villagers for moves after having been inspired by the Kipsaurs' adventures from their tales on the village celebration day right behind his stand. The school also happened to be within this general direction, but not paying much heed to the area as it wasn't a place he could see unless he went up the path, Cormac turned his attention back to his right.
Lights were out in most of the other homes - Lombre and Hippopotas were neighbours, so they could easily communicate with one another on various topics, whilst the school staff lived further nearby toward the school with the exception of Audino, who would usually do a daily errand of nursery supplies she would gather between her home and the school's infirmary.
For the human though, the most significant Pokémon to have any effect on him were the kids from the village school he had become acquainted with during the opening legs of figuring out what it meant to live again but as a completely different being. Pancham and Shelmet's houses were lights out, although Cormac could hear the sounds of loud snoring coming from the pair of them. Yep, they were definitely like the Two Stooges of the village...
Deerling and Goomy also happened to live nearby, the former loud but brash female sharing a room right next to her parents as a form of etiquette that reflected in her personality, whilst the latter timid and shy slug dragon-type Pokémon lived in the same room as his own, a sign of his bravery to be able to talk with them about anything that was bothering him but also making him get the easiest of the brunt when it came to trouble. With the both of them being neighbours to each other and the fact that they both got on really well, it was a sign that if it was under better circumstances then the human could be happier about how he felt when being surrounded by them.
He walked further, taking a deep breath from the nighttime breeze that he felt across his skin. It felt soothing and somewhat calming that nature never changed no matter how old he was... or whether the concept of time still could be considered a thing in either both the human world or the Pokémon world with the memories he had sustained from both eras. At least there was Dialga to take care of that, he thought quietly.
Once he realised who he had passed, he stopped. To his right lay the final two houses of the village before he could get to the tree. In the first house would lie Roserade and her child Budew, who the human had managed to save when his mother had fallen ill after requiring honey for treating an injury. The memory of himself and Sprout fighting off all of the bug type Pokémon left a long imposing memory into the back of his skull, fighting wave after wave of what felt like endless Beedrill and Combee and their queen, Vespiquen. Although the pair of them sustained serious injuries that made the both of them have to rest in the infirmary and get a scolding from Principal Watchog, it was worth it in the end as it would lead to their very first meeting with their soon-to-be chief Ampharos. The Dashing Wanderer made certain for a confusing time within the human's head. Alas though, this would not be the Pokémon he had in mind.
In the second house... would lie his classmate Espurr. Out of all the children in the village, the human felt like he would be the closest to her as she was the only one out of all of them not to get turned into stone. Using her telepathy, she had helped save both himself and Sprout from countless trouble, whether it be at the school or during the time the both of them and herself were together from the Kipsaurs' time in the Voidlands and returning to their own world. That would make her the unofficial third teammate of their team, such as when they fought in the Ancient Barrow next to where the Mudkip was standing or during the fight with an apparent "redeemed" Beheeyem that just so happened to make an appearance within the Society's HQ. She was there during the climactic fight with his betrayed guardian, along with the puppet legendary that led the attack against them on Revelation Mountain - Yveltal, the emissary of death.
Something within the back of his mind made him want to say sorry to her, about worrying her when the both of them were transported up to the tree or when they were chasing the tree initially by jumping on the falling debris of ground that fell from the ascent Dark Matter caused by its corruption. She had thanked him for being called to this world, saying he was her hero, for being able to be called when he was needed and that he rose to answer the call for the sake of the world. Heck, when the both of them had come down and she took one glimpse at him, the psychic type had finally shown some emotion and burst into a pool of her own tears, lying how she wasn't afraid of anything but endured so much suffering she saw against her own friends, it made his parting sorrows and regret on the way he felt about her now all the more painful.
This self-reflection he had wanted to avoid was the very reason that it felt all the more painful he couldn't do it, not when he also felt betrayed by what she had done to him. Behind his back, she had been acting for both Nuzleaf and Ampharos at the same time, and even though he had spent time with her and felt the both of them had grown to know each other vividly, the constant switching sides made the human confused on what she was thinking and where her true intentions lied.
Could he even trust a friend who couldn't simply have told the truth to him, even if it meant a bit of head prying to get her to say something?
...
He paused and sighed. He didn't know what was going on anymore, so much so was his entire faith in all that he knew broken and scattered that again he relegated himself back to the thoughts of calm solitude and allowing himself to get soaked up in tears. He didn't know anymore on what the world wanted, that if Dark Matter ever came back for some undignified reason, he himself would be the very sole responsible reason as to why the world would revert back to the way it was before.
Calm nature.
Miserable existence.
Shaking his mind by walking over to the nearby lake and splashing his face with water, he continued his walk up from the path, winding his way around from the meandering turns of where it took him and finally coming to the sloped hill he was all too familiar with. Without much thinking or care otherwise, Cormac made his way up, sitting down underneath the stretching leaves of the stretching tree, all the while leaning against the trunk with his back so he could muster in the sights of the entire village for the first time in ages.
During those many, many years ago, the human stood on this very hill with Mew, looking out over the horizon and witnessing the mountain ranges, trees and bird Pokémon flying out of a valley, the sight of the hill still being the same but with no houses, civilisation or even ways to get over the lake existing for the both to use without significant difficulty. Instead, both human and partner Pokémon had begun to forge their own place in living, making it eventually grow with just the two of them before others would catch on board and those of the time taking in solitude with the human in question.
Now, with none of those he would slowly begin to remember existing anymore and new villagers taking in their place from what they had started when the human coined the name to begin with, it all would come spiraling back together to where it had all started. This place, this hill, this view... the Mudkip human had somehow established most of these without a second thought, and now with his consideration this was where he stood now.
Funny how the world worked, he thought, smiling quietly but it immediately faded away.
This view was beautiful, sure... but it was incomplete. Without any versions of his partner to witness the view with and them being contained as nothing but fleeting memories the human believed he concocted in a fantasy, the fears of isolation and loneliness seeped into his mind with full throttle.
This now was the reality in which he lived in, whether he liked it or not.
...
It would never feel comfortable for himself ever again, would it?
Without realising and for the first time that night, the human spoke out loud whilst looking through the ever-expanding horizon that stretched as far as his vision could take.
"Sprout, if you were still here... it would be great if you were still by my side..."
He couldn't help it. He was living alone and as far as he knew, now with no one else to really truly understand him, he had discovered what true loneliness had meant for him. The darkness hidden and locked away deep within the darkest depths of the recesses of his brain and heart haunted him if it was now the only thing he was defined by. In his eyes, the human felt, he had become the malice himself.
What if he was the second coming of Dark Matter, and in his heart, that's where it was still hidden?
He didn't know how to take most of it at all, let alone figure out his own identity as a human or a Pokémon or whatever he was now.
Stress overwhelming him now, a single teardrop fell from the eye of the human, before more of them would subsequently appear one after another until he couldn't take it anymore. Grief swept the human, making him collapse into a pool of his own tears and clench tightly to his Harmony Scarf, the irony of having an accessory with the name as he hadn't felt that way truly in a long time in the months of his goodbyes on the hill he stood on. He covered his face, using his scarf to try and wipe them away, yet with how much he frantically tried to change anything that he was going through at any given point, he still was feeling the same way and then he just simply gave up.
He was no hero anymore.
He was now a wallowing mess of his past self or anything that might have came before.
Crying and frustrated at himself and his constant turmoil, the Mudkip human threw his leg up in the air and in a furious rage slammed it straight down into the ground, repeating it until he slowly bruised himself from the pain and a patch of blood came through to the surface. In his head, he deserved it. Maybe if if he did it quicker, he could even see his friend again quicker. After all, if he rose up into the air without a second notice just to fulfil some end of the bargain and he himself was not even bound of this, what would even be stopping him?
What would prevent him from becoming a ball of yellow light again if he too had gone through it at some point, all the way in the past to the future he stood on now?
...
Without a second thought, he had made his mind up.
He would keep hitting himself until there was no more pain that would come out of his injuries. Once finished, he would just throw himself into the lake below. He may have been a water type, but if he didn't float up to the top for oxygen, he would happily drown into the depths below.
Once finished, he could join Sprout and finally be free from all this pain he had to endure for so long in his shattered, destroyed heart.
Even without a family or a mother or anything else to know him or a guardian to watch out for his safety and a parent who didn't have his kid, he was fed up with also having to endure all the suffering he went through two generations to get to the point where he was at now. Nobody else would understand that pain, and he could be free of it for good.
After one larger lift into the air, he slammed his leg further down to injure it on the dirt below. He winced, tears still flowing and blood now appearing more to the point where it covered some of the flowers on the ground, but he didn't care. All he was focused on right now would be returning to his friend.
He was ready.
He wanted to say goodbye now, free himself from all the burden and regrets he had to endure after all of this time, and he was going to jump.
Standing and limping over to the cliff edge, he took one look up at the big tree covering him. Reminding him of the Tree of Life, he privately thanked Xerneas for helping him on a few occasions, but he didn't want to further burden the legendary anymore. He also privately thanked the other Expedition Society members for taking him in and still having him around when it was just him on his team, dealing with him when the world was still in peril. Now that was no longer the case, there wasn't a need for him to still be around. Chief Ampharos had personally allowed him to make the journey to Serene Village to help with rekindling some parts of his identity, having the others wave him off as he left that gate. For them they didn't know... that may have been the last time they would ever see him.
Thinking of other figures he wanted to thank, he thanked all of the other adults in Serene Village, Lively Town and the towns he visited on the different continents, the legendary Pokémon who helped him save the Tree of Life from destruction, the children of Serene Village he passed on the way here... and the other partner that had managed to join him on his journey, despite his very conflicted feelings that he couldn't bring himself to tell her. This would be his way of freeing himself from the burden to not make her worry.
Taking a deep breath and thinking he managed to think of everyone who meant the most to him, he was now ready. He was going to make the jump.
...
One step further.
...
Another step further.
...
It would end soon.
...
It would finally be over. No regrets.
...
No hesitation, it had to be done after all.
...
...
...
He took the leap.
"Goodbye... everyone... and... thank you..."
Taking the plunge, Cormac closed his eyes to prepare for the beginning of his demise as he fell, the tears from his screamed anguish falling perpendicular to him and falling from the sides of his face down into the lake below.
...
...
The splash would be coming... and there would be the demise he was waiting for.
...
...
...
...
"CORMAC, NO!"
...
...
A voice?
"...What?" The Mudkip opened his eyes, finding he hadn't in fact fallen into the lake below to suffocate. There was not even any splash at all. Instead, he was levitating in midair, being suspended by psychic energy that was being suspended by the face of someone the human thought would never even come to do something about this.
Opposite from where he was in the air, a heavily strained Espurr was putting in all of the strength she had into making sure he was safe. On her face was adorned the biggest worry he had ever seen, which now after beginning to take it in made the human's heart throb more to fall down into the depths of his stomach.
"E-Espurr? W-why?" He managed to say, coughing up blood he had from injuring himself. Ignoring him, the psychic type pushed all of her remaining strength into making him get back up to the top of the hill. In one successive pull, she got him back onto the grass and making the water type look down with a heavy face of guilt.
What came next was not something the human anticipated, and certainly not what he thought would fit one of the quieter types of the kids of the village.
She threw herself at him, pulling him into a tight hug. Filled with tears, she had a huge look of disbelief written all over her.
"Es...purr... I-I-I'm..." The human began, his eyes still damaged from the flurries of his sadness whilst not making eye contact into her eyes.
"Do not ever do that again you fool."
"H... huh?" Cormac raised his head, now the both of them staring from one sad face to another.
"I said... don't ever do that again..." She sobbed, hugging the Mudkip human tighter. Confused but still feeling guilty, he tried to break free from the contact but Espurr refused, holding him in a psychic grip.
"Cormac... stop it. What happened to you? You... look awful." She glared at him behind her tears, clearly not understanding why he would do such a thing.
With every passing second now, the pit in his stomach grew bigger with regret for what he just did.
It felt harder, now thinking about what he was feeling about her right before he jumped. He couldn't let her know of what he would say, or it would make the poor girl cry further than she already was for him right now… or rather, it wouldn't be the right opportunity yet.
"I'm... s-sorry," was all the Mudkip could spout, choking on his words as he had everything he thought for himself come crashing down at once.
What was even happening?
Espurr wiped her tears from her eyes, frowning. This was the most emotional Cormac had seen her in the entire time he had known her, both before and after when he defeated Dark Matter alongside Sprout and to a lesser degree herself.
"What were you even doing?! I wasn't asleep yet, and could feel your presence when you walked past my house. I was curious on what you were going to do, so I followed you up here, and there I was horrified when I saw you... injuring yourself like that. When you jumped... it felt like my heart was going to stop. How could... why would... Cormac, why?!"
She was desperate for an answer, anything to understand why her friend would nearly want to make himself disappear like that.
Guiltily, Cormac looked away and sighed.
"I thought you wouldn't want me around anymore Espurr. I wanted... to rid myself so I would no longer be a burden to you... and you specifically. Out of all of us... you were the only one who saw it all even when Dark Matter was still around. I-I... didn't want to have you alerted, so I... attempted to do it quietly up here, where no one would notice."
"What?!" The bewildered psychic stared blankly at him for a few seconds, before opening her mouth again. "Why wouldn't I want you around Cormac? You saved me, you saved all of us!"
"It's not because of that..." the human sniffled, looking now back at her. "It's because... I'm no hero. Without Sprout, it's just me. There's not even a team anymore. How can I call my team 'the Kipsaurs' when only one of us still remains? I can't just operate on my own. I may have done my job, but if all I'm being is a burden to you all, I don't deserve to be looked up to. I feel betrayed by everyone too... and I-I don't really want to say it, but... but..."
"But what?"
"...I felt betrayed by you as well most of all."
Earning a shock, Espurr flinched. "H-huh?"
"...When you were still doing the whole double agent thing, I couldn't tell what your true intentions were. Every time you kept switching sides, I-I couldn't tell if you were telling me the truth or telling me a lie or anything. Y-you helped me on Glittering Mountain, with the aftereffects of the Voidlands, that Beheeyem, Dark Matter possessed Nuzleaf and Yveltal and greeting me back... even calling me a hero and making us celebrate when we got back here... but when Sprout disappeared, I-I..."
The Mudkip human stammered, shivering from fear that she would take what he would say next the wrong way.
"...I lost all sense of meaning. Thought even those who c-claimed they cared were lying, including you. Thought all of it was a façade just to help make me feel something about myself, when I don't even belong here, let alone even come from here. I don't know why any of you see any good in me, I'm not even a good person. Look at me, look how I look! I deserve these injuries. I even deserve to disappear. You should have just let me fall and drown..."
The psychic cat looked down and folded her ears down in sadness. The betrayal comment must have hurt her, Cormac thought, making her feel guilty about it must have affected her on my conscience.
Gripping his Harmony Scarf awkwardly, the human was ready to walk past her in attempting to not further hurt her than he already did with admitting how he felt. Beginning to limp despite his heavy injuries from the self-harm he caused himself, he darkened his gaze to make his way down the hill.
Before he was able to go and move forward, a voice wormed its way into the back of his head.
"Cormac... I forgive you."
"...Huh?" Now it was his turn to look back behind him, seeing Espurr despite her tears from the sudden action now make a small smile with her face.
"I said I forgive you dummy. Did you forget I can use telepathy to communicate with you?" She chuckled in his mind quietly, putting an arm around his back.
"N-no, I didn't. E-Espurr... why forgive me? Even after what I just said to you...?" The human communicated, mouth quivering from the anxiety he was processing.
"I've known you a lot longer than the other kids in the village Cormac." This earned her a gasp in his head, making her laugh quietly. "Why is that surprising to you? Hehe, honestly Cormac, you can be one big doof. I've been alone like you for a long time too. No parents, they..."
"You don't have to say anything Espurr, I... know what you mean."
She smiled, the pair of them finally now coming to the beginning of an understanding of how the one opposite was feeling.
"Thank you. Even so, I've been living alone in my house for a long time. Sure, I have the others come round to play when its the summer or if it's after school, even Pancham and Shelmet have turned over a new leaf with everything that happened. I may have used my telepathy to..." she looked down with regret, but to her surprise, the Mudkip returned a leg around her too, "...confuse and make you feel betrayed, but I didn't mean it maliciously when I was talking with Ampharos or Nuzleaf. If anything Cormac, it wasn't even Sprout where I was getting my strength from, despite him also being very similar to my circumstances. It was... you."
"Me?!" The human spoke out loud rather than in his mind, making Espurr's grin widen more.
"You see any other Pokémon with a name called Cormac around here dummy? Of course I mean you. Cormac, it was you who I fought alongside when that Beheeyem came into the Expedition Society, and the way you protected me from it despite me knowing Sprout longer... that bravery meant a lot to me. So from that point on, I did everything to keep you safe. If it meant you were okay, and I could push on with you being the key factor in it, then I wouldn't even be where I am today."
"Espurr, I..." Cormac's eyes widened and an edge of a smile finally began to make its way on his face, touched by the comment.
"No thanks are necessary. You saved me when I needed it... now I saved you."
When this was said, now a full grin covered the Mudkip human's face, prompting to now be the one to burst her into a hug.
"O-oh um... you're welcome Cormac," she replied, blushing a bit from him being up close to him but smiling through the tears the pair of them had cried when talking.
"...You said no thank yous, but I'm saying one anyway, thank you Espurr. Truly... thank you."
"It's my pleasure."
The both of them smiled at each other, happy they both had each other's backs.
"Y'know Espurr..."
"Yes Cormac?"
"Did you want to join me when I make my way back to Lively Town? I-if it helps to avoid making you feel any less lonely than you feel in your home. I... could really use the company, especially from someone who knows me I guess more than the others do."
"If that's what you want, then I don't mind."
The human gleamed now, the gleaming night sky reflecting from his eyes. "You really mean that? What about how the others feel?"
"Cormac, I think I can say this on behalf on all of us here in the village - you need some companionship. You need some love and friendship. Your friends here - the other kids, Mr Carracosta, even Mr Nuzleaf who wanted to talk to you... we're all here for you. And you shouldn't forget that, no matter what, okay?"
"...I guess you're right, yeah," he smiled, attempting to get up but falling due to his injuries. "Grahhhhhh!"
"You're still injured you dummy!"
"Yeah... I know that," the human winced, flinching when his legs sprang from earlier bleeding.
Espurr stood silent for a moment, an idea popping into her head.
"I could heal it for you if you want."
"H-huh? What?"
"I'm a psychic type, you think I couldn't heal you?" she giggled in his head, before continuing. "I'm gonna perform a Heal Pulse on you, hold still..."
Obeying her command, Cormac stood still as she got her paws out in front of her, closing her eyes and concentrating on focusing her psychic energy on fixing his legs that he damaged from his initial frustration. Swirls of pink waves made their way over his legs slowly, and with this, he began to feel immediately more calm. Any pain that remained from where he had damaged it was slowly going away, making it feel lighter in comparison and himself feel better in turn. Sighing into the contact, he let his friend treat his injuries whilst she did her thing.
Looking up, he now instantly regretted what he was even initially thinking in the first place. The moon had reached a perfect spot behind the canopy of the leaves of the tree above, shining through like a spotlight that equally helped Espurr concentrate a lot easier with treating his wounds. Sitting still, he thought to himself about the worries of what it meant to be a human in a world that didn't really make any sense, or even if there were others like him from what Xerneas had gone on to tell him during the visit he made to look out upon the view of the Tree of Life that would go onto remind him of the hill he was standing on now.
"This is how you've been feeling Cormac?"
A sudden telepathic thought broke the silence between the two, making the Mudkip human jump from surprise, but regaining his composure, he nodded.
"I can feel your strong emotions over here. It's... uh... wow. I didn't know... you were overwhelmed so much like this. And you met... Xerneas? The Life Pokémon?"
Flinching, he felt awkward from the psychic type from digging up something he really had tried to keep secret to not make any of any of his friends worry and to keep it to himself for his own personal reasons. With her probing his mind like an open book, he felt there was now no point in hiding anything from her.
"...I guess there's no point in hiding it. Yeah, I did."
She only hummed in response, attending the leg injuries on the other side of his body after having been done with the first two.
"Xerneas for some reason sees something in me that even I don't realise. I don't know why, when I don't even consider myself special by any means."
"They probably see you as being a unique human coming to them for answers that even Sprout didn't have when he was being brave in what he was doing. I saw you evolve into a Swampert when we fought Yveltal, which was because of the Tree of Life if I remember correctly, so that makes you special you're able to do that due to your scarf. You also are still here in this world too Cormac. That's special in among itself, right?"
"...Not to me it doesn't I don't think."
"Don't say that!"
The human raised an eyebrow, confused by this sentiment.
"C'mon Espurr, I'm not that trustworthy or overall that overly important in the grand scheme of things, let's be honest."
Stopping what she was doing, Espurr looked like she was ready to chastise him for the berating, as if she didn't stop him from doing it beforehand. However, deciding against this for the sake of her friend's wellbeing, she chose to go with a different approach.
"Well if you think of yourself that way, how do you ever see yourself still being in the Expedition Society?"
"The Society? What does this have to do with them?"
"That was all Sprout could ever talk about even before you came to the village. As soon as Ampharos came with his poor sense of direction, I could tell his mind was made up and that what was he was hyper fixated on. His mischief would cause us no end of grief, but well..." she paused her thoughts, staring at the human in the eyes. "...you're different. You chose to be his friend, you chose to go with him and also wanted to protect us from those Beheeyem. You thought you wanted to protect us, so you left. It... did hurt seeing you leave like that, even if everyone else was supportive and Mr Nuzleaf was using you on the two times you went to Revelation Mountain. I missed you y'know."
"...Thank you Espurr again, but still," the human managed to say out loud switching to main conversation, looking up at a passing meteorite that flew past. "You're so quiet half the time it's hard to even tell what you want to say. I... well, I know you forgive me, but I still don't feel like I deserve your trust. I... could even imagine what it must've felt like when you heard me, Archen, Sprout and the three Legendary Beasts get turned to stone up there due to my... dumb mistake."
"It was tough, I'll admit, but it's not me that I'm worried about, it's you. You shouldn't blame yourself for something you yourself wiped Cormac, amnesia is amnesia."
"That's just it though - why did I do that? Why did I wipe away everything I ever knew? It's so hard to understand my past life's thought patterns as it feels like the me back then and the me now are two completely different people, even if we're the same person! Grahhh... it's so frustrating."
"...For what it's worth Cormac, regardless of who you are, or what you were like back then... the only Cormac I know is the one standing in front of me right now. I wouldn't have it any other way," she smiled, closing her eyes and going back to healing his legs.
"You mean that?" The Mudkip human spoke, a hint of reluctance in his voice.
Picking up on the unease, she calmly replied with as much reassurance as she could offer. "Of course."
Nodding, Cormac smiled and turned his attention back to looking at the wide open nature abyss that spiraled above the two of them.
The question she had just asked before wormed its way back into his mind. Why was he still at the Society in the first place?
Quietly, he began to speculate in his head whilst the last of his two legs were being healed up. He knew he wasn't doing this for Sprout anymore as he was the one that still remained, he was convinced of that. Despite this however, he reminisced on his best friend's departure. Sprout's last pleas still remained very much in his head, even though he broke the one promise of wanting to be remembered happy right then and there.
"So Cormac, do me one last favour - and don't you cry!"
The parting words he was left with made the human now consider just what it meant to be him. He had to figure it out for his sake - how to not only live on his own and find his own place in the world as to why he was still here, but also to get his friend back even if it was at the cost of all that he knew.
Maybe then... that's why he jumped.
Whenever advice was offered to him, he would often just reject it without a second thought. All he was ever used to was seeing the negatives of the world, considering all that he went through. He couldn't tell the difference between figuring out what life meant, let alone as to the answers he was seeking and what right or wrong was when the line between the two got blurred and indistinguishable. Sitting now on a hill with him being the only one member of the team, perhaps his friend was right.
He really did need some company to help come up with a better understanding of what to do and come up with a better answer to her original question.
Life he had learnt the hard way was not as easy as it made out to be, but even with all that was going on... he now knew there were people to surround himself with no matter what might be thrown his way.
Perhaps this wasn't too hard of a life to live after all.
"There Cormac, your legs should be better now."
The psychic type outstretched her paw, which the Mudkip human happily accepted with a foreleg. Testing to make sure he was able to better walk around, he no longer felt the need to wince, despite there being a hint of pain from where it hadn't healed fully on its own. To him though, with Espurr's help it made it more bearable to deal with and was more of an inconvenience that he was willing to let slide if it meant he was able to feel better.
"Thanks Espurr."
"Come on, you don't have to thank me for every single little thing I do now." She transmitted with a chuckle.
"Heh, my bad." Cormac responded in his head, before now openly laughing.
Espurr grinned, finally seeing what she was used to again - the smiling, happy form of the Pokémon she looked up to. The human noticed this as well, before sighing... with relief, instead of exasperation.
"I don't think I've laughed a lot since I still had Sprout with me by my side. It feels strange, now having someone else take his place for me until I... hopefully get him back."
"He's out there Cormac, I'm sure of it. He's not gone and we haven't forgotten about him. You're not the only Pokémon suffering from the heartbreak of his departure. Mr Carracosta... has been a completely different Pokémon, but I'm sure you know that when we saw you hugging him and you telling him the news. I can even feel your negative aura from here, even though you seem to be happier."
"Nothing completely goes in an instant I guess, I've been used to it."
"So have I."
The Mudkip faced her directly. "Because of what you told me via telepathy or from something else?"
She stared back, her signature look returning to her face but with a hint of a grin. "It's partly to do with that, but it's also due to how I can relate to you on both an emotional and spiritual level. It took me a long time to do a lot of these things, including perfecting my psychic abilities like telepathy. I can assume it took you a long time to get your feelings together when you first woke up with no memories in both situations you've been in."
"It did, but I... I really don't see what you're getting at. I still feel out of place standing here on this hill that's somehow signified my existence here. I-I... even remember it potentially relating to my name and what it means. What that all is supposed to mean I don't even want to think about."
"Come on Cormac, doesn't it make you realise?"
"Realise what?"
"Realise you are special."
"Not this again!" The human smirked, before nodding. "Well, maybe I guess I am. I still don't think so at any rate."
"Then you're special to me, how does that sound?" Espurr replied, giving a look of approval.
Bashfully, Cormac blushed a bit from the praise. "Uh... well okay, if you think of me that way, I think I can live with that."
"Who cares if your name holds meaning? A name is simply a name and I think it suits you if you asked me," she smiled, coming down to sit down next to him to look up the sky and the stars that stretched over the entire village.
Grinning back, he turned up to look up at the constellations that adorned the stratosphere.
"It's a beautiful night out here tonight..." the human thought to himself quietly. "I'm sorry I did that Sprout... I know you wouldn't want to see me do that ever again, would you? If I disappointed you, I... I hope you can forgive me. I hope you can forgive me for everything, ever since you left on this very spot. If your soul is out there, I wish for you to communicate back."
Espurr scooted over, turning her head to softly pat her friend on the back.
"That's a nice way to think about it."
"I guess you're right. I hope there is a way I could tell he's still out there Espurr."
"I'm sure there is... wait, look up!"
Turning his attention where she was pointing, shooting stars started appearing over the distant horizon. From the planet to getting nearly swallowed by the sun to this now, Cormac happily took the scenery in pure euphoria. It felt like a miracle.
His miracle and Sprout's miracle.
"You gonna make a wish?" Espurr questioned, pushing her head against his as they looked up.
"Yeah... I wish I can one day see you again Sprout. No matter how many days, months or years it's gonna take. I will not stop searching for you until I find out who I really am, why my Harmony Scarf still is around my chest and if there is any way it'll be possible to communicate with you. I may be talking with Xerneas right now, but trust me... I will never give up. Not now, when I realise... I have to be stronger... and less doubtful too. I wish I could do so more easily without any worries or regrets in my heart, and the pain your loss has caused me feels like a cataclysm I'll never recover from... but I will do my best. For you, and also for my other best friend, Espurr too."
"Cormac..." she smiled, an arm wrapping round his scarf.
"That's why I will see to it you return safe Sprout. No matter what happens. I miss you bud. I wish to have you back in my life for the world to go back to normal."
A shooting star flickered in the background, making the Mudkip human hope that was the signal that would finally make his pleas be heeded on. He didn't care how many times he did this - he wanted one thing and one thing only.
For all those that he cared about to never again feel the same pain he had gone through and endured all the way up until now.
"...Other best friend then huh?" The psychic type returned a heartfelt smile of appreciation, happy to hear any last remaining doubt for that night in that particular moment was finally squashed for good.
"Yeah. I mean that Espurr. Thank you for all that you've done to help me be who I am today."
"Same to you Cormac, same to you."
Both Pokémon smiled, staring together as a constellation began to form above them.
"Wait... isn't that...? Those look like us!"
Widening her eyes to where the human noticed, she saw how three figures seemed to appear in the sky, each of them now depicting members of the Kipsaurs. There stood Cormac in the middle, looking proud and having his Society badge proudly thrust in his hand whilst herself and Sprout surrounded him in cheer.
"Yeah, that does look like us... I guess even nature wants to be on your side."
"Very funny you doof."
She scoffed. "Now when did I give you permission to use my names for you back?"
"Since now," The Mudkip proudly proclaimed, sticking out a tongue in cheekiness.
"Wha- now you're no different from Sprout! Jerk!"
Giggling, they both sat up and appreciated the constellation. Giving the human an idea, he nudged Espurr to grab her attention.
"I've got an idea in mind I wanna ask you."
"Like this by chance?" She transmitted with a laugh.
"No not that," he laughed and then paused with effect.
"Well? We don't have all night you doof."
He scoffed, but not wanting to leave her hanging, he finally asked the question that had now given him the opportunity to combat exactly what he had been feeling.
"...You want to join the Kipsaurs?"
Underneath his scarf, he offered to her a badge with the Expedition Society's logo on it, smiling with a bit of worry in his eyes. Surprised, she took the badge into her paws and gave it a good look over.
"...Me? Join your team at the Society in Lively Town?"
"Y-yeah. That's why I'm offering you it... if you wanted to join me. I... do appreciate having you around. I missed you too."
She smiled. "Did you even have to ask? Of course I'd love to be accepted."
His eyes widened in surprise.
"Why are you giving me that look Cormac? I mean, I already just gave you my answer."
"Because I quite honestly thought you'd decline and you would only offer to just regularly visit me instead. N-not join my team straight up like that."
She sighed, but gave a reassuring happy look to him. "I'm now your best friend aren't I?"
The human stared blankly for a second, before he hit himself again in the fin. "Good Arceus I'm stupid sometimes..."
"Hey, no more hitting yourself. You're not gonna do that again on my watch, y'hear me? If I'm gonna now join you, I want you to be safe in the same way Sprout would want the same thing. And also trust me when I say this to you..."
Cormac stared blankly again, but slowly nodded for her to carry on.
"...I'm not going to betray you, and that's a promise. No buts. No ifs. I've got your back now Cormac, so if anything goes wrong, you know I'm on your side, same as everyone else."
"I..." Another tear would fall down the Mudkip's eye, but not because of sadness. Raising a leg, he dabbed his eye to realise it wasn't just the one - they were now all falling again.
"Gosh you dummy, you're soft. Come here."
Happy crying and smiling, he took his now best friend into his arms and hugged her with all his might, all the while the stars and constellations gleamed above the both of them. This would be the beginning of a new chapter for the both of them.
"...Thanks. Welcome to the team Espurr."
"Happy to be here, leader Cormac."
Both chuckling, they lied down to relax and slowly begin to close their eyes.
The night would continue with the two of them, now with the wind blowing over the both of their heads. For the human, he finally found someone who he could feel he could confide in without a second notice, even without the additional worries of talking to his fellow members from the Society, Lapras or the Life Pokémon themself, Xerneas. Maybe one day he could even see what they were talking about with Mew's whereabouts, if at all to check to see if he was any different from the one he knew those many years ago, but hey, a start was a start and that was something he didn't want to take for granted, now that things seemed to be going on the rise again.
Somehow, he would enact upon the promise he made now, here on the Hill with the Big Tree. Journey's beginnings and endings took place here, and now it seemed a new one was only slowly just starting for the newly joined member of the Kipsaurs. He was no longer lonely, and with someone who could help with soothing even the littlest doubts, any hurdle was no longer going to be a challenge to overcome. The distant past or the distant future, it was his to determine.
A far cry from how he had been earlier, he allowed himself to relax in the grass to soak in the company. He made himself one final promise on that night - he wouldn't betray Espurr either, if it meant she could still have the opportunity to do this with him. Friends helped make each other brave, and for her sake, that's the side he wanted her to see with all of his ached heart the most.
In the beginning, he thought he didn't have anyone to talk to and he would just end it all, making it easier to see his friend. If he could disappear, then the world would no longer need to have something like Harmony Scarves dictate its balance, with the village keeping his legacy as a memento. He could move on, to a better life or go and see his mother again if she was still around when he was taken from one world to the next, but now in the present day, he matured and he had grown. His journey changed him from the inside out, and having the chance to think for himself was something he would now cherish for as long as the world breathed.
His mother's words reverberated into his head.
"I love you my brave boy. Look after yourself dear."
Wanting to pass on this message from experience from one person he cared about to the other, he got Espurr's attention by nudging her. With one eye open, the psychic type lifted her head to look at him. Cormac decided to keep his closed, before grinning. He wanted to now tell her how much he cared, but as briefly as he could for her sake.
"Espurr, no matter what happens from this point on... I hope you'll be by my side... and me by yours."
She smiled, before giving her final answer into his head.
"Always."
A/N:
This is a companion piece to my other Super Mystery Dungeon fanfic - To Look Upon The Future, which as of this one-shot is still a work in progress. Rather than wanting to explain all necessary details within the same fic to avoid unnecessary padding and to not take away the attention of the main protagonist Cormac, I decided to separate this into a separate fic and give the character of Espurr some backstory when I inevitably introduce her into the fic when Cormac makes his return to Serene Village. I also wanted to give them some proper dialogue together that I don't think I would do normally with the single focus of making the main fic on the past and present when Cormac knew Mew as well as the focus of trying to add as many ideas as I can, but if this works out well and people don't mind this idea if they're willing to hop on board with it then I would be happy. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing something knew for a change in the third person as opposed to the first in the main fic.
With enough waffling, this is me signing off.
-Leah