"Sam?" My voice broke around his name like a sob. I scrambled to my feet and the shock of his sudden reappearance made my body forget momentarily that I was angry. I lurched forward, my arms instinctively raising to throw themselves around his shoulders and let him sweep me off of my feet in the well practiced routine we had performed so many times over the years. Instead I crossed them over my chest, freezing in place. My mind caught up with my body as hurt speared a gaping hole through my chest. I held myself tightly, pushing away the pain and covering it up with the only emotion I wanted to feel right now. Anger.

"Lee." He said, like the name was air and he had been suffocating for days. He looked awful. His long hair was sheared off, sticking out jaggedly from his skull in every direction. It was matted with mud and leaves like he had been sleeping on the ground in the woods. He had no shirt or shoes, just a pair of grey cut off sweatpants. I didn't understand how he wasn't shivering.

"Lee, I'm so sorry. Please believe me." Even with his dark complexion I could see black rings under both of his eyes. His face was the hardest to look at.. crumpled and broken, like a scared child. Small tears were running down his cheeks involuntarily. I couldn't remember the last time I had seen him cry, not even after his dad left for good. His obvious pain softened my resolve. I just wanted to understand.

"I would love to believe you Sam but you won't give me the chance. Tell me what the hell is going on, tell me where the hell you've been!" I yelled, my own involuntary tears overflowing now and running hot down my cheeks. He reached towards my face to wipe them away but I flinched away. His face twisted with another wave of pain.

"I can't." He whispered, looking down.

Pain exploded in my chest and I felt Emily wrap her arms around me. I had forgotten she was even there. I hid my face in her hair trying to pull myself together, to find the girl who swore she was done crying over Sam Uley.

And that's when it happened.

I felt Emily's body go rigid and looked up to see why, wiping my face with the back of my hand. She was staring right at Sam. I looked over to Sam and he was staring intensely back, all traces of his previous grief evaporated and replaced by… awe. You'd think he had been living in a cave his entire life, only just now being taken out into the world and shown the sky. He stared open mouthed at Emily like he had loved her for his entire life instead of me.

Confusion, hurt, anger, nausea all swirled around inside of me until all that was left was my most basic human instincts. I had one of two choices. Start throwing punches at everyone within reach… or turn and run away as fast as I could without ever looking back.

I turned and sprinted for my house. Emily cried out for me, at least I assume for me but I couldn't actually hear her. All I could hear was everything Sam wasn't saying, his deafening silence rang loudly in my ears like I had been standing too close to a firing gun. I was now collateral damage.

My only stroke of good luck in that horrible moment was that when I got home everyone was still in the backyard setting up. I grabbed my keys off the hook by the front door and ran to my car, diving into the driver's seat of my 1985 Honda Civic. I had no idea where I was going, all I knew was that I had to get far far away from here. I peeled out of the driveway, spraying gravel behind me.

I drove in the general direction of Forks planning to keep going until I could no longer safely continue. I passed Charlie as I went and realized guiltily that he must be on his way down for the birthday party I was now going to miss. He flashed me a confused look as he passed and I quickly hid my face so he couldn't tell I was sobbing. For a moment I worried he would turn around and pull me over to drag me back to La Push, but he must have known better to interfere with an upset teenage girl because he disappeared completely from my rear view window and stayed gone.

It wasn't long after that that I had to pull over into one of the many state parks that headed the expansive trail systems weaving through the thick forests surrounding Forks. The parking lot was small and empty and I was grateful to be alone with my thoughts so I could try and catch my breath.

What the hell had just happened? I couldn't even fully understand. All I knew was Sam came back and kicked the lungs right out of my chest. Ever since that moment on the beach I hadn't been able to catch a full breath. I was still gasping now, trying fruitlessly to get enough air into my hollow body.

It took a long time but I found my lungs and kept them filling steadily. It only worked if I focused exclusively on my breathing without allowing my thoughts to wander back to what had just happened. And then Sam's face, switching from grief to unabashed awe like someone had flipped a switch, would flash through my mind taking my breath away and forcing me to start the process all over again.

Once I managed to calm my hysterics I slowly pulled myself into the back seat, exhausted. I always kept a pillow and a blanket back there just in case for days when I wanted to ditch my free study period and take a nap. I knew I should call home and explain my selfish behavior but I wasn't ready to talk to anyone yet. I let my head fall heavily onto the pillow and pulled the soft heavy blanket up over my head. Sweet black oblivion cooed to me softly and I was asleep within seconds.

***I added more to this chapter because I felt it flowed better this way. chapter 10 will be Edward's POV. thanks again for the feedback it is very appreciated***