Leah:
When I woke up a little while later I texted Emily and told her to cover for me.
Already on it. Your mom is really pissed though.
I heaved a sigh. As guilty as I felt for acting like such an ungrateful brat I just couldn't bring myself to go back there yet. My mind drifted dangerously close to remembering why I didn't want to return and I decided I really needed a distraction if I wanted to avoid another panic attack. I slid back into the front seat and put the car into reverse, heading once again in the direction of Forks but this time with a location in mind.
Twenty minutes later I was sitting in my car outside of the Forks Thriftway with an overflowing grocery bag full of various seeds and oats when I had a great idea. I pulled out my phone and typed out a message to Edward.
Want to go feed ducks?
Before I could hit send I remembered that he had told me he had plans with his sister Alice today. I erased that message and started over.
You still busy?
I hit send pulling down the visor to inspect my appearance in the small mirror. The birthday eyeliner had backfired, smudging out wildly across my face like war paint. I grabbed the pack of makeup wipes Becca had left in my glove box last year and wiped the excess away. Unfortunately nothing could be done for the puffiness under my eyes. For a second I regretted texting Edward. I didn't want to explain why I was upset, the whole point of not going home was avoiding that train of thought. My phone lit up and I flipped it open.
No, we just got back. Are you still busy?
Well I guess it was too late to be indecisive now. I knew it would be nice to have his company so I just had to hope he wouldn't ask too many questions. I retyped my original message and shifted my car into reverse, pulling out of the parking lot and heading towards the pond where Charlie and I had relocated Momma Duck and her babies.
"So do you just have a penchant for ducks?" Edward teased playfully as he walked up to the bench where I was sitting with my bag of treats waiting for him. I was really glad he started out this way, all the awkward unsureness I had been feeling before melted away. I broke out in a wide grin and turned to greet him with a dorky wave.
"Beaks, webbed feet, cute little quack's. What's not to love?" I called back before standing up and collecting my heavy plastic bag. The handles drooped ominously and I worried they would snap so I adjusted to hold it from the bottom with both hands instead.
Edward eyed it with eyebrows raised as he drew closer. He was wearing a white button down with a black peacoat and dark wash jeans. He pulled his long slender hands out of his jacket pockets, reaching one out towards me in an offer to take the bag. I rolled my eyes and turned to walk towards the pond, bag still in hand. I heard him chuckle as he followed closely behind me. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up and small goosebumps trailed down my arms in response to his proximity. I headed straight for the spot along the edge of the pond with the high patch of cattails where I had seen Momma Duck and her babies retreat to last week.
I stopped and set down the sack, pulling out a can of peanuts and a can of dry oatmeal. I turned to hand the oatmeal to Edward and realized he was not still behind me but instead had stopped about 20 paces back.
"Well?" I asked, rattling the can. He eyed it wearily and I didn't understand his hesitation. Had he thought I was joking? Is 'feeding ducks' some kind of euphemism I hadn't heard about before? When I frowned he sighed and started forward, taking the can from me.
My rattling had piqued the interest of a few ducks circling hesitantly closer to where we stood. I took a slow half step forward and tossed a handful of peanuts onto the bank below. The ducks came greedily up out of the water, racing each other to have first pick of the scattered snacks. I tossed a few more handfuls with more direction this time in an effort to make it fair to them all. One smaller duck had a particularly feisty approach, running up and honking, flapping his stubby wings wildly at every other duck. I giggled repeatedly at his antics. I turned to Edward expectantly and his nervous expression had melted away, replaced by an indulgent smile. He opened his tube of oats and filled the palm of his hand before tossing them down to the ducks below. More had come flocking to our small section of bank now to see what the others were so excited about.
When the ducks all lurched forward wildly to accept his offerings his eyes widened in wonder and fascination. It instantly reminded me of the first time Seth had ever participated in the activity. "Have you ever fed ducks before? Like at the park when you were little? Most people use bread but my Dad told me that's actually not good for them."
He smiled at the ducks ruefully, tossing another handful. "I can honestly say I have no memories of ever doing this before."
I thought there was more to that statement that he wasn't including but I respected his privacy like, so far, he had respected mine.
We stood side by side tossing handfuls of food and then laughing at the ensuing chaos of the ducks below. When we got about halfway through the sack of goodies Edward spotted a big white duck with a trail of little puff balls following closely behind. He pointed them out to me, a wide grin across his perfect face, and I squealed enthusiastically. I reached down and pulled out two bags of walnuts, ripping them open with my teeth and handing one to Edward. When Momma and her babies hit the shoreline we simultaneously dumped the entire contents of both bags onto the bank. They excitedly collected their prizes with a chorus of happy thank you noises.
I plopped down in place and sighed contentedly, leaning back on my hands. The familiar action almost led my mind down the very path I had spent the last hour avoiding but I was saved when Edward folded himself gracefully to sit down beside me, matching my pose. He was so close our legs were touching ever so slightly and electricity hummed warmly over the side of me that was closest to him. We sat like that for a long time, enjoying the peace and the silence. Occasionally he or I would reach over and grab another offering out of the bag before sending its entirety over the edge and down onto the bank, igniting another round of happy quacks. When Edward dumped the last bag he collected our garbage and loaded it into the sack.
"So environmentally conscious, I like it." I said teasingly, even though it was true I did like that about him.
"I mean if you like that have you seen my car? I get close to thirty miles to the gallon." He boasted, gesturing to his Volvo and raising his eyebrows up and down twice. My body shook with another round of laughter. My cheeks were honestly starting to hurt from all the smiling.
He chuckled and cleared his throat. "So did you have a good birthday Leah?"
His question took me off guard. I waited for the memories, the pain, the sudden loss of the ability to breathe. None of it came. I thought back to the beach with Emily, with Sam. At that moment it didn't feel nearly as horrible as it had earlier. I smiled warmly at Edward, tears welling involuntarily in the corners of my eyes. These weren't tears of sadness. He looked confused but he smiled back at me anyway, unreadable emotion in his golden eyes.
"Yeah Edward I really did. So thank you for that." I said softly. I turned to look out at the lake and slowly slid my hand into his freezing cold one. He intertwined our fingers gently and I leaned against his hard body, laying my head on his arm and staring out at the setting sun.