This is the first fanfiction I've written for the Kingdom Hearts community.
It's loosely based on a certain F.R.I.E.N.D.S. episode which I thought was really funny and could easily fit into 358/2 Days timeline.
The characters may seem a bit OOC but like I said before, it's the first time I'm writing a KH fanfic.
Also, most of the inspiration for the characteristics is inspired by the Days manga.
All in all, I hope you enjoy!
Don't forget to R & R!
Disclaimer: I do not, and never will, own Kingdom Hearts or any associated Square Enix or Disney property.
In the Castle That Never Was (why it is named that is beyond the anyone's reach), way past what constituted as midnight in that realm, there was a young girl who went by the name of Xion (also know as No. i by a creepy scientist with very weird cheekbones) skulking around the kitchen.
Now ordinarily, this would not be so weird; after all the kitchens were practically open to any and all Nobodies that resided in the castle if they felt like freeloading off missions (which, to be honest, they did all the time).
What was weird was the way that young Xion was acting. She was practically twitching, shifty-eyed and she glanced furtively (suspiciously) around.
Honestly, you would think she was out to rob someone of all their munny or something.
Anyhow, Xion practically crawled around the kitchen until she reached her true destination: the fridge.
Once she was certain no one was around to see what she was doing, Xion quickly pulled open the fridge and grabbed a box, opened it, and started stuffing something in her mouth.
"Oh my hearts, so good~!" she moaned aloud.
So absorbed was she in eating her contraband, that she didn't see nor hear the danger until it was too late.
Click!
"XION?!"
Xion froze in horror and mortification as she turned around to meet the eyes of—
Now, wait, hold on.
You might be wondering how on earth did we get to this situation in the first place. After all, who could imagine sweet, innocent Xion sneaking around to steal food from the kitchen?
Well, maybe it's best if I tell you the complete story. See, it all started a couple of days ago when Xion walked in on Demyx slacking off for the nth time (no surprise there)...
Xion had just reported back from one of her usual missions (that is, swatting Heartless like they were mosquitoes, which some of them might have actually been). She was feeling a bit hungry after the workout, so, instead of eating ice cream with Axel and Roxas like she normally did, she decided to drop in to the kitchen for a bite.
It was a little early in the day, so she wasn't expecting anyone to actually be in the kitchen.
Lo, and behold as she came across—
"Demyx?" Xion blinked. It was, indeed, Demyx casually lounging in the kitchen shoveling food down his mouth like he had nothing better to do (except he did, and he was too lazy to do them). "Aren't you supposed to be on a mission right now?"
Demyx swallowed, and replied, "Oh, hey, Xion. Yeah, I had a mission and I aced it a while ago. I'm just taking a snack break before I report in to Saïx."
In other words, he was avoiding having to talk to Saïx for likely slacking off on his mission, and probably submitting an extremely poor mission report about what he did.
Xion sweatdropped, "O...kay...," she shook her head, "I'm hungry, is there anything good to eat here?" she asked Demyx.
Demyx swallowed another bite of food, "Yeah, you can try this!" He held up a fork of food, "It's really good cheesecake, you've gotta taste this!" Oh, so that's what he was eating.
"Demyx, you took a bite out of that cheesecake, I'm not eating it." Xion refused. Besides, what if it tasted bad? Axel never bothered to buying cheesecake for Roxas and her, so it couldn't be that good, could it?
"C'mon, try a bite!" Damyx crooned—and proceeded to shove an entire spoonful of cake into Xion's mouth.
"Hmmph! (Demyx!)" Xion choked as she desperately swallowed the bite of cheesecake.
Then the flavor hit her. "Oh. My. HEARTS!"
The flavor...how could she even begin to describe it?
It was so sweet and creamy, with just the right amount of fluffiness and rich flavor of cream cheese. The crust was so crumbly, the cake just melted in her mouth.
It was even better than sea-salt ice cream! (Not that she'd ever tell Axel and Roxas that, they could never handle hearing that.)
(Well, maybe Axel would.)
(Roxas couldn't.)
In other word..."Oh my hearts~!"
"This is amazing, where did you find this cake?" Xion asked as she reached out for a second bite. If the cheesecake was this good, then she had to buy it for Axel and Roxas to try it next time...!
Demyx shrugged. "Dunno."
Xion's hand froze midway to her mouth. "Heh?"
"Found it in the fridge, it was stuffed in a box, practically begging to be opened."
Wait, was he saying what she thought he was saying...?!
"Demyx...are you telling me you stole someone's cheescake?! And not just anybody, but someone in this very Organization?!"
"Okay, first of all, stealing is bit of an exaggeration; this is an Organization, we practically share everything! Second of all...it's not stealing if no one knows we ate the evidence." Demyx, having finished educating Xion in his weekly quota of thieving wisdom, proceeded to take another bite of cheesecake and chew very loudly. "Also, it's too delicious and too late to give it back."
"But Demyx...!" Xion protested, albeit weakly, "What if you took this cheesecake from someone who really needs it? And that person will get really mad when they find out we ate their cheesecake?"
Demyx shoved another slice of cake into his mouth, chewed, swallowed and said:
"Look, Xion, whoever placed the cheesecake in the fridge knew what they were doing. If they wanted to safeguard the cake, they should have placed it in a tightly sealed, magic proof box, and not some old dingy fridge with a flimsy lock that even the Dusks could pick open."
"Think of it this way, we're doing the guy a favor. Next time they order the cake, they'll know better than to leave it out in the open where Nobodies could just waltz in and steal it."
"Besides, who knows who even ordered this cheesecake? Probably not the boss," here, they both shuddered at the mere idea of the Superior eating sweets, "Or Saïx, but Xaldin? Luxord? Axel? Can you imagine them picking a fight over cheesecake? No way, dude, the moon is more likely to be infected before that happens."
"Now sit down and enjoy the cake before I eat it all."
Xion would have—should have—tried to counter the admittedly weak logic of Demyx.
But unfortunately at that point, she was too busy shamefully eating the rest of the cheesecake to pay attention, a task Demyx happily joined her in.
And that would have been the end of Xion and Demyx's little escapade into the realm of sweet cheesecake delight.
...if it weren't for the fact that exactly one week later, Xion dropped into the kitchen for a water break only to discover Demyx once again sitting in front of an opened box of cheesecake.
"Is that the same cheesecake from last time?!" Xion all but screamed out.
Demyx gave her a deadpan look of disbelief. "...Xion, we finished that whole cake one week ago. Remember?"
Xion flushed. "Right." Then she paused. "But wait, then where did you get that cake?"
Demyx shrugged. "Same place as last time—straight from the fridge." He turned around to grab a fork from the drawers, thereby missing the look of consternation and horror flash across Xion's face.
"Demyx, you stole the cheesecake again?!"
"I prefer to use the term "borrowed without permission."" Demyx corrected. "But yeah."
Xion gasped. "I can't believe you!" She gestured towards the cake. "I know you're lazy and all but I expected better from you! You're a member of the Organization! We have principles we have to live up to!"
"What principles? We corrupt people to fall to darkness and steal their hearts." Demyx deadpanned. Then he smiled. "Chillax, Xion, I wasn't gonna cut you out the cheesecake. It's kinda our thing now, and I wouldn't cut a friend out of a shared activity."
Xion froze. "...friend? We're friends?"
"Yep. And a friend of mine always gets the first bite of cheesecake," said Demyx as he offered her a slice of cheesecake.
Which was big. And covered with strawberries.
And had drips of caramel sauce on top.
And were those candied nuts?
And with that, any resolve Xion had to morally discipline Demyx immediately crumpled along with the first bite of cheesecake in her mouth. "Oh my hearts, so good~!"
Demyx gave himself a mental pat of the back for successfully manipulating the poor unsuspecting girl into covering up his evil scheme.
Xion swore that no matter how good of "friends" she and Demyx became, there was no way they would share cheesecake again. It was just asking for too much trouble, and she already had an awful lot of sugar rushes just from eating ice cream alone. "No more," she promised herself.
That promise would be sorely tested one week later, when she once again stumbled across Demyx sitting with with yet another box of cheesecake, only this time, the box had yet to be opened.
"No."
"Oh come on, I haven't even opened it yet."
"No!" Xion all but shrieked. "I swore, no more cheesecake, it's becoming a problem!"
"You're exaggerating," Demyx said dismissively, "you've only eaten cheesecake twice."
"And twice is enough!" Xion declared. "Because I don't want to eat anymore. It's not even that good. Sea-salt ice cream is way better! It's salty and sweet. And cheesecake is just sweet and fluffy and sweet and creamy...and sweet...and tastes better than...sea-salt ice cream..." Xion trailed off with a dazed look in her eyes and some drool in her mouth.
"...Should I get some of my Dancers to grab some napkins for you?"
"That's not the point!" Xion flushed again. For a Nobody, she sure was easy to rile up, in Demyx's (not-so) humble opinion. "I am not going to eat cheesecake that was stolen from the fridge anymore!" she huffed.
GURGLE!
"..."
"..."
"...yeah, I don't think your stomach agrees."
"That wasn't me, that was you!" Xion denied indignantly.
"Okay, Xion. " Demyx snorted; he may have have been an lazy idiot but he wasn't stupid.
Upset, Xion furiously stated, "I'm gonna go have ice cream with Axel and Roxas!"
She all but ran into the Dark Corridor that conveniently popped out behind her, and emerged from the portal to see her best friends sitting on the Clock Tower as usual.
Roxas waved. "Hey, Xion, you're just in time, Axel was just about to buy us some ice crea—"
"I WANT CHEESECAKE FLAVORED ICE CREAM!" Xion blurted out.
Roxas stared.
Axel stared.
Xion stared. Then she clamped her hands over mouth and made a weird sound that resembled the whistle of a teapot.
Axel blinked. "...Xion, are you oka—?"
"I"M FINE! !" Xion screamed. "TOTALLY FINE! ! !"
"...you don't seem fine—"
"I'm gonna go take a nap."
And with that, Xion dashed away into another Dark Corridor that conveniently appeared right behind her, and thus away from the clock tower and from her friends.
A bewildered Axel turned around to glance at Roxas, "...what was the heck was that about?"
Roxas shrugged.
Xion couldn't stop thinking about the cheesecake.
She tried, really, she did! But no matter what she did, she could not stop thinking about cheesecake at all.
She kept thinking about it on her missions while she was destroying the Heartless.
She kept thinking about it in her dreams about going to the beach with her old(?) new(?) friends.
She kept thinking about it while she was eating her third bar of ice cream of the day (all while she ignoring Roxas and Axel's looks of concern).
She even kept thinking about it while Xemnas was droning on about the completion of Kingdom Hearts which everyone else (except for Saïx) slept through.
Finally, she caved.
No, she didn't steal the cheesecake from the fridge like Demyx did, she was way better than that.
(Seriously, thought, who buys cheesecake and puts it in a fridge that kept getting robbed each and every time the cake showed up?)
(Are they trying to tempt Xion?)
No, Xion simply used her own munny to find the closest bakery she could find in Twilight Town, and bought a box of their finest cheesecake.
She waited until after everyone else had left for their mission (including Saïx, who honestly needed to get out more, it was no wonder he was so mean and grumpy all the time), and snuck back in the kitchen to keep the cheesecake cool in the fridge until midnight.
It was a good plan. And it was a great cheesecake Xion enjoyed eating.
There was one problem:
She didn't tell Demyx.
Which brings us back to where we last saw Xion in the beginning of the tale, eating cheesecake, all the while letting out a few, "Oh my hearts, so good~!"
Thus, so absorbed was she in eating her beloved cheesecake, that she did not see nor hear the danger until—
Click!
"XION?!"
Xion froze in horror and mortification as she turned around to meet the eyes of—
"Are you eating cheesecake without me?!" an indignant Demyx accused.
A guilty Xion shook her head frantically. "Mm-mm!"
Demyx squinted. "I'll buy you ice cream for a week if you whistle right now!"
Considering how Xion was about to swear off sea-salt ice cream as her most favorite food (not that Nobodies could actually have favorite foods in the first place), and replace it with cheesecake, it was a miracle that Xion actually tried to perk up her lips and whistle. (Not that she actually knew how to whistle anyway.)
She ended up spitting up some very telling pieces of graham cracker crust.
"I knew it!" Demyx wailed. "I knew it, but I thought no, Xion was too pure to actually do this. It was a lie!" He jabbed a finger at her.
"How could you do this to me, Xion?!" Demyx cried dramatically. "I thought we had a thing! A sacred oath of friendship! How could you go behind my back?"
Xion's guilt built up even more. "Sorry, Demyx, I just...the cheesecake was just too good!" She stuffed some more cheesecake in her mouth, which was the wrong move to make in front of Demyx at the moment.
Because for someone who was as cowardly and lazy as Demyx, the fact that he could actually be as angry as he was then (for a Nobody, at least) was a miraculous feat.
Things were about to go down.
"No excuses!" Demyx snarled. "I found the cheesecake. I had it first. And now," Demyx leaned over and yanked the box (still filled with half-eaten cheesecake) from Xion's hands, "I'M TAKING IT BACK!"
"NO! ! !"
Later, Xion would blame her desperation for cheesecake and Demyx's attempt to steal it from her for what she did next: she summoned her keyblade and tried to attack Demyx. Instead of running away, like she had expected, Demyx promptly summoned his sitar ("Dance, water, dance!") and fought back.
The ensuing battle was rather short (and wet, thank you, water clones), and at some point, they ended up leaving the kitchen and fought their way into the Hall of Empty Melodies. (Luckily, no one else was around at the time; it would have been embarrassing to explain what was going on.)
Naturally, Xion emerged the victor. She was number XIV for a reason.
Demyx, however, was one stubborn bastard; he refused to let go of "his" cheesecake. He clung to it like it was his baby.
Or his Arpeggio, which was still in his hands. And speaking of which, Demyx attempted to use his sitar to bargain with Xion. "Split the cake in half, and I won't splash you!"
Xion, however, did not buy his weak bluff.
She would not be deceived.
She was going to get that cake back and there was no way she was sharing it with the likes of Demyx.
"Gimme back my cake!" Xion lunged at Demyx, knocking the sitar out of his hand and over the stairs.
...along with the box that still filled with half-eaten cheesecake.
"NOOOOOO! ! ! !"
Xion and Demyx both screamed in horror as they watched their beloved cheesecake fall down,
down,
down,
until it landed on the ground with a very quiet yet audible splat!
"..."
"..."
There was a moment of silence before Xion and Demyx both turned to gaze first at each other, then at the ruined cheesecake, and back at each other before Demyx summoned a Dark Corridor that lead straight to the kitchen to grab some forks, with Xion right at his heels.
Xigbar stretched his arms out and yawned. Man, that was such a boring mission. Couldn't Saïx have given him a better challenge? It's like he wants to bore Xigbar to death with puny tasks.
As if. He was made of way tougher stuff than that. If he was going to die, it was going to be because of paperwork and nothing more.
"...Hey, don't grab my piece!"
Xigbar perked up. Were those voices coming from the Hall of Empty Melodies? (Seriously, what was the old man thinking with all those names?)
Curious, Xigbar followed the voices, which grew louder as he grew closer.
"Your piece? That was my piece!" snarked Xion.
"It's on my side, so it's clearly my piece! Stay on your side, Xion!" Demyx snapped.
He and Xion were currently crouching over the floor, holding forks that were poking at the remains of what was once a delicious cheesecake.
"Says the one stealing my piece. Take your own advice!"
"Don't make me splash you...!"
Demyx's voice trailed off as he became aware of his and Xion's new audience.
There was a painfully long period of silence as Demyx and Xion stared at Xigbar, who just stared right back at them with his one good eye.
Then he grinned and took out his own fork.
"...You guys didn't think to invite old Xigbar for a bite? As if."
Sometime later that night, with Kingdom Hearts shining down on The Castle That Never Was (not that it had anything better to do), a mysterious cloaked figure carefully crept down the hallways with quiet but purposeful strides.
He had planned this for a long time, down to the very fine details. He could not take afford any set backs, and had pulled all the stops to ensure everything went smoothly.
Perhaps he was being too cautious bordering on paranoid (it was certainly overkill to station some of his Beserkers to watch guard), but he could always claim he was merely being extra vigilant for the night on their Superior's orders.
After all, no one was crazy and stupid enough to actually question the Superior himself.
Unless you were Xigbar. (Or Demyx, but the world would end itself before that happened.)
But there was no way he could allow anyone to see him like this; it would ruin the reputation that he had carefully cultivated over the years spent as the second in command of the Organization.
Finally, he smirked to himself as he reached his destination.
He pulled open the fridge and reached for the package inside, which he then carefully opened, ensuring no damage occurred to his coveted prize.
At long last, he finally...!
Saix smiled...
...and then frowned as he gazed into the box that he spent so much of his rationed munny to buy.
Which was empty.
Again.
Saïx slammed the fridge's door shut and growled to himself.
This was getting ridiculous.
Who kept stealing his cheesecake?!