He would be lying if he told anyone that he had a great day at school today. He would be lying if he told anyone that Mellowbrook Elementary was one of his favorite places to go to. He would even be lying if he told anyone that he would prefer going to school rather than perform a death-defying stunt or two at Dead Man's Drop, or even at Widowmaker's Peak.
And yet, Kick Buttowski, suburban daredevil of Mellowbrook, was stuck in class, listening to a certain Kendall Perkin's exceptionally boring report on the history of paper clips that was happening right now on a Friday afternoon.
Kick's not alone though. He noticed that everyone in the classroom was having trouble paying attention to Kendall's boring report, even Kendall's boyfriend, Ronaldo, was having trouble listening to her. It was that painfully boring, and Kick couldn't figure out which one's worst; the history of paper clips itself, or the way Kendall presented her report.
It's probably the latter. Kick thought.
It was a shame that he's stuck in school. He heard that the weather today was exceptionally lovely, and rumor has it that a new skatepark has just opened up in Mellowbrook with state-of-the-art ramps, half-pipes, full-pipes, handrails, ledges, funboxes, you name it. Basically, it was a park fit for a daredevil, and Kick was dying to go to that skatepark and try out that new 186 ft half-pipe only experienced daredevils can ride on and get away with little to no injuries whatsoever.
To pass the time, and to keep his sanity in check, Kick pulled out his notebook, and made some small doodles. Some were related to his love for stunts, while some were just random nonsense.
A chance to ride on that half-pipe sounds pretty awesome right about now. Kick thought, thinking about how awesome it would be to go at that skatepark right about now, so much so that he failed to pay any attention to what he was currently drawing.
"I didn't know you were into Ancient Egypt," a depressing-sounding male voice snapped Kick out of his daydream. Not daring to make a sound loud enough to interrupt Kendall's precious report, Kick quietly turned to the owner of that depressing voice.
It was Emo Kid, and he had a small, genuine smile on his face, as if something caught his interest. Turning to where Emo Kid was looking at, Kick found his answer; it was a small doodle of himself, dressed in a white shendyt* with golden sandals, and a golden crown helmet with a crimson red stripe in the middle and a serpent attached to the front, riding down the Great Pyramid of Giza on what appeared to be a magnificent skateboard made out of gold.
"Oh, that?" He whispered to Emo Kid, keeping his voice low to avoid getting unwanted attention. He was surprised that he even made that doodle, albeit subconsciously. "We just got started learning about Ancient Egypt in History class yesterday. Don't you remember?"
"I was sick with a cold." Emo Kid replied in a low voice.
How could Kick forget? Emo Kid was the only kid in class who was absent yesterday… which happened to be the same day they played a long game of Brutal Dodgeball at Gym class.
Emo Kid got a closer look at Kick's Egyptian-themed doodle, paying very close attention to the tiny Egyptian version of Kick. "It just might be pure coincidence, but you kinda looked like Kickankhamun."
Kick glanced at Kendall who droned on and on about her report, much to the agony of her classmates, then turned his attention back to Emo Kid, deciding to take the risk. "Who's Kickankhamun?" he asked.
Emo Kid pulled out a huge black book from his backpack, and flipped through the pages until he found what he was looking for; it was a page dedicated to some of the many Ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs that have been written down by the author of the book. Amongst the many hieroglyphs on the page was a giant Kick… actually an Egyptian look-a-like of Kick who looked just like the one from Kick's doodle. He's even holding that same golden skateboard. The resemblance was uncanny. Emo Kid was right; he does look a lot like Kickankhamun, right down to not having a nose.
Emo Kid began to explain, in a low voice nevertheless. "He was a young pharaoh of Ancient Egypt dating back over 3000 years ago. He inherited the throne when he was only 7 years old, despite having an older brother, Brakhenaten."
"How come Brakhenaten didn't inherit the throne despite being born first? There has to be a reason for it." Somehow, Kick had a feeling that Brakhenaten sounded very familiar.
"And why does he remind me of Brad?" another voice asked, startling both Kick and Emo Kid. They turned around to see Kick's best friend, Gunther seated just behind Kick, resting one elbow on his desk. It seemed that Gunther has taken an interest in Emo Kid's little history lecture.
Emo Kid turned the page, and Kick and Gunther saw an Egyptian look-a-like of his older brother, Brad, wearing only a large, ill-fitted, gray tunic, and covered with lots of gold jewelry. They saw several more hieroglyphs that depicted various women running away from Brakhenaten, and behind him was an angry crowd throwing tomatoes, pitchforks, and even stones at him.
"Well, for one, Brakhenaten was very infamous throughout Egyptian history for being a spoiled and lazy narcissist. He preferred flirting with women and having parties to actually learning how to be a great ruler, and that didn't really sit well with the people of Egypt. They wanted a competent ruler to protect them in case war broke out, so, to the surprise of no one, Queen Honetiti decided to give the throne to Kickankhamun instead, believing that he would be more responsible and deserving of becoming a pharaoh than Brakhenaten would ever be."
"Well that makes perfect sense." Kick couldn't help but picture Brakhenaten unsuccessfully flirting with various women and going "Yeah, Brakhenaten!" in the same manner as Brad.
"Now, as for Kickankhamun," Emo Kid continued, going back to the page that have Kickankhamun on it. "He was well known for his love of adventures and stunts, and hated the boring responsibilities that came with being a pharaoh."
"Sounds like you two have a lot in common," Gunther joked with a smirk, nudging Kick. "You both love stunts, and you both hate boring work."
Kick smiled. Now he was glad to have taken the chance to talk to Emo Kid about Kickankhamun.
Emo Kid continued, "But despite his hatred for the boring stuff, Kickankhamun was a much better candidate to rule Egypt than Brakhenaten, for he was able to make things work as pharaoh of Egypt without having to sacrifice his love for stunts."
"He sounds like a pretty awesome ruler to me." Kick replied. "I bet he had a long, prosperous life ruling Egypt with his awesomeness."
Emo Kid cringed at that last part; having a terrible feeling about what's to come. "About that… he only managed to rule for about 3 years before he mysteriously died at the age of 10."
"Oh no," Kick couldn't believe what he had just heard. Kickankhamun dead? That can't be true. It just can't be. Fearing for the worst, he asked, "How did he die?"
"Excuse me, am I interrupting something?" A bossy female came from the front of the classroom, preventing Emo Kid from continuing any further. Kick, Gunther, and Emo Kid shot around to see Kendall who looked like she was about to murder the three boys any minute now for daring to ruin her report.
"Kendall, glad you could join in on our little conversation," Kick hissed sarcastically. How dare she prevent Emo Kid from telling him how Kickankhamun died. "Not that you were invited."
"Oooooo." the class jeered, becoming more interested in a verbal showdown between her and Kick, than listening to her boring report.
"I'm sorry, but was my report on the history of paper clips that boring to you that you felt the need to disrupt the class, Clarence?" Kendall asked again, hands on her hips, her snobby behavior mirroring that of a typical Karen.
"Oooooo." the class was now wondering how Kick would respond to that?
Luckily, Kick shot back with, "Well it's not my fault that you always picked the most boring topics." He could tell just by looking at her that Kendall was trying very hard not to strangle Kick in front of the entire class.
"Oooooo." That was a sick burn.
The teacher, Ms. Fitzpatrick interfered just in time to prevent Kendall from instinctively lunging at Kick. "Thank you for your, er, lovely report on the history of paper clips, Ms. Perkins but I'm afraid we've nearly reached the end of the school day, so if you could leave your report on my desk before you go, that would be great."
And thank god I still have my sanity left. She thought to herself.
"Yes, Ms. Fitzpatrick." Kendall replied, sounding pretty chipper for someone who just earlier was out for Kick's blood. With a smile on her face, Kendall placed her report on Ms. Fitzpatrick's desk, and as she walked to Kick's direction to her desk located in front of his, still keeping that smile, she gave Kick a contemptuous look, enough to make the daredevil sweat a little, and whispered in his ears so that no one could hear her, "You're going to pay for this, Clarence."
And before Kick could have a chance to respond, "Mr. Buttowski. Please see me after class." Ms. Fitzpatrick told him. "It's about your report from yesterday."
Kick sighed, not looking forward to it. "Aw biscuits."
Ms. Fitzpatrick cleared her throat, loud enough to get her students' attention. "As you all know, we will all be going on a one-week field trip to Egypt tomorrow. From there, we will learn all about life in Ancient Egypt, and try to find some lost artifacts dating back over 3000 years ago."
The class mumbled amongst themselves; most of them excited to go.
"And one more thing," Ms. Fitzpatrick spoke again. "Before you go, please pick up a permission slip from my desk, and have your parents or guardian sign it so that it will be collected tomorrow morning. Class dismissed."
The bell rang, signifying the end of the school day as students grabbed their stuff and their permission slips, and rushed out of the class with Kick having to stay behind. He stood in front of Ms. Fitzpatrick's desk as she slid Kick's report, a 56 written on it in red ink.
"A fifty-six?" Kick gasped, sweating nervously. "Gee, a few more of these, and you probably would have to send me back to 4th grade. Guess I'm not really cut out to be in 7th grade with the big kids."
Ms. Fitzpatrick, sensing something off about Kick's response, wasn't convinced. "Mr. Buttowski, it's pretty obvious to me since day one that you're trying to get yourself kicked out of my class. And as your teacher, I'm not going to let you do that."
She skimmed through Kick's report. "The toxicity of beauty pageants. Very interesting topic to do a report on. Much better than the history of paper clips. What gave you that idea?"
"Some stupid show called "Toddlers & Tiaras"." Kick answered nonchalantly.
And having a spoiled little sister dedicating her entire life to beauty pageants. He added mentally.
"Mmm-hmm," Ms. Fitzpatrick looked at Kick straight in the eyes. "Mr. Buttowski, I know that you're a very bright and creative kid, so much so that it baffles not just me, but every single teacher at school that you would use your brilliant mind for your stunts, don't think I've noticed how good you really are with math, yet you always prefer to put the bare minimum onto your schoolwork, sometimes even less than that."
Kick nervously looked away as Ms. Fitzpatrick continued. "I'm going to give you another chance to redo your assignment. I want you to write a report on King Kickankhamun."
"Wait, what?" Kick was taken aback at the topic his teacher had given to him.
Ms. Fitzpatrick let out a sly smile as she handed Kick the permission slip. "I heard your little chat with Emo Kid about the boy king of Egypt earlier. Far more interesting than the history of paper clips if you asked me, so I figured that it would be the perfect topic for you to do a report on. You can go now."
Taking his leave, the small daredevil walked out of the classroom where he saw Gunther, and Emo Kid waiting for him at his locker.
"Sorry for getting you in trouble." Emo Kid apologized to him.
"It's not your fault, Emo Kid," Kick reassured the 7th grade emo, letting out a sheepish smile as he opened his locker to put his books away. "I just got a little too invested in Kickankhamun, that's all."
He opened his notebook, and turned to where he drew his Egyptian-themed doodle. "I wish I could find out how Kickankhamun died at such a young age."
"Well you can always go to the library for starters, Clarence." Kendall's snobbish voice butted into the conversation as she approached Kick. None of the boys looked happy to see her. "I heard that you have to do a report on King Kickankhamun to make up for your lackluster report from yesterday, not that you would find anything interesting about his death."
She wrapped her arm around Kick, catching the small daredevil off-guard. She let out an arrogant smile, the kind that Kick absolutely hated. "But don't worry, Clarence. Since I'm not such a bad guy, I can help you with your report, and get that A+ if you like."
Kick pulled away from her, not really interested in her offer, if he could call it that. "Thanks but no thanks. I'd rather get a B- and have my report actually be worth listening to, then get an A+ and have it be boring like yours."
"Whatever." Kendall gave Kick that contemptuous look again. "You better not ruin this trip, Clarence because unlike you, I actually want to learn a lot of very important things about Ancient Egypt while we're there, and if you so much as to pull even one stupid stunt of yours…"
She aggressively grabbed Kick by the collar, lifting him off the floor due to his small size, and forcing him to look at her straight in the eyes; her murderous eyes. "I'll make you wish you were never born!"
Dropping a dazed and confused Kick onto the floor rather harshly, Kendall took her leave, and walked out of the building.
Gunther, and Emo Kid helped Kick back up on his feet. Despite his name, Emo Kid could not help but feel anger toward the snobby class president. "What's up with her?" Emo Kid commented.
"One of these days, Kendall is going to change her tune." Kick brushed some dust off of his outfit before grabbing his backpack. "One of these days."
"So, see you guys tomorrow?" Gunther finally spoke.
Kick turned to Gunther and Emo Kid, giving them thumbs ups, as the three of them walked outside. "Report or no report, I wouldn't miss this trip for the world."
"Wait!" Emo Kid unzipped his backpack, and pulled out his black book on Ancient Egypt. He handed it to Kick.
Kick looked confused. "Your book! Emo Kid, I-"
He tried to give the book back to Emo Kid, but Emo Kid stopped him. "Take it, Kick. You might need it for your report. Trust me."
Kick couldn't help but feel grateful for Emo Kid. "Thanks, Emo Kid."
After safely putting Emo Kid's book inside his backpack, Kick hopped onto his skateboard, and quickly headed home to get a head start on his report.
Author's Notes:
So a few years ago, I used to have an active account going by the username "SariSpy56", where I used to post so many fanfics from many different fandoms there, including Kick Buttowski. Nowadays, due to me not being able to post new stories there for some weird reason where I have to make a second account for it (that used to be called "SariSpy56 Returns", then it got changed to "canadian-fan-of-dangermouse" before finally changing it to "RespectSquirtlesAuthoritah"), I stopped having interest in continuing to use for some time, even going so far as to delete all of my fanfics from that account.
Now, looking back at one of my very first Kick Buttowski fanfics I wrote back in 2011 called "Curse of the Mummy", and revisiting the animated series again after so long, I've decided to do a complete rewrite on that particular fanfic while bringing in some elements from its sequel "The Mummy".
So, for those who have known me for a long time, I hope you enjoy my long-overdue rewrite of (technically) my first Kick Buttowski fanfic.
As for the ancient Egyptian names, Kickankhamun is a combination of Kick and Tutankhamun, Brakhenaten is a combination of Brad and Ankhenaten, and Honetiti is a combination of Honey and Nefertiti. Just thought I throw that little info here.
Oh, before I forget, taking the kids' ages into account (especially Kick's) from the Kick Buttowski wiki, I had a headcanon that Kick is actually a genius who, with interference from his teachers and his parents, skipped 3 grades (he was originally in 4th grade, but got sent to 7th grade with the other kids), and HATED the pressure of having to meeting everyone's high expectations of him, so he does everything he can to destroy that fake illusion of him and go back to 4th grade. Hope I explained it clearly to those who were confused in certain parts of this chapter.
It's also up on A03 for those interested.
Until next time, stay safe and see ya next time.