Authors Note: I apologize for this chapter being shorter than the last few, I also deeply appreciate the support everyone has given, the reviews especially are most appreciated. I hope you enjoy and I will try my best to write this story to completion.
Sure enough when the next day came about, Lynn had been discharged from the hospital with a bill of mostly clean health. One thing she realized pretty fast was that already her family was pretty insistent on helping her out more thoroughly, Lynn juniors legs felt far better than they did the day before, while they still hurt she just tolerated it. The auburn-haired girl took notice of the special treatment she was getting when she received the best seat in the family van, dubbed Vanzilla. It used to be a literal large scale brawl between the many siblings to get said best seat, although it was slightly better now that the oldest 2 members of the Loud family had gotten their own cars.
Things at home were not much different for Lynn, if she wanted something, someone would bring it for her before she even had a chance to really move. Right now the aspiring sports star found herself in an even more unusual position, or rather one she was not used to.
Right now Lynn was sat by her bed, her half of the room she shared with another member in their family had a lot more sports related memorabilia decorating the walls, as well as photographs taken of the last decade of the sporty Loud's history in playing sports.
Although Lynn was not alone, sat behind her was an older woman with long blonde hair that ran down her back. She was wearing a baby blue vest on top of a white dress, a pair of white sunglasses hanging from her shirt. She was Leni Loud, the 2nd oldest child of the Loud household, she had moved out a year and a half ago however, Leni was never the smartest, far from it actually, she once was an aspiring fashion designer, she had finally achieved that dream 2 years ago. It was out of pure luck though, Lori needed a new dress for an anniversary date with her boyfriend, Leni loaned out a new one she had just finished, and while out on said date a big fashion icon had their eye drawn to the dress and things went from there.
Leni spent a year basically working her hands away for all sorts of designs, travelling to fashion shows in several different states, now she owned her own clothing store that doubled as her home, everyone in the family was happy for the blonde young woman, though it did take a while for the family to adjust to rather surprising change.
Leni currently was brushing Lynn's hair, having helped clean it up and offered to do it to help make her younger sister feel better after she got the bandaging off. Lynn never liked having her hair down, it was long and ran just past her shoulders in length, it made her look completely different, but she couldn't turn down the hair-care offer, Lynn felt like she really needed it, especially after realizing some dried blood had remained within her hair despite the hospital's rough cleaning effort.
"... And that's how I got my first employee, it feels weird being a boss, but I think I'm doing a good job." Leni had been telling a story about how she finally got some help at her clothing store, having been running it alone for the longest time, though Lynn had not really been paying attention, the opposite in fact, she had been focused on her thoughts about her current issue.
"That's great Leni." Lynn flatly responded, feeling another pass of the hairbrush running through her hair, it felt nice but she did not want to admit it really.
"Are you really going to go back to school tomorrow? You can take some time off." Leni had to ask, being probably the fourth today to implore the fifth oldest Loud sibling to try and rest for a change. If there was one thing Lynn was bad at, it was sitting around doing nothing, usually it took being really sick to keep her down at all.
"You should go back to school, you deserve to suffer after all." The familiar depressed personality chimed up within Lynn's head, she did what she always does now whenever it spoke up, grab at one of her injured legs and tighten her grip, hard. The pain seemed to be enough to drown out the depression from ringing in her head, Lynn was not sure what she could do once her legs healed to stop it though.
"I would, but resting won't make my head heal any faster. I don't want to sit around in bed all day either." The sports loving girl responded, exhaling in frustration at the repeated questions. She felt Leni beginning to bunch up her hair, starting to put it back into a ponytail again.
"Doesn't that feel nice? Why don't you offer to do her hair too?" The familiar motherly toned voice panged in Lynn's head, while she didn't mind it nearly as much as the other voices, she found that wanting to be too nice or too helpful could be just as irritating as being mean, depressed, or obsessed. The aspiring sports star still had no clue what one of her voices talked about, it felt absurd and crazier than the rest of them, yet she tried to ignore it. She didn't trust any of the voices in her head, even the one that seemed genuinely kind.
"Can you do me a favor and get Lisa? I need to ask her some questions for a test I have tomorrow." Lynn requested her second oldest sister to fetch their second youngest sibling, still planning on using the test lie to hopefully get insight on the voices in her own head. Although Lynn planned on doing her best to make sure it stayed hidden, she was scared Lisa would turn it into a giant experiment of some sort.
"No problem, I'll go get her now." Leni stood up, letting Lynn lay back on her back once again, just using the pillows as a support so she could stay comfortably sat up. The sports loving Loud looked over to her nightstand, seeing a notebook there with a pen nestled in it, normally the auburn-haired girl was not the type to take notes unless in class, but she had a feeling she might need them for Lisa.
"You requested my assistance, Lynn?" A voice with a rather heavy lisp caught Lynn's attention, she could see a familiar 8 year old girl standing by her bedside. She was Lisa Loud, the 2nd youngest sister in their family, but a child prodigy with an incredibly high IQ, to the point she even had earned a college degree before she was six.
"Ah, the one who does nothing beyond talk down to us and think we're stupid... I wonder how far we can punt her?" The angered personality commented within Lynn's mind, though it felt more like pecking at the back of her broken skull. Lisa was short for her age, wearing a green sweater and her usual glasses, her short unkempt hair being a mess like usual.
"H-Hey Lisa, yeah, I REALLY need your help big time. I have a science test coming up, it's about psychology though and if I don't pass I'm really screwed." Lynn expressed her lie to her second youngest sister, trying to come off like a desperate beggar at best. Lisa pondered on it momentarily, looking hesitant, yet sighed before hopping up and taking a seat at the foot of Lynn's bed.
"While I personally loathe psychology, I won't oppose helping you." Lisa agreed to help to the best of her ability, if there was one thing she hated, it was uncertainty in science, psychology was exactly that as far as she cared, yet the young genius knew a fair share about it.
"Thank you Lisa, I really owe you one." The aspiring sports star breathed in relief, the glasses wearing child knew something was wrong, it didn't take much to tell just from how Lynn behaved recently. The child prodigy knew everyone reacted to traumatic events differently though, so decided it would be best not to really pry unless she felt the need to, or if her many siblings came to Lisa for help on the matter.
"What is the topic you wish to cover? There are many areas of psychology." Lisa asked while getting more comfortable on the bed, sitting directly across from her older sister. The two did not have the best relationship, due to the fact Lisa experimented on a lot of their family in the last few years, while their parents prohibited it many would still volunteer for said experiments, if it meant getting the genius Loud's help.
"Uhm..." Lynn found herself in a little bit of a stumble, she thought she had already come up with a good cover for this, though realized that perhaps she had to be far more cautious than she initially intended, Lisa was incredibly smart after all, she would be able to see through a ruse with minimal effort if it came off as non genuine.
"We were given a task to write reports about mental illness... I thought I'd cover split personality disorder?" Lynn tried to spread the truth through the lie, she was interested in learning more about what she believed her mental illness was. It was hard to tell, especially when the internet was about the least reliable doctor in the world, unfortunately it was the best she had.
"Ah, that is a complex one... While I can give you what is known, as well as a few theories, both my own speculation as well as other scientist's, but the reality is that even with the amount of research that is there, there is still much that is not known about said disorder." Lisa responded, the glasses wearing child felt bad at the idea of not being able to be of much use, though in this situation it probably was better than nothing. Especially if Lynn's test was tomorrow.
"I'll take anything at this point, Lisa." Lynn stated, opening her notebook and taking out her pen. Lisa had to admit, this was weird behavior for her older sister, normally she would act bored at the mere idea of home tutoring lessons like this. "What causes split personality disorder?" The sports loving Loud decided to start off light, she could divert or change tactics entirely if the symptoms did not match the illness. Lisa adjusted her glasses.
"Well, there is no single cause for split personality disorder, primarily it is caused by physical or mental trauma. Although emotionally traumatic events also can cause it. It isn't something that one can be born with either." Lisa began the back and forth with her fifth oldest sibling, raising an eyebrow upon seeing Lynn actually taking what appeared to be thorough notes, the child prodigy decided to remain silent on that to focus on the topic at hand.
"How does this disorder work?" Lynn moved onto her next query.
"It depends on the severity, it depends on how many personalities, and it especially depends on the victim's mental resistance to said split personalities influence." Lisa claimed, though hearing that was enough to make the sports loving girl pause with her writing.
"What do you mean?" Lynn asked hesitantly, she sounded rather apprehensive to the child genius.
"Well, the amount of personalities for starters. It also depends on what they do. Some are simply another voice in the head, just talking like a corrupted conscience. While others... Well, they want to be in control, their behavior also depends a lot on why they were created." Lisa exclaimed, this left the sports lover with nothing but more questions instead of answers.
"Why they were created? What do you mean? You just told me they get made by trauma, right?" Lynn requested clarity, the glasses wearing child nodded.
"The trauma can define the other personalities. Some are created out of a need, a strong desire that the original person cannot do by themselves, thus this personality takes control to do it for them. Or they can exist to guilt trip the person as a subsequent result of something they did. They can also simply manifest out of something the person wishes to be." Lisa tried to put it as plainly as she could, it became apparent that it was far from simple however. "The possibilities and reasons for their creation, as well as what the personality wants, is limitless." She stated, that did nothing to really assure Lynn upon hearing that, yet it did serve as a pretty important note to her.
"And how many personalities can someone have?" Lynn continued scribbling it down, she felt her left hand beginning to tremble again, yet simply tolerated it for the time being, adding more pressure to the page as she wrote.
"That's something that also has never really been nailed down... Some have over a hundred, others only one or a few." The child prodigy hated being vague, there just was not enough information for it however to be concrete fact.
"...How does someone stop them?" Lynn had to bring the big question now, this one did seem rather strange to Lisa, she looked to her older sister with nothing short of an expression of perplexity written on her face.
"There is no cure for dissociative identity disorder, there are treatments and medicines to reduce the symptoms, but the human body can build up tolerances overtime to medicines and the personalities can become stronger. It's a lifelong battle that one gets stuck with for the long term." Lisa stated, hearing that made Lynn's heart drop into her stomach, no way to stop them? That couldn't be right, there was always something someone could do no matter what was thrown at them, she had a hard time swallowing this.
"You want it to stop? Just do yourself a favor and give us what we deserve..." The depressed voice rung out within Lynn's head, she felt a cold sweat beginning to break out on her forehead, she did her best to hide it from her little sister. She had to deal with the voice, she couldn't go grabbing her legs right now without having to answer even more questions from Lisa, rousing anymore suspicion would only end poorly.
"Theoretically speaking though, some people have completely overcome the problem entirely. One of my colleagues shared such reports from his own testing in this area, however their verification is still unknown, so I doubt it can be of much use in the test..." Lisa stated, that little glimmer of hope was enough to make Lynn look at her with a look that basically screamed she had to know.
"You can't leave me with only half of it now that you told me, so don't hold back." Lynn implored for her to continue, Lisa sighed, not able to really argue against that logic even if she was not the biggest fan of pure theoretical science.
"Well, since each personality is born from either a desire, a need, or a requirement, if the person suffering from them is able to overcome their individual problems, then in theory they can suppress the other personalities by removing their reason for existing." The child prodigy explained, it didn't sound like much yet sounded pretty great to Lynn, though she was not sure why the voices in her head even existed yet.
"How do you overcome stuff like that though?" The girl with the ponytail tilted her head.
"Sorry, I'm afraid I can't say, it depends on the personalities... Some can vanish as fast as they appeared for no reason, many patients also have reportedly found success in suppressing them by indulging in what they want in moderate amounts just to silence them for a period of time. Theoretically doing the deeds they truly desire is enough to permanently silence them." Lisa began explaining once more on the theories, her words seemed to make Lynn pause as she wrote.
"...Indulging them?" Lynn blinked.
"Erm, yes? The voices desire control though above all else, they feel like they're the real you after all, and since most aren't safe to really interact with and one has to go through a psychological maze of their own making to find out what it is they truly desire, it is near impossible to imagine it being able to be done." Lisa finished with that, theories that left Lynn with a spark of hope suddenly turned into a gloomy dread. It was insulting to her, her grip tightening on the pen.
"It doesn't help that these personalities can adapt and become more clever to achieve their own goals." She added, it came off more like a warning than anything.
"Hey, Lisa! Can you come give me a hand?" Lana's voice rang out from down the hall, the glasses wearing girl got up from her spot on the bed.
"I can return after this task, if you wish to discuss the topic further." Lisa offered to her fifth oldest sister, though the aspiring sports star shook her head.
"No thanks Lisa... I got plenty to work with." Lynn responded with a forced smile on her face, not even aware of the fact she had a tear rolling down her cheek, it was something Lisa noticed. The child genius was pretty terrible in emotional situations, both in the expressing and the handling aspect of it, she didn't know what to do here.
"I... Ahem, if you're certain." Lisa cleared her throat, deciding to make leave instead of saying anything, now having a million of her own questions in mind as she began to leave Lynn's room.
"And close the door please." The Highschool girl requested, Lisa nodded closing the door to Lynn and Lucy's room wishing to leave on that note.
There Lynn sat, alone, her left hand shaking uncontrollably, she didn't even care at this point as she felt her heart racing and her breathing becoming labored. "Indulge them? That's nuts! That's impossible! That's..." Lynn felt her voice trail off as she dropped her notebook on the bed, her heart felt like it was trying to shatter in that moment.
"No cure... No real permanent treatment... No hope, just what someone like us deserve. To suffer." The depressed personality chimed up within Lynn's mind. The sports loving girl tried grabbing at her leg to stop the voice, she did not need the sorrowful voice adding onto her emotional exhaustion, yet there was no effect seemingly this time.
"If you want to escape us, you can just ram your head against the wall... Your skull is already brittle enough... Maybe tonight we should go play football and see if we can get lucky..." The voice continued, Lynn felt her vision starting to get blurry, she knew what that meant, if the sports lover did nothing she would lose control again to the depressed personality. What Lisa said did not help her psychologically, it seemed like it created an opening for the voice as well.
"Shut up..." Was all Lynn could pant out, looking at the pen in her right hand as she had a million thoughts racing in her head.
"Do we deserve to live even? You should just..." The depressed voice was about to speka again, that was when Lynn cut them off mid sentence as she suddenly plunged the inkpen into her injured right leg, stabbing it into the wound. She bit her lip to suppress a scream of agony, it felt like someone had slammed her limb with a sledgehammer.
"I said, shut up!" Lynn panted. There was silence, her vision was back to normal and her heart was starting to calm down. It hurt too much, but the sports lover was grateful that it worked as she laid back in her bed, picking up the notebook to begin reviewing all she had learned while she had peace, even if the stabbed cut on her leg hurt worse, what choice did she have?
Lynn growled to herself, feeling that determination welling inside of her to live her life how she wanted, not how these voices wanted. She knew though it was going to be a very tough uphill battle ahead of her, Lynn just prayed that they would all go away once her head healed.
After getting a Band-Aid from her wardrobe and slapping it over the new small hole in her leg, Lynn spent the next few hours writing in the notebook, trying to think about her experience these last two days with the voices thus far, as well as all that Lisa had said. Though whenever one of her family came to check up on her, the sports lover had an instinctual reaction to close her notebook or attempt to draw attention away from it.
"Is this really the best I got?" Lynn had to ask herself, written on the page she currently viewed were the five personalities written on each of the page, there were several small and short blurbs under each one, she found herself reviewing it over and over again hoping to think of something new, to no avail sadly.
On the top of the page was the first personality written down, 'Aggressive' she had dubbed it, underneath that was only a few words. 'Wants to fight, is angry no matter what, first took over when me and Lincoln were attacked. I don't know why. I haven't found a way to make it be quiet either.' That was all the information she really had on the first personality, her eyes gazing over to the next part of the page.
'Depression' was written down, it had a longer description beneath it though since it was one of the few she had gotten the most experience with. 'Wants me to feel like crap, if there is even if a hint of a sad thought crosses my mind it will jump on it without wasting a second. Hasn't taken over yet, have had two really close calls. I think it wants me to suffer. Pain can make it be quiet for a while.' Was what was written beneath it, though there was an extra addendum that Lynn had to add as much as she hated to admit it. 'Wants me to kill myself?' Was at the bottom of the list, Lynn still really had no clue what the end goal of either personality was, though she was happy she had the means to silence one at least.
'Maternal' was the third one wrote up, it seemed to not have nearly as much detail to it as the others did, it was also the personality Lynn was the most suspicious off. 'It's like the angel on my shoulder if it kicked the devil off, took me over when I was in the hospital to stop Lana and Lola from fighting. It really wants to help people, even the slightest sign of someone having a problem and it will tell me I should go help, also likes doing nice things. I don't know what it wants, doing good deeds seems like enough to make it be quiet, but it goes quiet for longer if the deed is bigger I think.' Was the main part that the blurb read, her eyes gazing downward to the last personality she had wrote up.
'Obsessed/Jealousy?' Was what the last personality was named, Lynn had no other way to really describe it. She was not a fan of what she had wrote down below on the last of the page either. 'I think it wants love, it's obsessed with a single person and gets jealous if that person is showing any affection for anyone else, doesn't care about anything else. I haven't figured out how to get it to be quiet either, it hasn't taken over yet.' Was what the fourth one read, though below that was the most important note to Lynn. 'It wants Lincoln.'
Lynn felt her gaze wandering back to the center of the page, the most important thing she had noticed between all the voices was written down as well, 'none of the voices are against one another. I don't know why any of them were created either, other than because I took a really bad few hits to the head.' The aspiring sports star closed the notebook, sighing in frustration.
"Maybe having a diary wouldn't hurt." The fifth oldest Loud pondered, a lot of her family had diaries, even their only brother, though Lynn had gone the longest time without one simply because she never saw a point in having one. However, Lynn was starting to think that it could offer a therapeutic use to her, she decided to hide it under her mattress for the time being.
"Indulging them though...? How do I even do that?" Lynn tried to mentally ponder, pain only stopped one voice, helping others or doing acts of kindness silenced another, the rest though? She had no idea. By now the auburn-haired girl could see the time on her alarm clock, it was nearly dinner time. Suddenly the Highschool student was feeling a lot more anxious about going back to school tomorrow, even if most of her sibling's had tried to talk her out of it Lynn had opted into ignoring their worries out of a desire to do more than just lay around all day for weeks until her skull healed.