Author's Note: My Multicultural Lit and Film professor would be so proud of me right now.
We learned about the phenomenon of double-consciousness in class last year, and help because I'm still seeing it everywhere. Like, there's gigantic hints of it in the Mandalorian, in Supergirl, and so so so so much in Shang-Chi.
I started this when the movie first came out but the inspiration died. Just rewatched it tonight, though (and it is still so good omg) so we're trying again!
"We should probably go home now, huh?"
Katy and Shaun were standing at the top of the hill overlooking the village of Ta Lo. The once-lovely setting had been completely decimated by the recent battle, and it was up to those who were left to restore the order and beauty that had once reigned supreme.
It was more than that, though. The people of Ta Lo had spent their existence guarding the world against what lay behind The Gate. Now that that evil had been vanquished, they were left scrambling to find a new purpose.
Shaun could relate. He had finally begun to embrace his roots—his culture, his family, the gifts passed down from both of his parents—but he had lived a life beyond that, the modern, Americanized life of a Californian. He had been Shang-Chi for fifteen years and then Shaun for over a decade more, and now that the two had finally combined into one, he wasn't quite sure what was left.
"Shaun. Shaun. Shaaaaaaauuuunnnn…"
"What?" Shaun asked irritably, shaking himself out of his thoughts to find Katy right up next to him, waving a hand in front of his face. He rolled his eyes, batting her away. "Sorry. Zoned out for a sec. What were you saying?"
"I was saying that we could go home," Katy repeated with exaggerated patience, "Orrr we could not."
Shaun raised an eyebrow at her. "Uh, yep, pretty much, those are our two options."
"Well see, I didn't even really think about the fact that we had two," Katy shrugged. "I thought it was just, okay, fights over, that's all folks. Back to the jobs you definitely got fired from and the families that are definitely about to bite your heads off for disappearing for over a week. But we're adults, right? Decision-making adults, that just defeated a freaking evil soul-sucker. We can do whatever the heck we want."
Shaun smirked, looking away from her and back at the village. It felt like much more than a week or two since he'd been trading jokes with Katy as they waited to valet their next car, since sitting at breakfast and telling her grandmother for the eight-hundred and twenty-third time that no, they were just friends.
A frown furrowed Shaun's eyebrows and he snuck a glance over at Katy, who was wiggling her shoulders and bobbing her torso as she vibed to whatever song was playing inside of her head. The two of them had been in a state of limbo for as long as he could remember, never changing, barely even growing. They'd gotten fuller, older, much more R-rated, but they were still the same Katy and Shaun as they'd been when they'd met that fateful day in high school.
Was that okay? Two weeks ago, the answer was a firm yes. But Shaun now was quite different from the Shaun of two weeks ago. Shaun knew it. And he thought that Katy knew it, too. He had felt, for the first time in, well, ever, a shift in their dynamic. And it was terrifying, like all of this was terrifying. But it was also…
"Wow, you are just McZonester today," Katy said incredulously, and Shaun mentally groaned as he realized that she'd been talking to him without him listening, again. "You need to go back to bed, buddy."
He was pretty tired. Between grief and stress and all the newness and confusion being thrown at him, good rest came few and far between. But his distraction didn't have much to do with that (he was used to getting very few hours of sleep). No, there was just so much spinning around in his head almost constantly that the moment he tried to pay attention, his consciousness would be grabbed by another thought and he'd lose track of everything going on around him.
"Sorry," he repeated, rubbing a hand through his hair. "It's not you, I swear."
"Of course it's not me," Katy scoffed. "I'm the most interesting person you know."
He raised an eyebrow at her.
"Okay, I'm the most interesting person you know other than your sister and your aunt and basically everyone else in this village," Katy amended with a sigh. "In short, I'm really not that interesting at all. Are you sure it isn't me?"
"It's not you," Shaun confirmed, reaching an arm around her shoulders but then freezing up with doubt before he pulled her into his side which left them standing stiffly half a foot apart, his arm stretched way out bridging the gap.
This. This was exactly what he was talking about. Two weeks ago, he wouldn't have even hesitated to give Katy a side-hug, or a full hug, or literally lay across her lap if she'd let him. But since the moment that he ran across the battlefield and grabbed her in the longest hug of his life, he'd started getting all up in his head about things like this.
Katy gave him a weird look and ducked under his arm so that it dropped limply back to his side. "On another note… what do I even call you now? Still Shaun? Or Shang-Chi? Or like… Shaun-Chi?"
Shaun let out a bark of laughter. "Definitely Shaun-Chi," he deadpanned.
Katy squinted at him.
"Not- that was sarcasm," Shaun hurried to confirm. "Definitely don't call me Shaun-Chi. Ever. Shaun is fine." He shrugged. "I may have unburied my past, but that name isn't who I am anymore, except to maybe the people here."
"Okay, so that begs the question…" Katy said, returning to her pre-tangent point. "If we stay here, is that going to be totally weird for you? Can you be Shaun, here?" She paused, eyebrows furrowing. "Do you want to be Shaun, here? Do you want to be Shaun? Is any of this even making sense? Now would be a great time for you to zone out again."
"You're outta luck, I'm still here," Shaun teased. But the particular wording he'd chosen made the expression slip slightly. He was still here, yes, but so was she. After learning about his years training as an assassin, after having her life put in mortal peril at least five times, after giving up any hope of a normal life, she was still here. And beyond that, she was making it obvious with every further word that whatever step they took, they'd be taking together.
"Katy," Shaun said suddenly, turning to face her, "why did you come with me?"
She frowned at him. "Uh. I mean, it was more of a drift then a come with, you know? Dinner happened and then we just kinda… moved over here to the hilltop. Technically I think it was you who followed me and not-"
"No, no." Unable to resist a laugh, Shaun quickly cut her off before she could ramble on for twenty minutes about who had followed who up the hill. "I mean, why did you come with me to China?"
"Oh!" Katy's chin tucked in surprise and she broke eye contact with him, looking thoughtful and maybe a little embarrassed. "Oh, um… I guess it just seemed like the obvious choice?"
"It seemed like the obvious choice to hop on a plane to another country with someone who'd been lying to you for ten years."
"Noooo…" Katy countered, making a face at him and giving his shoulder a swat. "It seemed like the obvious choice to hop on a plane to another country with my ride or die bestie, Shaun."
Fondness overwhelmed him. Where, with all of his the trauma and pain and drama of his past, where would he be without Katy Chen?
"Look, can I say something?" Shaun asked seriously, resting his hands on her shoulders so they were facing each other squarely.
"That is so not specific."
Shaun took a deep breath, taking that as a yes. "No matter if I'm here or if I'm in Cali, or if I go by Shang-Chi or by Shaun, or if I fight with mystical golden ring things or valet cars, or- or any of that… there is no me without you, okay? There's no Shaun without Katy. And yeah, hey, I'd rather you hadn't almost died a few days ago, that would have been great. But if you hadn't been here, I couldn't have done this. I seriously couldn't have. So I just… before we figure out what's next, I just needed you to know that."
They'd somehow drifted closer while he was talking, Katy's mouth forming a small 'O' shape low on her face and her eyes all large and glittery. She took a shaky breath when he'd stopped speaking, and for a shocking moment Shaun thought that he may have finally managed to stun her speechless.
But then: "Uh… are we about to kiss right now?"
Shaun was so surprised that he released a snort of laughter. Katy jerked back. "Ew! Man, you got snot on me!"
"I did not," Shaun huffed, facing back away from her as he started to turn red. "Jeez, you really have a knack for ruining the moment."
"No, hey, we can go back to the moment!" Katy protested. She grabbed his hands and plopped them back down on her shoulders, spinning him towards her in the process. Then she cupped his face and turned it so their eyes were locked again.
And then she kind of… paused, her hands still lightly touching his jaw, their noses inches apart.
"There," Katy managed, and Shaun's heart thumped extra hard at how strangled her voice had come out. "Consider the moment, um, regained."
A breeze kicked up in Ta Lo valley, fluttering Shaun's fringe over his forehead and bringing with it an odd mix of scents: burned wood and hibiscus and clear, magical lake water. Shaun closed his eyes and breathed in and imagined for a moment that it was his mother, standing just behind his shoulder. He knew what she would say if she were here, because she had been torn between worlds, too. Her home, her spiritualism, her powers… and her love for his father. For the children she had yet to even meet.
She had chosen one, but she had kept both, wound them together with stories and memories and ever-present spirit. Shaun could do that, too. He could still be Shaun, San Franciscan, who liked to sing drunk karaoke with his best friend since high school and had no future prospects.
And he could be Shang-Chi, world-savor, dragon-slayer, son of Ying Li… and Xu Wenwu.
He let his hands fall from Katy's shoulders to her waist, opening his eyes so he could search her face just for a moment. If Shang-Chi and Shaun could become one and the same, couldn't friendship and love be, too?
Katy must have seen something change on his face, because she drifted forward and kissed him.
And Shaun knew who he was.
Author's Note: And I finally wrote a sentence fragment that didn't make me want to throw myself down a hill!
Okay this fic makes me… really happy? And I'm super glad I finished it? And I hope you all enjoyed?!