CHAPTER 2

Rosemary woke up in a cold sweat, her eyes snapped open, and she sat straight up. She was panting heavily, as a few stray tears rolled down her face. She hated being reminded of her childhood, she hated all of those awful memories. All of the fear, pain, and loneliness she suffered all of those years, all of it was still affecting her. And all of it was starting to creep back into her mind. She didn't like to think about all the abuse she had suffered, so she shoved those memories and thoughts deep inside of her. And she had done a good job of forgetting about them. At least she had for a little while. But all of the fear was starting to eat away at her again. And here she was dealing with it all alone, just like she always had.

Rosemary had never told Lee about her childhood, her parents, or all of the trauma she had suffered. She didn't know how to tell him, nor did she want to. The mere thought of telling him scared her to death, she had no idea what he would think of her once he knew. What if he pushed her away? Or worse, what if he left her? The thought of Lee, of all people, leaving was absurd. But Rosemary didn't know how he would react. She had never kept this big of a secret from him before, and as far as she knew, he had never dealt with anything like this before.

Without thinking, her hand subconsciously drifted down to her abdomen, as if she was trying to protect her baby. Her baby! The realization finally sunk in as she remembered that she was, in fact, pregnant. Lee had known about the baby for about two days. She remembered the look on his face when he found out, you could see all of the hope, joy, and love in his eyes. She could see how thrilled he had been, how thrilled he still was! It was evident that he was ready for this, and he would be a great father. Rosemary on the other hand, let all of her fear and doubt take over her thoughts. She wasn't ready to be a mother. She would just be a disappointment to their baby and to Lee. She would just fail; she wasn't capable of being a good mom. She didn't know how to take care of a child, let alone how to love one. As a child, she was never shown love by her parents. They cast her aside, she was nothing more than a status symbol to them. She didn't even know how to be a good mother. And all Rosemary could think about was how she was going to fail the child that they had prayed so hard for.

After she had cried for a while, she didn't want to think about this anymore. She decided to try and go back to sleep. She laid back down and snuggled as close to Lee as she could get, and she put her arms around his arm. She needed to be in her husband's arms, she needed to feel his warmth, and comfort. Rosemary laid her head on his shoulder, as she continued to sob quietly. He could never know how much she was hurting; he couldn't ever know!

Just then Lee blinked his eyes open a few times, briefly looking over at Rosemary. He noticed that she had gotten closer to him, not that he minded in the least. But something seemed wrong, so he forced himself to try and wake up. When he did, he realized that she wasn't asleep, she was crying. He immediately woke up all the way, and he propped himself up on his elbow, so he was sitting up a little more. "Rosie?!" He asked, "What's wrong?!" He was concerned. It wasn't like Rosemary to just be crying in the middle of the night. But he knew her emotions might be a little on edge, since she was pregnant.

Rosemary never did answer Lee's question, she just kept quietly crying into his shoulder. He moved out from under her and sat up on the bed. He carefully pulled her onto his lap, she laid her head on his shoulder. It didn't seem like he was going to get her to talk, just yet. So, he just sat there and stroked her back softly. It seemed to be comforting her, as her cries slowly started to lessen. He couldn't stand that he wasn't able to do anything else to help her. He didn't even know what was wrong.

"Rosie? Are you okay?" He wasn't sure if she would even answer him. So, when she didn't, he softly kissed the top of her head, and he kept holding her for a few more minutes before pressing the issue any further. "Do you wanna talk about it?" He tried again. But she fervently shook her head in response, and he sighed. "What's wrong, Rosie?" He asked, even though it sounded more like a plea.

Rosemary finally seemed to snap back to reality, "It's nothing. I don't want to talk about it Lee." She said as she wiped some of the tears from her eyes.

Lee sighed. He knew his wife. She may not want to talk about it, but she felt like she needed to. And he definitely knew it wasn't nothing.

As she started to push herself away from him, but he didn't let her and continued to hold her. "Don't push me away. Please talk to me! Whatever is bothering you isn't nothing. Whatever it is, you can tell me." Lee assured her.

"I can't."

"Yes, you can, Rosie! I promise that you can tell me anything. So, please, just talk to me!" He pleaded.

"You wouldn't think of me the same way if you knew."

A million crazy ideas went through his head, as he wondered what she meant by that. Now, he really needed to know what was wrong with her, "Nothing! Absolutely nothing, could change the way I feel about you! So, please just tell me what's bothering you." He begged yet again.

"Lee, I don't even know where to start." She confessed. She almost felt as if she was ready to tell him her truth.

"Okay then. Just start at the beginning. Why were you awake crying?" He tried to coax an answer out of her.

She took a deep breath, before finally finding the words, "I... I had a nightmare; well, it wasn't really a nightmare. It was a memory." A single tear ran down her face.

"Well, what was it about?" He asked.

"I was 14 again, and I had just gotten home from going riding with Jack. I wasn't allowed to ride or be around Jack. So, when I got home... when I got home... I... I was... my parents were furious... so they... so he..." She trailed off, as she stared crying heavily again. She buried her face in Lee's neck. She didn't want to continue.

Lee immediately held her tighter and started stroking the back of her head. From what she had barely told him, he had a good idea about what happened with her parents. And he didn't like it one bit. But he wasn't completely sure, and he held out a slight hope that what whatever was wrong with Rosemary was anything but that. And if it was how could he not have known, "It's okay, Shhh. You're okay Rosie. I've got you! It's okay. You don't have to keep going." He assured her. As much as he wanted to know what was wrong. He could see how hard this was on her, and he didn't want to push her too far.

Rosemary wiped the tears off her face, as she looked up at Lee. "No, it's time you knew. I don't want to hide it from you anymore."

"Rosie," Lee sighed. He hated the fact that she thought she had to hide something from him.

She took another deep breath before finally confessing, "When I got home that day... my father beat me, hurt me. Not like I was just being punished, he wanted to hurt me. And it wasn't the first time he did it, nor was it the last." She shakily admitted.

"Oh my goodness Rosie," He breathed.

"They didn't love me; they only knew how to hate me. I was all alone. So, whenever my father or mother would "punish" me, I would go to the Thornton's place. Or I would find a place, any place to stay for a night or two. But I would always have to go back home eventually. Though I never completely considered that house, home. I was more at home with the Thornton's, than I ever was with my parents. I hated living with them. But the only person I ever talked to about my parents was Jack, and the only reason he knew was because he would always notice the bruises I would have. I had to make him promise not to tell anyone. If anyone had found out it would've been bad, well worse, for me. And if I ever would've tried to go to the police; nobody would've believed me. My father was one of the top Mounties, I couldn't do anything to him. So, for years, it was just a vicious cycle. And it always ended with me getting hurt. There was no escaping them." She paused for a minute to collect herself, "I was never good enough for them. I was just another status symbol, especially to my mother. I was born to do just as they pleased, I was to act like a proper lady, and I was to behave as the upper class were supposed to. And since I wasn't perfect, they hit me. I was completely powerless against them. So, when I turned 18, I left." She finished.

"Rosie, I... I had no idea." He was shocked to say the least. His blood started to boil at the mere thought of someone hurting his Rosemary.

"You weren't ever supposed to know." She blankly told him.

He was a little bit hurt, she had felt that she couldn't confide in him, "If that's the case, then why tell me now, after all this time?" He asked with a slight bitterness in his tone.

Rosemary immediately noticed the shift in his tone, "It doesn't matter. Now that you know: There's no more secrets between us! Can we just go back to sleep?" She said defensively, as she quickly moved away from him. She laid back down with her back towards him. This was how she had known he was going to react; he resented the fact that she had kept this from him. And she didn't want to keep talking to him. She closed her eyes, as she tried to fight the tears that threatened to appear. With no avail, she allowed herself to quietly sob into her pillow. She listened, as she heard him climb out of the bed. She kept her eyes shut as she heard him walking around the room. He was going to leave her; she just knew it. The only thought that went through her mind was the fact, that he was probably packing his things, she figured he probably hated her. But all she did was assume, because never once did she open her eyes. She wasn't just going to watch him leave.

When Rosemary had laid back down, Lee had climbed out of bed, and just started pacing. He wasn't sure what to do. He wasn't even completely sure what was wrong with her, because something else was bothering her, something that he figured had nothing to do with her parents. But he didn't know what that was, and she didn't want to tell him. He wasn't even sure why he was angry with Rosemary; He had seen all of the fear in her eyes as she told him about her childhood. She had been scared, and fearful of the way he would react, it was the same reason that she never told anybody else. She had been dealing with this all alone. And what he said certainly didn't help with all of her anxiety about it. So, he watched her push him away, not just physically, but she was emotionally pushing him away. She didn't trust him with this anymore. Lee thought about how much courage it must've taken for her to even be able to start talking to him about it, and he pushed her too far. He had hurt her, and he hated himself for it!

Lee chided himself as he stopped pacing, he had to make things right with Rosemary, even if she didn't want to talk to him. He walked over to her side of the bed and crouched down next to her. He reached over and gently rubbed her arm, "Rosie?" he asked softly. She wouldn't look up at him, "Hey, can you look at me please?"

She opened her eyes slowly, she hadn't really noticed what he'd said before that, because she had been trying to tune him out, "You didn't leave." It sounded as if she had phrased it as a question.

"Leave?! No! Of course, I didn't leave." He sighed sympathetically, "Rosie, I would never leave you!"

"How can you say that to me?!" Rosemary cried.

"You're right. I can't." He sighed, "But I would never willingly leave you. And I with fight until my very last breath to be here for you, and for our baby." He reached up to wipe some of the tears off of her cheek. "Rosie, I love you. Nothing, absolutely nothing, is ever gonna change that! Do you understand me, sweetheart?"

Her expression softened as she nodded weakly. He moved closer to her, and softly kissed the top of her head. She smiled sadly up at him.

"Why don't you try and get some sleep. We can talk some more in the morning." He gently directed. He quickly went to climb back into bed beside her. He pulled her into his arms, and he let her rest her head on his chest.

Once they were both settled, "Thank you." Rosemary whispered.

"For what?"

"For just being here. You have no idea how much that means to me." With that, she yawned and quickly went back to sleep.

Lee softly kissed the top of her head, "I'm so sorry, sweetheart." He whispered as he too slowly fell asleep.