Chapter 8: One Unconditional Love

"Tyler," The boy was seated in front of a desk, a balding man holding a bound examination booklet in front of him.

"Yes, Mr. Shawn?" He was young, fourteen perhaps, and dressed in a school uniform that he looked very uncomfortable to be in. Or maybe that was the situation at large.

The man's expression softened. "Now, you're not in trouble. I just wanted to talk to you about what you wrote on your Religious Education exam,"

"What do you mean?" The boy looked honestly uncertain.

In response, the year coordinator flipped open the paper bundle to a particular page, which was dominated by a particular question.

How have your friends helped you to feel at home here?

To which the response read, in a teenager's angry scrawl;

What sort of stupid question is this? I've never felt at home here and not a single person has ever even tried to be my friend! You always talk about brotherhood and trust and community but you're all full of it because I've never experienced anything of the sort here!

"I'm sure you can see why I have concerns,"

"Oh. That. I'd honestly forgotten I wrote that," Tyler admitted, exasperation settling into his features. "Sorry," he insincerely offered.

"If you feel alone, or ostracised, you can always -"

"Don't pretend to care," the schoolboy suddenly snapped. "This isn't new. This has been happening since I came to this school four years ago, right under all your noses, especially in the homeroom. You just haven't cared enough to notice. And why should you? As long as I'm smiling and nodding like everyone else in the pictures, who cares what's underneath the surface,"

"I do care. Please don't say that I don't," The coordinator looked genuinely pained at the accusation. "Just, why didn't you ever say something?"

"What am I supposed to say? I'm so sad because people won't be my friend? I'm so stupid that I can't establish relationships like a normal person? I'm so frustrated because of something that you haven't, won't and can't help me with?" He folded his arms and looked away, eyes shut tight to swallow the tears.

Mr. Shawn had nothing to say in response to that.

X

Lily started awake. She hadn't even realised she'd drifted off.

"What did I just see?" she mumbled, casting a glance of concern at her Master. He'd been much younger in the dream, five or six years.

". . Is he still carrying around all that pain inside him?"

Preoccupied with her thoughts, Lily almost didn't notice when the sky lightened around them. She and her Master were strapped to Fafnir's back by a pair of modified horse saddles, altered by Gilles' Item Creation skill, and the tireless Phantasmal Beast had been flying through the night.

"Lord Fafnir? Are we landing?"

The dragon made a noise that she could only describe as a chuff.

For some reason, this was enough to startle her Master awake. He was bleary for just long enough for his head to loll sideways and catch a glimpse of the French countryside miles below. Then he was suddenly very awake.

". . Huh. I dreamed that I was flying, too," he mumbled.

"Master? How do you feel?" Lily pressed, and he twisted in the saddle as best he could with all the straps and restraints holding him in place. "Bit groggy, but I'm fine . . why?"

So Lily told him about what he'd seen in her dream.

". . oh. Oh my god. You saw that?" he mumbled, burying his face in his hands. "That's so embarrassing . . I was so broody and grumpy at that age. Please, just, forget you saw that? I was just . . going through a phase,"

"Master, what happened?" the Saber pressed. "I know it might be hard to talk about, but, please, what made you feel that way?"

Tyler eyed her. "Ugh. Fine. My family moved to a new house when I was eleven. In a different country,"

". . I don't understand?"

"Right, of course the king of eleventh-century Britain doesn't have context for culture shock. All my friends that I'd made in the first ten years of my life were gone. Not one of them thought it was worth keeping up a friendship with someone in a different country, so they all forgot about me. I was enrolled in a new school, and told to make new friends, and there I learned that everything I knew was wrong. The cultural norms I'd taken for granted made me look like an alien when I tried to rely on them, the things I thought of as important were worthless to everyone around me. And maybe for adults it would have worked out fine, but I was eleven and so were they. It was easier to just ignore the weird kid. I can't even blame them. And as the years passed, it only got worse, and I convinced myself that I didn't need such transient and temporary things as friends," He sighed. "Now can you please drop it? It doesn't matter anyway. None of this has any relevance at all to our mission,"

She bit her lip. "I'll drop it, but only if you answer me something, honestly," Lily promised.

"Sure. Shoot,"

"Did you get any better? Later on? Learn to make friends again?"

Tyler's shoulders slumped. "People with healthy social lives don't apply for a job at an observatory in Antarctica,"

Fafnir landed with a thunk before Lily could think of a response to that, and as Master and Servant slid down the boy found scaly claws wrapping around him. Carefully keeping him upright, Fafnir placed him in front of the dragon's own face, and lowered his head until the tip of his snout was less than a foot from Tyler's face.

A gust of hot air blew his hair back, and a long, gentle growl that somehow sounded sympathetic shook him to his bones.

"Well, it looks like Fafnir, at least, thinks you're his friend," Lily offered with a smile, moving to join him as the dragon set Tyler down.

He chuckled. "Yeah, I guess. I don't understand why, but yeah,"

"It's a pity that he's a Phantasmal Beast, not a Servant. It'd be nice if we could bring him with us,"

"Wait, he's a what?"

Lily shrugged a bit. "Honestly, I'm hazy on the details. I guess they're like monster spirits rather than hero spirits? I think they mostly live on the Reverse Side of the World, which is sort of like a parallel dimension to the real world, but sometimes they slip through cracks and get into places like Singularities? We saw Fafnir summoning Wyvern Phantasmals before, I guess he's like their boss?"

Tyler nodded with a smile. "You're a really amazing guy, aren't you Fafnir? Well. Dragon, I guess,"

Fafnir chuffed again, and gestured with his neck at the town they could see in the distance.

"Oh, right, Thiers. We came here to recruit Servants. Yeah. Let's go, then!"

Before their eyes, a blue pillar of flame erupted from the town.

". . Let's hurry,"

X

Watery, weak sunlight shone through the massive cloud banks that seemed to be everywhere in Okeanos as the Argo cut a wake through the waves.

Nikki stirred from her berth in the ship's guts. "Never thought a 2500-year-old boat would be so cosy," she mumbled.

After a couple of moments where the expected reply didn't come, she realised that for the first time since coming to Chaldea and rooming with Ophelia, then Altria, she had a bedroom to herself.

". . wonder if we can bring the boat back to Chaldea with us?"

Half an hour later, she stumbled onto the main deck, still wondering just how she'd managed to get lost on board a boat, but found the Servants in the middle of a light breakfast. It seemed calamari was on the menu, which seemed like a weird choice until she remembered that the ship's complement included Taisui.

"Morning, everyone," she greeted the group of seven that still took up less than a fifth of the places at the table. "Since when do Servants need to eat?"

"This old man and his buddies are rogue," Hektor explained. "We have to keep our magic levels up, and this ocean is so full of magic that every fish and barnacle is full of the stuff. Might be the only time in history that gluttony's actually worked in a Servant's favour,"

"Me and him just like the taste though," Astolfo added with a gesture at Taisui.

"Everything tastes like slow, inexorable defeat one way or the other," Taisui intoned, which immediately put a damper on the conversation.

"We're about an hour out from the island where this goddess has set up," Atalante reported after a brief glance at the horizon.

"And, you can just, tell that?" Nikki's eyebrows shot up.

"I grew up in the mountains. I'm excellent at orienteering, and I learned to apply that to seafaring on the Argo," the huntress explained with a shrug.

Suddenly Nikki was lunging across the table, a look of desperation in her eyes. "Be my Servant. Please. Maybe with your help I can counteract this curse on me,"

Eyes wide, Atalante reared back. "Uh. Curse?"

"Not a real curse, she just gets lost all the time," Astolfo clarified. "Sometimes she drags me with her,"

"We Rayshifted to the wrong Singularity! That should not be possible!" Nikki screamed, slumping back on the bench.

"I suppose I could do an examination?" Asclepius offered, standing. "I am the ship's doctor, after all,"

". . . You know what? Yeah, sure," Nikki acquiesced, and the doctor rounded the table. "Maybe some Heroic Spirit healing mojo is exactly what I need. Do you want me to lie down, or . . ?"

"That won't be necessary," The healer placed a hand on his shoulder, and magic energy pulsed around him with a soft green glow. "Hm. Some minor abrasions . . a broken toe that didn't heal quite right. Easy to fix. I'll administer some painkillers,"

"Wait, you can - oh! Ohhhhh," The sudden sensation of bliss overwhelmed Nikki, and she didn't even notice as her toe cracked, shifted, and healed over.

"I'm not seeing any curses or anything at the surface level. Let's probe a little deeper," Asclepius narrated, and the green flares intensified. "Hmm. What is . . oh? Now, maybe if I . ."

A sudden shock ran through the boat, and the steady motion of the waves stopped. The vibrations sent everyone who was standing crashing to the ground, including Asclepius.

"Did we just run aground?" Astolfo questioned, standing and rushing to the edge of the boat.

"That shouldn't be possible! We were in the . . middle of the . . ocean," Atalante trailed off as she took in the sight of an island that she could swear had not been there before.

Asclepius joined them, his eyes widening in wonder. "I'm afraid this problem might be beyond my ability to heal,"

X

Usually, if one was looking for Servants, they just had to follow the sounds of destruction, warfare, and combat techniques of the sort one would otherwise only see in an anime series, complete with yelled attack names.

On the other hand, sometimes they found you.

All Lily saw was a flash of green and white, and then Tyler had been tackled into a wall by a gleefully sobbing Servant, screaming "M-m-m-master-sama!"

"Bwuh?" he gasped, suddenly winded as the strange girl with green hair and . . horns? . . was sniffing him, then her head came up to me this eyes with the most joyous, rapturous expression he'd ever seen.

"I was right!" the strange Servant squealed in glee. "It is you! I knew I remembered that scent! Oh I'm so happy that I've found you at last, Master, just like onee-chan promised I would, and now I'm never ever gonna let you go, ever!"

"Oh, right, onii-san said I needed to remember that you wouldn't know me yet and I should take things slow and sumimasen but I'm just so happy that you're finally here!"

"Uhhhh. Hold on. You were expecting me?"

"Uh-huh! Last time I was summoned, it wasn't for long but I met onii-san and onee-chan and they said that on the worst day of my life I'd meet the best person ever!"

Tyler locked on to one aspect of that statement. "Wait. Worst day of your life?"

It was at that moment that a baritone voice doing an unearthly impression of a falsetto shrieked, "Surely My Love Song Shall Resound Even Through Hell: Christine! Christiiiiiiine!" And then everything was pain.

Someone was screaming. Was it him? His body hurt so much it had gone numb.

After a moment of pure agony, Tyler came back to his senses, and saw that the greenette was crouched over him, Lily backing her up with sword in hand. "What happened?"

"Apparently this girl ran away from that guy in the middle of a fight, and led him straight to us," Lily summarised.

"S-sorry, Master-sama . . I just got so excited," the girl mumbled.

Peering between them, Tyler caught a glimpse of their enemy. He was a sallow man in a dress shirt that looked like it had been fashionable at some point in the nineteenth century; but at the ends of his sleeves his hands were warped, golden bones exposed and fingers replaced with sleek and deadly knives. The left half of his face seemed to be normal, but the right was a grinning spectre with an empty black eye socket sunk into it and lips frozen in a toothy smile. Knowing what he knew about Heroic Spirits, Tyler wasn't sure which side was real and which was the mask. Behind him was a massive, ghastly pipe organ straight out of hell, and his fingers were splayed as though in the middle of playing it. "Oh, Christine, why do you run from me? I don't understand, but I don't care. For I will love you and chase you to the ends of the earth!"

"Dr. Roman, what am I looking at?" the Master breathed, poking his communicator.

The hologram flickered to life, and Dr. Roman's jaw fell open. "Assassin-class Spirit Origin, identity is - that's not possible. He's fictional,"

"Who's 'he'?" Lily demanded.

"The Phantom of the goddamn Opera!"

"I'm not familiar. What's his thing?"

"Mostly music and murder. He's been chasing after me and calling me Christine," the greenette explained. "I don't care how much he says he loves me! Master-sama and I are destined to be together! Onee-chan said so!"

"So it's the worst day of your life because a creep's chasing after you? Also, wait, who are you exactly?"

"My name is Kiyohime, Master-sama! And I've only got yesterday and the day before to compare it to," She seemingly forgot that they were about to resume fighting, instead counting off on her fingers. "Yesterday was okay, nothing special. The day before was pretty good because I finally got summoned to the place where onee-chan said I was going to meet my destined Master-sama!"

"Christine!" the Phantom hollered. "What is this?"

"Piss off, you creep! I'm not your Christine! Gah!" The new Servantw seemed to have come to a sudden realisation. "I get it now! This is the worst day of my life because it's supposed to be the best day of my life because today I'm meeting my Master-sama and you're ruining it! So die!" she screamed, taking off in a sprint as blue fire erupted from her hands.

Lily watched her go, bemused. "She's . . certainly passionate,"

"If it helps, my read on her Spirit Origin says she's a Berserker," Dr. Roman provided. "Also, unless I've wildly misjudged the context clues she's hell bent on becoming your Servant, Tyler. So I guess you're getting your wish about recruiting a Berserker,"

"Huh," the boy mumbled. ". . I wonder why?"

As they watched, fire met finger-blades as Kiyohime and Phantom engaged in a violent fistfight, the Berserker taking advantage of her greater mobility to leap and dodge around the Phantom, whose style seemed to mostly focus on wild swipes with multiple fingers at once, or merely stabbing at her with a single finger at a time. Despite avoiding, Kiyohime's motion was mostly lateral, sliding sideways and constantly striking at his hips, legs and, at one point when he let his guard down, surging upwards with a flaming uppercut.

"Lily, shouldn't you be helping her?" Tyler checked.

"This fight is very close-quarters, Master. They're too close together for me to swing my sword and not hit both of them," Lily pointed out.

"Well, you might not have a choice. She said she'd been running from him all day. That means she's outmatched," he pointed out.

"I had not considered that. Good point, Master," Lily hummed.

"I'm not weaker than this creep! I'm just low on magic energy!" Kiyohime, who apparently could hear them, snapped.

"Wait - aren't you both rogue Servants? He just used his Noble Phantasm - how can he afford it but you can't?"

"It's the difference between an Assassin and a Berserker's Class Container," Dr. Roman explained from the control room. "Berserkers are the highest upkeep of all Servants, they burn through energy like a raging bonfire devours wood. By contrast, Assassins and Casters use the least amount of energy out of all Servant classes. For a rogue Berserker, using their Noble Phantasm without an external energy source is a death sentence. Assassins, though, can be a lot more liberal with them,"

Phantom feinted, and Kiyohime fell for it, opening herself up to a nasty cut on her right arm. She responded by exhaling blue flame from her mouth that he flinched away from, and launched into a spinning kick that had to be hastily aborted when he made to block it with his claws.

"So if Kiyohime had enough energy to use her Noble Phantasm, she could win this fight easily?"

"Likely," Dr. Roman nodded.

"Are you sure that recruiting her is a good idea, though? She seems a little . ." Lily just winced, rather than finishing the sentence.

Standing, Tyler yelled. "Kiyohime!"

"Master-sama?!"

"My will creates your body, and your sword creates my destiny. If you submit to this will and reason, then answer! Seventh heaven clad in the great words of power! Come forth, guardian of the scales!" His Command Seals lit up with energy, and Kiyohime gasped as a corona of white energy flared around her. "Oh! This . . this feels better than I could have possibly imagined!"

"Christine! I won't let you betray me!" the Phantom howled, his jaw setting. "I'd rather see you dead!" He lunged forwards, a clumsy and graceless strike that would bury the knives of his fingers in her flesh.

Kiyohime caught his wrists. "Oh, Master-sama?" she asked, a sweet tone belying murderous intent.

Tyler pressed a finger to the back of his hand. "Kiyohime, by the power of my Command Spell, use your Noble Phantasm to destroy him!"

"No!" the Phantom howled. "You can't! You mustn't! Oh, Christine!" A strangled, inarticulate screech erupted from his lips, and he kicked of the ground, dragging Kiyohime with him and slamming his feet onto the keys of his great orchestral piano, sending out a jumbled, discordant note as he cried again, "Surely My Love Song Shall Resound Even Through Hell: Christine! Christiiiiiiine!"

It was, however, too late for him. Even as pain wracked her body, Kiyohime growled, "Transforming, Flame-Emitting Meditation: Samadhi Through Flames!"w

Before their eyes, the mostly-human girl vanished, and a great serpent made of blue flames had replaced her. "For ruining this day with my love and my Master, DIE!" With an ear-splitting shriek, she crashed down on the Phantom, twisting and coiling around him while bathing him in fire. Sizzling, cracklings and roiling in every direction, a callous tail-swing from the flaking drake crushed the pipe organ, before refocusing on both burning and squeezing the Phantom to death.

A long and mournful wail escaped his throat. "Ohhh . . Christine,"

The flames died down, leaving Kiyohime in human-ish form again, and around her golden Spiritrons evaporated into the atmosphere.

Tyler and Lily hesitantly approached. "Kiyohime? Are you alright?"

"Just a bit tired. But everything's gonna be better now that my Master-sama's here," she mumbled, then suddenly hugged him.

"Um," He stilled. "You . . you're really sure you mean me? You don't have me confused with someone else?"

"Of course you're my Master-sama! I know it's you because you're the only human around here who smells like a dragon!"

Tyler drew up short. "Hang on. I what?"

"Can't you tell? It's really obvious,"

"Master," Lily interjected. "Saint George's Noble Phantasm,"

". . oh," He was, technically, part dragon. "You know I'm not actually a dragon, right? Not really anyway,"

"Yep! Doesn't matter, you're my beloved Master-sama and we're going to be together forever and ever,"

Staring down at the girl nuzzling into his chest, Tyler blinked in bewilderment. ". . Huh,"

X

"We're at the western end of the Singularity," Atalante reported, voice numb from disbelief. "I don't know how that happened, because last night we were in the northeast and it should have taken at least two days to get here from there,"

"Now how the hell did you manage that?" Jason grumbled at the resident Master.

"I don't know! I never used to be this bad!" Nikki all but screamed.

"I feel like this is your fault," Medea told Asclepius with a slight pout. "Whatever she has, you poked it and now it's defending itself,"

"As much as I want to deny it, circumstances would seem to support your hypothesis," the doctor sighed. "It's infuriating, really. I could see that there was something there, but every time I tried to look closer I found myself going in entirely the wrong direction,"

"The get lost curse made you get lost on the way to finding its source. Who could have guessed that might happen," Taisui drawled.

Jason laughed, a brief but obnoxious noise. "Well, when you put it like that it's sort of funny,"

"I've scouted the island, too, while I was getting my bearings. There's nothing here but a few stray Demonic Beasts. No reason to remain here," Atalante reported.

"Then we should get the Argo back out into the sea," Nikki determined, starting towards the ship. "The sooner we get started, the sooner we'll find this goddess,"

After a moment, she realised that everyone else had been left behind. ". . what are you all waiting for?"

"This old man's not really strong enough to shove a boat that size," Hektor shrugged apologetically.

"We're Casters," Medea agreed.

"Usually, Hercules did this sort of thing," Asclepius put in.

"I'm going to supervise!" Jason assured her.

Nikki just shook her head in dismay. "The greatest heroes of Greece, huh? Astolfo, summon your hippogriff. We're gonna tow the boat out into the sea and if you lot aren't on it we're not waiting for you,"

"You can't do that! It's my boat!" Jason protested.

"Then you should be standing on it!" she hollered back.

"Let it go, captain," Atalante advised him with a wry smile. "Directionally challenged or no, it seems she's actually quite the competent Master,"

X

In the mid-afternoon of that day, the Argo was cruising through the waves again, this time headed back to the east.

"So you're sure you can't determine anything about what's causing this nonsense?" Nikki pressed Asclepius.

"I'm sorry, but every time I try to investigate the source, it redirects me somehow and I end up poking around in your brain or the tendons in your hand. It's quite vexing," the medic grumbled. "All I can tell is that it seems to be located close to your Crest,"

"Ship ahoy!" Atalante hollered, and everyone started. "Starboard side!"

The complement of the ship rushed to the side to see a spectacular British galleon bearing down on them. It was a jet-black, three-master vessel with red and gold trim, sails billowing outward as it approached them from an angle.

". . wait, we have the wind behind us and we're sailing east, but they also have the wind behind them and they're sailing northwest?" Nikki frowned.

"As if I would own a boat that doesn't have its own personal wind," Jason scoffed. "I expect whomever that is has the same. Heroic Spirit boats are like that, you see,"

"They're adjusting course to intercept us," Atalante reported, shouting down from the crow's nest. "At our current headings and speeds, they'll pass straight in front of us. I see cannons on their broadside being loaded. I don't think they're friendly,"

"Then let's get some cannons of our own ready," Nikki asserted, looking around. Then she realised the problem with that command.

"This is a Greek trireme. It predates the invention of the cannon by about two thousand years," Asclepius unhelpfully stated the obvious.

". . Right. Because we had to get on board the only ship in Okeanos that doesn't have cannons,"

"I could fly us over there," Astolfo offered. "Maybe we can negotiate, or talk them down?"

Nikki considered this, and gauged the distance between them and the enemy ship. ". . . After the day we've been having, I'm irrationally worried that we'll somehow get lost on the way to the enemy ship,"

"Close your eyes and think about hippogriff plushies. Otherworldly Phantom Horse: Hippogriff! Now, c'mon, Master!" The flying mount manifested in a flash of light and Astolfo leapt onto it. After a moment's hesitation, Nikki joined her, and, though it galled her, she closed her eyes and thought about hippogriff plushies.

"Ahoy!" She heard Astolfo holler at the ship. "Permission to board? We want to parley!"

After a moment, a voice echoed back. "Granted, but no funny business!"

It wasn't long before the hippogriff touched down, and Nikki felt safe to open her eyes. A pair of Servants were staring her down; a freakishly tall blonde woman, easily seven foot, and a petite albino in a miniature trenchcoat. "It's been a while since someone played the parley card, Anne," the small one piped up. "It has indeed, but that just makes this fun, Mary," the tall one replied with a sickeningly sweet smile.

Nikki tapped her communicator and whispered; "Da Vinci. Pirates Servants, named Anne and Mary. Who are we dealing with?"

To cover her, Astolfo stepped forward. "Howdy! Names Astolfo, one of the Twelve Knights of Charlemagne, and this here's my Master, Nikki. We've come here from Chaldea in search of the Holy Grail that's causing this Singularity,"

"The Holy Grail, you say?" Mary parroted. "What an interesting request. The Captain will want to hear it," Anne agreed. "Come on then, you're due for a meeting," With that they turned and, eerily in sync, strode towards the stern of the ship.

"I've found a match. Anne Bonny and Mary Read. An infamous duo of female pirates from the Golden Age of Piracy that served on the Calico Jack under Captain John Rackham. They said they were taking you to meet their captain? I'll dig up as much as I can about Rackham," their Caster support reported.

"Thanks," the Master nodded as she and her Servant followed the two pirates through a door at the rear of the ship, and into a room.

'Room' didn't quite encapsulate the majesty of the place they entered, though. It was massive, a space that should not have been able to exist on board a ship of this size, and yet the walls were barely visible for the sheer amount of treasure the place held. Mountains of gold coins surrounded ornate artworks in gilded frames. Several priceless marble statues were piled haphazardly in a corner, and the floor underfoot was inlaid with a glazed mosaic that looked like it had been ripped out of some lost Greek city, depicting what even Nikki could immediately recognise as Poseidon.

However, the room was dominated by a massive throne, on which a woman who dwarfed even Anne Bonny lounged. She was nine feet tall and wearing the uniform of British admiralty in black and gold with white highlights. Long, pink hair cascaded down from underneath a golden tricorn hat. Her face was dominated by a pair of thick, luscious lips, and violet eyes regarded them as she took a sip from a golden chalice in her hand.

To cap it all off, the communicator crackled to life again. "Nikki!" Da Vinci all but yelled. "We're getting an energy reading; that's the Grail! The Holy Grail you need to retrieve to fix the Singularity, it's right in front of you!"

"Oh? You want my cup of miracles?" The woman sat up, looking down at the Master whom she dwarfed. "Sorry, but this is the only thing in this room that I'll never, ever part with,"

"May I ask to whom we are speaking?" Nikki challenged. "I presume that you aren't John Rackham,"

"Oh, quite the bold one aren't we? Very well, it's no secret," She spread her arms wide, wine sloshing out from the brim of the Holy Grail in her hand and spattering across the floor. "Welcome to the Golden Hind, throne room of Admiral Francis Drake! The greatest pirate to ever sail the seas!"

Nikki's throat went dry. "It's an honour to meet you, uh, Lord Drake,"

"Oh, don't give me any of that crap," The pirate queen leant forwards. "I'm not the sort of girl who bandies about empty platitudes and pretends like people are worth respecting when they're not. You want me to take you seriously, girl? Tell me what you want and why I should give it to you,"

The Master considered this, then determined she probably meant to be taken at face value. "Right! We came here to ask why you're moving to intercept us and the Argonauts on our ship back there,"

"Oh, that's an easy question. We're going to run you down, shoot you full of holes and take everything you have down to the shirts off your backs," Drake explained as casually as though she were talking about the weather.

". . Second question. Why do you want to do that?"

The giant pirate cracked a toothy smile. "Why else? Because it's fun. And the Argonauts, you say? Heroes of Greek myth? That sounds like a hell of a good time! I might have let you talk me out of it before, but if I'm about to best some legendary heroes like them, there's nothing in this world I want more right now than a chance to see what they're made of!"

As she spoke, the Holy Grail flashed with light.

"Did . . you see that too?" Nikki whispered to Astolfo.

"Did you get all this treasure from the Grail?" the Rider asked.

"Don't insult me. My boys and I, oh, sorry, girls too," Anne and Mary nodded in gratitude at the recognition, "took every piece of booty in here with our own hands. All the Grail did was create opportunities. Save me a bit of the back and forth map reading. This cup exists only to sate my hunger for adventure! Every spot on the beach is marked with an X, every corner has fresh perils and dangers around it! Ever since coming to this sea, I've been having the time of my life and gotten everything I could ever ask for, all thanks to this gorgeous, pretty cup!"

She leant forward and leered. "So I hope you weren't planning to ask me to hand it over to you. Because that certainly isn't going to happen,"

A/N
A/N

Now, in my defence, I said that anyone who wanted Chaldea to team up with Francis Drake would be disappointed.

Not that I wasn't going to use her.

Meet the Ruler-Class Francis Drake Alter! Granted endless victory and prosperity by the Holy Grail, she no longer has any reason to circumnavigate the globe. On the ocean of Okeanos, she can rampage and plunder to her heart's content with a Grail that creates new adventures with new rewards whenever she wants, leading a hedonistically satisfying existence that ultimately does nothing to further the Age of Exploration. Without Francis Drake, Britain never becomes a naval superpower; America and Australia never get colonised. A massive chunk of history goes up in smoke.

Did I pull a switcheroo? Yes, yes I did.

OMAKE:

"And, really, why is Francis Drake a woman?" Nikki demanded, shaking her head.

"I dunno. Maybe she wished to be a human treasure herself," Astolfo suggested.

". . . That is patently insane, so it's probably exactly what happened,"