The Taming of Ishtar
Ritsuka Fujimaru had already learned that the arrivals of some more powerful Heroic Spirits usually lured to the summoning room Servants attached to them in some way. This time the ritual piqued attention of Gilgamesh, Enkidu and Ishtar, so it was natural to expect a visitor from their region.
But why was Arjuna here? Maybe their new Servant will be Ashur, the warrior god frequently depicted with a bow in hand?
The curtain of whirling magic fell down at last, uncovering a familiar looking figure, standing proudly inside the circle.
This Heroic Spirit was like Arjuna, but also nothing like him. His eyes were red and hair golden, which made him fit right into the company of Servants like Ereshkigal or Gilgamesh. And, just like them, he wore almost nothing but golden jewelry, including earrings with the symbol of a bull, just like the ones Ishtar had.
"Lancer, pseudo-Servant. Enenkil, Consort of Heavens, came in response to your summons. I'm a god of archery, music and those who serve faithfully. I'm also known as the scarred god, Instrument of Instant Punishement and the Tamer of Ishtar. Please command me as you wish, Master."
"Consort of Heavens...?!"
"Tamer of Ishtar?!"
"Yes. I started as a minor diety, a servant of the goddess. But when I deserved that last title, many people began to worship me with vigour, king Gilgamesh included. Other gods also praised and endowed me greatly."
Both Caster and Archer Gilgamesh burst out laughing. Ishtar, red like a ripe apple, prepared to fire her jewel missiles right between the new Lancer's eyes.
"How dare you claim such a thing?!" - she hissed like an angry panther. "I would never submit to a man like you!"
Arjuna-faced Servant did not look impressed by those threats; he grasped Ishtar's hand and kissed it gently. Then, with nearly no resistance, he trapped the whimsy goddess in a tight embrace and whispered to her ear:
"Sing of Ishtar, most awe-inspiring of goddesses!
She carries the fate of the world in her hands."
"Mhhhhhhwaaaaaah!" Ishtar, red and hot like a boiled lobster, almost exploded. She broke free from his embrace and ran away from the room.
Both versions of Gilgamesh laughed so hard, they would end up rolling on the floor, if not their strong sense of dignity.
"I see," said one of them through the tears. "But how could it be you did not end up like the rest of her lovers, crawling through the wastes as a legless lizard or something equally miserable?"
"Oh, she tried it, many times," Enenkil replied with a proud, mischievous smirk. "But could never defeat me in battle."
"This one deserves a drink," Enkidu said with a wide smile.
"Okay, but... why the god of archery manifested as a Lancer?" Arjuna's question seemed reasonable, considering the fact, that the Servant possessing a copy of his body was carrying a magnificent bow with him.
"Ah, about this..." Enenkil shrugged and materialized a wonderful, golden lance. It was beaming with condensed magical energy, like if it could explode at any moment.
"Wait..." Even Da Vinci blinked at the view. "Isn't that the spear Ishtar used to destroy the Mount Ebih?"
"It is. She threw it at me once. I told her she can have it back, if she apologizes nicely... so it's mine now. It's not particularly handy, but makes for a fine arrow."
"I'm not sure I want to know how you discovered that..." Ritsuka sighed painfully.
"I do want to know!" Enkidu grinned. Other Servants nodded vigorously, sharing their desire for knowledge.
"It happened because of that vile chieftain of thieves," the god explained, like if it was just some trivial matter. "I made it clear to Ishtar that, if she still wants to throw herself at other men, I do not mind, as long as they're heroes or at least good-hearted people I can acknowledge. Yet she let such a wicked creature kiss her feet... So I shot at him the first thing at hand, that's all."
All persons gathered in the room looked at Gilgamesh. It was obvious from whom Lancer must have picked up that nasty habit.
"Well, that also explains the 'instant punishement' part." Arjuna sighed. It seemed that all more godly versions of him tended to bring the 'I cannot tolerate evil' part of his personality to extreme levels.
"I see, she wanted a pet but accidentally awakened this one's inner Indra," Caster Gilgamesh concluded, gesturing towards 'original' Arjuna. The mentioned Servant confirmed his assumptions with a nod. "As expected from such useless goddess."
"Let's see if this weapon is effective against other versions of Ishtar," Archer Gilgamesh suggested with a wicked smile. "Bring all of them here immediately!" - he demanded, staring at Arjuna.
"Could you, please, do not order me around, King of Heroes?" The bowman narrowed his eyes, but carried out the command anyway. For some unknow reason, Enenkil reacted to this little scene with a fond smile.
Intrigued by this sudden gathering of Ishtars, other Servants associated with her, like Archer EMIYA and Parvati, followed Arjuna to the summoning room. Enenkil welcomed them all with a nod; he looked overjoyed, like a child at the sight of a chocolate cake.
"Oh, this one looks more like my Ishtar!" Ereshkigal fainted. "And there's a beautiful interstellar Ishtar as well?" Space Ishtar seemed less susceptible to his charms, but couldn't move or speak anyway. "And the one that celebrates summer?" Rider Ishtar retreated, screaming. "Master, I'm grateful that you have summoned me to this place. So many Ishtars to worship!"
Ritsuka looked at this mess with embarrassement, happy that Servants cannot die from laughing. The loss of both Gilgamesh and Enkidu would be a great tragedy for Chaldea.
"Oh, Master, how wonderful!" Parvati smiled innocently, delighted by the view of defeated Ishtars all around the place. "You have summoned an Ancient Mesopotamian Anti-Thot Cannon!"
"Lady Parvati..." Arjuna hid his face in his hands. "Of all people, you were the one to say such thing?"
Only EMIYA did not look surprised at all; he patted his fellow bowman with a compassionate sigh.
"I'll prepare something sweet," he said quietly. "We'll be needing it."
"Splendid idea, let's make a feast!" Archer Gilgamesh smirked, looking at their new Lancer. "I can only guess from what cursed timelime you came here, but you delivered to us some high quality entertainment. What kind of offerings do you accept? Know the generosity of the King!"
"Your praise alone is beyond any price, King Gilgamesh." Enenkil smiled, visibly pleased. "I never demanded material offerings, but singing and dancing under the stars make me truly happy."
"Then you will have it, even if we need to rayshift to Uruk right away!"
Ritsuka sighed. It sounded innocently, but, knowing all those crazy Servants, the real troubles were yet about to start.
Well, of course in FGO the god of archery should materialize as a Lancer, what's so surprising about it? ;)
In case You're confused, the 'cursed timeline' Lancer came from is the one from my AO3 story - "Those Who Belong to Heavens" (I can publish it here as well, but only on Your request). I used here a fragment of "Hymn to Ishtar" from mostlydeadlanguages site.
The name of the Servant is made-up, so if it means something in a language I do not know or belongs to someone else, I'm sorry and can assure You I meant no harm.
And, of course, I do not own anything from FGO, just my terrible writing. Hope You had fun!