Rouxls KaardSwatch

by wattssabrina02

deltarune

Rouxls Kaard was despondent- there was really no other word for it. The arrival of the denizens of Cyber City had overhauled the entirety of Castle Town, and although it brought with it a certain nightlife to the otherwise dreary atmosphere, it also came with aspects that, while unexpected and mostly celebrated, were not entirely wanted. For one thing, the incident with the Fun Gang forced him to not only abide by an uneasy truce with the children (the Lightners, and one goat), but also abandon his quest to become the servant of another new monarch. He tried- and in fact continued to try- to theoretically woo her into accepting his servitude, but as it stood anytime he attempted to prostrate himself to her, she merely laughed an autotuned, regal laugh.

"Ohohohoho~" Queen chortled, "I Am So Completely Wooed Right Now, It Is Not Even Funny."

"Really…?"

"No, Stop. You Look Like A Peacock With Head Trauma."

In theory, Rouxls had two other rulers who could satiate his itch, but the less said about the Spade King, the better. That left Lancer, but the problem was that Lancer was- for lack of a better word- undercooked. He was just a child, and as a child, he demanded childish things. His favorite songs were still ones consisting almost entirely of splat sounds, and although he enjoyed unearthing the freshly turned worms, a monarch's favorite hobby shouldn't have been digging holes in the dirt floor of their room. It was not that Rouxls didn't find Lancer endearing- truly he did- but as it stood, the closest thing he could ever get to a command out of the child was never really a command, it was more of an accident.

"Lesser Daaaaaad!" the youngest king the Card Kingdom had ever had said one day, as Rouxls was already in the midst of something important. "Lesser Dad Lesser Dad Lesser Dad!"

Rouxls just smiled. "Childe, I thoughteth we agreed on mine neweth title?"

Lancer sniffed, and Rouxls could see why. One brief explanation of attempting to climb up the sheer cliff to the west of Castle Town later, Rouxls ended up taking Lancer's gloves (and scooping up Lancer as well) and retreating into his room to sew them up carefully. It was nothing new to him- he had been sewing Lancer's clothing since he was a baby, and it never really bothered him to be forced to drop everything in order to clean the child up and fix his clothing. Really. It really didn't. Absolutely not.

He had been pouring over his old books of law- his old textbooks describing the rules and intrigue of courtly life and politics. It would be very important for Lancer to learn these things, if he was ever truly going to ascend past his father and overthrow the goat child to become the proper ruler of Castle Town (Rouxls did not actually tell Lancer that this was his end goal, but he imagined when Lancer grew older, he would grow tired of Ralsei's saccharine attitude and it would put some proper spring in his step). A curriculum had been planned properly, and it even included a calligraphy portion as a way of helping Lancer learn how to meditate, and properly hone a skill that required elegance and finesse. Like most things Rouxls Kaard put his mind to, he was quite proud of himself for it.

"Thanks, Lesser Dad!" Lancer said as Rouxls tucked his freshly repaired gloves back onto his hands. "...Are you okay? Lesser Dad? Vice Father?"

At the more proper nickname, Rouxls bucked up a little, and nodded. "I ameth fine, childe."

"Okay!"

Lancer surged forward to hug him, and Rouxls simply smiled gently, and hugged him back. Deep down, he wanted to tell him that proper rulers did not hug their servants, but it was a lesson that would have to wait until he was far older. As it stood, Lancer was just an affectionate little pumpkin.

"Art thou ready for the curriculum I haveth prepared for thee?"

Lancer nodded quickly. "Ready as i'll ever be, Lesser Da- Vice Father!"

"Oh, thou art sweet," Rouxls patted his head, and Lancer stuck his tongue out in a silent gesture of delight. "I thinketh today we start with something easy, how about… how to recognize poison?"

Lancer's smile widened, "why would I need to know that?"

"In caseth someone attempted to assassinate thee."

Lancer's face fell. "Wha?"

Rouxls realized shortly afterwards that he had perhaps said the wrong thing. Before he could clarify, Lancer cried out in alarm.

"Is that going to happen, Lesser Dad?!"

"No!" Rouxls exclaimed, "no, of courseth not! 'Tis merely a precaution designed to keep thee safe! When thou's father's life was attempted upon-"

"Someone tried to kill dad!?"

God dammit.

"It waseth a long, long time ago," Rouxls answered. "Not a soul has dared since." Except the Lighteners, but they didn't seem like the killing types anyway.

"Oh…" Lancer said, sniffling a little, and wiping his eyes. "Are you sure?"

"Of courseth not, he made sure of it."

"How?"

God dammit.

"Well…" Rouxls glanced around, and reached up to loosen his collar. How to phrase 'put the interloper's heads on pikes for their transgressions as an example' to a literal child? "You knoweth what? Letteth us simply move on to practical law."

As it stood, Rouxls could lecture. It was easy, it was informative, and most importantly it was safe for a child. What had he been thinking? That sort of intrigue was far too rough for a kid like him to tolerate, especially in the relative peace of Castle Town. He wanted him to be precautious, but he didn't want the poor lad to become a nervous wreck. Rouxls even worried the current topic may have been too engrossing, as he discussed the different variations of courts and the history of the Card Kingdom legal system. He was proven right when he looked over to make sure Lancer was paying attention, and found his dumpling-shaped head face down on the table, snoozing, with a little bubble coming out of his nose. Sighing, Rouxls placed down his thick tome, and picked him up to nestle him within the crook of one arm, and carried him to his bedroom to tuck him in properly.

"Goodnight, little king…" Rouxls murmured, and gave him a small pat on the head before leaving. It wasn't an understatement to say Rouxls was incredibly disappointed- after all, Lancer had to learn these things. It was what kings did- they had to learn the proper ins-and-outs of the hierarchies of their courts, and how to determine where their loyalties should lie, and how to treat their servants like, well, servants.

Not glorified nannies.

The truth was that Rouxls was feeling… somewhat useless, actually. Relegated to cooking and cleaning, he found himself wanting, especially now that Queen was in the equation. On top of refusing to take him on as her subservient, she was engaging more and more with Lancer, calling herself his girldad, even. It wasn't bad- not at all! It was excellent for him to have acquired a new parent, but the fact remained that this only made things slightly more irritating for Rouxls. Only slightly. Rouxls wasn't a computer, or a robot of any kind- he didn't have LEDs, or a voice changer, or games on his phone (whatever the hell that meant), and although Lancer was always a polite little pumpkin, and truthfully a sweetheart, it just seemed like he was destined to drift away from Rouxls's antiquated sensibilities, now that he had been exposed to the goodness of the Lighteners, and the bright neon lights of the contemporaries of Cyber City.

So when he wasn't tending to the prince, he retreated into his hobbies, and even picked up a few he hadn't considered before suddenly having so much free time on his hands. Ralsei even offered him a surprise, when he saw him particularly down.

"I do notteth want to indulge in your garbage," he said sadly one day. Ralsei just smiled, and presented the red and pink sapling. Rouxls immediately perked up. "Where did thou…?"

"I made it! I saw that you were getting into gardening, and…" He said happily. "It's from the cauldron, it took a while, but I think it'll be able to grow…"

Rouxls took the Dark Candy tree and looked it over thoughtfully. "And 'tis not a cake?"

Ralsei flushed a little. "N-No! I mean, do you want it to be?"

"Hmm… no. But thanketh thee."

Thanking Ralsei for anything felt foreign and strange, and Rouxls wasn't a fan, but Lancer might enjoy some native flora close by, so he planted it behind the Castle under his window, trying to keep it as far away from the Fountain as possible.

No one planted a tree with the intent of having candy the day after, but as it stood, it was a suitable distraction for Rouxls. Tending to it became a pastime as the days turned into weeks, and Lancer seemed to be calling upon him less and less for things worthy of a Duke, and more and more for things worthy of a butler. Oftentimes, recently, he would make meals for him and the Prince, only to have him take the plate and scurry off with it, leaving Rouxls to eat by himself. It didn't hurt his feelings, of course not, but a prince should have some decorum!

A cursory glance revealed he wasn't taking the food to the dungeon, thank God, and that's what was important. So after dinner, every day, Rouxls would tend to the tree in the absolute darkness of nightfall, and acted like this didn't bother him at all.

"Wow, And Here I Thought You Couldn't Get More Pathetic."

Rouxls huffed, and glanced behind him at Queen, and although she quipped mercilessly at him, her visor helt a sympathetic gaze. "Whateth dost thou need of me, dare I ask?"

"Nothing!" she exclaimed, leaning in the doorway to the back courtyard, which had been mercilessly overgrown with how little Ralsei tended to it (this was no surprise to Rouxls when he first went out there, seeing as Ralsei couldn't be more than a teen himself, and it was a large undertaking for someone all on their own. Of course, Rouxls was used to doing things all on his own). Now, it was at least somewhat presentable- Lancer preferred digging in his room, anyway.

"But I Was Very Curious As To What You Got Up To Doing Every Night Now That Our Sweet Little Pumpkin Dumpling Has A New Favorite Parent."

Rouxls scoffed, and laughed heartily. "Thou thinkeths that THOU art Lancer's favourite?" he spat, and turned his attention back to carefully adjusting the sapling, which was already a little bigger. It might have been from the magic, but Rouxls liked to think perhaps it was his own doing that spurred it on. Queen's warm hand landed on his shoulder, perhaps a bit harder than she had intended, judging by the sympathy in her autotune.

"I Am Just Messing With You, Kaard," she replied, "He Is A Good Kid. He Loves All His Dads."

"I wouldn't haveth guessed…" Rouxls murmured, before he could stop himself.

"What Gives You That Idea?"

He slammed a hand over his mouth, before sighing into it. "Canneth a man fear for his placeth within his liege's heart in peace? Alleth I do is the work of a lowly maid…"

"Aw You Feel Unappreciated, That's Cute."

"Keepeth it close to thou's breast!" Rouxls cried. "I wisheth to be more! I wanteth what is best for him, and no one canneth see that!"

"Aw, You Care About Him."

"He is my prince and I serve him, of courseth I care about him!"

"No I Mean As A Parent You Dumb Blueberry Pie Of A Man."

"...Goeth away, or dost thou get pleasure out of brutalizing me?"

"Actually, I Do," Queen laughed. "Relax, Kaard, He Has Been Avoiding Me Recently As Well."

"Really?"

"Yes," she half-lied. It was just her good fortune that when it came to reading people, Rouxls was a bit of an idiot, and he brightened a little at her words. Besides, it wasn't entirely false. More and more the child seemed very interested in the upstairs of the Castle, where the Lightener's rooms were situated, even when she wanted to show him new dance moves or a new game she had installed in her head. "I Made Him A Battery Acid Pie The Other Day, And He Left The Room With It, And An Hour Later I Heard It Hit The Wall So I Do Not Think He Liked It."

"No, I do noteth think so," Rouxls replied, looking down at the young sapling he was tending to. "At least thous needeths me."

"Are You Talking To Me Or The Tree?"

"Certainly not you!" he exclaimed. "I do wisheth it would talk back, sometimes, however… it wouldst be nice."

"You Are Talking To A Tree, Kaard."

"Well who dost thou wisheth me to speak withe!?" he finally yelled. "I ameth a man of the past! An antiquated servant who hast been casteth aside in favorite of the paltry trappings of a modern age! Mine proper title and position haveth been stripp'ed away into nothinge, and I am but left a broken heart beating senselessly onward into the sea of newness I cannot possibly comprehend-!"

"Kaard."

"Andeth for what? The amusements of a pair of Lighteners and someth naive goat childe?! Even whenth I try and teacheth Lancer the means to be a proper Kinge, I fail!"

"Kaard."

"Lancer dost not need me any longer… ifeth he learns to cook or sew, thereth will be nothing lefteth for me…"

"Kaard, You Are Melting."

Rouxls was doubled over in front of his little project, his body slowly cascading down into a gooey puddle with every sorrowful word he confessed, the white and blue of his hair and skin running into each other like slime, until he was lying in a gross, lumpy swirl of goop at Queen's feet.

"Kaard, For The Love Of God."

"Leaveth me be. I willst reform wheneth thou has need of me… which willeth be never." A cartoonish puff of smoke poofed out from her head as she vented some heat from the back of her head vents, and bent down to stick her hand into the pile. "Aah! Stop! Personale spaceth!"

"You Need To Snap Out Of It," she said, and lifted him up. He rose only by virtue of her motion, and with ease she placed him back on his feet, though he was still melting by the minute. "Kids Are Like This, They Wish To Know Independance."

"Lancer is but a childe!" Rouxls wailed. "What independence could he want for!? Up until recently his greatest wish waseth to have a bicycle that shot flames! Ever Since the Card Kingdom felleth, he has grown more and more wild!"

"Chances Of Your Overreaction Based Upon Emotional Turmoil Is Very High," Queen replied, smiling at him cheekily. "At Least Eighty Percent."

"I ameth NOT emotionally compromised!" Rouxls cried.

"Eighty-Five Percent."

"Shutteth yon uppeth!"

"Relax, Kaard, I Am- Searching For Proper Idiom- Pulling Your Leg."

"Welleth go yanketh someone else's limbs elsewhere! Canneth thou leaveth me to brood in peace?!" As it turned out, no, she could not. She simply dragged him up into her arms and carried him out of the courtyard. "Whereth art thou taking me?"

"Somewhere Nice."

"Thou art too kind…"

"You Need Some Time To Yourself, Where You Do Not Even Think About The Kid."

"He is my responsibility, and no other Darkner has needeth of a useless servante…"

"I Know One Place They Always Have Need Of Fancy Rich Darkners."

"Whereth is that?"

"You'll See."

On top of the renovations to the inside that made the place much more bright and plush, the changes to the outside of the Castle Town cafe had really given a new definition to the atmosphere. The colours were a softer sort of rainbow that glistened in salmon and fern and cyan, and although it seemed as though they could have clashed terribly, it was surprisingly delicate on the eyes. There was no denying it: it was the Colour Cafe in everything but the name, and the size. It was much smaller than the one in the Mansion, but that was how the cookie was deleted from the hard drive.

"This Place Really Has Come Together Nicely," Queen remarked as a burly Swatchling let her through, though they did point at the bundle of dripping goop in her arms that was Rouxls. "He's With Me."

She sat Rouxls up in a chair at a table like a mannequin and took a seat beside him, only to watch his head slump down onto the table as his goopy, sugary hair spilled out across the surface. Queen simply flagged down a Swatchling, and ordered two battery acidtinis.

"Thou knoweths I cannot drink that," Rouxls gurgled.

"Don't Knock It Until You've Tried It."

"I willst lit'rally melt."

"As If You Haven't Melted Enough Already," she replied, "You Are Too Gooey To Be This Depressed."

"Whatst does that haveth to do with one's sadness?"

"You Will Stain The Veneer."

"Oh… I really shouldeth return to the Castle. I haveth chores to-"

"You Are Going To Have Fun. Set Fun Protocol To True."

Attempting to have a spirited talk with Rouxls was a bit like talking to an extremely mopey brick wall, but no one could fault Queen for not trying. She laughed and spoke to him as though he was listening and responding to every word, when in reality he was simply melting all over the place, his shape barely recognizable as humanoid. It wasn't until she buzzed happily at something being placed on the table that Rouxls looked up at, revealing a form slightly smaller than an average Swatchling, bedecked in mostly monochrome, save for the few smatterings of colour on their waistcoat.

"For you, my Lady Grace," Swatch offered, "and one for your… guest. Courtesy of the House."

"Aw, Swatch," Queen hummed, looking down at the pastries. A simple choux pastry, filled with cream. Her's was a bright acid green, just how she liked it, and Rouxls' was a deep, delicate pink. He lifted his head to look at the fine dessert, and anyone who knew Rouxls could have told you of his weakness for sweets. Slowly, he pulled himself together, his body pulling back up and solidifying into a recognizable shape before he glanced up at Swatch. "You Shouldn't Have."

"Couldst I become privy to a pair of utensils?" Rouxls murmured, "or dost thou expecteth me to eat it with mine fingers like an animal?"

Swatch chuckled, "we would never, butler supremeth."

A pair of a tiny silver fork and knife tipped with small pearls were placed before him within seconds, and Rouxls straightened up to pick them up and cut into the pastry. His back was straight and his face was impassive as he took a bite, looking as proper as a king in that moment, while Queen picked it up with her fingers and bit right into it like a particularly spoiled queen. If you were going to eat a creme puff, after all, it behooved one to do so in the most indulgent way possible. Her expression was all Swatch needed to know he had done well, but Rouxls was remarkably stone faced as he consumed it.

"Is everything to your liking, sir?" Swatch asked. Rouxls shrugged a little.

"'Tis passable, I suppose. The raspberry mousse is an adequate replacement for the proper creme, I guesseth."

Swatch narrowed their eyes behind their glasses. "Ah, so you aren't pleased."

"I didst not sayeth that," Rouxls argued. "It is delicious- but it wouldst be better if thou used the proper technique, is alleth that I am accusing."

"Forgive me, sir," Swatch replied, placing their hands behind their back and puffing their chest out, their body language admitting that they actually cared very little what Rouxls actually thought about much of anything. "Our chef believed that the change would have added a bit of colour and nuance to the dessert, rather than simply abiding by the classical recipe."

Rouxls laughed, "and which chef was this?"

"Me."

Queen placed her chin in her hand, grinning as she watched the back and forth. Rouxls narrowed his eyes, and continued to eat. Politeness dictated, after all, that he finished. He was already half-way through it, though he took small bites. Swatch observed.

"Well, next time perhaps thou will think before making such dire changes. Classics are classics for a reason."

"With all due respect, sir, you are still eating it."

"I never said it was bad, just wrong."

"Whatever you say, sir. However, if I may speak freely?"

"Thou may."

"It's only raspberry. A small change-"

"A mousse and a cream filling are nowhereth near as small a change as thou would assume."

"-That does not warrant such despondency in the face of a free dessert. Now, If I had done something truly despicable, like giving you a pastry filled with worms, then you would have a proper place to complain. Although, to be fair, it's easy to complain as an outsider."

"Whateth art thou insinuating?"

Inwardly, Swatch hesitated, but looking at Queen raising her brow curiously bolstered their boldness. "...I suppose if I may still speak my mind, what I am trying to say is: let's see you do better."

Rouxls continued to eat, until he finally finished the entire thing, and pushed the plate away from him. He rose, and with a huff, stomped his way out of the Cafe and leaving gooey footprints in his wake. Queen chortled, but Swatch had an inkling they had perhaps gone too far.

"Nice."

"My apologies, my Lady Grace… I do not… know what came over me."

"No, No, This Is Good. He's Definitely Not Upset Anymore. Can I Get Another Dozen Or So Of These Little Green Ones?"

The next time Rouxls attended the Colour Cafe, it was empty. Swatch was making their final rounds- personally inspecting the cleanliness of the tables and countertops as they always did before they left every night, when a white boot connected to a blue leg kicked the door open, and Rouxls entered like a hurricane. Swatch merely watched.

"How did you-"

"I haveth a little something for thou!" Rouxls demanded, and slammed down a silver platter on the table between them. He pulled off the lid, revealing a choux pastry.

"That door was locked, sir."

"Eat."

"With all due respect, Mr. Kaard, I don't eat things given to me out of animosity."

"I will splitteth it with thee."

Swatch felt their feathers bristle as they looked into Rouxls's eyes, the brows of which were furrowed into a dangerous expression, daring Swatch to deny him. "...Very well."

With the way Rouxls and Swatch were sitting across from one another, with two forks placed at one another's places, it was like watching a game of Russian roulette- all that mattered was who would be the first to take a bite. Swatch wasn't normally a nervous individual, but the way Rouxls was looking at them- more seriously than they had ever seen him in their life, even when he was attempting to muscle his way into Queen's entourage back in Cyber City- had them just a scant nervous. They were confident that they could overpower the man if they had to, but they hoped it wouldn't come to it as they lifted their fork, and plunged it into the pastry without removing their eyes from Rouxls's. They cleaved a piece off of the dessert without blinking an eye, and opened their beak to place it within, and with it followed a few slow, thoughtful chews. It… wasn't bad. Actually. They watched as Rouxls did the same thing, closing his dreamy eyes as he sucked the cream off of the fork.

"...What did you do to this cream puff?" Swatch finally asked.

"Nothinge," Rouxls replied. "Have another bite."

Again, confident that they could ultimately defeat Rouxls if he tried anything sketchy, Swatch did just that. The taste was… curious. It wasn't a pure pâte à choux, which was confusing to the Head Butler, after Rouxls's admonishment the night prior, but it hadn't deviated from it enough that someone unaccustomed to such a thing would notice. It was sweet, but delicately savory as well, almost as though there was a protein element they couldn't quite put their finger on. When they were both finished- they had both eaten approximately half without any repercussions, and Swatch stretched and loosened their tie just a bit, exposing the copious fluff beneath their collar.

"Alright," they began, "I give up, Mr. Kaard. What was in that?"

"Whateth dost thou ever mean?"

"Your secret ingredient," they implored. "You would not have come here to give me a peace offering without an ultimatum, I can only assume."

Rouxls folded his arms together, and placed his elbows on the table in what Swatch could only assume was a sophisticated form of psychological warfare. "'Tis nothing that does not belong in a pâte à choux- eggs, butter, worms, sugar… thou's usual."

A long pause transpired between them, and Swatch reached up to slowly remove their glasses, and rub their eyes tiredly. "Mr. Kaard…"

"Hm?"

"Why?"

"Was it not to your liking?"

"With all due respect, Mr. Kaard, of course it was to my liking… I am a bird."

It took a moment for Rouxls to realize the error behind his thinking with this gesture, but he kept up his visage of cool triumph anyway. Still, the fact that Swatch would have enjoyed it any way he made it ate at him a little. The intention was not to leave them ambivalent. He wanted to see the ever proper bird unkempt, maybe even a little disgusted- that would have brought him some peace. Yet. No. They had the nerve to be not only right, but only slightly baffled. Sensing that they had made the moment awkward for exposing Rouxls's intentions, they tapped a finger on the plate.

"It was good, Mr. Kaard," they finally said. "Tell me, how did you go about the process?"

Rouxls glanced up at Swatch, and cleared his throat, beginning to explain his process as though he would be imparting upon Swatch a valuable cooking lesson. The Head Butler just nodded thoughtfully, making an interested noise now and again.

"Actually, twas the fifth or so attempt, I gaveth the others to Lancer."

"While it is favorable, I still do not understand why you made something so wretched when our argument was about classical versus fruit flavors."

"I…" Rouxls looked away, and wrapped his arms around himself with a sigh. "Canneth I trust thou to be mine confidant?"

Knowing they had absolutely no obligation to whatsoever, Swatch nodded. "Of course."

"I justeth wanted thou to admit I could do something right."

"By tricking me into eating something you assumed I would think disgusting?"

"By tricking thee into eating something of thou's own conception thou assumed wouldst be disgusting, but was found to be delectable. To teacheth thee a lesson."

"It's a very poor lesson. It doesn't make much sense."

Rouxls hung his head, and Swatch actually felt a little guilty being so blunt. Before they could speak again Rouxls stood up and gathered up the plate and platter, beginning to storm out, entirely mortified. Swatch knew that if they didn't say something now, they would have made an enemy for life. A fairly incompetent one, with no chance of ever doing any proper damage, but they did so hate the idea of going through this again.

"Make me another."

Rouxls paused halfway out the door, and turned ever so slightly to look back at them with his hair askew and falling into his face. "Whateth?"

"It was good, Mr. Kaard, I insist you bring me another." They perched their glasses back into their face and stood, smoothing down the feathers behind their head. "If you so choose, of course."

"Eveneth with the wormes?"

"Like I said, I am still a bird. Perhaps the Swatchlings will enjoy it as well."

"I… um… v-very well! I shall do my besth to graceth thou with mine cooking all the more! On one condition!"

"And that is?"

"...I wanteth to see thou eat it."

"Every time?"

"Iseth that a problem?"

"I suppose not…"

Rouxls, despite himself, immediately brightened. "I shall proffer the nexth batch to thee with bells on!"

"I look forward to-" the door closed behind Rouxls before the butler could even finish their sentence, and Swatch sighed. Luckily, they were such a good Darkner. As for Rouxls, he immediately went home to tuck Lancer into bed, and tended to his tree.

It wasn't that Rouxls was necessarily bad company- after all he did bring good pastries, and good food could elevate even the worst of companions into tolerable- it was just that he had something to say about everything that came out of the kitchen.

"The feet on these macarons art not high enough."

"Thou's pastry shell is awfully wet."

"Whoeth taughteth thee howeth to make pasta?"

And Swatch put up with it. Not because they were bound by some code of honor, but because it was more fun to bounce off of him.

"You are correct, Mr. Kaard, any higher and it would distract from the delicate jam and meringue filling."

"Indeed, Mr. Kaard, dare I say it should be glistening. Swatchling, take it back and put on another layer of sugar water, please."

"My roller is in the shop, Mr. Kaard, you'll have to forgive the ardent strength of my wings. They are more accustomed to smashing."

This went on for some time. In fact, nearly a fortnight had passed between their first attempt at a confrontation, and each time, Rouxls brought with him a new arsenal of quips with which to unload on the seemingly unsuspecting bird. Swatch managed to deflect every time. However, it shouldn't be mistaken that this behavior was awful- on the contrary. By the time Rouxls snuck his way into the kitchen, and Swatch found him in there properly instructing the patissier on the proper application of a ganache, Swatch merely folded their wings and clicked their tongue at him disapprovingly, instead of just bodily throwing him out.

"Mr. Kaard, just because you can create masterpieces out of worms does not mean you are free to infiltrate my kitchen."

"I am merely offering my assistance- thou must know that stirring irregularly canneth result in but an unseemly pile of goop."

"Oneth pile of goop to another, I suppose."

"Cheeky words frometh such a superfluous, sentient down comforter sucheth as thouself."

The poor Swatchling could only back away steadily as the two men fought without blows in the traditional sense, all while Rouxls kept up a diligent stirring motion that Swatch couldn't help but notice. This continued past the proper construction of the eclairs, past the last closing chime of the door, and into the evening as Swatch decorated their glasses with fine cocktails and little parasols. Rouxls wasn't a heavy drinker, but a couple couldn't hurt. It was then that Swatch decided to pop the important question.

"Come work for me."

Rouxls blinked, halfway down his third beverage. "Whateth?"

"You obviously know your way around the kitchen, judging from the way you keep hurling criticisms at me every waking moment you're here," they insisted, and Rouxls preened Inwardly at the compliment.

"Welleth! At least someone notices."

"I know being the Duke is a full time responsibility, so I do understand if you cannot, I truly do- but perhaps you would find the work edifying. You could show off as much as you like to your own audience, as long as you don't make trouble. I won't stop you."

"...Lancer still needeths me, eveneth if it is a bit if a…" He murmured something incoherently. Swatch didn't push it. He was his Vice Father, of course- but then again, he had Queen as a girldad, and even Ralsei as a friend, and it would only be a matter of time before the Lighteners returned...

"It would not be every night that you would work," Swatch replied. "It would be at your leisure- besides, you do enjoy coming here."

"Humph. Whateth makes thou think that?"

"Would you like a refill?"

"Verily."

Swatch mixed him another drink.

"I won't force you," he repeated, "but a chance to flex your muscle… to keep your critical thinking skills sharp… to woo the hungry crowd… it may behoove you to think about-"

"Yeseth."

"I beg your pardon, Mr. Kaard?"

Rouxls was halfway leaning over the table with each new word, clutching the glass tighter and tighter with every sentence. He wanted that. For the love of God, he wanted to be relevant again.

"I willeth do it."

"Oh!" Swatch replied, adding an egg white to their shaker to give it a good, strong mix. "If you are certain… I will tell the others that you will be joining the staff at your earliest possible convenience."

"On the morrow."

"So soon?"

"Of course! Thiseth place is falling apart- it needeths a practiced hand to guide it."

Swatch laughed, deep and boisterous. "I am certain my staff will be thrilled to work with you."

"As they shoudleth be~"

"Come tomorrow morning for a fitting, and we'll find somewhere to put you."

"As longeth as I am notteth on dish duty."

"Everyone must suffer the mortifying ordeal of scrubbing dishes, Mr. Kaard, even me."

"...Why?"

"For the sake of humility and fairness."

"Such overrated principles."

"And to think, you wished to be Head Butler, once upon a time."

Rouxls sipped his drink, the gears for staging a mutiny already turning playfully in his mind. He chortled, and Swatch simply drank their own, wondering. They'd made mistakes before- big ones- and something inside did warn them that this might be a big one… but it would be a fun one, and a bit of intrigue was good for any occupation.

"Shall we toast?" They asked. "To goodwill?"

Rouxls smiled. "To fixing this God awful place~"

"To professionalism~"

That night, while Rouxls was away, Lancer stole away from the table in the Castle kitchen with his dinner and crept upstairs, away from Queen and Ralsei both, and instead of ducking into his own room, he slipped into Kris's, and closed the door silently behind him.