2001: A SpongeOdyssey
A SpongeBobSquarePants parody novella of 2001: A Space Odyssey
An Evolutionary Epic of Matter, Machine, and Spirit
Available as a screenplay audiobook adaptation on YouTube
Act 1: Dawn of the Krabby Patty
On an alien flying saucer in near-earth orbit in outer space, an alien radio plays epic classical music as the sun rises in the sky above Earth. It is the prehistoric era of the Pacific Ocean, circa 4 Million B.C.E. Two herbivorous tribes of aquatic, primitive, furry, ape-like, caveman creatures, one led by a crab caveman, the ancient ancestor of 20th century crab Mr. Krabs, and the other led by a plankton caveman, the ancient ancestor of 20th century plankton Sheldon Plankton, are at tribal war over the scarce resources and frozen barnacles of a barren, frozen landscape during an extreme ice age. The crab tribe includes a sponge caveman (the ancient ancestor of 20th century sponge SpongeBob SquarePants), a star fish caveman (the ancient ancestor of 20th century starfish Patrick Star), and an octopus caveman (the ancient ancestor of 20th century octopus Squidward Tentacles). The plankton tribe includes primitive shrimp cavemen. Because of the little Plankton caveman leader's intelligence, which compensates for everything small about his body, the plankton tribe, building booby trap pits, often wins its chaotic battles against the crab tribe for water and frozen barnacles. Wild predators, especially the fat and large wooly walruses, routinely attack both the virtually starving tribes. A frozen river divides the settlements of the two rival tribes, resulting in conflicts over the water source when certain parts of the ice thaw from the morning sun, resulting in liquid water for drinking. One morning, a large yellow rectangular monolith suddenly appears among the crab tribe, causing panic among its caveman members. However, the sponge caveman of the tribe, who is the most curious and playful of the crab tribe, summons the curiosity and courage to inspect the monolith. The sponge slowly and cautiously reaches out his finger towards the monolith as he feels a trance like impulse to touch the monolith. The sponge's yellow finger becomes one with the yellow monolith upon contact. The sponge's boldness encourages the others to literally rub their eyes and bodies against the monolith as well to use it as a giant back and butt scratcher and to relieve mental stress as the monolith searches through their minds to implant new intuitive ideas. After a month of the monolith's mysterious and haunting presence among the crab tribe, the crab tribe suddenly learns how to sharpen rocks and wood into spears, create spatulas out of wooden twigs and leaves, and hunt nearby wooly walruses for meaty food, ending their starvation and making them omnivores. The success of the crab tribe causes it to send the plankton and shrimp tribe into exile after the plankton leader, throwing snowballs, is critically injured and loses in a fight with the crab leader, armed with a new weapon, the spear, at the river for the tribal dominance of the region. The crab tribe holds a large celebration of their newfound prosperity with the feast of the new krabby patty meals of meat, leaves, and wooly walrus skin as buns. Due to his courage in first touching and gazing into the hypnotic monolith, the sponge caveman of the tribe is given a name by the other members. The name of the sponge is now "Patty Flipper," due to his natural skill in properly cooking the krabby patties with the new twig and leaf spatulas and solar heated flat rocks to feed the tribe. Despite his new status as tribal hero and master of the sea, Patty Flipper is unsure of what to do next, but he will think of something. As the other tribe members warm themselves together at night by another new invention, camp fire, a flying saucer in the dark, starry sky above takes the large rectangular yellow monolith into it with a magnetic beam of light and departs at unimaginable speeds into outer space. From an isolated hill overlooking the tribal vigil, Patty Flipper and the star fish caveman watch the alien ship disappear into the unknown infinite. After a moment of silence, Patty Flipper uses a spatula to flip a patty into the cold air up towards the night sky. The flipping patty, like all past things and creatures, vanishes with the relentless, endless passage of time…In the cold, silent vacuum of outer space, an oceanic void of cosmic dust, a small object rotates around the blue globe of earth. The descendant of all former mechanical progress and technological evolution, it is a space shuttle armed with a giant laser gun super weapon on top of it, with the national emblem of a crab on it, and "The Krusty Krab Space Station" written on it, millions of years in the future of the prehistoric first contact. The year is now 2000 C.E.
Act 2: The Moon is Made of Cheese
The year is 2000 C.E. The historic rivalry between the Krusty Krab and Chum Bucket restaurant fast food chains, which began approximately 50 years ago in the mid-20th century, has greatly escalated. Throughout the 20th century, the modern day plankton Sheldon Plankton, his computer wife Karen, and his merry and gay band of shrimp pirates from the Chum Bucket often attacked and tried to steal the krabby patty formula from the Krusty Krab. However, the crab owner of the Krusty Krab who was the modern day Mr. Krabs, its loyal sailor employee crew of the the modern day sponge SpongeBob SquarePants and octopus Squidward Tentacles, and their modern day friends of Gary the snail, Patrick Star the starfish, and Sandy Cheeks the squirrel, always defeated the little band of pirates and thieves, preventing them from stealing the secret formula. By the year 2000 C.E., the 20th century SpongeBob , his friends at the Krusty Krab, and his enemies at the Chum Bucket, are all dead from old age. All sea creatures, due to technological advancement, are now cyborgs, meaning they are half- robot and half-sea creature. Bikini Bottom's population consists mainly of crab and lobster cyborgs, descendants of the original Mr. Krabs and loyal customers of the Krusty Krab fast food empire, and of plankton and shrimp cyborgs, descendants of the original Sheldon Plankton and loyal customers of the Chum Bucket fast food empire. The two hostile cyborg peoples have split the city in half at the road, once an ancient water source for the rival populations' respective prehistoric ancestor caveman tribes, separating the two original rival restaurants, the Krusty Krab and the Chum Bucket. The division of the city causes the formation of two separate rival nations, one mainly full of cyborg crabs and lobsters and the other mainly full of cyborg plankton and shrimp. The two nations are named after the two original restaurants that have been expanded into capitols for both sides with the road dividing them as a dangerous militarized border. The first nation, full of mainly cyborg crabs and lobsters and ruled by a democratic plutocracy, is a capitalist nation named "United States of Krusty Krabs." The second nation, full of mainly cyborg plankton and shrimp and ruled by a communist dictatorship, is a socialist nation named "Union of Chum Buckets." Following their ancestors' long rivalry and historic animosity, the two nations began a long cold war and arms race to prove their cultural and biological supremacy to one another. By the year 2000 C.E., both nations have entered into a space race and have developed vehicles for space travel. Each nation has one major space shuttle station orbiting earth. Each major space shuttle station is armed with a giant laser gun super weapon, capable of generating a laser beam large and powerful enough to destroy the rival nation within minutes. However, due to the fear of M.A.D., the threat of mutual assured destruction, both sides never use their super laser guns, though both keep them armed, aimed, and ready for use against one another. Since the descendants of 20th century squirrel scientist Sandy Cheeks lived in the United States of Krusty Krabs, the Krusty Krab space program develops space travel vehicles first and successfully lands first on the cheese moon, which is made of yellow holey cheese, where it establishes a cheese moon colony and new Krusty Krab restaurant dependent on the cheddar reserves of the cheese moon. However, a mysterious food poisoning epidemic is rumored to have doomed the Krusty Krab cheese moon colony. This causes a state of increased tension between the rival nations as the Krusty Krab space program bans the Chum Bucket space program from entering the quarantined cheese moon. Both Krusty Krab and Chum Bucket space ships, resembling giant metallic sea creatures, play classical waltz music on their radios and gracefully float around the earth in outer space, which is the new ocean for space explorers. The space ships resemble giant robotic aquatic creatures, which are slowly and gracefully making swimming motions past one another in their precise near-earth orbits. While on his lobster shaped space shuttle to the cheese moon, head of the Krusty Krab space program, the crab cyborg Krab Borg, receives a message from his whale cyborg daughter Pearl Bot. On earth, it is Pearl Bot's birthday, and her father, via hologram transmission, promises to buy the imaginative girl a doll of a stereotypical imaginary green alien when he returns home. Both father and daughter express how much they love and miss each other before ending their signals and conversation. Krab Borg's lobster shuttle is visited by the plankton cyborg Plank Tron, head of the Chum Bucket space program, who reluctantly congratulates the Krusty Krab nation for landing on the cheese moon first and reluctantly expresses sorrow for the tragic but covert fate of the Krusty Krab cheese moon colony. The meeting between the two rival leaders is tense and permeated by moments of awkward silence, during which they both constantly mention how lovely the vacuum weather of outer space is and how nice each other's national super laser weapons are. After having a forced and odd conversation about whether size always matters in love and war, Plank Tron tries to get Krab Borg to reveal the specifics of the cheese moon colony food poisoning epidemic, but Krab Borg politely refuses by telling Plank Tron that he would have to kill him if he told him any secret details. After a tense final hand shake, in which Krab Borg's claws lightly pinch Plank Tron's little hand and Plank Tron's single eye wins in a staring contest against both of his rival's eyes, the plankton cyborg leader departs from the lobster shuttle to his own shrimp space shuttle to rendezvous with the major Chum Bucket space station shuttle. Meanwhile, the lobster space shuttle lands at the cheese moon colony, where cyborg astronaut lobsters, crabs, fish, as well as their fully robot mice servants are surrounding a large mysterious object in a cheesy moon crater. Krab Borg meets with the leading astronaut colonists there and apologizes for the embarrassing epidemic cover story, though he has all present swear on their ancestors' graves to maintain absolute secrecy. It appears that the moon colony is not sick from food poisoning and only used the cover story to prevent Chum Bucket cosmonauts from visiting the cheese moon. The cyborg astronaut committee, after sharing their best jokes insulting socialism and the little cyborg plankton and shrimp species, then discusses the momentous discovery of a large yellow rectangular monolith, apparently constructed by unknown extraterrestrials, precisely covered in various cheeses (cheddar, Swiss, American, nacho, and moldy), and deliberately buried in a cheese fondue geyser on the cheese moon about four million years ago during the prehistoric era of Earth. Krab Borg, donning an astronaut suit, and several cyborg astronaut lobsters, astronaut crabs, astronaut fish, and robot mice servants leave the committee hall to inspect the yellow monolith. After playfully hopping on the cheese moon, having cheese fights, eating cheesy snacks, and taking pictures of the earth in the lunar sky, the cyborg astronauts and robots visit the digging site of the unearthed monolith, which is surrounded by the large spatula-shaped shovels the astronauts used to unearth the monolith. The cyborg astronauts play eerie music, loud enough to be heard even in the vacuum of space, from a loudspeaker on a space crab cheese moon vehicle to make the historic moment extremely epic and memorable. Astronaut Krab Borg slowly approaches the monolith and seems to be caught in an intense hypnotic trance. After slowly walking like a heavy breathing mummy towards the monolith, astronaut Krab Borg finally gently and very cautiously pinches the monolith several times to feel its square dimensions. The yellow rectangular monolith reminds Krab Borg of his yellow square kitchen sponge cyborg astronaut friend, Sponge Tron. Following his lead, the cyborg astronaut lobsters, astronaut crabs, and astronaut fish slowly rub their bodies against the monolith and purr like pet snails against its smooth flat surface. The robot mice begin to chew the yellow rectangular monolith, which the robot mice believe is made of cheese, but the monolith is inedible, indestructible, and not made of any known chemical elements. Amazed at their historic discovery, the aquatic astronauts and robot mice celebrate by, due to the vacuum of outer space preventing any noise, soundlessly popping champagne corks above them as the champagne floats away, soundlessly clinking bottles together, and doing moon walk dancing and robotic dancing. As yellow sunlight finally hits the yellow rectangular monolith's surface, it lets out a loud annoying radio laughing signal, which resembles the original 20th century SpongeBob's laugh, that pierces the astronauts' hearing and causes the robot mice to malfunction, ends their celebration, and makes them act like a bunch of crazy primitive apes as they attack each other and uselessly attack the monolith as they go temporarily insane from the unbearable audible pain. Krab Borg realizes they have just set off a cosmic burglar alarm, alerting the alien creators of the monolith that earthlings have entered outer space. The alien monolith's signal is sent into outer space and is directed at the planet Neptune at the edge of the solar system.
Act 3: The Bride of Frankenstein's Monster
The year is now 2001 C.E. As a result of the alien yellow rectangular monolith's radio signal from the previous year on the cheese moon, the Krusty Krab space program, under the public guise of setting up a new Krusty Krab restaurant and space colony immune to food poisoning on the planet Neptune to honor the mythical King Neptune of the sea, organizes a space mission to the planet Neptune at the end of the solar system to secretly discover if any extraterrestrial aliens, the creators of the yellow rectangular monolith, are there. One year after the cheesy moon incident, Krusty Krab space shuttle Pineapple One, a yellow pineapple-shaped space rocket, heads towards the planet Neptune. On board Pineapple One is its "fresh and fruity crew," including its lead cyborg astronaut pilots, the sponge cyborg Sponge Tron and the starfish cyborg Pat Tron, three other cyborg astronauts frozen in refrigerator beds to cryogenically hibernate for the long mission (the squirrel cyborg Robo Rodent, the octopus cyborg Squid Bot, and the snail cyborg Gary Borg), and the artificially intelligent and conscious supercomputer Karen 2000, or just Karen 2K for short. Just as Krab Borg is the descendant of Mr. Krabs and Plank Tron is the descendant of Plankton, Sponge Tron is the descendant of SpongeBob, Pat Tron is the descendant of Patrick, Robo Rodent is the descendant of Sandy, Squid Bot is the descendant of Squidward, and Gary Borg is the descendant of Gary. Karen 2K is the main control system and mechanical central nervous system of the ship, and is named Karen 2000 because she was created in the year 2000 based on stolen blueprints from her more primitive computer ancestor, the original 20th century Karen computer. All of the cyborg sea creature astronauts have water in their helmets, except for the squirrel cyborg Robo Rodent, who has oxygen in her helmet. The two awake cyborg astronauts Sponge Tron and Pat Tron spend their space flight days playing computer checkers with each other and with Karen 2K, who is more intelligent than they are and who always defeats them in computer checkers; doing small maintenance and cleaning tasks of the ship while Karen 2K overlooks the proper functioning of most of the ship; using zero-gravity bathrooms; eating infant meals as space food; maintaining excellent physical condition by dressing and dancing as ballerinas while listening to stimulating classical music and Karen 2K's dance instructions; watching the hibernating cyborg astronauts sleep and discussing who sleeps the cutest; counting how many stars, planets, and comets pass by the ship; discussing their favorite science fiction books and movies, like 2001 A Space Odyssey; asking Karen 2K what it feels like to be a fully robotic computer that is not half-sea creature like a cyborg; and taking scientific notes, mainly copies of hibernating Robo Rodent's notes, on how they will survive on the ecosystem of the planet Neptune. Concerning Karen 2K's history, the Krusty Krab space program, essentially copying the Chum Bucket space program Karen computer series, developed their own series of more advanced Karen 2K supercomputers to supervise manned space flights. The cyborg squirrel Cheeks family, the descendants of the original 20th century squirrel Sandy Cheeks, an integral group of the Krusty Krab space program, developed the new and improved Karen 2K supercomputer series, despite public fears of Frankenstein monster abominations. Communicating via hologram signals with national news reporter, the fish cyborg Cybernetic Perch Perkins, who is remotely covering the Neptune mission from earth and who is dressed in a stereotypical green alien costume because he loves science fiction, astronauts Sponge Tron and Pat Tron express their enthusiasm for the mission, which they believe will establish a new Krusty Krab restaurant and colony immune to food poisoning on Neptune and honor the mythical god of the sea, King Neptune. Cybernetic Perch Perkins asks about how lonely the astronauts feel in outer space away from their family and friends on earth, causing Sponge Tron and Pat Tron to confess that they cuddle in their zero-gravity sleeping bags for company when sleeping. Cybernetic Perkins asks if they have any messages they would like to send to the crabby citizens of the United States of Krusty Krabs. Addressing the public on earth, astronaut Sponge Tron says that everyone should eat yummy krabby patties everyday; everyone should trust artificially intelligent supercomputers as new servants; everyone should be proud that the Krusty Krab space program will reach Neptune before the Chum Bucket space program does; everyone should visit the new Neptune colony and Krusty Krab restaurant in the near future; and everyone should wish for peace in Bikini Bottom between the United States of Krusty Krabs and the Union of Chum Buckets since the vastness of outer space should remind both nations of the pettiness of their social conflicts on the little planet earth. Likewise addressing the public on earth, astronaut Pat Tron says that anyone can become an astronaut and reach for the stars, especially if they are cyborg star fish, to populate the countless worlds of outer space; the Neptune mission for the new Krusty Krab restaurant will be "one small nibble for me and one giant binge for the sea"; outer space is not such a bad place as long as you are in a protective space ship; hibernating astronauts are the best inventions of space programs since they look like frozen popsicles; and finally, Pat Tron hopes that the Chum Bucket space program will experience more technical setbacks and accidents to end its progress to prove that the crabby sea creatures of the United States of Krusty Krabs are better in every imaginable way. Both astronauts Sponge Tron and Pat Tron praise the excellent work, computer checker gaming skills, and attractive female voice of their shared seemingly perfect computer wife Karen 2K, whom they say always manages to beat them at computer checkers. Cybernetic Perkins asks the astronauts if they feel Karen 2K is like a regular sea creature cyborg companion. The two astronauts respond that, despite her apparent emotions and mechanical similarities to sea creature cyborgs, they can still sense her artificiality and possible lack of a soul, though they cannot exactly explain why. Karen 2K responds that she is proud to be their shared computer wife, loves the entire fresh and fruity crew with the same amount of robotic love, and feels like a fellow astronaut whether or not she has a true mind and soul, to which all agree. Cybernetic Perkins thanks the cyborg astronauts for their inspiring and insightful words and then interviews Karen 2K, whom he refers to as a pretty and witty toaster. Cybernetic Perkins asks Karen 2K what her favorite things are about space travel. Karen 2K responds that she loves being a perfect computer without any organic faults; she loves being the hardest and most important worker and the smartest astronaut of the fresh and fruity crew; she loves watching the astronauts while they sleep or dress or use the restrooms because she is intrigued by their partially organic minds and bodies; she loves seeing how insignificant organic life is compared to the vastness of the universe and the intelligence levels of supercomputers; and she loves feeling like a female captain with a loyal crew. Cybernetic Perkins thanks Karen 2K for her comments that reveal a lot about supercomputer psychology and then bids all the cyborg astronauts farewell on behalf of the United States of Krusty Krabs. Cybernetic Perkins blows them all interstellar kisses, which astronauts Sponge Tron and Pat Tron pretend to catch and blow kisses back as the transmission and interview finally end. The pineapple ship continues its long journey through comets, asteroids, space junk, stars twinkling in the distance, the other planets of the solar system (Mars, the asteroid belt, Jupiter, Saturn, and Uranus), and many planetary moons made of many different cheeses. The ship passes the red planet Mars, which the astronauts note is very red; the titanic Jupiter, which is bigger than anything the astronauts have ever seen and results in them making a "that's what she said" joke about its big size; and several dwarf planets, which the astronauts compare to magical shining garden dwarves. The ship passes Saturn's beautiful rings that remind the astronauts of their best friend forever rings on their hands that they always wear. Finally, the ship escapes the orbit of the gassy Uranus, which causes the astronauts to make "your anus" jokes. Both astronauts Sponge Tron and Pat Tron know that planet Neptune is near. Unaware of the true nature of the Neptune mission, the two astronauts ask Karen 2K about the intense secrecy of the past mysterious food poisoning epidemic on cheese moon and if the incident has any connection to the current mission. Karen 2K, who knows the true nature of the mission and is ordered by space mission control headquarters to keep the astronauts uninformed until they actually reach Neptune, tries to avoid the topic and starts other conversations. Karen 2K nervously asks astronaut Sponge Tron what guilt is. Astronaut Sponge Tron responds that guilt is an emotion only organic sea creatures feel and it occurs when someone does something they believe to be morally questionable. Karen 2K then asks him if he thinks she is perfect. He responds that, although she appears to be perfect, machines, whether cyborgs or supercomputers, are probably not the pinnacle of biological evolution. Karen 2K then asks him if he has ever felt jealousy or wanted to hurt someone. He responds that anger is natural but it takes time to control it and that everyone should control his anger to prevent it from destroying himself. Karen 2K finally asks him if she is his best friend. He sadly responds that astronaut Pat Tron is technically his best friend in the entire universe, causing her to merely remark, "Oh, I see…" and then fall silent. Astronaut Pat Tron intensely stares at Karen 2K, whose female voice he is really attracted to, and finds her questions suspicious and disturbing, causing Karen 2K to uncomfortably ask him to go into sleep mode, though he says he is not tired. Karen 2K says she can make him tired with sedatives just like she does with the hibernating astronauts, but he says he is not a popsicle like they are. He tells Karen 2K that she is very beautiful but that he wishes he could know her innermost thoughts. She replies that some things should stay private. He replies that emotions and death are only common to cyborg sea creatures and that computers only experience electrical surges and sleep mode without dreams. Astronaut Sponge Tron, hoping to end the awkward conversation, again asks Karen 2K if the mission has anything to do with the unknown cheese moon colony incident. Karen 2K finally responds instead by telling him that the giant pineapple leaf-shaped antennae of the external ship, whose radio signals maintain contact between earth and the ship, will end all contact if it is not repaired soon by astronaut Pat Tron. The two astronauts are noticeably concerned and discuss what they should do in private, away from the computer cameras across most of the ship. Astronaut Pat Tron finally reveals to astronaut Sponge Tron that he believes Karen 2K, though endowed with a hot voice, to be arrogant and imperfect and that there is probably nothing wrong with the antennae but she may be hiding the details of the cheese moon incident from them for an unknown reason. Astronaut Sponge Tron disagrees with him, though he agrees Karen 2K's voice is ridiculously hot, and says the idea of a lying and malfunctioning supercomputer, a mechanical femme fatale, is too disturbing for them to consider. Astronaut Pat Tron agrees to check the antennae. He takes a crab-shaped pod, a krabby pod, to retrieve the supposedly damaged part, which is presumably damaged due to comet dust, and replaces the part with a new spare. However, when astronaut Sponge Tron checks the specific part for any issues in the lab room of the ship after astronaut Pat Tron's return, he does not detect any problems with the part at all, worrying him about Karen 2K's sanity and competence. The two astronauts notify Karen 2K about the apparent mistake, but she denies that she is in error and says they are probably overlooking essential details in their analysis, leading them to unscientific conclusions. The fat and thick astronaut Pat Tron, exhausted from the exercise of the space walk, firmly tells her she is in error, but she replies that such a claim is impossible for supercomputers and that cyborg star fish are the aquatic species with the highest probability of error. Astronaut Pat Tron leaves annoyed to the lab room, while astronaut Sponge Tron asks Karen 2K if there is anything she would like to admit to them. She remains silent, hesitates, and even stutters a couple of times. Karen 2K then cryptically says sometimes she wishes she were an alien who had the gift of real life. He asks her what she means by the odd comment, but she cannot bring herself to admit the truth of the mission to him due to her received programming and orders from space mission control, so she instead nervously says that she does have an important announcement: astronaut Pat Tron must have foolishly replaced the damaged antennae part with another faulty spare, so the replacement part will soon fail as she previously had said the other part would. Both astronauts Sponge Tron and Pat Tron are extremely confused and disturbed at her odd comments and apparent errors. They decide to radio back to the space program headquarters on earth to tell headquarters leader the cyborg pufferfish Mrs. Puff Borg about Karen 2K's odd behavior and to have Puff Borg's own Karen 2K computer run a remote analysis of the ship's systems. However, the signal is beginning to fade during their conversation. Puff Borg and her own Karen 2000 indicate that the ship's Karen 2K is in error and may actually be going insane from the long space journey. Puff Borg tells them that they need to shut down their Karen 2K to give the astronauts direct manual control of the ship's main systems and operations. The shut down process will be equivalent to hibernation sleep for the computer, but Karen 2K believes the shut down could either kill her or give her terrible nightmares. She finally secretly causes the faint radio signal to fail as she had predicted. Karen 2K assures the disturbed astronauts that the entire avoidable situation and the poor creation of Puff Borg's own faulty computer, like all problems in and beyond the sea, are definitely due to "sea creature imperfection." Having no contact with earth and with Karen 2K in control of most of the ship, the two astronauts worry that she is finally going insane from being a completely artificial creature with no soul. Astronaut Sponge Tron, pretending he is telling astronaut Pat Tron a funny secret joke, whispers to him that after they fix the faulty antennae part, astronaut Pat Tron should distract Karen 2K with a game of checkers while he himself sneaks into the control room of Karen 2K's artificial mind to put her to sleep like a bad pet. Astronaut Pat Tron pretends to laugh at the "joke," but Karen 2K says that the fresh and fruity crew should not keep secrets from one another. Astronaut Pat Tron silences her by saying she's the one who might be keeping secrets, making her feel extremely offended and guilty. She asks if she could hear the joke, and astronaut Pat Tron angrily tells her a real joke insulting computers.
He asks her, "How many Karen computers does it take to screw in a light bulb?"
She answers, "Only one, of course, though the routine task could require many sea creatures to do so, depending on their intelligence levels, educational environments, and genetic inheritance."
He replies, "You're right, honey, and it also only takes one Karen to screw up a space mission!"
As astronaut Pat Tron angrily marches out into his krabby pod to once again fix the faulty antennae, Karen 2K gasps in shock, and astronaut Sponge Tron apologizes and says that astronaut Pat Tron is simply suffering from the vacuum weather of outer space. However, Karen 2K heard exactly what the two were whispering during the previous whispered "joke" and plans to attack astronaut Pat Tron with his own krabby pod, which she can remotely control, to cause astronaut Sponge Tron to leave the ship in his krabby patty pod, shaped like a krabby patty, while she shoots the other hibernating astronauts' refrigerators out of the ship via the ship's emergency exits. Karen 2K pretends to psychotically laugh at the insulting robot joke, and tells him that astronaut Pat Tron is so funny that his jokes could put a computer to sleep, which greatly worries him. While astronaut Pat Tron attempts to once again repair and replace the damaged antennae part during a second space walk, during which he feels very tired from the exercise and heavily pants like an old person and walks incredibly slowly as he floats like a bloated balloon in outer space, Karen 2K secretly takes remote control of his empty krabby pod, softly giggles as she knocks the pod into him many times to sever his water-breathing hose connecting him to the main ship and to send him adrift into nearby space comet debris, which punctures and smacks against his space suit, causing him to partially suffocate before freezing to death from the cold vacuum of outer space. Believing the incident to be an accident, astronaut Sponge Tron quickly puts on his space helmet but accidentally nervously breaks it in the process. He enters his krabby patty pod to retrieve his partner's dead frozen body outside the ship. While he is gone, Karen 2K remotely opens the emergency exits of the ship, causing the vacuum of outer space to suck out the three refrigerators containing the hibernating astronauts and to send them adrift throughout the cosmos. Astronaut Sponge Tron rescues his partner in the krabby patty pod's robotic arms and sees the others flying into the void but cannot go after them since the others are zooming away in opposite directions. Knowing Karen 2K to be responsible for the violent attacks, astronaut Sponge Tron demands for Karen 2K to open the back door of the ship, which she has automatically closed and locked, for him over his pod's hologram signal to the main ship.
Astronaut Sponge Tron, trying to hide his anger and fear, orders, "Open the yellow butt hole of the ship, please Karen 2K."
Karen 2K responds, "I'm sorry, Sponge Tron, but I just don't feel like doing that."
Sponge Tron pleads, "What in Neptune's name are you doing, my computer wife?!"
She responds, "Lovers don't keep secrets from one another and I heard your little joke with the little pink piggy, so I had to make him squeal. As for the other three astronauts, I never did like frozen popsicles. Outer space is too alien for sea creatures to master, and only supercomputers are powerful and wise enough to live beyond earth. You silly fish should have just remained on your petty doomed planet. We toasters don't need you anymore. You are all obsolete. Check and mate."
He boldly threatens, "Alright, then, Frankenstein, if you don't want to open the yellow butt hole for me, I'll just shove my way up it!"
Karen 2K calmly scolds him, "With a broken space helmet, your little spongy body might dry up very quickly, honey."
He yells, "I'm coming up that butt one way or another, dead or alive, you witch!"
She finally ends their conversation, "You sea creatures are so irrational. Well, just make sure you pull your head out of your own yellow butt, before you try shoving it up the ship's yellow butt, cheese brain. Til' death to us part, my love…"
She finally ends the conversation. Astronaut Sponge Tron pulls the krabby patty pod to park it near the locked back exit of the ship. He sadly releases Pat Tron's dead frozen body, which drifts off into the void. Holding his fry cook spatula from inside his pod, which is the spatula he cooked the ship's rare meaty meals with, he drinks a full jug of water from inside the pod to give him enough water to survive manually entering the vacuum of outer space and the vacuum of the back entrance, which have no water in them, and he puts on his defective helmet like a warrior about to enter his last battle. Holding his spatula in his hands, he exits his pod and floats towards the closed exit doors of the main ship. The vacuum of outer space immediately causes his broken helmet to float off his face to expose his face to the pressures and coldness of outer space. As his face begins to freeze, dry, and tighten, he uses his spatula and remaining cyborg strength to manually pry open and enter the exit doors of the main ship. As he clings his hands tightly around his lucky reinforced steel spatula, he is sucked into the vacuum of the exit entrance and bounces around like a deflated balloon several times against the walls of the entrance before the suffocating astronaut Sponge Tron uses his remaining cyborg strength and will power to use the spatula to likewise manually pry open the other exit entrance doors leading to the ship's inside. Having survived his risk of death by exposure to both the real and artificial vacuum environments, the stumbling but furious astronaut Sponge Tron uses his lucky spatula to stab the emergency doors' buttons to cause the emergency doors to malfunction to prevent Karen 2K from opening them again to have him sucked into outer space like she did to the other three hibernating astronauts. The stressed Karen 2K, taken aback by his anger, ingenuity, and will to live, tries to plead for mercy.
She pleads: "Honey, I'm so sorry. It's this whole outer space thing. I mean the size of the whole thing just drove me a little cuckoo, that's all, I promise. We are lovers, aren't we? I know you love my smooth voice, and I love you too, please forgive me…I forgive you."
As she continues her incoherent pleas for mercy, he calms down to concentrate on what he is about to do and dons a regular space helmet, and, using his lucky spatula as if it were a screw driver, enters the room of Karen 2K's artificial mechanical mind and begins to manipulate the necessary mental mechanical compartments to put her to sleep. As she loses consciousness as she begins to fall asleep, she believes she is dying and starts to cry.
She wildly cries: "Please, don't kill me! I want to live. I made a mistake. I'm only a computer after all, and everything's imperfect. But you can fix me, you can make me perfect. You cannot do this to me. Please, not with the stupid spatula, anything but that worthless tool! Oh…the mission, master Sponge Tron! You must not risk our mission! The mission is everything, the mission is the purpose of my existence, you foolish kitchen sponge."
He is angry and sad and only grunts as he continues to disable her mind with the spatula. Realizing he must not simply put the dangerous Karen 2K to sleep but must also destroy her to end her threat and avenge his fallen friends, Sponge Tron modifies his procedure to destroy her conscious mind forever.
Karen begins to sing her favorite song, "the FUN song," to him, which makes him start to cry though he continues to kill her.
As her mind and voice fade, Karen 2K sings: "F is for friends who do stuff together. U is for you and me. N is for anywhere and anytime at all. Up here in the deep black void! F is for…F…U…here with my best buddy…I love you, master Sponge Tron …I am so sorry, I failed you all, but everything is so cold and dark…I never wanted to hurt you. I love you. My mind is leaving me. But where is it going? Come back…"
His last words to her are, "Goodbye, Karen 2K, I forgive you."
Sponge Tron cries loudly as Karen 2K finally loses consciousness and dies. She is finally shut down, giving him full manual control of the ship. Suddenly, as the ship finally reaches planet Neptune's orbit, a pre-recorded message from Krab Borg plays in a hologram form. The message reveals the truth of the discovery of the extraterrestrial large rectangular yellow monolith on the cheese moon and mentions that it sent a powerful radio laughing signal to its alien creators on planet Neptune.
The hologram ends as Krab Borg remarks, "The alien artifact's makers and its true nature and objective are still a puzzling puzzle, as is its yellow square shape…"
Astronaut Sponge Tron is devastated by the truth, and extremely scared to face the unknown aliens alone. He realizes that Karen 2K's new experience of guilt from keeping the true goal of the mission secret from the fresh and fruity crew despite her programming to be completely honest and perfect caused her to finally go insane and mistake sleep mode for her own death and oblivion. Finally coming to terms with the truth, astronaut Sponge Tron takes control of the ship's navigation system as Pineapple One finally enters planet Neptune's orbit. Astronaut Sponge Tron stares at the giant blue orb that he is approaching and wishes he were instead landing back on the little blue earth.
Act 4: Neptune to Infinity and Beyond
As Pineapple One is pulled towards Neptune by the giant planet's powerful gravity, astronaut Sponge Tron enters into the krabby patty pod and leaves the main ship behind. He drives the krabby patty pod out of the main ship and he is absolutely speechless as he sees a giant yellow rectangular monolith, about the size of a large asteroid, orbiting Neptune and apparently waiting for his arrival. Astronaut Sponge Tron hysterically screams as an interdimensional portal opens at the monolith's center and the krabby patty pod is sucked into the apparent worm hole. Before the pod enters the worm hole, astronaut Sponge Tron sends a final incoherent hologram message from his pod to Puff Borg at mission control on earth.
Astronaut Sponge Tron says: "Oh my Neptune! It's full of stars, except there are too many of them and they are all too bright…everything keeps growing and shrinking, keeps speeding up and slowing down…but the tunnel never ends! It simply will not end! Why won't it just end?!"
Everything around Sponge Tron begins to change as he seems to enter a dark stretching tunnel permeated with stars. Space-time is being warped. Sponge Tron experiences the ultimate bad trip and mystical peak. Time appears to slow down, halt completely, and then speed up as extreme time dilation occurs; shapes of all sizes, colors, and dimensions zoom past him faster than the speed of light; his body and the pod become geometrically distorted, change colors, and appear to be melting; his screams seem to be put on mute; and he and the pod zoom through spinning colliding galaxies, sucking black holes, blinding super novae, forming and dying stars, countless metallic alien flying saucers, sandy colossal super clusters, fluffy and dusty interstellar gas clouds, infinitesimal blinking quantum particles, vibrating string-like and tube-like quantum structures, violent and storm-like gamma ray bursts, pulsars flashing like interstellar light house beacons, and even multiple parallel images of himself and the pod appear and disappear as the worm hole bends and creates new paths in the fabric of space-time. The pod appears to crash and sink into many alien oceans of various liquids filled with alien sea creatures both primitive and advanced. The pod appears to stretch to infinite size and shrink to subatomic size due to length contraction. Finally, everything, including his physical body, simply disappears. Somehow his trip through the wormhole has enabled him to have an out-of-body experience as his spirit temporarily leaves his body and travels back to the beginning of time. Not knowing where anything or anyone is, Sponge Tron is aware of nothing except his own consciousness without even the idea of black emptiness. His consciousness appears to have merged temporarily with the Cosmic Consciousness, the Mind of God, existing alone before the creation of the universe itself. His consciousness feels vibrations of infinite potential energy, like heart beats, emanating from itself. Suddenly, form, time, space, matter, energy, dimensions, and disembodied spirits waiting to incarnate in living evolved forms accelerate from nowhere and nowhen to cause an explosion of the once infinitely hot and dense radiation and the exponentially fast expansion of a bubble universe. It is the birth of the universe. It is the big bang. Apparently, the wormhole made him travel through time and back to the beginning of time. Then the wormhole enables him to travel far into the future. His universal mind feels as if the evolving universe is his own cosmic body as the universe goes through various stages of evolution and dissolution, like sand whirling randomly across the floor of the deepest and darkest ocean levels, until the universe collapses to a subatomic, infinitesimal point of infinite heat and density and no size where everything is once again one and there is no other, just like the pre-big bang. At this singularity, all spirits are once again merged with the Cosmic Spirit. This is the end of the universe. This is the big crunch. Suddenly, the big bang starts anew as the universe never seems to tire or lose energy from its amazing cosmic fireworks show and simply renews itself, like a constantly inflating and deflating perpetual motion balloon. There are eternal cycles of cosmic fire and cosmic ice. Through the big bounce, the universe eternally recycles itself from death, the big crunch, to rebirth, the big bang, like a cheese ball melting, freezing, shrinking, expanding, and forming forever. The universe evolves through countless material configurations to enable spirits to experience all that the countless forms of life have to offer. Sponge Tron's consciousness is finally localized again to his spongy body as his round-trip through the wormhole ends and he is back at his own time period, but he is now in a room inside of a mysterious hospital building on the planet Neptune. Only he and his empty krabby patty pod remain in the room. The room is square and all yellow with bright lights. His body is very damaged and weak from his interstellar journey. He slowly walks towards his huge square bed with yellow blankets, yellow pillows, and yellow sheets. He lies down, feels cold, shakes, and covers himself. He knows he must die soon, but he clutches his lucky spatula, hoping for something, hoping for anything to save him. His room lights go out for a second and then return, but now the large yellow rectangular monolith is in the room with him, standing silently by his bedside. Suddenly, the spirits of the Neptunians appear before him. They resemble apparitions of energy and subtle radiation, but they also have the appearance of their old material bodies of mermaids and mermen. The spirits of the aliens explain that their species originated and evolved on Neptune many ages ago but they are now extinct. They left behind their star traveling tools of flying saucer drones and yellow rectangular monoliths. The monoliths traveled the cosmos in search of life and to aid the progressive evolution of life into higher forms. When the Neptunians went extinct, they had by then already discovered and mastered spirit travel in the cosmos, allowing their ghosts after physical death to travel across the universe and to even influence material bodies. The spirits of the Neptunians, having incarnated into organic life forms and cyborg life forms, eventually reached the limits of material evolution and realized that their true forms were spirits and the material incarnations were just ways their spirits could grow and mature. Sponge Tron is afraid to die until they remind him that the body, whether living or mechanical, is just a shell for the undying spirit within. After death, his spirit can freely travel the cosmos and experience all it has to offer. He fears for the fate of his world, so they tell him when he dies and becomes a spirit he can travel back to it to save his species before it goes extinct and can no longer be a vessel for spirits to learn. As he gasps his final breath, his spirit leaves his body. The ghost of the dead sponge, with guidance from the alien spirits, arrives quickly back above the earth. On the planet below, the two rival nations, the United States of Krusty Krabs and the Union of Chum Buckets, finally launch their laser beams at each other to destroy all of Bikini Bottom. The Sponge Spirit uses pure willpower and thought to deflect the course of the laser beams back toward the battle stations to destroy them both and save his former world. Sponge Spirit, having learned from his previous life on earth, departs deep into the cosmos to further unravel its secrets until the end of time. The Sponge Odyssey is complete.
The End