"River, don't – don't do this. Don't you feel anything?"
Numb. That's how she felt.
She'd just lost two out of three people she loved and trusted most in the universe. Now the only person left is looking at her like she's the cause of his misery.
Her face expressionless, her eyes flicker up to look at him, then she turns away again quickly – she doesn't have the strength to deal with the way the Doctor is looking at her right now; like she's a stranger and not at all the woman he'd married.
She'd seen too much of that face recently to be able to handle it from a version of him that actually is her husband.
So instead her eyes lock on the completed manuscript of the book she'd written for their past selves. She'd hurried through the words, wanting to get it over and done with as soon as possible. Her face hardens as she stares at the thick wad of paper, clenching her fists and resisting the urge to just shoot the blasted thing.
She doesn't say anything as she looks up again and meets the Doctor's eyes.
"Take me home," she says in monotone after a while.
She sees the Doctor's face flinch at the emptiness in her voice. He'll just have to get used to it. Without waiting for an answer, she pushes past him to get to the console room. She's about halfway there before he even thinks to give her a reply.
"No."
She turns around, prepared to glare and argue with him, but then decides that it isn't worth the effort. There's a reason why she's able to fly the Tardis herself. When she turns back to head towards the console room anyway, she realises it will take twice the normal time to get there again – the Tardis is on his side too.
Brilliant.
"Doctor," now she's angry. Good. Anything is better than that – that emptiness with which she'd first spoken. "Take. Me. Home."
With each word she out of her mouth, she takes a menacing step towards him, fists clenched by her side and eyes full of fury.
"No." he repeats, taking a step towards her as well. Now they're right in front of each other, and he was looking down at her hardened face. "River, please – please, just – "
But she turns on her heel and marches away from him, determinedly ignoring whatever he was about to say.
Fine, she thinks, I'll do it myself.
He hurries after her – when he catches up she's already in the console room, about to key in the coordinates when she realises that the Tardis has locked the console – no matter which button she pushes or which lever she pulls, nothing will budge. Each time she enters her coordinates the Tardis will erase it. It seems the Old Girl is preventing her from leaving, too.
Silently thanking his ship from his place at the top of the stairs, he turns to watch his wife smack her hand against the panels in frustration. He hears her inhale sharply and immediately starts towards her, concern overruling the anger he feels at her, but she turns to stare at him – and the plain fury in her eyes makes him stop as abruptly as he'd started, his hand finding and gripping the railing by the stairs.
"Why," she spits, but he can tell that she's still reigning in her anger, still holding back. "Do you insist on caging me here?"
"River, please – please, just – " he shuts his eyes and makes his way down the stairs, slowly approaching her.
"What?" she demands, the frustration and fury in her words making him stop in his tracks a few steps from her. "What do you want me to do, Doctor? I've lost my parents – I can't ever see them again and I want – I need – to be alone for a while. Can't you – can't you do this one thing for me?"
"River," his voice is thick with emotion because all her previous anger is turning into desperation but he can't, he just can't let her go now. He's just lost Amy and Rory and now River's a professor and everything just – "Please. I need you here."
"I can't." her voice is weak and trembling slightly and she forces her eyes shut because – damage. Hide. Now.
"Why not?" now he's getting angry at nothing, but her rejection and her refusal to stay and her stubbornness was just so frustrating and for god's sake, River – "Why do you always have to leave when I tell you that – "
"You're the runner in this relationship, Doctor." Her voice is cold and he shuts his mouth because he can't lie about that. Not when no truer thing has ever been said.
Always, since the beginning – he and his Tardis, running everywhere and everywhen and that certainly hadn't changed since he started a relationship with River. Leaving her on Stormcage and on trips, on expeditions and museums and lectures – always him leaving her behind.
"I'm not running now, River."
She scoffs and he glares, because why is it so hard to believe I want you here?
"You can drop the act, Doctor. They aren't around anymore! In fact, they'll never be around here again so why don't you just drop me off at Luna like you always fucking do and go on gallivanting to another planet and just fucking leave me alone!"
She gestures and her arms fly around wildly enough for him to think he's influenced her in some way – her voice is calm in one sentence and mocking in the next and angry before he can even register the change – and when she's done her eyes are glaring so intently he would've burned on the spot if he'd known her less.
And then he registers what she says. And promptly gets angry.
"You think I haven't noticed that they aren't around anymore? You would know though, wouldn't you? Stop acting as though it's my fault you lost both of them when we both know who it was in this room that told her to follow Rory. And it isn't me."
He'd noticed her registering everything she'd said and biting her lip in regret, but he couldn't contain himself – and to his horror, he found that he'd actually meant everything he'd said. She turns away and he knows it's because she's trying to hide her tears, but damn if he doesn't continue anyway. "In case you haven't noticed, I've been asking you to stay for god knows how long. You're the one who said no. Don't you dare just – "
"For fuck's sake, Doctor!" she snaps, whirling around and almost whacking him with an accusatory finger that she points at his chest. "All this is being played by your rules. Yours. Not mine. You were the one who told me we couldn't spend more than three weeks together – but I see now. Three weeks was the longest you could put up with me, was it?" she rolls her eyes and ignores her broken heart. "You needn't have bothered, Doctor. I knew you were only placating me for my parents' sakes. Well they're gone now – so will you just please let me get out of your hair?"
Wait – what?
He stares at her, bewildered. What is happening? What is she saying – is she serious? Actually, properly, serious?
"Don't be stupid, River –"
"Is it?" she shouts. "Is it really? It doesn't take a genius to work out that affection in this relationship is entirely one-sided, Doctor. I gave up my regenerations for you – I stopped fucking time to tell you that I loved you and you told me you were embarrassed of me. Tell me, Doctor. What have you done for me?"
"I married you." He's so baffled at the sudden shift of topic that he doesn't realise how weak his answer is or he would've added on.
"Please," she scoffs. "You've married other people as well. I'm hardly special. Come to think of it, you never really, actually asked me if I even wanted to marry you."
Her jaw is locked so tight she's sure it will be sore in the morning, and her fists are clenched so hard her knuckles are white, and before she knows it she's pulling the dark bow tie she always keeps close to her because it had been a symbol that she's loved by him – the only evidence that she's loved by him – from the hiding place in her dress – and flings it at him.
"You can throw that for all it's worth to you." Her voice is cold and impartial – it cut through him like a knife plunged right where it would hurt the most and the bow tie that had been so, so cherished by them both – because it was special and theirs and it was the one thing they'd actually kept from their wedding night – and it was on the ground.
Just like their marriage.
He looks at the bow tie like it's both of his hearts she'd just thrown back at him. His jaw clenches and he looks up at her again.
"Stop this, River." He says dangerously, stepping over the bow tie. She makes sure to look away as he does this because it feels a bit too much like he'd just stepped on their marriage. He catches her arm before she can move away, holding her still. "Stop it – just listen to yourself – "
"I know what I'm saying, Doctor." She snaps. "Why? Do you even remember our wedding night?"
His eyes flash and she hisses – and he realises it's because he's gripping her arm tight enough to leave bruises. Dropping her arm like it's hot coal, he scrubs a hand over his face, gritting his teeth. How can she even think that he'd married her, stayed with her, made love to her out of obligation –
A muscle in his jaw ticks with the force he's clenching it with and his hazel eyes suddenly looked like fire when he looked at her again. She glares right back, and he's filled with the sudden urge to just hurt her.
Without a word, he turns away from her and picks up the bowtie – their bowtie - and stalks past her towards the Tardis door. She stares at him with wide eyes as he throws open the door and holds the bowtie out between his fingers. He watches with satisfaction as her wide-eyed stare becomes full-on panic as the floaty material flew around wildly just beyond the Tardis doors.
Watching him hold out the bowtie into space like it means nothing, not even a sentiment worth keeping – she feels like all the breath left her lungs and she freezes in place, her heart beating faster and faster as she watches the bowtie – their bowtie – fly carelessly, his hands the only thing keeping them in place.
"What are you doing?" she whispers, frozen and not even bothering to hide the stricken and panicked look in her eyes, unable to tear the gaze off of the bowtie. They are in the middle of nowhere, in space – and if his fingers lifts the pressure just slightly she knows the wind would take it off, and she'll never see it again.
He wouldn't.
His eyes betrayed no hint of emotion as he lifts his hold on the bowtie and it flies out of sight.
"NO!" she chokes on a gasp and a sob at the same time as her weak knees staggers towards the door where he stands, not a trace of remorse on his features as he stares at her heartbroken face. She doesn't stop the tears this time, just lets them flow freely down her cheeks – but she isn't sobbing. No, she's far too furious for that. "What did you do?" she almost shrieks.
"As I was told." And the mocking tone he says it in – the words that had been her marriage proposal – makes her want to – to –
He stares at her, cold and unblinking – and she can't help herself. The doors slam shut and she swings her hand at his face and an almighty crack echoes the silent room as her hand makes contact harder than she ever anticipated. Not regretting her action, she stalks towards the console even as tears fall and her sobs starts to echo the room. The Tardis, too, seems to think he took things too far, because she already enters the coordinates to Luna and takes off immediately after River pulls the lever.
River feels the Tardis landing at her home in Luna and slouches over the console for a moment, gaining her bearings and keeping her eyes shut. She'd never have thought he'd actually –
Stopping herself, she tells herself it's right for her to leave because this is what happens when we grieve together, Doctor. But yet she can't stop the spite in her voice as she heaves herself off the console and stalks past her husband who's still standing by the door. "Don't bother coming back."
There's a pause.
"Don't bother waiting for me." He answers curtly.
She doesn't look back as he slams the door shut behind her. She doesn't look back as the Tardis disappears, probably forever.
She sinks to her knees in the living room and cries.