No, no way. This couldn't be happening. I'm not seeing things correctly, my eyes are just playing a trick on me. There was no way this was really happening.
Why is this happening?
Why am I currently thinking of ways to talk my brother out of something he wouldn't even be around to regret?
Why is my brother so distraught that he thinks there is no other way?
Why didn't he ever talk to me?; let me help? Trust me to help.
"Sam come on bud," but Sam was already shaking his head. He looked tired, defeated, but worst of all resigned as if he had already made up his mind. Dean guessed he had.
"Please," I begged, my eyes stinging with brimming tears. Sam couldn't leave me, not like this, and not ever if I had a say.
Sam glanced at the knife in his hand, shining dangerously, sleek and lethal.
Sams' POV
I need to do this. I want this. I need this. There wasn't anything else left for me here. I didn't want to leave Dean but I needed to go, this world didn't want or need me around anymore. The world wanted me to leave, why else treat me like shit? Why else make my life a living hell? The world was practically begging me to leave.
"Sam don't do this," I heard Dean say something but only his tone registered with my brain.
The words were lost on me, however.
He was begging me but that wouldn't be enough.
Deans' POV
I didn't know what else to say to him. I didn't even know why he was doing this so how would I begin to talk him out of it?
As his big brother, this was something I should have known. I should have felt something like this coming on long before it did. I'm his big brother, supposed to protect him from everything and I couldn't even save him from himself? No.
I would save my brother.
"Sam don't do this," I yelled but it was more begging than commanding.
It wasn't enough.
Sams' POV
Dean didn't understand. Dean had never felt the pain the world could dole out on one person. Dean had never experienced being blindsided by the person you were supposed to trust the most. Dean didn't know what it felt like to want to be someone else.
Dean. Dean. Dean.
"You live in a different world than me Dean, you don't know how cruel this place can be," I said dully. It took so much energy just to speak; to breathe.
Dean would never understand feeling utterly defeated, the fight within you long bled out leaving the hollow shell of someone you thought you were.
Dean could never understand.
Deans' POV
I live in a different world? Maybe there was more to this than I had thought. Maybe Sam was more than just depressed but on a clinical level of mental illness.
I shook my head to myself.
I would have kn- Or would I have? Probably not seeing as I couldn't even get him to put the damn thing down.
Sams' POV
I know this is hard for Dean but I have a hard time giving him slack for being plain oblivious and ignorant. Surely he noticed. Saw the change in the way I walked or curled into myself. Surely, he saw the switch that had been flipped all those years ago.
But he hadn't and Sam could have killed him for that. Dean could never hear his silent screams.
Never.
Deans' Pov
"I'm sorry Sammy whatever I did, or didn't do, please don't do this!" I screamed momentarily losing my self-control. I was scared, no, terrified because nothing was working and I only had myself to blame for this. How could he have gotten this close to the edge without me noticing?
I feel like a failure. Here my brother is having lost his mind or something of the like and I don't even know why or how.
It's killing me.
I glance down at the floor.
Sams' Pov
I look up from the floor and at Dean who isn't looking at me anymore. How can he feel bad for him? Understand what he might be going through at this very moment. Why didn't that hate burn in his heart too? I looked back down at the floor.
Hate pushed me over the edge and nothing else.
Deans' POV
I looked up so fast it could have given me whiplash because Sam was moving closer, hand raised.
"Sam," I said, panting in terror.
Sam looked up at me and his too-calm eyes met mine though there was something underneath.
Hate. Ferocious, all-consuming hate and I knew that nothing would stop Sam from doing what he set out to do.
Not even me.
With tears in my eyes I moved to stand in front of him.
Sams' POV
Annoyed, I looked back up. Dean was standing in front of me. "Move," I said lowly, my hand still raised. Dean shook his head and tears began spilling from his eyes.
"No," was his garbled response.
He wasn't going to stop me. I spent years waiting for Dean to stop him and now he wanted to stand up to me? My lip curled and I pushed Dean with all my strength sending him back so far there was no chance of Dean saving him.
I looked back down at the floor and settled myself into a crouch.
"Sam," came Dean's pained moan as he tried to sit up though he hit his head and was too dazed to. My eyes never left the stoic ones' in front of me. I knew he was scared but he also knew begging would get him nowhere. How many times had I begged and he had completely ignored me?
Every. Single. Time.
My eyes filled with tears thinking of everything he had released upon me mercilessly. "WHY!" I yelled in his face pressing the knife up to his throat. He had the audacity to smirk. "Why" I growled and pressed down a little harder. He paled at that.
"You know why," he said quietly. I shook my head at him, tears falling from my eyes.
"That's a lie!" I screamed at him. A moment passed and he just looked at me. "That's a lie?" I whispered to myself. After all this time he had always said that and even now he still was.
I expected to hear because I wanted to or that there was no reason but still this.
"How?" I asked him, my grip on the knife slackening.
"He came for you."
I bit my lip to keep from sobbing. I moved the knife from his throat and looked down at myself. It was my own fault. It was true. I had done it. The man had come for me.
I looked over to Dean who was stumbling back over to his side. Good.
I had deserved this all along. Okay, I needed to fix this. I needed to-
I looked down at the knife in my hand. This world didn't want me here anymore. I didn't belong here. Evil was in me, it was all true. I was the ignorant one all along.
I looked up at Dean who was staring at him, his arms on their father's shoulders as if he had been looking him over. "It was my fault," I said tears running unchecked down my face. I was calm though because I knew what I had to do.
"It was my fault this whole time Dean," I nodded and looked back down at the knife in my hand before placing my other hand on it and positioning it in front of my stomach.
"Sam," Dean said but this time he wasn't begging and I knew. I wasn't the only one who thought I was too far gone, that I needed to leave.
"I know," I said looking down at my stomach. I know.
Deans' POV
Sam plunged the knife into his stomach with both hands. He gasped and then looked up at me. His eyes were dry and his hands still held on to the knife, holding in his stomach.
I didn't move, I couldn't move.
Then I was gathering him in my arms and he was choking up blood. "Sam," I gasped out over and over. Sam seemed to be finding trouble finding my face so I turned his head and held it in place. "Hey Sam, I'm right here," I cried. Sam gave a lazy, blood filled smile.
"Dean?" he coughed out. My face crumbled at that and I began to sob loudly, pulling Sams upper body closer to my own.
"Why?" I cried. Sam was getting paler by the minute but somehow he managed to respond.
"My," gasp," fault," he finally said with difficulty. I shook my head confused.
"What's your fault, Sammy?"
Sam gasped loudly before his stomach lurched and more blood began to trickle out of his mouth. He shook his head slowly. "I 'ove 'u De-" and then he coughed again and his chest heaved. I watched as his body gave up, his chest stilling and his eyes unseeing.
I watched my brother die and I don't know how long I sat there with him in my arms crying my heart out.
The psychic removed the two fingers that she had on each side of my face. I wiped the tears from my face and stared at the psychic.
"What your brother told you was true and you need to apologize for calling him a liar. Otherwise, this will be set in stone as your future."
The end.