Love Down Under

May 30, 2006, Jim POV:

"You're really gonna marry him?", the words stung Jim as he said them when Pam had pulled away from him during the first real kiss they had ever shared together. For a moment, Jim didn't want to know the answer just wanting to revel in the new level of warmth he couldn't imagine coming from anywhere else. As he looked at her, pleading in his brain for her to say no and continue the kissing, she nodded yes. He didn't know what to do becoming immediately sad but knowing that this was the most likely outcome anyway. As he let go of her hand the warmth that he felt instantaneously left him and as he turned around to make his way toward the parking lot, it took everything in him not to turn around and beg her from his hands and knees for a chance to love her.

When he reached his car, he sat a for a minute leaning on the back of his car contemplating whether his begging and pleading idea would work or not. It seemed like an eternity Jim was there looking at his hand, the hands that had held warmth he never knew if he would ever have again and wondering if he had done the right thing. As he drove home, he continued to ponder exactly what the right move could've been. He knew it wasn't fair to her that he brought this up right before her big wedding, but he knew he just needed it to be said to her from him.

He pulled into the driveway of his home and was thankfully when he didn't see Mark's car in the driveway, knowing he needed the privacy. Jim walked through the front door, grabbed a beer from the fridge, and just sat on the couch thinking. He couldn't believe he was thinking this much on a what if, as he was never the one second guessing himself on this kind of stuff. He sat just looking at his bottle and imaging what if scenarios. What if she had just gave him and chance…, what if she jumped into his arms and let him give her the world, what if he showed her that someone could love her to the point of death…these thoughts were immediately interrupted by his roommate Mark saying something to him. Jim looked up and realized he had been sitting there for three hours and when Mark knew Jim didn't hear him, he asked again, "how was the night man?"

When Mark saw Jim didn't respond he joked with him, as they usually did, "what did you lose all your money to people in your office?" Mark was chuckling until he came out of the kitchen and saw Jim just staring at the ground through his beer bottle. Mark knowing something was wrong became more serious, "Dude what happened?" Jim didn't look up and just said, "I told her." Mark instantly knew what his roommate was talking about, he remembered Pambeing there at the party with everyone from the work. He remembered the way Jim lighted up like a Christmas tree seeing her walk through the door, the way Jim stayed in his room letting her explore everything, the smile on his face sitting next to her on the couch, the smile she gave him when he started singing with his boss. Mark knew.

Mark usually one to prod and mess with Jim knew to ask Jim, "Do you want to talk about it?". Jim moved from staring at his bottle and the ground to leaning back on the couch and staring at the ceiling. "I told her I was in love with her, and she told me she was still gonna marry him." Mark knew Jim had to be leaving something out, "That's it you told her you loved her and she just said she was gonna marry her finance, no "sorry I'm not into you that way" or "aw your like a brother to me" just "I'm gonna marry him.". Jim finally looked at him and sighed, "No, I told her I loved her, and she was in complete shock. I don't think she ever expected to me say that. She told me in the parking lot that she couldn't and that our friendship meant everything to her. Then, she went upstairs, and I couldn't leave like that, so I followed her and just went on instinct and kissed her." Mark surprised slapped Jim on the shoulder, "Dude!" he said. Jim continued, "I kissed her and when I went for another kiss she pulled away and told me she was gonna marry Roy. So, I left." Those last words stinging Jim.

Mark couldn't believe it, "So not only did you go to kiss her, but she let you and you're here right now and not with her somewhere in paradise." "Did you not listen to anything I just said, she is still gonna marry him." Jim said and sighed. "Dude, there's no way in the world she would willingly let another guy kiss a couple of days before her wedding if she didn't at least remotely feel the same way." Mark said and sat down across from Jim. Jim still clearly sad "I gave her an opportunity twice, twice and she shot me down not once but twice." "Jim you are something else, a girl let you kiss her and you're still here thinking she doesn't feel the same way." "Like I said it doesn't matter she IS still gonna marry him." Mark knew he needed to just be by himself but still offered to take his mind off, "Hey man, I just got Xbox Live you down for a round of co-op Halo 2?" Jim just shook his head and kept staring at his bottle wondering what she was thinking right now.

May 30, 2006, Pam POV:

Pam was at a complete loss for words as Jim embraced her sharing a kiss, she never thought could be possible. She began feeling like there wasn't enough air in the world for her at that moment and every emotion in her being flooded her at once. As they both leaned away, Pam just stared at his face taking in every feature she had studied for years at this point. She would content forever just staring at his face maybe even getting the chance to draw it as if she hadn't done it before without realizing it.

As he leaned back, she didn't know what to do as a wave of guilt flashed before her remembering Roy, her fiancé. When he said, "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that." She instantly just responded with what her first thought was, "Me too." As she became for cognizant of the world around her the guilt flashed back and she added "…I think we're just dunk." Wanting to blame the alcohol for the sudden response to their kiss. Jim added, "No I'm not drunk. Are you drunk?" She just said "No…" and as he leaned in again for another kiss, she pulled away knowing that if she gave in again, she might never let go.

Jim then asked with disappointment in his voice "Are you really gonna marry him?" She couldn't get the gull to say "yes" and just simply responded with a nod, Jim clearly disappointed just said "okay" and slowly let go as she watched him leave the office.

She sat there for a second wanting with everything in her to run after him, to let him embrace her, to love him but she couldn't find the strength to move. So, she watched him walk away, her hands already feeling strangely cold despite being inside. After a few moments of shock, she walked over to the window and watched him sat at the back of his car for a minute just staring down and her eyes were suddenly filled with water. She didn't know what to and so she just watched him stay there for a minute, get in his car, and drive away. A small part of her almost willed her to just run after him on foot, but the rest of her was just afraid.

Instead, she called her sister, Penny, she was always the best one for listening and giving advice, she told her mother about but didn't feel like talking to her mother after was just transpired between her a Jim. She could still feel the warmness on her lips as she dialed her sister's number. After two rings, her siter picked up "Hello, who is this?". "Hey Penn", was all Pam could muster up at this moment and was wondering if talking right after what just happened would be a mistake. "Hey Pam, what's wrong" She knew pam only called her "Penn" when something was wrong. Pam took a second before breathing in heavily and speaking "Um, so Jim might've just kissed me Penn." "WHAT, NO WAY?!" then after a few seconds Penny calmed down, "I mean what, no way what happened?".

Pam told her everything, how Jim told her he loved her in the parking lot, how she called their mom to tell her, and how Jim came up to the office and kissed her and she let him go. I mean I'm supposed to let him go right? Pam wondered and was broken by her sister speaking. "Pam, you are something else capturing two men's hearts" she chuckled before continuing "...but seriously how do you feel, I mean how do you feel about Jim?" "I don't know Penny; I mean he is my best friend, and I couldn't imagine life without him." Pam then realized what she said. "So, you can't live without him, and you let him kiss you, as your sister I think you told me how you feel." "No, I can't imagine working without him, but Penny I love Roy and I'm getting married in a couple days." Pam couldn't believe this has just happened, talk about bad timing. Penny sighed before responding, "Listen Pam, I love you and will support no matter what you do, but you obviously have feelings for this guy beyond just the normal platonic friendship. From what you've told me before about him, he sounded great and when mom told me he was cute, I was looking forward to meeting him at the wedding, but enough of my rambling what do you want to do?" Pam pondered for a moment "I'm getting married in a couple of days, and I love Roy I cant just cancel my entire wedding, I have been dreaming of." "Just think about it Pam, make sure your 100% sure Roy is the person you want to walk down the aisle to, okay?" Penny said. "I already decided Penny, but thanks for listening." "No problem sis, love you." "Love you too." She said as she hung up, and all she could think about was constantly replaying every second of her intimate interaction with Jim. The way his face could be serious and funny at the same time, how she brought so much happiness just thinking about him…NO that's it Pam you're getting married to Roy Anderson and that's it. She was always afraid of taking chances, I mean she had been with Roy forever and she couldn't just give that up right before her wedding, …right?