Recruitment

Nile had thought he had grown to expect the unexpected while working for Scorpia. Killing nearly all British children for a good chunk of money. Sure. Murder and mayhem. Fine. The alarm going off for Malagasto's reptile room was a new one, though. Most students, if they wanted access to poison, tended to go to the greenhouse.

Plants, after all, wouldn't bite you if you tried to pick them up. Or lash you across the face with their tails. Or release a toxin that was promptly absorbed by the skin, in the case of the poison dart frogs. The teachers all looked at him. Great, he was the guy who was supposed to check on the snakes.

"It seems our newest student decided to break into the reptile room at night. Do go check on him and try not to get bitten. He went straight for the taipan cage and the female is rather testy."

Nile paused and let out a sigh. Mrs. Rothman really should have opted for the full psych eval before dumping Rider here. "He opened the taipan cage?"

Gordon laughed. Nile was fairly certain he was off his rocker, though. "Stuck his arm right in. I'm a little shocked he's still breathing, at least, according to the monitors."

Nile let out another sigh and stalked out of the staff room. He was pretty sure 'don't stick your arm in the venomous snake cage' was pretty obvious, but maybe they needed to add some signs? Yermalov would probably say it was natural selection at work if they did it and died. D'Arc might be persuaded. Nile walked in on Alex attempting to coax the female up his sleeve.

"Isn't she beautiful?"

Nile took one look at the shining earnest eyes and knew better than to say the first thing that popped into his head. This needed to be handled delicately. He pasted on a slight grin. "If you like that sort of thing. I hate to, uh, interrupt, but you're not supposed to be in here. How did you get access, anyway?"

Alex grinned at him. The snake didn't seem hostile, but Nile knew that taipans were aggressive as all hell. "Oh, I cloned Gordon's access card in computer class."

Nile looked at Alex. He was ninety percent sure there was no such class. "There's a computer class?"

Alex gave him a grin and stroked the snake. Right, he was probably the snake whisperer. It would explain a lot. Like why Yassen and Yermalov didn't murder him on the spot. Nile always knew that they were part reptile. "There is if you know how to ask. Besides, who could say no to this adorable little face?"

Nile had a taipan-wrapped arm brought less than two feet from his face. He felt his heart begin to pound. "Please do not brandish the venomous snakes at people."

Alex, thankfully, pulled his hand back. Nile could suddenly breathe again. This was why they did psych evals. Fuck. Alex was fucking batshit. He should have known that nobody sane would jump off a fucking building for some answers. It was probably the MI6 missions. No money and the shit runs were bound to crack even the most solid of adults. And Alex was just a kid. A kid cuddling a venomous snake. Was that a latent death wish or-

"Why does this tank say 'Property of Winston Yu'?"

Nile felt himself nearly have a stroke. Fuck. "Major Yu is a member of the executive board and a fellow snake enthusiast. He often lends his snakes out to the school to foster good relations and because Doctor Three and Jet occasionally use small amounts of venom in experiments. The collection rotates around four times a year."

Alex nodded. He still had the stupid snake up his sleeve. HOW WAS HE NOT DEAD YET?!

"Kind of like when rich people donate art things to a school?"

Nile blinked. That never happened at his old secondary school. Then again, they usually didn't have any children from rich people there. "A bit like that, yes."

Nile paused as Alex began petting the snake again. This was getting awkward. "Are you going to put that back?"

Alex gave him the puppy eyes. Nile felt his heart sink. That would be a no, then. "I was hoping that I could take her out for a bit. Snakes don't like horrible cold terrariums, you know."

Nile decided to try to put his foot down. Sometimes, you had to step up into vaguely parental roles with these people. "That is one of Mr. Yu's favorite snakes. Perhaps a less valuable one would be more appropriate."

Preferably one that wasn't venomous or liable to constrict him in his sleep. Nile figured that was a bit much to hope for at this point, though. Alex gave him a guileless look that made a cold shiver run down his spine. "I don't think she wants to go back in."

Nile gave him a look. Alex held up his arm. The snake was wrapped around him. Nile resisted the urge to flinch. "Why?"

Alex shrugged and pulled his sleeve over the snake. "She's asleep. You can tell."

Nile would rather not stare at a taipan for that long. Particularly with no glass between him and the snake. Nile realized that this was probably a losing battle. "I guess one night won't hurt."

Nile was probably going to regret that statement. Alex looked ecstatic. Hopefully, the snake didn't decide he looked extra tasty while he slept. He put a hand on Alex's shoulder. "You have to promise to at least pick a different one next time you come in here."

At least it was the snakes and not the files Gordon had access to. Alex could have done a shitload of damage if he was here on MI6's behalf. "I'll see about getting you door access so you don't have to keep stealing Gordon's possessions."

Alex grinned at him. Nile offered his hand to the non-snake-covered arm. "Okay."

Nile led him back to the nearest student area. Alex looked up at him in askance. "Try to get some sleep. I'm sure Yermalov has something positively evil planned for your class's morning workout."

Alex made his way towards his room. Nile watched him go through the door to the hall. This was going to be a fun night. And a long series of phone calls.

Naturally, the second Mr. Yu heard that his precious snake cages had been broken into, though no snakes had been harmed, a visit was arranged. Nile wanted to puke. He was awful. And Doctor Three was lurking around the island. Mrs. Rothman was also quite tense. She was currently pacing while delivering the instructions for the third time. Nile could hear it over the phone.

"You have to make sure everything is perfect. His snake collection is his pride and joy, along with that ridiculous house. British architecture is just hideous, but nobody is about to tell…"

Nile tuned out the rest of the rant in favor of going over the new security protocols. One. Day. That was all it had taken for Alex to set something off on the island. This was why they did psych evals.

Steiner had sworn up and down that Alex would be "fairly harmless." Nile had dearly wanted to tell the man where to shove his report after last night's incident. He decided to call in some favors and make sure Winston Yu didn't decide to acquire a new British shiny. One look at Alex and the poor kid would be shipped off to Australia the second he graduated. "Sekhmet, I need you to convince logistics that Major Yu's visit should happen while the students are in bed. I don't care whether they have to set the plane on fire. Just do it."

There was a pause on the other end of the line. Nile wondered whether he should find a religious figure to pray to. "British shiny?"

Nile rolled his eyes. Sekhmet knew what was up. "Yeah. He's got one of those fancy accents, too."

Sekhmet began typing on the other end of the line. Nile let out a sigh of relief. "Is Yermalov doing his night exercises this week?"

Nile looked at the calendar that had been given to him. There were certain rotations the man followed so that they didn't kill any students via exhaustion. "No. Somebody almost died of heat exhaustion so he had to chill out."

Sekhmet made a tsking noise on the other end of the line. Nile grinned. "Alright, he should arrive around midnight due to a paperwork mix-up that will require his urgent attention. Nobody likes his lieutenants anyways and somebody wants to give a different guy a promotion."

Nile had long ago accepted that Sekhmet was just semi-omniscient when it came to Scorpia's lower-end politics. Nobody below a certain rank would relax around Nile. "Cool."

Sekhmet hung up without saying goodbye. Nile preferred it that way. Well, that was one problem out of the way. The students would be in their rooms at that time, at the very least. Nile decided it was time for some sword practice.

Nile was waiting at the docks for Major Yu. Doctor Three, of course, had elected to wait inside for dramatic effect. And probably because Venice was hideously hot this time of year, even late at night. The short, slim man stepped off the boat with a rather grim look on his face. "Ah, Nile."

Nile could hear the judgment. Oh well, he only had to get through this meeting. "Major Yu. Malagasto welcomes you."

The man looked thoroughly amused. Nile was faintly alarmed. "I'm sure they do. If you would lead the way, Nile?"

Yay, turning his back on the murderous snake. Nile led him into the school without another word. Major Yu typically didn't appreciate his conversation. Probably because he wasn't British. Doctor Three was seated at the table. "Ah, Winston. I'm sure you'll find everything in order. The students should not disturb your visit."

Nile had a sinking suspicion that they may have been locked into their rooms. Not his problem. Besides, those rooms had a bathroom. "Nile will escort you to the reptile room."

There it was. The shitty end of the stick. There was always something on his assignments with the other board members. Yu gestured for him to lead the way. Fucker knew that Nile did not want to give the guy his back. Nile led the way to the reptile room and waited until the man caught up. Was it petty? Probably. Did he care? No. Yu gave him a knowing look before they both entered the room. He went straight for the taipan tank. Because of course he did.

"Where is Crystal?"

He named the stupid thing Crystal?! Ah, fuck. Alex probably had her. "Probably with Alex. He likes her."

Winston frowned at him. Shit. Shit. Shit. "Is Alex a male snake?"

Nile choked a little. Right. Focus. Meeting. Panic later. "No. A student. We can get him up to ask him."

Winston handed him the tank and made an impatient gesture at him. Nile sighed and moved back towards the cafeteria. Well, fuck. Why did it have to be the taipan? Nile texted Gordon to grab Alex while he walked with the tank. Yu looked curious. Damn it. Here's hoping that Alex decided he was in one of his accent kicks. Nile internally cringed when he saw Alex in his pajamas in a meeting with two board members.

"Evening. Erm. Sorry about the snake. She doesn't want to get off my arm."

The snake let out a hiss as Alex tried to lightly pry her off. Fuckity. That was Alex's Chelsea accent. Nile saw Yu's expression and felt his hopes crash. Fuuuuuuck. The man looked like he had just been given an entire kilogram of pure uncut cocaine for free. Or whatever his equivalent was. The snake let out another hiss as Gordon picked up some sort of snake stick.

"Quite alright, dear boy. I'm sure she'll be more amenable after her sleep cyc- Gordon quit poking the snake. She will bite you."

Nile shuddered at the shift in personality. Great. They were doomed. Yu turned towards Three. "Why wasn't I informed of the fact that we have a British student?"

Well, shit. Nile saw Gordon subtly leading Alex back to his bedroom. Nile decided it was time to go for a walk. He heard the voices still going when he got back.

"...and if you can't control D'Arc, then perhaps Malagasto needs a new sponsor."

Nile winced. Please no murder. The paperwork would be terrible. No murder. No murder.

"Don't be hasty, Winston. I expect I'll see you at the discussion for Alex's contract."

Mrs. Rothman was not going to be happy at the competition, but, thankfully, that was not Nile's problem. She would direct the majority of her ire at her colleagues. Nile had a sinking suspicion that the meeting was going to be tense. The last one that had more than two board members had been him. It was the way that they resolved any disputes over who got which operative. You had a discussion, potentially paid your coworkers off, and then everyone who made it out of the meeting would send an invitation to the operative. Usually with an exceedingly large signing bonus. Nile was vaguely curious about how much money those two were willing to throw at Alex.

He walked back in before he could be accused of eavesdropping. Yu rose from the table. "I wish to be escorted back to the boat."

Nile led him to the boat. Yu seemed to be quietly seething. Yes, how dare his colleagues not surrender the British shiny. Nile refrained from rolling his eyes until after the boat left. Goddamn board members and their stupid fucking drama.

Alex was hovering near him. Nile already knew this was going to be trouble. For some reason, they had elected to dump him here. Probably to make sure Three didn't vanish Alex until after the negotiations were concluded. Thankfully, he was scheduled to get back to other projects soon. "I had a question."

Alex sat down next to Nile and pulled out two letters that Nile recognized all too well. Offer letters. One had Yu's personal crest and the other had Doctor Three's. Mrs. Rothman had already let him know that those two had won. Something about her original plan to murder him being wasteful. Nile privately agreed with that assessment but knew better than to say anything to her face about it. "Which one do you think I should pick?"

Nile nearly had a stroke at that. At least it was out of the range of the audio bugs. "It depends. Major Yu will favor you heavily because of your nationality. You'll be able to have a certain degree of leeway for your actions. This comes with likely near-daily meetings with the man, a high price for failure of any sort, and his main business being human trafficking. Doctor Three would likely be a stricter boss with a lot less leeway until you were proven capable of handling it. He would take absolutely none of your excuses, though he is known for being milder about failure if you can prove objectively that it was unavoidable. He's also a bit less, uh, focused on the nationality thing. His main businesses are actually in the form of patents and interrogations, a favored hobby of his."

Alex bit his lower lip. Nile shrugged. "It's up to you. I imagine the signing bonuses are pretty similar."

Alex still looked somewhat lost. Nile didn't blame him. "Thanks for the help?"

Nile winked at him. Eh, he'd probably be fine. "Don't mention it."

Nile hoped that Alex conveniently forgot this little conversation. The kid went back to staring at his letters. Nile placed a hand on his shoulder. "Just know that whoever you pick does want you on the team."

Alex beamed at him. Nile felt kind of bad. "Thanks, Nile."

Nile waved as he left a very distracted Alex to decide who his new boss was for five years. It would be kind of fun to see the reactions either way.

Fin