Scrutiny

Alex had decided that enough was enough. He was tired of being watched twenty-four seven by everyone. He had the perfect plan. Nothing could possibly go wrong with it. He strolled over to his first brand new roommate. "Walker. Get up and stop sleeping on park benches! You're moving in!"

Walker startled awake. And grumbled under his breath. "Fine, fine, I'll stop- wait, what?!"

Alex beamed at him. He was a bit slow in the mornings. "You're moving into my house."

Walker looked at him and rubbed his forehead. He still looked tired. "Do I get a say in this?"

Alex shrugged. Details. This should be too hard. "I mean, yes, but do you want to keep sleeping in stolen cars and on park benches? The winter is rather cold-"

Walker picked himself off the bench and sighed. Alex heard his back crack as he stretched. "I'm getting too old for this shit anyway."

Walker followed him with an air of resignation. Alex gave no fucks. "We're about to pick up my other roommate."

Walker paused. "Wait, wha-"

Alex walked over to the car on the other side of the road. "Alex-"

Alex ignored Walker in favor of banging on the car window. The idea of being watched kept him up at night so these two could suffer with him. Crawley jumped and rolled down the window. "What are you doing? This is supposed to be covert."

Alex ignored his disgruntled expression. Sleeping in a car with a bad knee. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. "Too bad. You're moving in with Walker and me."

Crawley jolted again. He looked much more awake. At least he hadn't immediately gone for the gun. Then again, Walker was faster on the draw. "That is a Scorpia assassin. They're not pets. You cannot just move one into your house-"

Alex rolled his eyes. "EXACTLY! Which is why you should move in and prevent me from being murdered in my sleep."

Crawley grumbled something under his breath. It sounded vaguely like he was regretting not smothering Alex one of the many times he was unconscious in the hospital. Walker immediately bristled as Crawley got out of the car. Alex put his hands on both of them and stood in between them. "No fighting. It's too early for me to separate you."

They both glared at each other. And then answered as one. "Fine."

Both men looked exceedingly uncomfortable as he brought them into the house. Alex was feeling happy for once in his life. Or maybe whoever had told him he was a social sadist was right. "Well, it's breakfast time. Do you two want eggs or something?"

The two men exchanged looks. Crawley broke first. "We're not making a teenager cook for us. I'll cook breakfast."

Walker scowled. Alex wondered if he should break out the popcorn. "Yeah, and what are the odds you're gonna drug it?"

Crawley shot Walker an indignant look. Alex resisted a cackle. "Less than the ones that you're going to poison it."

Alex put on his most innocent expression. Neither of them seemed to want to listen to him at the moment. "Why don't both of you make me breakfast if you're going to be butthurt like that?"

The two exchanged glares. "Fine."

Alex watched in utter fascination as the two studiously pretended the other didn't exist while they made him breakfast. Both of them were careful not to go to the knives very suddenly. Alex imagined that it would be messy. About twenty minutes later breakfast appeared in front of him. The first few minutes of the meal were eaten in complete silence. "What are you even going to tell your school if they see us living with you? You have a tutor, last I checked."

Alex beamed at Crawley. Maybe he had been too harsh. The man was smart when he wanted to be. "The truth! That I moved in two much older dudes who wouldn't quit following me."

The two blanched at that description. Alex felt his grin turn decidedly shit-eating as he continued eating the two breakfasts that the men had prepared for him. This was so much fun. Maybe he could do Tom's parents next. It was Walker who broke first.

"ALLLEXXXX!"

Alex pointed his fork at Walker. Crawley looked beyond done. "You do creepy things, you face creepy things consequences."

Walker shot him a pained look. Crawley was coughing loudly into his napkin. It took Alex a second to realize the man was laughing. "Look, we're just trying to make sure you're safe."

Alex looked at Walker and then looked at Crawley. Crawley pinched the bridge of his nose. "Yes, well, that over there is why I switched out with one of the junior agents. We're looking into whether he was bribed or needs retraining."

Walker's extremely offended look was priceless. Alex had no regrets so far. "Excuse me?"

Crawley gave Walker a look that suggested he'd happened upon a large talking cockroach. Alex wondered what the drama was there. "You're not being very nice."

It was Crawley's turn to look offended. Walker was currently lounging on the dining room chair. "To the murdering terrorist? I should bloody well think not."

Alex rolled his eyes. The DRAMA. It was gold. "Mhm. This seems a little personal."

Crawley made grumbling noises under his breath. The man glared at him. "You're lucky I don't report you for kidnapping."

Alex shrugged. He doubted it would go very far. "I mean, you can totally leave. You'll just leave me alone with Walker for an unspecified amount of time. Who knows what could happen?"

Crawley just gave him a look of pure exasperation. They both knew that, while Crawley was generally a heartless bastard, he wasn't leaving Alex alone with a potentially murderous terrorist. Walker was dozing in the dining room chair. Crawley rolled his eyes. "You're awful, you know that, right?"

Alex leaned against the wall. He was feeling pretty decent so far. Besides, it's not like he kidnapped them. "Well, so far I've had two breakfasts, so I'm pretty sure being awful is working out."

Crawley let out a sigh and rubbed his eyes. He did look tired. "I'm going to shower now and then sleep in one of your guest rooms."

Alex called after him. "You could at least pretend like you don't know the exact layout of the house!"

Crawley snorted and continued down the hall. Rude. Alex felt ignored. Time to grab Walker before he hurt his neck further sleeping in a chair. Alex shook the man awake. "Wha-"

Alex grabbed him by the collar and began hoisting him out of the chair. Walker wrapped his arms around him. "Showers. Beds. We have them."

Walker passed right back out in his arms. Alex was left with about two hundred pounds of muscular male dead weight. He rolled his eyes and dumped Walker on the couch. Alex took the man's shoes and belt before draping a blanket over him and propping his head on a spare couch pillow. Time for a good book.

Alex was brought out of his reading coma by Walker getting up, swearing, and blindly groping the air for a few minutes. "Morning."

Alex closed his book with a slight smirk. "It's afternoon, actually."

Walker let out a grunt and a couch pillow sailed his way. Alex grinned. "Fuck you, you snarky British asshole."

It was at that moment that Crawley chose to make his reappearance. The man looked almost hopeful. "We can file assault charges."

Alex looked at the man. What was he on? "He threw a pillow?"

Crawley shrugged. Alex had a sinking suspicion that he'd won a lot of court cases. "Thrown items still count as assault in the United Kingdom. And, since you're still a minor. It's an assault on a minor."

Alex frowned. There were a few holes in that. "I thought it had to be able to cause damage."

Crawley gave him a slight grin. That slimy motherfucker. "He might have put out your eye."

Alex folded his arms and glared at the man. What the hell?! "CRAWLEY!"

Crawley looked incredibly smug. Alex narrowed his eyes. "I'll have you know, I was finagling law before your parents even met."

Walker let out a groan. Crawley sauntered over to the kitchen and checked his watch. Alex was immediately suspicious. Crawley was acting a little bit too smug. Alex walked towards Walker and sat down, leaning over to grab his book. He murmured, almost kissing Walker's neck. "He's called someone, run."

Walker began putting on his shoes and belt. Alex finished picking up his book. Right. "You need a shower, Walker."

Walker rolled his eyes and stomped up the staircase. Crawley looked at Alex. "You and your overdramatic Scorpia assassins."

Alex raised an eyebrow. That was just offensive. "Excuse me?"

Crawley put on a falsetto and mockingly clutched his chest. "Oh, I saw Yassen Gregorovich and his long, long lashes and dancer's body."

Alex reddened. They had asked him to be descriptive. "Oh, fuck off, Crawley."

Crawley continued in his normal voice. "Next it was Nile and his quote, unforgettable, unquote, martial arts display."

Alex rolled his eyes. Blah, blah, blah. This was what he got for following MI6 instructions. "Well, it was."

Crawley gave him a thoroughly exasperated look. "And now it's Walker and, well, I'm sure you'll find a skill to mention in your report."

Alex rolled his eyes. Crawley was as bad as Gordon. "Don't be rude. I've heard he's a decent supervisor for icky, icky traitors."

Crawley rolled his eyes. And pulled out a book. "This belonged to your uncle. I think you should have it."

Alex's mouth dropped open. His cheeks flamed ever so slightly. The Complete Guide to Anal Sex for Men. "Are you allowed to give this to me?"

Crawley sniffed. The prissiness. "It's educational."

Alex was tempted to chuck the book straight out of the window. Especially since he knew it had once belonged to Ian. There were some things you didn't need to know about your parental figures. There was absolutely no recovery from this. None. He needed some sort of therapy. "I'll just…put this on the shelf, shall I?"

Crawley looked amused. Bastard. Alex was going to convince Smithers to break every copier within three floors of him. "You do that, Alex."

Alex slunk upstairs. He heard the shower in his room running. Walker must have stepped out by now. He hoped. There was no reason for the man to stay and get caught for him. Alex took a peek out his window and saw several black cars that shouldn't be there. Subtle. Not. That must be Crawley's backup. Alex wished they showed up that fast when he called. Maybe that was a bit too bitter?

Alex stepped into the bathroom and pulled the shower curtain back. Empty. He let out a sigh of relief.

Alex shut the shower off, knowing full well that Walker was long gone. Until next time, then.

Alex heard the front door open and a bunch of people entering his house. He let out a sigh and leaned back onto his bed. Yay. Another house search. He wasn't even going to bother greeting them this time. The search continued through the night. It was nearly dawn when Crawley stalked in.

"Well, your little plan failed, but it was worth a shot."

Alex hadn't exactly had a plan, but Crawley would accuse him of things. He cracked an eye open. "Plan?"

Crawley rolled his eyes. "Don't play stupid. You tried to get him rearrested without violence. Pity it didn't work. Was worth a try, though. He killed about seven of our agents in the first arrest round."

Alex let out a sigh. That had not been his plan, but Crawley was free to think that. "I hadn't heard the exact number."

Technically, Tulip had told him zero details about anything. Crawley let out a sigh. "You're a brave man. We'll try to keep a better eye on you. Especially since he seems to keep showing up."

Alex sat up slowly. He just wanted a decent amount of sleep for once. "I can handle him."

Crawley folded his arms. "You shouldn't have to. Look, I'm not the most moral of guys but letting you handle a whole ass Scorpia assassin who has multiple agents kills with nobody around is a bit much. I just don't want you getting stabbed."

Alex gave him a half grin. "The paperwork?"

Crawley shook his head. "You bet your ass. Who do you think does all the forms for your hospital stays?"

With that, the man left him. Alex was alone in his house again. Well. That plan failed. At least he'd had fun, though.

Fin