14 - Together

Dean's apartment, naturally, looked the same as it had when he'd left it. It seemed like a lifetime ago that he'd gone, heading out to Louisiana and another job for Benny. His life, he realized, had been so empty, just like this apartment had been. Now Jimmy's presence seemed to fill it up. The winged man was moving around, peering at everything with his usual curiosity. Dean smiled, seeing him bring his eye up close to a camera on the shelf, as though trying to see inside of it.

Leaving him to his explorations, Dean hurried into his bedroom. There, he dragged the dust cover off of his bed, fluffed his pillows, gathered up the stray dirty socks and checked his supplies from the drug store. Good. He had what he needed.

He'd been considering the logistics of what he'd hoped would happen on the trip over. While there were several options, it seemed the easiest thing would be for Dean to offer to bottom. That would ensure Jimmy suffered no annoying distractions from his wings being pinched. Besides, Dean reasoned, this was fairly unexplored territory for them both. Dean had fooled around with guys in the past, but he'd never had penetrative sex with another man. The idea of having it now, with the man he was head over heels for? Well, he was completely on board for that. He'd make it good, he vowed, an enjoyable experience for them both.

Dean fluffed the pillows again, flicked a bit of dust away, took another look around, and decided it was good. He had a queen sized mattress that he knew from experience was good for sex. Jimmy's first experience would be a good one.

Pausing to check his reflection in the mirror and smooth out his hair with a little water, Dean gathered his courage and headed out.

Jimmy wasn't in the living area anymore. He'd migrated into the kitchen, where he'd dumped out the contents of a jigsaw puzzle Dean had gotten from somewhere and never bothered to open. Now the pieces were spread out over the table, Jimmy carefully arranging them so they were all facing up with the edge pieces off to one side. It cooled Dean's excitement by several degrees.

Fine. He'd just have to work at this a little harder than he'd thought.

Jimmy didn't even look up when Dean sauntered over, although he smiled when Dean's hands began kneading his shoulders. "Ooo, that feels good," he moaned, letting his head fall back against Dean's chest and his eyes close.

"Yeah? I'm told I give great massages." Dean's hands continued to work their magic even as their owner frowned over Jimmy's head at the puzzle pieces. "You, uh, like jigsaw puzzles?"

"I like this one." Without opening his eyes he waved in the general direction of the box lid, which he'd propped up on the table with the salt and pepper shakers. "It's a bee pollinating a flower, Dean. I have always liked bees."

"That so?" Bees? Who the hell liked bees? Jimmy, apparently. Well, at least now Dean had some gift ideas. He cleared his throat. "You really want to put that thing together now?"

"Very much!" To Dean's dismay, Jimmy had opened his eyes only to reach forward and continue manipulating the pieces on the table. "When I'm finished, do you think we could put it in a frame? If I'm going to live here, I would like to have it hanging on the wall."

"Um, sure," Dean agreed, uncertain. He stopped massaging his boyfriend's shoulders and moved around to lean against the table. "Still, don't you think you might like to do that later? It's not going anywhere."

Jimmy frowned. "Why would it go anywhere?"

"I mean, you can come back and do this anytime," Dean explained. "How about you leave it for now and I show you the rest of the apartment?"

"Well…" Jimmy looked indecisively at his puzzle, which brought Dean's libido to an all-time low. "Alright."

"Hey, don't let me force you into anything," Dean grumbled, feeling slighted.

That made Jimmy look up, wide-eyed. "You're upset! I'm sorry, Dean. You went into the other room and I thought, if I'm going to live here, I might like to make some personal touches. When I saw the puzzle box, I thought it would be the perfect thing. But I've upset you." He quickly stood up, taking Dean's hands. "Of course I would rather spend time with you than put together a puzzle. Is there anything in particular you'd like to do?"

"Well, Jimmy, what I'd thought we might do when we got here is pretty far away from doing a puzzle," Dean admitted, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. "Sorry."

Jimmy cocked his head and squinted at him. "I don't understand."

Obviously. Dean cleared his throat. "What you said would happen if we moved in…?" he prompted. "That's, um, kind of what I had in mind."

Understanding dawned. "Ah," Jimmy said, nodding. "You wanted to have sex."

"I, er, um, well, yes," Dean admitted. He could feel his cheeks burning. Jimmy was watching him, his expression serious as Dean fumbled for words. "It's just, I have never felt for anyone what I feel for you. I wanted to show you that. I thought we could, you know, break in the apartment?"

"Well, I certainly hope we don't break the apartment," Jimmy said.

Dean looked at him, saw the smile spreading over his face, and laughed. "Holy shit, you just made a joke, didn't you?"

"I did," Jimmy said proudly. "And you laughed."

Dean laughed again. Slipping his arms around Jimmy under his wings, he pulled his boyfriend in for a kiss. "I know we've only been together for a short time," he said quietly, pressing their foreheads together. "And maybe this is just wishful thinking. I mean, I've been alone for a while, but Jimmy? I think maybe we can have something special together."

The effect on his boyfriend was electric. Jimmy sucked in his breath. His wings rose, the good wing moving unhindered to fluff out in an incredible display. "Dean," Jimmy whispered. "I feel the same."

Dean felt almost dizzy. He kissed Jimmy again, the kisses quickly becoming heated. For all his inexperience, Jimmy was a fast learner. When he suddenly seized Dean roughly and pinned him back against the wall, Dean gasped. Jimmy's tongue quickly entered Dean's mouth, kissing Dean like he'd never experienced before.

When they finally broke the kiss, Dean gasped. "Wow! Where the hell did you learn to kiss like that?" he panted.

"There's a channel on the TV that shows a lot of naked people," Jimmy explained. "I learned that from the pizza man."

Dean groaned, which quickly dissolved into a laugh. "Well, wherever you learned it, you're a quick study!" He smiled. "How about instead of relying on Skinimax, I show you some other things?"

"I think I would like that."

Taking Jimmy's hand, Dean quickly led him to the bedroom. Jimmy got a bit wide-eyed when he saw the bed. "D-Dean? We're going to have sex now, aren't we?"

"Yeah, if that's alright with you?" Dean asked, suddenly shy.

Jimmy shifted his weight, but his feathers fluffed up even more, which Dean took as a good sign. "I've never had sex before," he admitted.

"That's ok," Dean soothed, sliding his hands up Jimmy's chest. "I'll show you."

His hands slid over Jimmy's shoulders to plunge his fingers into the thickest feathers on Jimmy's wings. He knew from his experience cleaning them that the feathers were sensitive, causing pain if pulled but apparently great pleasure when they were stroked. Jimmy hummed, smiling, and moved to allow Dean more access.

Kissing Jimmy again, Dean quickly undid the fastenings they'd designed to hold Jimmy's shirts in place around his wings. He broke the kiss long enough to pull the shirt off, tossed it into a corner, and tossed his own shirt to join it. The feeling of so much skin-to-skin contact nearly drove him wild. Reaching down, he quickly undid Jimmy's jeans and slid his hand down, following Jimmy's happy trail to…

Jimmy gasped and immediately pulled away, eyes wide. Alarmed, Dean asked, "What's wrong?"

"I don't know," Jimmy answered. "I feel funny."

Dean studied his face. "Good funny, or bad funny?"

Jimmy shook his head. His eyes were as round as dinner plates. "I don't know. Just funny. I feel… tingly?"

"Tingly is good," Dean encouraged. "Listen, if this is too much, you don't have to do anything."

"But I want to do something," Jimmy protested. "I like this and I don't want to stop. It's just strange."

"Ok," Dean soothed, "but if I'm going too fast, I can slow it down. How about I lay down here, and I just let you explore me for a bit?"

"Explore you?" Jimmy cocked his head, considering. He nodded. "Yes. I think I would like that very much."

Smiling, Dean moved towards the bed and quickly stripped. Behind him, he could hear Jimmy gasp. He looked up, concerned. "Too much?"

"No, Dean, it's just…" Jimmy shook his head, his eyes roving over Dean, soaking up every inch. "You're beautiful, Dean. I mean, I always knew you were, but… You're just beautiful."

For some reason, that made Dean duck his head shyly. Odd. He'd never been bashful about his body before, but somehow, Jimmy made everything seem new.

Dean climbed up further on the bed, moving so he was in the center of it. Patting the bed next to him, he beckoned Jimmy forward.

Jimmy hesitated. His hands were on the waistband of his jeans, but he looked uncertain. "It's ok," Dean called. "If you don't want to take your clothes off, you don't have to. Whatever you want to do, ok? I won't push you."

"C-can I touch you?" Jimmy asked.

Dean smiled. "Yes, please, touch me?"

That seemed to break the spell. Jimmy eagerly climbed onto the bed and over to Dean. His eyes inspected Dean's body with the same intense curiosity he'd had when they'd first met and Jimmy had watched everything Dean did. Now his hands were tracing lightly over Dean's skin, inspecting every inch. Dean kept still and pliant, allowing his limbs to be manipulated, even letting Jimmy roll him over to inspect his back. The winged man seemed to have no hesitation about inspecting even the most private, sensitive areas of Dean, so close that his breath warmed Dean's skin.

The whole thing was a huge turn-on. By the time Jimmy rolled him back over, Dean was almost painfully hard and leaking. That seemed to fascinate Jimmy. He inspected Dean's erection, gently brushing the pad of a finger to catch the droplet at the tip. Dean let out a moan. He moaned again when Jimmy cautiously put his finger into his mouth, tasting what he'd discovered. His feathers, Dean noticed, were fluffed up again. If that didn't indicate that Jimmy was also turned on, the tent protruding from his opened jeans certainly did.

Jimmy seemed to notice it as well. He glanced down, frowning at his own erection. "I think I want to take my clothes off now."

"Ok," Dean whispered. By now he was panting, more turned on than he'd ever been in his life. He couldn't hold back yet another moan when Jimmy's erection bobbed free. "Oh, look at you!"

"I've never seen it like that before." Jimmy was glancing between his own erection and Dean's. "I don't know what to do."

"You just touch yourself, or me, or us both," Dean urged. "You know, like when you masturbate?"

"I've never done that."

Dean blinked in surprise. Rather than say anything to embarrass Jimmy or make him back off, he wrapped a hand around himself and gently stroked. "Like this. See?"

Jimmy's breathing picked up rapidly. He reached down to himself, copying Dean's action, and this time he was the one to moan. "Oh! That feels good."

Dean thought he might just go insane if he couldn't touch Jimmy. He quickly sat up. "Can I try something? I promise to stop if it's too much."

Jimmy nodded. Dean quickly moved into position, taking Jimmy into his mouth. He'd only blown one other guy, and he'd been drunk at the time, but he knew what felt good. Jimmy made a sound somewhere between a moan and a yell. His good wing flapped. Apparently, the yell was the result of involuntarily trying to flap both wings at once. "Oh!" he was crying despite the pain. "That's so good, Dean, please don't stop?"

Dean worked a bit more, trying to judge how close his boyfriend was by the sounds he was making. When he knew Jimmy was close, Dean stopped, moving up to kiss him fiercely. "I want you inside me."

"Yes, please, I want that too, Dean."

No one needed to tell Dean twice. He lunged for his supplies. Opening up a condom, he popped it into his mouth and slid it on Jimmy. Then he snagged the lube, quickly fumbling the cap off of the tube and lubing up his fingers. Making sure Jimmy had an unobstructed view, he began opening himself up.

Jimmy whined. He was practically vibrating by the time Dean nodded and waved him forward. Then he pounced on Dean.

Dean had expected to have to talk Jimmy through this, but that wasn't the case. Jimmy pushed inside so quickly Dean hissed in pain. "Wait, hold on a moment," he called.

"Oh!" Jimmy froze. "I hurt you!"

"Just a little, but it's ok. I just need a moment to adjust… Mmm, yes, ok, now move, please move?"

This time, Jimmy's thrust was uncertain and hesitant. But when Dean canted his hips to meet him, he became more sure.

Soon, he was pounding away at Dean's prostate like it was his job. Dean swore and squirmed and clutched at his boyfriend, barely coherent enough to remember not to pull the feathers. Bottoming, he immediately decided, was the best thing ever. He reached down one hand, jerking himself in time, and a moment later, he was spilling between them.

Feeling the heat on his stomach, his boyfriend cried out something in another language before something hot spilled into the condom inside of Dean. Then he collapsed, breathing hard into the space between Dean's neck and his shoulder. The great wings trembled, small bits of down coming to rest on the bed like strange black snowflakes.

Dean gently carded his fingers through the feathers. Apparently, that pleased their owner, who hummed in pleasure. "Hey," Dean whispered, "what was that you said, and what language was it?"

"It meant, 'You are mine now and forever,' and I'm not sure."

"Huh." Dean considered, still stroking the glossy black feathers. "You should write it down. Maybe we can figure out what language it is, and that could be a clue to your real identity?"

His answer was a sleepy mumble. Dean smiled, turning his head to kiss the dark hair. "I think I'd like that. Being yours, I mean."

"You would?" Hopeful blue eyes peered up at him.

"Yeah," Dean agreed, marveling at himself. "I really would. I'd love to be yours, Castiel."

To his surprise, Cass abruptly went stiff. Then he was pushing himself up, pulling out of Dean and leaning back onto his haunches, looking at Dean with a hurt expression.

Dean quickly sat up. "What? What's wrong, angel?"

"That's what's wrong!" The hurt had morphed into anger now as the angel climbed off of the bed and stomped his way into the bathroom.

Dean blinked in shock. He thought back, wondering what he'd said or done that had upset Cass this much. Shaking his head, he jumped up, following his boyfriend into the bathroom.

Castiel had just finished cleaning himself off. Now he pushed abruptly past Dean, nearly knocking Dean over to storm back into the room and retrieve his boxers and jeans. Dean grabbed his arm, only to be shaken off, the angel's strength more than enough to send Dean stumbling back into the bed. "Cass! What's wrong?"

"My name," Castiel hissed, not looking at Dean, "is Jimmy!"

Dismay washed over Dean. "You can't be serious," he sputtered. "You're still going to keep this up, even after we just made love?"

"Who did you just make love to, Dean?" Castiel demanded, pulling up his jeans and quickly fastening them. "Me, or the vision of an angel you've had in your head, watching over you from a cloud and miraculously saving you time and time again? Because that isn't me!"

"Yes, it is! Stop this, please!"

"Dean, look at me!" Castiel spread his hands and raised his wings, displaying the cast on the broken one. "When you first met me, I could barely even care for myself. Even now, I'm injured. I can barely maintain a conversation. I doubt I could function alone in society. How can you see me and still believe that I am anything but exactly what I have told you again and again I really am?!"

Dean could feel something inside of himself starting to crack. "Look at me," he demanded. "Look me in the eye, right now, and tell me that you're not my angel. Tell me, once and for all, and I won't ask you again."

Blue eyes met green. When the angel spoke, it was in a whisper. "Dean, I'm sorry, but I wasn't in the hospital with you. I wish I was. I wish someone, anyone, had been in that hell with you, but I wasn't. I haven't been watching over you. I haven't been guarding you. I'm not your guardian angel. I never was."

Dean was shattering. Shaking, he reached out, only to have the winged man back away from his touch. "You knew my name," Dean said, voice shaking. "When I first brought you into the clinic, you looked at me and said 'Hello, Dean.' You knew it without me telling you." He nodded, trying again to reach Castiel. "That's how I knew you were real. Because you knew my name. The first thing you said to me was my name."

"I was coming around when you were bringing me in," he said, once again moving away. "I wasn't quite conscious, but I was alert enough to hear the two of you talking. I heard the doctor call you by your name. Dean Winchester. It wasn't supernatural. What you believe about me isn't true. And I need you, please, to stop insisting that it is."

Dean collapsed, landing on his hands and knees on the floor. "So I am crazy," he whispered. "All this time, everything they've been telling me has been true. None of it is real. You were never there. You never watched over me. I've been a fool."

"You're a good man, Dean Winchester." Jimmy's voice was soft, and full of sorrow. "And I have harmed you more than I could possibly imagine. But no more. I won't hurt you anymore, Dean. I care about you too much for that."

There was no force on Earth that could have gotten Dean to move from his spot. Even when Jimmy walked away, even when he heard the door open and close, Dean remained frozen, naked and humiliated and hurt beyond his wildest dreams. When it finally sunk in that Jimmy was gone, Dean simply fell over onto his side. He curled up into the fetal position and wept.