DESTINY - CHAPTER 09

"Don't go," Rex called after her.

Ahsoka slowed her pace but continued toward the door.

"I'm alright," Rex said. "You didn't hurt me. I know it was an accident."

Ahsoka stopped but didn't turn around. She closed her eyes and concentrated on Rex's voice, using it as a focal point to help push down her panic.

"Please stay," Rex said.

She heard him step up behind her. He'd come closer than she would have expected given that she'd just thrown him around like a sack of grain. Ahsoka could feel the heat radiating off his body and smell the sweat from his labor. She focused on the steady beat of his heart resonating through the Force.

After a long silence Ahsoka's breathing began to slow and the trembling in her hands lessened. She took in a breath and exhaled slowly, her eyes still shut, her concentration on the man behind her.

"Come and sit," Rex said softly.

"I should leave."

"Why?"

Ahsoka turned to him, his face only inches from hers.

"Why?" she asked, incredulously. "Because you're not safe around me."

As Rex frowned at her, Ahsoka took in his features. She'd never been this close to him. His brown eyes were soft, contrasting with the sharp angles of his nose and cheeks. Their irises were laced with gold flecks she'd never noticed before. The color of his beard was lighter up close, surrounding lips that were full and slightly chapped. His presence was at once compelling and calming.

"You won't hurt me," Rex said.

Ahsoka huffed out a breath. "How can you be so sure?"

"Because you made a promise to T'annon," he said. "I know you would never break a promise to her."

Ahsoka dropped her eyes. Her shoulders sagged and exhaustion pulled the last spark of energy from her body.

Rex gestured toward their Sabacc table. Ahsoka walked over and slumped down into a chair. Rex pulled the other chair around the table and sat it across from her. He grabbed a rag off one of the benches and dropped into his chair, wiping the sweat from his face and neck.

They sat quietly for a while and Ahsoka realized it was a familiar dynamic between them. Comfortable and calm … and safe.

Rex finally broke the silence. "I'm sorry," he said. "This was my fault."

Ahsoka looked at Rex, confused. "How was any of this your fault?"

"I know your feelings about what happened to your people and your home world," Rex said. "How you feel about clones and the GAR. You must have similar feelings toward the Jedi as commanders of the GAR."

Ahsoka hesitated, then gave him a nod and let him continue.

"As soon as I said the words, I knew I'd made a mistake," Rex said. "If anyone needs forgiveness, it's me."

Ahsoka shook her head. "No. What I did was inexcusable."

"How about this," Rex said. "I'll forgive you, if you forgive me. Then we'll call it even. Deal?"

Ahsoka stared at Rex, amazed once again at his ability to understand her — and yet, not surprised by it. Finally, she sighed and nodded. "Deal," she agreed.

After a moment, she said, "I need to understand how you know who I am."

"The Force kick was a big clue. Oh, yeah, and trying to access my mind in the council meeting," Rex said.

"That was kind of obvious, now that I think about it," Ahsoka said. "Who better to recognize a Force user than a clone who works side by side with Jedi every day. But you shut me out pretty hard.

"I've had a lot of practice," Rex said.

"That doesn't answer the question about how you know who I am."

"I have a brother named Wolffe," Rex explained. "He's the Commander of the 104th Battalion under General Plo Koon."

Ahsoka's pulse quickened at the mention of her old master's name.

"We were on leave at the same time on Courscant," Rex continued, "having a drink at 79's, a bar that caters to clones. We'd both had a lot to drink and were complaining about our commanding generals — comparing them to each other. One thing General Skywalker and General Koon had in common was that neither of them had a padawan, even though most of the other Jedi masters did."

Ahsoka's attention was riveted on Rex. She nodded, encouraging him to continue.

"General Skywalker was young and had never had a padawan before. He'd told me he'd never take one on because a padawan would slow him down. Wolffe said that General Koon had trained several padawans, but after his last one had left the Jedi Order he'd never trained another. He'd said something to Wolffe about failing his padawan and that he wasn't worthy to be a teacher any longer."

A sadness fell over Ahsoka's heart as she heard of Master Plo Koon's guilt. He'd been a father figure to her, always supportive and understanding. It wasn't her master that had failed her, it had been the entire Jedi Order.

"General Koon didn't say much more," Rex said. "But Wolffe got curious and did some research. He found out that the general's last padawan had been a Togruta female in her teens. By all accounts, she was a powerful Force user. Some called her the most promising Jedi in a generation. But she left the Jedi Order the year the war broke out. I'd have probably forgotten the whole story, except that Wolffe had discovered the padawan's first name. Ahsoka.

"The name stuck in my mind. It's unique and I'd never heard anyone called by that name before — or since for that matter — until T'annon spoke of the person that freed her from slavery. Until she said the name again — just now."

Rex paused and Ahsoka felt the weight of his eyes lingering on her. He threw the sweat soaked rag on the table and shifted in his chair.

"Wolffe told me that story about four years ago, right after I was promoted to captain. When I heard your name just now, the other pieces of the puzzle fell into place - your use of the Force and being a female Togruta in her mid-twenties."

"The galaxy's a small place," Ahsoka said, her mind contemplating the complexity of what had just happened. "You probably didn't know that I was supposed to be Anakin Skywalker's padawan."

Rex's eyebrows rose in surprise.

"But like you said, Master Skywalker refused to take me on. So, Master Plo did instead. He was a good master … a good friend."

Ahsoka paused as a remarkable thought came to her.

"You know," she said, "if I had become Master Skywalker's padawan and stayed to fight in the war, I would have been a commander of the 501st. I would have been your superior officer."

Rex scrunched his brows together. "That would have been … awkward," he said.

"What's wrong, Captain?" Ahsoka said, with a hint of snark. "Can't take orders from a female."

"That's not a problem, Commander," Rex replied with equal snark. "Even if you'd been General Koon's padawan, you most likely would have been the officer in command on some of the missions the 501st and the 104th conducted together. I would have had no problem following your orders. That's what good soldiers do, they follow orders."

Then he added as an afterthought, "But we'd never have had the opportunity to get to know each other. Not like we have over the past several months."

Ahsoka felt the tiniest hint of the Force spark inside her at his words. She shivered as she thought of this quirk of fate they'd just uncovered. Or, instead of fate, was it … destiny?

Eleven years ago she'd been confronted by two very different life paths — remaining in the Jedi Order, or leaving it. But no matter which path she had chosen, it seemed one thing had been destined to happen — meeting Rex.

She couldn't fathom what role he was to play in her life. Nor she in his. But if — and in her mind it was still a big if — this was the will of the Force, she needed to pay attention. As the Jedi were so fond of saying — there was no such thing as a coincidence.

"But you didn't become a soldier," Rex said, pulling Ahsoka back to the conversation. "You left the Order instead, after Shili was …," he caught himself, leaving the sentence unfinished.

"The Jedi played a key role in that battle and the resulting disaster," Ahsoka said. "They'd lost their way. They're still lost. I couldn't live with that hypocrisy and I refused to become a murderer of innocents."

Ahsoka noticed Rex had grown quiet. Then she realized why.

"I'm sorry," she blurted out. "I didn't mean-"

"No, it's alright," Rex said, averting his eyes. "I understand."

Ahsoka reached out and rested her hand on his knee. He brought his eyes to her hand, then raised them to her face. She kept her gaze steady.

"No, Rex, it's not alright. I get emotional and speak in absolutes. But I know things aren't that simple. I thought things with you were simple at first. I thought because you were a clone I knew everything about you. I was wrong."

Ahsoka let out a sigh. "I've been wrong about so many things. Sometimes I'm not sure I can trust myself anymore."

Ahsoka watched as his hand drifted slowly down to land lightly on top of hers. His touch was soft and his skin was warm.

"T'annon trusts you," Rex said. "Do you know how she described you to me?"

Ahsoka tilted her head. "How?"

"She said … let me think, I want to get this right … she said you were brave and kind and wise and beautiful. Over the past several months, I've come to agree with her."

Ahsoka felt her cheeks warm and her eyes darted to the side.

"Your people trust you," Rex said. "I trust you, too. When you feel you can't trust yourself, trust in the people that do."

Ahsoka felt Rex give her hand a squeeze, then he pulled away and leaned back in his chair.

"When you came in here you looked worried and needed my help with something that seemed important," Rex said. "What can I do?"

Ahsoka shifted in her chair and straightened her cloak over her shoulders, glad to move the conversation to the urgent matter at hand.

For the next several minutes she outlined the plight of the miners on Farsa-Minor, her plan to obtain and deliver medical supplies and antigen, and that the only viable option was to raid a Republic supply ship.

Rex listened attentively, nodding his understanding. But when Ahsoka finally got to the heart of the matter and explained they would need Rex to provide them with Republic boarding codes, Rex had gone as still as a pillar of stone.

Ahsoka watched Rex for a long while until she couldn't take the silence any longer.

"I'm sorry," she said. "If there was any other option I'd take it instead of asking you to do this."

"I know," Rex said.

"I'm telling you the truth. I wouldn't lie to you about this. About anything."

"I believe you," he said. "It's clear your plan is the only way to save those people."

"Then, will you help us?"

Rex's expression turned grave. "Ahsoka, if I do what you ask, I'll be committing treason against the Republic."

He pushed out a long breath. "I've taken an oath to defend the Republic. I live by a code of honor to meet the obligations of that oath. As a clone I've been conditioned genetically and psychologically to comply with that oath. To do what you ask would violate everything I believe, everything I know."

The hope Ahsoka had felt a moment before evaporated into thin air. Of course Rex couldn't give her the codes. It wasn't his fault. He was bound by his integrity as much as by his conditioning to always put the interest of the Republic first.

"I understand," Ahsoka said, disappointed and heartsick.

"I've always been a soldier," Rex said, "I don't know anything else. You just can't fathom how hard that would be for me."

Ahsoka empathized with the pain and fear Rex was feeling. It reminded her of her own challenges when she'd left the Jedi Order.

Then a thought occurred to her. She knew exactly how Rex felt because she'd experienced the same thing.

He'd known exactly how she'd felt about her grief and pain over the destruction of her people, because he'd experienced the same thing about his brothers. His empathy and understanding had helped her begin to address her fear of dealing with her grief.

Now it seemed they had reversed roles. When she'd decided to leave the Order, she'd been in the same dilemma as he was now. Maybe her understanding and empathy could help him, like he'd helped her.

Ahsoka felt a spark of hope for the people of Farsa-Minor. She just needed to open up to Rex. To have the courage to be honest and vulnerable. Thanks to the Jedi, she wasn't very good at that. But peoples' lives were at stake. She needed to try.

"Rex," Ahsoka said," I think I understand. Just like you understood my pain, I think I know what you're going through."

Rex's eyes locked with hers, his expression open, almost needy. "Go on," he said.

"I've never spoken about this to anyone before," Ahsoka said. "It's hard to talk about."

"It's alright," Rex said. "I'm listening."

Ahsoka took a steadying breath. "I was brought to the Jedi temple when I was three. I grew up there. I was educated and trained there. Everyone close to me was in the Order. The only way I knew how to be in the galaxy was as part of the Jedi. I made a commitment to live by a code. A code of honor and compassion and justice. It was everything I knew."

Rex looked thoughtful. "Like me knowing only how to be a soldier, committing my life to live by a code."

Ahsoka nodded. "Then Shili was destroyed and I began to question everything I knew. My code, my training, my friends, my entire way of life. I had to make a decision to either stay in the Order and follow a code that allowed others to die needlessly, or to leave everything I knew and build a new life trying to help others. I was terrified. To be honest, sometimes I still am."

"I realize how much I've asked of you," Ahsoka said. "I understand the fear and uncertainty you're feeling, better than anyone else in the universe."

Rex stared at the floor. Ahsoka could remember the battle of emotions she'd experienced when faced with the same decision.

"I don't want to push," Ahsoka said, "but we're running out of time. Think about it? Please! I'll come back in an hour and whatever decision you've made, I'll honor it."

Rex looked up. "I don't need to think about it," he said.

Ahsoka felt hope begin to rekindle itself. She looked at Rex anxiously.

"If I have information that can save thousands of lives, then I only have one choice. I'll give you the codes," he said.

The hope in Ahsoka's chest burst into a flame. "Thank you, Rex. Everyone will be so relieved. We have a chance now, because of you."

"You know," Rex said, "T'annon was right. You are brave and kind and wise."

A blush warmed her face and Ahsoka shot back an embarrassed retort, "Don't forget beautiful."

Rex's eyes were dark and his voice was soft. "I haven't," he said.