DESTINY - CHAPTER 10

It seemed to Rex that all he'd been doing the last two days was pacing a path along the interior walls of the storage building. In that time he'd barely eaten or slept. His anxiety and worry for Ahsoka and her team had latched onto his mind with a stranglehold that he couldn't break no matter how hard he tried.

The position of sunlight on the walls streaming in through the overhead skylights told him it was midday, almost two days to the hour from when Ahsoka and her team had left on their mission to raid the Republic medical supply ship. If their calculations had been correct, they'd be attempting their incursion at any time.

They had wisely decided to maintain a communications blackout until the mission was complete. It's what Rex would have done. But with no mission reports accompanying his daily meals, his anxiety continued to shadow his every waking minute.

Rex couldn't recall ever being this nervous for any of the new shinies going into their first battle. Even though they were his brothers and he cared about them, they were bred and trained for battle. It was their job and they were good at it.

Ahsoka and her crew weren't soldiers. Battle wasn't their mission or purpose. They were just beings driven by their innate compassion to ease the suffering caused by the war. Although Rex had a pretty good idea that Ahsoka, Bandrix and Jin could handle themselves in a fight, he was still worried about them and the rest of the crew. He had grown to care about them. He'd even come to believe that under different circumstances they could have become friends.

Rex wasn't worried about their incursion onto the supply ship. That would be the easy part. The fear that gnawed at his gut was what would happen if they encountered GAR forces.

If they were captured, Ahsoka's crew would be tried, convicted and imprisoned. He had no doubt that eventually Ahsoka would be recognized and turned over to the Jedi. She would never bend to their pressure for her to return to the Order and the Jedi would never release her. He knew they'd send her to the Citadel. Just that thought alone twisted the fear into him so hard it made his stomach hurt.

Rex spewed out a string of curses and crashed his fist into a wooden crate standing next to him. The crate's side cracked and splintered. He pulled his hand back leaving a smear of blood on the wood.

How had things become so crazy. Everything had turned upside down. The GAR and the Jedi were supposed to be making the galaxy a better place. Fighting for the freedom and security of the people. But instead, the war dragged on while trillions of beings suffered from the violence and devastation and scarcity and neglect of both the Republic and the Separatists.

From the point of view of the Republic, Ahsoka and her clan were criminals. Dissidents and thieves and pirates stealing from the Republic. Yet, they were the ones risking their lives to bring relief to those that suffered because of the violence perpetuated by both sides.

Rex cringed at the irony and his place within it. Everything he stood for, everything he believed, seemed to be evaporating right in front of his eyes. Guilt had taken up residence in his chest for the years he had ignored the suffering of innocents when it had been right in front of his eyes. Yes, he was a clone and had been bred and conditioned to focus on his duty to fight for the Republic against the Separatists.

But he was a human being, too. An individual with the ability to think and reason on his own.

Over the last several months, separated from the adrenalin of battle, from the group consciousness of his brothers, and from the influence of the Jedi, he'd done a lot of thinking. Ahsoka and the other members of the clan had given him a lot to consider.

How could anyone believe the Republic held the moral high ground and that groups like Ahsoka's clan were treacherous and corrupt?

How could anyone look upon him as a hero and Ahsoka as criminal? The exact opposite was true.

Over the months of his captivity his perceptions of the Togruta had cautiously evolved from suspicion and disdain to trust and admiration. It had taken a while and it was an astonishing change when he thought about it.

Rex had come to respect Ahsoka. She was everything T'annon had said she was, and more. She radiated power and strength. She was driven and compassionate. She wasn't a Jedi any longer but she embodied the Jedi code more than most of the Jedi he had served under.

And he suspected more than his attitude toward Ahsoka had changed. Rex couldn't deny that most of the fear he felt right now was for her. They'd become closer over the months he'd been her captive. Each of them finding and giving comfort, one to the other. Each overcoming prejudices and discovering similarities.

He'd grown to care about Ahsoka more than he had been willing to admit. But now that she was in danger from his own people, Rex couldn't fool himself about his feelings for her any longer. She was important to him. He wasn't exactly sure in what way - but the knot of fear in his gut couldn't be ignored.

But there was nothing he could do about it right now.

So, Rex put one foot in front of the other and started pacing again.

Ahsoka took another sip of caf and checked the autopilot and navigation settings. She'd barely slept in the last five days and was exhausted. But that didn't dampen her satisfaction about her team's success. A few hours earlier they'd off-loaded the life-saving medical supplies to grateful miners on Farsa-Minor. Just two more days in hyperspace and they'd be back home on Axalon.

Their raid on the Republic supply ship had gone off without a hitch. They'd surprised the small crew and locked them in one of the storage bays. They'd worked for six hours straight loading medical supplies onto their light freighter. Then Ahsoka had given the supply ship's crew an emergency beacon to activate just as she and her team were leaving. They'd disappeared into hyperspace without incident and without a trace.

Ahsoka dimmed the lights in the cockpit, pulled her cloak tighter and settled back into the pilot's seat. As soon as they'd jumped to hyperspace everyone else had sought out a nook somewhere in the freighter, spilled out their bedrolls and gone to sleep. Ahsoka knew she wouldn't be able to sleep, so she'd volunteered to take first watch. She didn't mind the duty. The star lines of hyperspace streaking past the duraglass canopy were a soothing balm to her tired mind.

A while later she heard someone climbing the ladder from the lower deck to the cockpit. She turned to see Bandrix emerge through the access hatch in the deck plating. He climbed into the copilot's seat and leaned back, staring at the stars.

Ahsoka turned her attention back to the stars as well.

After a while, Bandrix said, "I am proud of our crew and what we have accomplished here, Ahsoka."

She turned to look at him. "I am as well," she said. "Thank you for your help — for being a part of this."

Bandrix turned toward her and met her eyes. "We make a good team, you and I."

Through the Force Ahsoka felt desire and want pooling around Bandrix. She was sad that even after all this time he couldn't accept that her feelings toward him weren't the same. She needed to redirect the conversation before he said something they would both regret.

"Everyone worked hard," Ahsoka said, "and thanks to the codes Rex gave us, we've saved many lives today."

Bandrix scoffed. "You act as if the clone did something noble."

Ahsoka bristled. "He didn't have to divulge those codes. It was a selfless act."

"The clone does not deserve your admiration, Ahsoka. There was nothing selfless about his actions." Bandrix scowled. "He had nothing to lose and everything to gain by appeasing his jailer. There was no cost to him."

Ahsoka turned away, staring out at the stars, but not seeing them. Guilt clutched at her, replacing her irritation at Bandrix. Guilt that she really was Rex's jailer, despite that being the last thing in the universe she wanted to be.

Though Bandrix was right about her, he was wrong about Rex. The cost for Rex to forsake his oath and abandon his beliefs had been high, the full price of which he had yet to realize.

For Ahsoka, the emotional struggle leading up to her decision to leave the Jedi Order had been torturous. But that had been nothing compared to her ordeal after she'd made the decision and left. She'd been empty and alone, terrified of living a life without the shelter and structure of the Order. Remorse and guilt had consumed her, driving her into the depths of despair. She'd not regretted her decision, but for a long time after she'd made it, she'd feared she wouldn't survive it.

Rex had made that same decision. Now would begin his journey into the darkness she had walked through so many years ago.

Ahsoka knew Rex would never be able to go back to the GAR — back to being a soldier. If he did return to the Republic, his honor and guilt would drive him to report his actions and accept judgement as a traitor. She knew how clone traitors were punished. They were sent back to Kamino for 'decommissioning'. A horrible euphemism for execution.

If Rex decided to forego his identity as a soldier and give up his allegiance to the Republic, the struggle to build a new life would challenge every molecule of his being. But Rex was strong, one of the strongest people Ahsoka had ever met. If she could make it through the darkness and build a new life, so could he. And if there was anything she could do to ease his journey, she would. It was the least that she owned him.

Ahsoka brought her awareness back to the cockpit and Bandrix in the seat beside her. "You must be tired. You should get some sleep."

"As should you," he said.

"Soon," she said. "The next watch is yours. I'll wake you in four hours."

After a long silence Bandrix sighed and said, "As you wish." He climbed out of the copilot's seat and disappeared down the access hatch.

Ahsoka was left alone in the quiet of the cockpit with only her thoughts as company. Thoughts that kept circling back to a blond-haired human. Anxious thoughts. She felt an overwhelming need to see Rex as soon as she returned, to begin to help him process the enormity of the decision he'd made in order to help her save the miners on Farsa-Minor.

She wouldn't let him walk that path alone.

Ahsoka had another decision to make as well.

Bandrix was right. For all intents and purposes, she was Rex's jailer. She controlled everything in his life, despite her abhorrence of that responsibility. As much as she wished it were possible, she couldn't allow him to leave, at least, not yet. She needed to guard the safety of her people above all else.

Still, Rex deserved better from her. She needed to make things more tolerable for him. She had to begin to undo the damage she'd done. Ahsoka knew she would never be able to fully atone for her actions, but for the sake of her own soul, she needed to try.