DESTINY - CHAPTER 15

Consciousness was a blessed relief for Rex, but it came with a price. Sitting by Ahsoka's fire with his back propped up against a pile of cushions, his stomach was doing flip-flops and pain pounded against his temples. Still, he'd take this over dying any day of the week.

His armor and blacks were gone, replaced by a comfortable linen shirt and loose-fitting linen pants with a tie string at the waist. There were blankets and pillows surrounding him, all warmed by the fire. He knew he'd slept through the day and into the evening because when Ahsoka had returned with a bowl of broth, he saw no daylight when she'd pushed her door tarp aside to enter.

Rex gave Ahsoka a grateful smile as he forced his weak arms to lift the bowl to his lips for another sip. After lying unconscious for nine days and then sleeping completely through most of this one, he was ravenous. Still, he knew he had reintroduce food and fluids slowly to keep them inside of him instead of on the floor.

Ahsoka scooted closer to Rex, prepared to grab his bowl should his arms fail. She was trying to look inconspicuous about it and failing miserably. Rex thought it made her look … cute. He was smart enough not to say that out loud.

"Small sips. Slow and steady, Rex," Ahsoka said.

Rex sipped and nodded, then rested the bowl on his lap. "I like it when you do that," he said.

"Do what?"

"When you say my name."

Ahsoka scrunched her nose and eyes in a painful expression. "It's long overdue. I'm sorry."

"No apology necessary," Rex said. "It's just a name."

"It's not just a name," Ahsoka said. "It's your name. It defines you. Everyone deserves to be called by their name."

"It's not just your name I'm sorry about," she continued. "I'm sorry for … well, for everything. For locking you up. For treating you like something less than a sentient being. For putting you in danger."

Ahsoka sat back on her cushion and averted her eyes. Pushing out a heavy sigh, she said, "I've made so many mistakes because of my fear. I'm tired of it."

Watching Ahsoka struggle with her feelings sparked an ache in Rex — a need to relieve her discomfort, to protect her from pain, even pain she caused herself.

"You saved me from dying. Twice!" Rex said. "From my point of view, that requires no apology."

"But you'd never have been in those situations if not for my decisions."

"You had nothing to do with how I was stranded on the Quarlian moon," Rex said. "If Bandrix and the crew hadn't found me, I'd be dead."

"Okay, point taken," Ahsoka said. "But it was my fault about the pirates. You were here because I was holding you prisoner."

"I wasn't a prisoner when I fought the pirates. That wasn't your decision. It was mine."

"I know," Ahsoka said quietly, her eyes still averted. "I don't know how I'll ever repay that debt."

Rex took another sip of broth as a heavy silence surrounded them. Ahsoka fidgeted on her cushion. He could tell her thoughts were troubling her.

Eventually Ahsoka said, "For the first several days you were unconscious, I racked my brain trying to figure out why you didn't run after the restraining collar came off. I discovered that the first thing you did was take out the pirates at the ship. You could have left then. Just fired-up the engines and returned to the GAR."

Ahsoka brought her eyes up, pinning him with a gaze so intense, Rex skipped a breath.

"Then it came to me," she continued, "and I was ashamed I hadn't realized it sooner. You stayed because you're a good person. It's your nature to fight for the innocent, for those who can't fight for themselves. You protect the people you care about."

Rex looked down at the bowl in his lap. "I'm just a soldier," he said. "That's all I know. There wasn't anything virtuous about what I did."

"That's not true," Ahsoka said with such conviction that Rex lifted his head back up. She reached out and wrapped her hand around his wrist. Her eyes were blue fire as they bored into his. "You're more than a soldier. More than a clone. I know that now."

Rex didn't know how to respond. He looked down at Ahsoka's hand on his arm. She let it linger a little longer, then with a gentle squeeze she brought her hand back to her lap.

Ahsoka pulled the blanket draped over her shoulders a little tighter and stared into the fire. Rex thought she looked sad.

After a while she said, "In a week or two — as soon as you're strong enough — we'll take you to a planet with a space port. You can go back to the GAR if you want. Or … you can go somewhere else. Do something else with your life. Whatever you want."

Ahsoka's decision surprised Rex. He hadn't expected her to set him free. He said, "You trust me not to say anything?"

"I do now. And even when I didn't, I still should never have imprisoned you. You didn't deserve to pay the price for our problems — for our safety."

"I don't blame you for your decisions. I'd probably have done the same thing if I'd been in your position."

"Maybe," she said, still focused on the flames. "And, then again, maybe not. I hope you'll never have to find out."

As Rex contemplated returning to the GAR he was surprised at the turmoil of his conflicting feelings. For a long time, getting back to the 501st and Torrent Company had been all he'd wanted — to rejoin his brothers and get back in the fight.

But as the months had passed with only himself for company most of the time, he'd done a lot of soul searching. He'd struggled with questions about who he was and what his purpose was in the universe. Questions a clone never thought about. Mostly because he'd been indoctrinated since conception with a pre-ordained purpose. Also, he'd never had the time to let those types of thoughts surface. He was always moving from one battle to another. His days were filled with his duties as a captain and the leader of his men. If he ever had any downtime, it was used to catch up on sleep.

Rex had never given any thought to the concept of destiny, much less considered that he might have one. But then he'd ended up on Axalon. He'd been unceremoniously dropped by the universe — or maybe the Force — into the life of Ahsoka Tano. Even though he tried, he couldn't shake the sense that this wasn't some random quirk of fate.

"Rex," Ahsoka said quietly, pulling him out of his thoughts. "You said a word I didn't recognize this morning, just before you fell asleep. It sounded like mesh'la, or something like that. What does it mean?"

Ahsoka's question sent a spark of panic through Rex. Had he called her mesh'la? He barely remembered waking and seeing Ahsoka hovering over him. She'd been sad and he'd been worried for her. They'd spoken a few words to each other. He'd been so tired, struggling to stay awake. He remembered thinking she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. He thought he'd kept those thoughts to himself.

Apparently not. In his daze he'd called her beautiful.

"Ahh …," Rex stuttered, "mesh'la, huh?" He stalled for a few seconds trying to think of an explanation.

Ahsoka was beautiful, more beautiful than anyone he could ever remember encountering in his short life. But as he searched his feelings he recognized it was more than physical beauty he was drawn to. She was bright like a sun, her gravity growing more powerful, pulling him into her, closer and closer each day. He didn't know how to explain that to her, or even if he should. And if he did, he was pretty sure she wouldn't reciprocate his feelings. So, he conjured, what he hoped was, an innocent lie.

"Oh … yeah. That's Mando'a," Rex said. "It's one way of expressing gratitude. Sort of like, thank you."

Ahsoka gave him a funny look and he hoped his face wasn't broadcasting his anxiety.

"Thank you, huh?" Ahsoka parroted Rex, but her tone was skeptical.

Just then their attention was drawn to the hut's door.

"Ahsoka," came a loud whisper from outside.

Rex smiled, noticing that Ahsoka was smiling as well.

It was T'annon's voice. She was trying to be quiet and failing. Rex thought that was cute, too.

"I did what you asked," T'annon continued in her whisper that wasn't a whisper. "I waited until the moon rose to come and see Rex. Is he awake? Can I come in?"

"Yes, T'annon," Ahsoka said. "Rex is awake and you can come in."

T'annon peeked her head around the door flap and when her eyes landed on Rex her face burst into a smile. Then tears started to flow down her cheeks and she rushed into the hut, stopping just short of trampling Rex. T'annon stood looking down at him. He could see her trembling, itching to get closer for the hug he knew she wanted to give him — a hug that she needed more than him.

As if reading both of their minds Ahsoka took the bowl from Rex's hands and moved back a little to make space for T'annon on the cushions.

Rex held his arms out. T'annon dropped to her knees and moved close to Rex, wrapping her arms around his neck and burying her head in his chest. Rex moved her tiny frame into his lap and pulled her close to him. He could feel her tears seeping through his shirt.

"Hey," Rex said, softly. "It's going to be alright."

T'annon didn't speak, but nodded her head into Rex's chest, tightening her arms around his neck.

His throat hurt with emotion that was foreign to him as his arms tightened around T'annon as well.

In his life, Rex had little occasion to touch anyone. Sure, he clasped the arms and grabbed the shoulders of other clones in brotherly support. He'd held brothers when the fighting had broken them down mentally … and when they had been dying on the battlefield.

But this was completely different. Here was a child who barely knew him. Yet, she was unafraid to express her affection for him, her fear for his well-being and her need to be comforted by him. In that moment Rex felt as protective of her as he did for any of his brothers. And he loved his brothers, unconditionally. Perhaps that meant he loved T'annon, too.

Perhaps that meant she loved him.

T'annon let out a soft sob and shifted in Rex's lap. With one arm still wrapped around Rex's neck she reached out with her other arm to Ahsoka. Ahsoka leaded toward her and T'annon wrapped her arm around Ahsoka's neck, pulling her close and hugging them both with a strength and ferocity that belied her small frame.

Ahsoka's lek pressed against Rex's cheek as T'annon desperately clutched at them both. It was soft and warm where it brushed against him. He wished he could reach up and caress its length, maybe even touch her face with his palm, her lips with his finger tips. He breathed her in, her scent of subtle spice with a hint of earth and wood smoke. Rex didn't know if he'd ever be this close to Ahsoka again, so he focused on indelibly imprinting every detail to memory.

Rex felt Ahsoka shift closer, wrapping her free arm around T'annon's waist, just underneath Rex's arm encircling T'annon's back. Her other arm and hip pressed against his side as the three of them pulled themselves into each other. Rex's throat grew tighter still, the feelings of protectiveness and acceptance and belonging more powerful than he could fathom.

T'annon held them close for a long time. After a while, Rex felt the tension in her body slowly lessen, her sobs eventually replaced by a soft, shaky breath. Her death grip around Rex and Ahsoka's necks relaxed and she pulled back. Ahsoka leaned back into a sitting position, her lek abandoning Rex's cheek. His glance toward Ahsoka found unsure eyes flitting toward him, a shy smile on her face.

T'annon spoke, pulling Rex's attention back to her.

"I was afraid you would not come back," T'annon said. "I tried and tried, but I could not find you."

Rex rubbed his hand gently up and down her back. "You were very brave to try and find me," Rex said.

"When I could not, I asked Ahsoka to try," T'annon said. "And she found you. She is brave, too."

Rex glanced at Ahsoka. "Yes, she is," he said.

T'annon turned to Ahsoka. "Thank you, Ahsoka."

"Thank you, T'annon," Ahsoka said. "You gave me the courage to try."

"I have never had a family before," T'annon said. "I do not know what I would do if I lost either of you."

Rex glanced at Ahsoka as her gaze darted toward him. Her features showed the same surprise that he felt at T'annon's declaration. He wasn't sure what to say. It seemed that Ahsoka was tongue-tied as well. He let the silence between them settle, smiling at T'annon as he continued to gently rub her back.

"Hello," came Manami's voice from outside.

"We have come to see our friend and express our gratitude," came Dian'thy's voice.

"Yeah, and I want to find out where he learned to fight like that. It was awesome," said Kip's voice.

"This is so," said Waunado.

Rex turned to Ahsoka. "More visitors?"

She gave him a sheepish shrug. "When I went to get broth and told people you were awake, they started asking me when they could see you to say thank you."

"Who?" Rex asked.

"Everyone," Ahsoka said. "You seemed to have made a big impression on people. I had to limit your visitors to Manami, Dian'thy, Kip and Waunado and told them to come after T'annon had time with you alone."

"What do you say, T'annon?" Rex said. "Is it time to invite them in?"

"Yes!" T'annon said, with a wide grin. "My family is getting bigger all the time."

"Alright," Ahsoka said loudly, "everyone can come in."

The door flap was pulled aside and Dian'thy entered, followed by Waunado, Manami and Kip. They started chattering — thanking Rex for fighting off the pirates, asking him how he was feeling, joking about his normal clothes and his lack of armor.

Ahsoka and T'annon grabbed more cushions and piled them near the fire and everyone sat scrunched together, still talking and laughing. They talked about the pirate attack and updated Rex about what the clan had been doing the past nine days while he'd been unconscious — or what Kip had teasingly described as his vacation.

They told him about taking the caged pirates and their ship to Republic space and notifying the GAR to pick them up. Rex laughed so hard at that story his ribs hurt.

For almost an hour they sat and talked and laughed. The warm glow in Rex's chest had expanded to his entire soul. He hadn't felt this whole since the last time he'd been with his brothers after a hard-won battle. This was what his family of brothers felt like. This was what this family felt like.

At one point Rex caught Ahsoka watching him. He gave her a grateful smile and mouthed thank you, to her. The smile she returned was bright with unguarded sincerity. As he'd done earlier when her face had touched his, he burned the details of that smile into his memory so he would never forget it.

Rex relished the camaraderie. His relationship with these people was solidifying into true friendship. He didn't want their time to end, but eventually his strength began to wane.

Ahsoka must have seen his signs of fatigue, because she said, "It's getting late and I could use some rest. We'll have opportunities to visit tomorrow."

"Ahsoka is right," Dian'thy said, as he stood. The others followed suit. "I am grateful you are better, Rex. I look forward to speaking with you again, soon."

Dian'thy held out his hand to T'annon. "I will take you to your hut. Reesa will be excited to hear about your visit with Rex."

T'annon took Dian'thy's hand but hesitated as she looked over her shoulder at Rex and Ahsoka. The conflict in her features tugged at Rex's heart, because he didn't want her to go, either. But he knew it was the best for them both, so he said, "Will you bring me a cup of caf and a pastry tomorrow, like you always do?"

She smiled and nodded, her indecision sliding away. "The berry one, right?" she said.

"My favorite," Rex said, enthusiastically.

At that, T'annon turned to Dian'thy. Manami, Waunado and Kip also said their farewells and the five of them left.

Ahsoka followed the group outside, voicing her thanks and farewells. As Kip began to walk away Ahsoka reached out and grasped his arm. "Kip, can I speak with you for a moment?" she asked quietly.

Kip stopped and turned toward her. "Sure, Commander. Is there anything wrong?"

"No," Ahsoka replied. "I just had a question." She paused until the rest were out of earshot. "You seem to understand Mando'a."

"Well, I don't technically speak the language," Kip said, "but I know a lot of words and can make myself understood."

"Good," she said. "I ran across a word recently and wondered if you could translate it for me."

"I'll give it a try."

It sounded like, mesh'la, or something to that effect."

Kip nodded. "That's an easy one. It means beauty, or beautiful."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm positive. Four or five years ago I was doing some odd jobs for a docking bay manager at a small space port on Wygennia. You know, cleaning, hauling, running errands. Anyway, a Mandalorian bounty hunter docked his ship overnight. The next morning my boss had me helping the Mando clean carbon scoring off the hull. That Mando really loved his ship. He called her mesh'la. I asked him what he meant and he said it was a Mando'a term of reverence, meaning beauty. He said his ship was the most beautiful thing in the galaxy."

"That's … interesting," Ahsoka said, absently running her hand down one lek.

"Why? Where did you hear it?" Kip asked.

"I don't remember, exactly," Ahsoka said, not willing to disclose that intimate bit of information. "I think on one of our salvage missions. Maybe on Gwedonan or Farsa-Minor. Not sure."

Kip nodded. "Anything else you'd like translated? I'm no protocol droid, but I'll give it my best effort."

"You always do," Ahsoka said with a chuckle. "Thank you, but no."

"Well then, have a good night, Commander," Kip said and walked off into the darkness.

"Good night, Kip," Ahsoka said, and stepped back inside her hut.

As soon as T'annon, Dian'thy and the others were gone Rex slumped back against his cushion, exhausted, but happier than he'd been in a long time. The fellowship had reminded him of times spent with his brothers in the mess hall or recreation area after returning from a mission. He felt the smile pulling at his face and he let out a contented sigh.

"They care about you, very much," Ahsoka said as she sat on the cushion next to him.

"The feeling's mutual," Rex replied.

Ahsoka let out a long yawn and Rex couldn't help but watch as she stretched her arms high above her montrals. Even when she was exhausted she was a vision of lithe and grace.

"What?" Ahsoka said, catching him staring at her.

Then she yawned loudly once more.

Rex chuckled. "You're exhausted. From what Dian'thy said, you've hardly slept for the past nine days. And your traipse through the Force to find me couldn't have been easy." He started to rise. "I should make my way back to the storage building so we can both get some sleep."

Ahsoka clasped his arm, holding him in place. Rex stayed seated, but Ahsoka didn't pull her hand away. Her touch was unexpected — but not unwelcome.

"Not tonight," Ahsoka said. "I won't let you stay alone until I'm sure you're stable."

"I'm fine," Rex protested. "You don't need to put yourself out."

One of her brows rose in obvious skepticism. "You've been unconscious for nine days, Rex. You need to be observed for a day or two, just to be sure you're okay."

"I'll be alright by myself," he complained.

Ahsoka pinned him with a glare. "Humor me," she said, her tone flat as she released his arm.

Rex let out a frustrated huff. He didn't need a nursemaid. He'd been in much worse shape than this. His clone physiology was genetically engineered for maximum resilience and fast healing. He could take a lot of battle damage.

Still unwilling to give up, he tried another angle. "Now that I'm awake, propriety dictates that I shouldn't stay here overnight."

Ahsoka watched him for a moment. Then an impish smile slowly crept across her face. "Why … Captain, are you suggesting that if you stay here something improper might happen?"

Sputtering in surprise, both at her innuendo and her calling him captain, Rex said, "No … of course not. That's … it's …" He rubbed nervously at the back of his neck. "Trust me, you have nothing to worry about."

"I'm not exactly sure how to take that," she said. Her eyes were twinkling now. "It could be a compliment — or it's opposite."

Rex barked out a nervous laugh of relief as he realized she was teasing him. He took a moment to study her and consider this strange turn in their conversation. He'd come to appreciate Ahsoka's dry sense of humor as they'd gotten to know each other playing Sabacc. But this was different, almost flirtatious with a charged undertone not normally present in their banter.

Maybe because he was tired, or maybe because he was grateful to Ahsoka just to be alive — or maybe both — Rex's reply was unguarded.

"Consider it a compliment," he said. "I may only be a clone, but I'm also a man."

The sienna of her cheeks darkened and the chevrons of her lekku flashed a deeper shade of blue in what Rex had come to understand was a blush. But she didn't turn away from him.

"Of that, I'm very aware," Ahsoka said quietly.

The cerulean of Ahsoka's eyes darkened as they flashed with an emotion Rex couldn't decipher. The flames from the fire flickered in her irises, their intensity locking him in place — still her captive. In that moment, he wasn't sure he wanted her to set him free.

She held his gaze for several heart beats, then eventually looked away. "We both need to get some sleep," she said, breaking the spell between them.

Rising, she stepped to the wall and grabbed a bed roll like the one he was sitting on, unrolling it on the opposite side of the fire pit and positioning cushions for a pillow. She pulled something from a crude set of wooden shelves against one wall. Shaking it out in front of her, it dropped open into a full length, pull-over linen night gown. She laid it on the bed roll, leaned down and began to unfasten her boots.

Ahsoka paused and glanced up at Rex, her eyes still twinkling. "You'll need to turn around, Captain, if you plan to keep your promise of propriety."

Rex felt the heat of another blush rising in his face. He shifted position on the cushions, giving Ahsoka his back.

The sounds of her undressing sent a pang of guilt through his chest, followed by a tingle of exhilaration. He felt like a voyeur, invading one of her most intimate moments. Yet, for all intents and purposes, she'd invited him to be present. He wouldn't betray her trust by intruding any further. But he did allow himself the brief fantasy of imagining her body. He knew she'd be toned and fit, her curves soft and inviting.

"You can turn around now," Ahsoka said, pulling Rex from his musings.

Rex swiveled back toward the fire to find Ahsoka folding her clothes and placing them and her boots on the shelf. As she moved her night shirt rippled and feathered around her body, caressing and then releasing her as she bent to her task. It brushed across her breasts betraying how cold she was. It wrapped around her hips like a lover's hands, then reluctantly released its grasp. The fire cast dancing shadows of her lekku against the fabric as they swayed while she moved. As he had done earlier in the day, Rex locked these images of Ahsoka in his memory.

Mesh'la. She is that, and more.

Lowering herself to the mat, Ahsoka pulled several blankets over her. She turned on her side, looking past the edge of the fire pit to Rex on the other side. Rex lowered himself and mimicked her pose, his eyes never leaving hers.

"Thank you … for …," Rex paused, unsure how to describe what she'd done for him.

Ahsoka gave him a slight smile. It was almost like he could feel her understanding of what he was trying to communicate, so he didn't continue.

Rex watched the fire's dwindling flames for a few moments. Then he said, "The clearer my mind gets, the more questions I have."

"Get some sleep, Rex," Ahsoka said. "Tomorrow I'll do my best to answer any questions."

Rex nodded and watched as she pulled the covers tighter and closed her eyes. He gazed at her for a while, appreciative of the opportunity to study her features without Ahsoka realizing he was staring at her.

Her lekku seemed supple and soft, the end of the one pushed against the cushion dropping away to the covers, the other lek crossing her shoulder, draping itself across her chest. Even with her eyes closed, Ahsoka's face was strikingly beautiful. Her lashes were long, almost caressing her cheeks. The sienna of her skin was deepened by the red glow from the fire, contrasted by her white facial markings which seemed to shine in the firelight.

Ahsoka's breathing slowly became deep and rhythmic, sleep finally bringing her a well-deserved peace. As she slumbered, Rex's gaze fell to her lips, the color of deep ochre, full and slightly pursed. He wondered what it would be like to kiss her. He gave himself permission to indulge in that fantasy for just a moment.

Rex wasn't a stranger to physical intimacy. Like most of his brothers, on more than one occasion he'd accepted the attention of females he'd met at the clone bar, 79's. The Kaminoan's hadn't been completely successful in genetically engineering clones to suppress their baser instincts. Rex knew the physical and mental pleasures of sex, even if his experience was limited. But it wasn't something he sought out as an escape from the stress of war, like many clones did.

Ahsoka let out a soft sigh and shifted in her sleep, startling Rex for a moment. Had she somehow sensed his thoughts about her — or more likely, his feelings? That thought jogged something loose in Rex's mind, something about feelings and desire and Ahsoka. He struggled to bring it to his consciousness, pulling it toward him until it finally crystalized.

When he'd been unconscious and Ahsoka had fought her way through the Force to find him, he'd felt her emotions. The echo of her feelings began to coalesce in his awareness. He'd felt — desire. Her desire … for him!

Surprise flooded through Rex at the realization that Ahsoka was attracted to him. She wanted him. She desired him. He had no doubt. While she had kept that desire hidden in the conscious world, it had been unveiled when their life energies had merged through the Force.

Rex studied Ahsoka's face with a new perspective. Somehow, this Togruta female with wounds so deeply ingrained, had allowed herself to rise above her prejudices and consider him as an individual, rather than to despise him just as a clone. It seemed that overcoming that barrier had allowed her to feel desire toward him.

If Rex thought he had questions before, this put an entirely new spin on what had happened between the two of them when Ahsoka had brought him back from the brink of death. But he'd have to be cautious and proceed carefully. He'd learned that Ahsoka was very private, keeping her emotional walls tightly closed around her heart. It made sense given what had happened to her race and her home world, as well as her feelings of betrayal by the Jedi and her leaving the Order at a young age.

But as he thought about this new revelation he felt his heart beat faster — perhaps in trepidation, perhaps in excitement. Or perhaps, both. He knew he couldn't ignore this because he desired Ahoska as well. His desire wasn't just physical. There was more to his want, pulling him into her like the gravity of a black hole, an attraction he was finding harder to resist. An attraction that he realized he didn't want to resist.

Rex rolled onto his back and sighed, staring at the hut's ceiling. He knew the thoughts whirling in his mind would keep sleep at bay.

But then Ahsoka let out another sigh, the contented sound drifting to his ears and suffusing his body. Rex felt himself begin to relax.

Eventually, he drifted off to sleep.