DESTINY - CHAPTER 16
Rex's eyes snapped open as consciousness flooded into him. He knew a noise had woken him. His eyes flicked past the freshly banked fire in the pit. What he saw on the other side locked him in place.
Ahsoka was standing, turned slightly away from the fire as she shimmied her night gown up her body and over her lekku. The hem inched upward as she wiggled her hips, pulling the garment higher and revealing the bare sienna skin of a body that was everything Rex had fantasized about. Her legs and thighs were sleek and toned. Her rear was small and firm. As she pulled the nightgown over her head and montrals, her lekku fell back down across her back and over her chest, nuzzling against the sides of a perfect breasts.
The pounding of Rex's pulse snapped him back to reality. He swallowed hard and squeezed his eyes shut. His accidental view of Ahsoka had only lasted a moment, but guilt still racked him. The problem was, he also felt incredibly aroused and it took every ounce of will power to keep from opening his eyes to see more.
Rex became aware that the soft rustling of fabric had stopped, the only sound in the hut the soft crackling of the fire. Then he realized he was holding his breath — a dead giveaway that he was awake.
"Good morning," came Ahsoka's soft voice.
He wasn't sure, but Rex thought there was a hit of mirth in her tone.
With his eyes still squeezed shut he mumbled in response, "Morning."
"I was trying to be quiet," Ahsoka said.
"Soldiers are light sleepers," he said.
"Ah, yes. I didn't consider that."
Rex heard Ahsoka begin to move again. The shuffling of clothing and whispering of fabric indicating she was dressing. After a few moments the noise stopped. He heard Ahsoka walk around the fire pit and felt her sit down on a cushion next to his bed roll.
"You can open your eyes now, Rex," Ahsoka said.
Slowly Rex opened one eye and peered out to find a fully clothed Ahsoka looking down at him. She was trying to hide a smirk but was only partially successful. Rex opened his other eye, then pushed himself up, adjusting a pile of nearby cushions until he was in a sitting position.
Ahsoka continued to watch him, her gaze making him squirm. The silence between them lingered until he couldn't stand it any longer.
"I apologize," he blurted out.
"For what?" Ahsoka said.
"For … you know … for …," Rex stammered, not knowing how to finish the sentence with any semblance of tact.
"For admiring my body?" Ahsoka asked.
Rex felt his face begin to heat and he averted his eyes. "You deserve more respect than I afforded you."
"Rex, when you woke I felt your surprise. I also felt when you closed your eyes in embarrassment, trying to keep my virtue intact. I'm not sure anyone could ask for more respect than that."
"Yeah, still …," Rex grumbled, staring at the floor. "I'm sorry."
"Well … I'm not."
Ahsoka's declaration caught Rex off guard. He lifted his eyes to hers, unsure he'd heard her correctly. Ahsoka's face had lost its earlier mirth and her expression was earnest. He swallowed hard, unsure of what to do or say for several long moments.
Then he remembered when Ahsoka had found him through the Force. He remembered the desire he'd felt from her and how his own want for her had raged into a fire that had rekindled his willingness to return to the living.
He needed to know what has happening between them but wasn't sure how to go about finding out. He wasn't experienced at this kind of thing — at talking about feelings and emotions, especially anything that felt as deep and intense as his feelings toward Ahsoka. He had no idea where to start. So, he resorted to something familiar, a tactic that was comfortable to him, however awkward it might appear.
Rex straightened his posture and said, "Permission to speak freely, Commander."
Ahsoka looked stricken and leaned back. "Excuse me?" she said.
"I'm sorry," Rex said, his tone a little softer. "I'm struggling here. Just bear with me for a minute."
Ahoska paused for a moment, considering his request, then nodded. "Alright. Permission granted, Captain."
"When we connected in the Force yesterday, I swear I felt you … that you … that we …," Rex stopped and blew out a frustrated breath.
He inhaled and tried again. "I felt that you were … attracted to me. That you … desired me. Was that just my imagination?"
Rex watched Ahsoka's eyes grow darker as she gazed back at him.
"No," she said.
"Those feelings … your feelings … they're real?" he asked.
Rex held his breath as Ahsoka paused for a long moment.
"Yes," she finally said.
He'd suspected as much. But to actually hear Ahsoka verbally acknowledge her feelings boggled his mind. It took a moment for him to ground himself.
"Permission to continue, Commander."
This time Ahsoka had a half-smile on her face. "Permission granted, Captain."
"I … feel the same way about you."
"I know."
"You know?"
"Our connection in the Force wasn't just one-way," Ahsoka said. "Your emotions are far from subtle."
"But what about me being a clone?" Rex asked.
"What about it?" Ahsoka responded.
"You're Togruta. How can you feel this way toward a clone?"
"Because you've helped me learn that being a clone isn't good or bad. It's just part of who you are. It's your principles and choices and actions that define you."
Rex nodded thoughtfully, relieved to hear Ahsoka's new perspective about him. Then again, maybe it wasn't new. Other than their initial encounter, she'd treated him kindly and with respect. Their relationship — if that was what they had — had been intense from the start. It had remained intense, just with the focus of that intensity gradually changing.
They'd become more comfortable with each other. Slowly grown to trust each other enough to share hidden fears and pain. It probably made sense that such an intense relationship might evolve into something more.
Rex looked at Ahsoka and asked, "So, what is this thing happening between us?"
"Honestly," Ahsoka said, "I'm not sure."
"What do we do about it?"
"I could ask you the same question."
Rex snorted at that. "Maybe we should just … I don't know … trust the Force to figure things out?"
Ahsoka let out a quiet laugh. "How very Jedi of you," she said.
Rex chuckled at her retort. After a moment, he felt his chest tighten and his serious mood returned. "No matter what happens, I know I want to be your friend. Is that possible?"
Ahsoka's face sobered, matching his mood. She said, "If I'm honest with myself, you've been my friend for a while now. I think I'm just finally getting around to admitting it."
"I'm glad," Rex said.
He held Ahsoka's gaze for several heart beats, unable to look away from the deep blue of her eyes. Eventually he said, "What do we do now?"
Ahsoka blinked, seemingly breaking her own trance, then sat back and said, "Now, we have a morning meal." She pointed at a cloak hanging on the wall and a pair of shoes on the floor. "Put those on and let's get something to eat."
Rex rose to his feet. "Food? You don't have to tell me twice."
A thin layer of snow crunched under their feet in the early morning dusk as Ahsoka and Rex made the short walk from her hut to the community building and dining hall. Ahsoka worked hard to hide her excitement about what she knew waited for Rex.
Pushing open the door to the anti-chamber of the building, Ahsoka stomped the snow off her boots and searched amid the sea of cloaks and coats hanging on the wall for an empty hook. Rex followed her example and did the same. She stepped toward the swinging double doors that opened into the large, main room, feeling the smile that she'd been trying to hide, break through. Luckily, Rex was behind her, so her grin gave nothing away.
Pushing through the doors Ahsoka stepped into the room with Rex on her heels. The space was packed with community members, the buzz of conversation loud and energized. She moved to the side as Rex stepped up beside her. After a few moments, heads began to turn in their direction and the loud conversation began to dwindle. As more people realized she and Rex had entered the room voices died-out until the room became silent, everyone staring at the two of them.
Ahsoka glanced at Rex and was rewarded by his expression of utter surprise and confusion as he looked around the room. He turned toward her, his eyes questioning her for an explanation. She just smiled at him.
A sound surfaced from the back of the room. Quiet at first but growing louder. Ahsoka realized that someone was clapping. After a moment another person started clapping. Then one more, and another and another, until the sound of applause began to spread through the crowd like wildfire. The noise grew louder and more energetic, eventually rising in a deafening crescendo.
Ahsoka took several steps away from Rex, making him the sole center of attention. She brought her hands together, joining in the appreciation of the hero who had saved her friends, her clan, and her home.
People began to stand as they continued to clap enthusiastically, much to the chagrin of an embarrassed Rex. Ahsoka watched as the clone soldier, apparently unfamiliar and uncomfortable with such admiration, shuffled his feet and blushed at the unbridled show of appreciation.
Ahsoka felt her gratitude shift into something deeper and more profound, surrounding her heart with warmth and making her eyes glisten. This simple man before her - brave and humble to a fault - had somehow become important to her, more so than she could understand.
After several minutes Dian'thy walked forward from the crowd and clasped Rex on the shoulder. Then he turned toward the gathering, his hands raised for quiet. Slowly the applause died, but people remained standing, their eyes glued on Dian'thy and Rex.
"By now, everyone knows who Rex is," Dian'thy said. "But even before the pirates raided our home, many of you had interacted with him, bringing him food or supplies while he was … a guest … living in the storage building."
Dian'thy's euphemism brought a few chuckles from the crowd.
"I have come to know this man," Dian'thy continued, "and he is honorable and kind and selfless." He turned to face Rex. "Rex, I know I speak for everyone here when I say thank you for saving us from the pirate slavers. Thank you for protecting us and for putting our safety above your own. I would be honored to call you Nerra, meaning brother in my native language."
The crowd erupted in applause once more. This time whistles and shouts and cheers accompanied the clapping. Dian'thy and Rex clasped hands, then embraced each other, slapping each other on the shoulders.
Pride swelled in Ahsoka as she watched the scene before her. Pride in her people for rising above the prejudice that she had fallen victim to upon Rex's arrival. Pride in Dian'thy, her mentor and the de facto spiritual leader of their community. And pride in Rex — whom she'd finally admitted was her friend — as he seemed to be a natural fit within her clan.
That thought brought a wisp of melancholy to Ahsoka. Soon Rex would probably be leaving. He might decide to repatriate to the GAR — although she hoped not, given that the consequences of his return would most likely be dire. If he didn't return to the GAR he would officially be a deserter. In that case, he'd most likely decide to travel further into the Outer Rim to avoid GAR forces and the Republic. In either case, he would be gone, and that possibility tightened Ahsoka's chest with sadness.
In that moment Ahsoka realized that what she wanted most was for Rex to stay as a member of the clan. After all, he had valuable skills and abilities that would help them in their efforts to bring relief to the inhabitants of this part of the galaxy. Also, she would miss him if he left, but that fact was selfish and inconsequential. She couldn't ask him to make the sacrifice to stay. She'd already taken too much from him. She'd not ask him for more.
Dian'thy turned back toward the crowd and said, "There is one other matter of clan business that the commander has asked to be addressed this morning." He turned toward Ahoska. "Commander …," he said and stepped back.
Ahsoka stepped forward and the room went deathly silent. Despite recently stepping inside from the cold, sweat trickled down her back and her lips were dry. She swallowed and steeled her nerve.
"I know many of you have questions about what you witnessed during the pirate attack," Ahsoka said. "About … what I did."
"Are you a Jedi?" came a shout from the back of the room.
Murmurs spread throughout the room as people bent their heads to each other in conversation.
After a moment Dian'thy spoke up. "Quiet, everyone. Quiet. Let the commander continue."
The crowd grew silent again. Ahsoka glanced at Rex, who gave her a confident look and a nod. She took in a breath to steady herself and continued.
"No, I'm not a Jedi," she said. She paused for a moment, then said, "But I used to be."
The crowd erupted again, the murmurs and gasps louder this time. But Ahsoka had found her confidence and held up her hands. The crowd quieted again and she continued.
"I was raised in the Jedi temple on Courscant. I was a Padawan learner — basically an apprentice to a Jedi Master — on the path to becoming a Jedi Knight."
Ahsoka glanced at Bandrix standing against one wall, his arms folded across his chest, his expression inscrutable.
"After the Battle of Shili, when my people were destroyed, my conscience wouldn't allow me to be a member of the Jedi any longer. I left the Order when I was fifteen years old. Since then, I've been trying to find ways to help others who have suffered because of this horrible war."
She looked out over the quiet crowd. Some were nodding, other's shaking their heads. Most looked confused or unsure. Ahsoka felt her muscles begin to tighten in apprehension.
"I'm ashamed that I took a life," Ahsoka said.
Her heart was pounding harder in her chest as her guilt began to envelop her.
"I should have found another solution — another way to fix that problem."
Her breath was shallow now and coming faster.
"I'm sorry I hid my past from you. If you think I should step down as your leader I will. I don't deserve-"
"No!"
Rex's shout rang out, filling the room. Every head turned toward him. No one made a sound. If a pin had dropped to the floor, it would have been deafening.
"No," Rex said again, his voice calm and his eyes locked with Ahsoka's. "You didn't have a choice. You did what you had to."
Rex turned toward the crowd. "The commander had only one choice. There was only one thing she could do to save us all. And thank the Maker she was powerful enough to do what needed to be done."
Turning slowly, Rex made eye contact with as many clan members as he could. "I didn't save you. The commander did. All I did was buy us time until she could get here. If she hadn't done what she did, I'd have been dead. Then T'annon. Then more of you. The survivors would have been taken and sold into slavery … or worse.
"As far as keeping her past a secret, that's her business. You all have secrets. But the commander kept her past hidden to protect you. If either the Confederacy of Independent Systems or the Republic discovered she was an ex-Jedi, they'd do anything to capture her."
Rex turned to look at Ahsoka and her breath hitched as his brown eyes landed on her.
"She's too important to be taken away," he continued. "Too important to all of you. Too important to the thousands of beings you all have helped so far, and who you'll help in the future."
Ahsoka felt the undertone of Rex's emotion through the Force. Feelings of protectiveness and of admiration. She got the distinct impression that it wasn't only her people that Rex felt she was important to.
"But she made you a prisoner," someone said from the middle of the crowd. "Locked you up. How can you trust her after that?"
Rex turned toward the voice. "She did that to protect the clan. A GAR soldier posed a potential threat to your safety. I would have done the same," he said.
"So, are you saying you trust her now?" another voice asked.
Rex paused at that question, his eyes surveying the packed room once more. Like everyone else, Ahsoka waited for his answer, anxiety pricking her nerves like tiny needles.
"I'm a soldier," Rex said. "I've been through hell, more times that I want to remember. Each time I prayed I'd never have to go through something like that again."
Rex turned to Ahsoka, speaking directly to her, but loud enough so the whole room could hear. "If you ever have to march into hell, Commander, let me know. I'll be right behind you. Anytime, anywhere."
Ahsoka's chest tightened, a mix of emotions coursing through her. But she kept her composure and gave Rex a half-smile and a nod.
Quiet hung in the room for several moments. Then someone spoke up, "Me too, Commander."
More people followed. "Count me in, Commander." I'm with you, Commander." "Just say the word, Commander."
Voices continued to add to the chorus until someone started clapping, replacing the refrain of support as applause rang throughout the hall once more.
A wave of relief washed over Ahsoka at the overwhelming show of confidence from the clan members. The solidarity they demonstrated validated her conviction that what they did was important and served a greater purpose.
She considered Rex's declaration — the catalyst of this outpouring of support for her leadership. His words, as well as his feelings, flowed to her through the Force, filling her with a sense of calm that she hadn't felt in a long time. It had been a while since someone had covered her back like Rex was now. She wasn't sure how to express her thanks, but she'd need to find a way to let him know how meaningful his support was to her.
Crowds of people started moving toward them now. As Ahsoka was surrounded by her friends and pulled toward the side she saw the same was happening to Rex as clan members encircled him, giving him hugs and slapping him on the back. She caught his eye and saw him mouth the word — later. She smiled and nodded her understanding.
Later, she thought. I'll tell him, later.