DESTINY - CHAPTER 17
For the rest of the morning and into the early afternoon Ahsoka found herself separated from Rex. She wasn't worried about him. On the contrary, he'd been surrounded by well-wishers and admirers. They'd crowded around him at one of the long dining tables, piling enough food in front of him to feed him for a year. People were eager to talk to him — to hear about the Republic, his escapades as a soldier, his travels in the GAR.
She was, however, surprised to find herself feeling jealous that others were monopolizing his attention. Eventually, she realized that, for all intents and purposes, she'd had Rex all to herself for the past six months and during that time she'd obviously become a little … possessive.
But Ahsoka was happy that Rex was alive and free and getting to know the members of the clan who truly appreciated him. She'd have time to talk with him later. Maybe even play a game or two of Sabacc. Right now, there was still clan business to address, including finishing reconstruction of the command and communications hut and planning the next relief mission.
There was another issue that gnawed at Ahsoka's thoughts as she sat through a much longer than normal council meeting. The issue of what to do about the Black Sun Syndicate, especially if they found out what happened to the raiding party they'd sent to Axalon. But for now, Ahsoka decided to delay that frightening prospect and allow the clan to celebrate for a few days as they appreciated their newest hero.
Maybe experiencing that admiration and getting to personally know more of the clan might persuade Rex to think about staying. Ahsoka hoped so, even if he stayed for only a short time. But Rex would have to make that decision of his own volition. She wouldn't try to persuade him to stay. She needed to put her selfish desires aside and make sure she didn't influence his decision, either intentionally or unintentionally. No longer would she allow herself to control any part of his life.
As the council meeting finished Ahsoka sat back from the small table inside the shell of the new communications hut. She felt the relief of having finally explained her past to the clan. And the fact that Rex had regained consciousness and was getting better was another burden off her mind. But despite that relief — or maybe because of it — exhaustion dogged her every step and she found herself downing cups of caf to stay alert. It had been a grueling two and a half weeks, starting with the mission to Farsa-Minor and ending with the community meeting early that morning. She supposed she deserved a break, but she knew she wouldn't get one.
Bandrix pulled up a chair next to Ahsoka and sat. "What are your plans regarding the clone?" he asked.
Ahsoka bristled at Bandrix calling Rex clone, instead of using his name. But she decided to ignore it.
"As soon as he's ready to leave, we'll take him to a world with a space port. He can decide what he wants to do from there," Ahsoka said.
"And you trust him not to reveal our location?"
"He won't say anything to the CIS or the GAR," she said.
"You cannot be sure of that," Bandrix argued. "He is a clone. His allegiance is still to the Republic … to the army."
"He won't betray us, no matter what. We know that now."
"With respect, Commander, I disagree," Bandrix said, agitation in his voice. "Are you sure your feelings are clear on this matter, that your judgement has not been compromised?"
A flash of anger shot through Ahsoka at Bandrix's accusation. "My feelings are irrelevant," she said coldly. "Rex can be trusted, there is no doubt. But that may not matter any longer. Somehow, the syndicate found our location."
"Should we leave Axalon?" Bandrix asked.
"I think we have time before we must decide anything. It will take a while for the pirates to find out what happened to the crew they sent here. I'm sure the Republic has locked them up in some deep, dark place and thrown away the key."
"You heard the clan members talk about what the raiding party leader said. The head of their clan is targeting you specifically. No doubt because you killed one of them when we were attacked."
Ahsoka nodded. She'd heard the stories from several of her clan members. How the huge Falleen who had almost killed Rex had boasted that their leader —someone named Arbordahl — wanted to 'make the Togruta bitch pay' by killing the clan members himself.
She'd brought this scourge upon the clan. Even though she'd acted in defense of one of her crew, she'd been the one to kill the pirate. And it seemed that Arbordahl was definitely one to hold a grudge.
"Bandrix, would you work with Jin and Manami to develop a tentative relocation plan for the clan," Ahsoka said. "I don't want to move, but I'd like to be prepared in case we have to."
"As you wish, Commander," Bandrix said as he rose.
Ahsoka put a hand on his arm. "Please keep your efforts quiet," she said. "I don't want to cause a panic."
Bandrix looked at her hand on his arm and smiled. "Certainly," he said.
"Thank you," Ahsoka said and pulled her hand away.
Bandrix hesitated for a moment, then nodded to Ahsoka, turned and left.
Ahsoka watched his retreating back as she took a long drink from her cup of caf. It wasn't more than a few moments later when Reesa sat down in the chair next to her.
"Any problem with Bandrix?" Reesa asked, her gaze on the Togruta as he walked away.
Reesa was one of the few people that knew of Ahsoka's brief involvement with Bandrix several years prior, and she was also observant enough to see that Bandrix still carried a torch for Ahsoka. Ahsoka appreciated when Reesa would check in with her whenever she and Bandrix had a tense moment.
"Actually, things with Bandrix are fine," Ahsoka said.
"That's surprising, given how he's been vibrating like a droid with a broken motivator over the past week," Reesa said.
"What are you talking about?"
"Girl, that boy is so jealous, he's green," Reesa said.
Ahsoka gave her a puzzled look.
"Sorry," Reesa said. "That's a human expression."
Ahsoka considered Reesa's comment for a moment, then asked, incredulously, "You mean, he's jealous about me … and Rex?"
"Hello!" Reesa said, chuckling at Ahsoka. "Have you been around yourself, lately?"
Ahsoka felt even more puzzled and was sure her expression showed it.
Reesa's grin was wide and her eyes were bright. "For the last half year you've been spending a couple of nights a week with Rex. Then he gets hurt — admittedly, he gets really, seriously hurt — and you drop everything to take care of him for almost two weeks. You even move him into your hut."
"But he was unconscious," Ahsoka argued.
"Yeah, but you weren't," Reesa said, with a smirk.
Ahsoka huffed in frustration and looked away.
"Then this morning, Rex is practically gushing all over you in front of the entire clan and you're staring at him with eyes like a lovesick porg."
Ahsoka snapped her head back to Reesa. "No I wasn't," she protested.
"You didn't see yourself," Reesa said. "But everyone else did. Including Bandrix."
"But … it's not … I wasn't …" Ahsoka struggled for words contrary to Reesa's assertion. "That's not what happened."
The older woman smiled. "Whatever you say. But if you have feelings for this man — and speaking as a human, he is a fine specimen of a man — you'd better let him know before he decides to leave." Reesa's smile faded away. "Take it from someone who knows. If you don't tell him, you'll regret it for the rest of your life."
Reesa patted Ahsoka's hand, then rose and walked away, shaking her head and mumbling to herself.
Ahoska slumped back in her chair.
I was not staring at Rex like a lovesick porg.
There was no way she'd been looking at Rex that way. At least, she didn't think she had.
But Reesa had far more life experience when it came to relationships than Ahsoka would ever accumulate. She couldn't discount what the older woman had to say, no matter how embarrassing it made her feel. After all, Ahsoka knew she was attracted to Rex. She'd already admitted it to herself and confessed it to Rex this morning. Maybe Reesa's perceptions weren't that far off.
Looking at her now empty cup, Ahsoka began to rise to get more caf when Dian'thy sat down in the chair Reesa had vacated.
"How are you doing, little Soka?"
Ahsoka loved it when Dian'thy used his pet name for her. It always made her feel special and cared for.
"Tired, but good," she said. "And relieved to have told the clan about my past."
"Yes, that went well. In fact, much better than I anticipated, thanks to Rex."
Ahsoka felt the chevrons of her lekku heat in a blush. "He was … enthusiastic, to say the least."
"Rex is soldier. A captain who fought in life and death battles, side by side with Jedi, every day. No one understands the situation you were faced with and the decision you had to make better than he."
"I suppose," Ahsoka said, averting her eyes to her empty cup.
After a beat Dian'thy said, "So, is Rex going to stay?"
Ahsoka glanced up at Dian'thy. "I have no idea what he's going to do," she said.
Dian'thy gave her a surprised look. "Did you not ask him?"
"Didn't I ask him … what? To stay?" she said.
"Yes."
"Of course not. I was his jailer, Dian'thy. How could I ask him to stay?"
"If you are concerned about his answer, do not be. It is obvious what his answer would be."
"Obvious? How?"
"Soka, I have lived among humans for a long time. I know when a human male is smitten with a female, whether of his own species or another."
"Smitten?" Ahsoka choked on the word. "You're not serious."
Dian'thy laughed. "Have you not noticed the way he looks at you. Especially this morning. He has the look of-"
"If you say a lovesick porg I will punch you in the nose," Ahsoka said with a half-chuckle and a half-groan.
Dian'thy looked thoughtful for a moment, then said, "A lovesick porg? Interesting. I had not thought of that, but it does fit, in a way. I was thinking more along the lines of, a man in love."
Ahsoka froze at Dian'thy's words. It took a few moments before she could make her mouth work. "No. No, that's … Just … no!" she said in frustration.
Dian'thy gave her a patronizing smile which irritated her even more.
"Next to you, I have probably spent more time with Rex than anyone else," he said. "Well, except maybe for T'annon. Rex does not express his feelings easily. When he does show emotion about something or someone, you can be sure it is important to him.
"He is always passionate when he speaks of you. Whether he is talking about how you always beat him at Sabacc, how you care about the clan, or your dedication to helping others you don't know. His admiration and belief in you are powerful."
Dian'thy caught Ahsoka's eyes. "When he speaks of your love for T'annon, his voice is reverent."
A myriad of emotions clamored inside Ahsoka, so overwhelming all she could do was stare at Dian'thy.
"Really?" she said.
Dian'thy nodded. "I think Rex is beginning a journey along a new path. A path that feeds his soul, unlike the path of a soldier which starved his soul."
Ahsoka shook her head. Uncertainty and frustration coursed through her. "I don't know what to do," she whispered. "I'm confused. I feel … lost."
Dian'thy smiled and wrapped his hand around Ahsoka's. "Little Soka. Do you remember when I told you to trust your heart?"
Ahsoka nodded.
"That is all you need to do," he said. "Everything will work out if you follow what your heart tells you."
Ahsoka looked at Dian'thy's hand on hers. "I don't know if I'm strong enough to do that," she said.
"Of course you are," Dian'thy said. "And remember, you don't have to do it alone."
Dian'thy gave her hand a gentle squeeze, then stood and walked off.
Ahsoka decided she'd better get out of the chair and leave the communications hut before anyone else descended upon her. It was already late-afternoon, so she decided to go and find Rex. They needed to talk and her anticipation of that discussion was fueling the anxiety building inside her.
Somehow Ahsoka needed to make sure that whatever Rex decided about staying or going, his decision wasn't influenced by the mutual attraction they'd only just acknowledged this morning. Neither of them knew what any of this meant or where it might go. She couldn't allow her feelings to sway Rex to make a choice that might not be in his best interest. She couldn't live with herself if that happened. Ahsoka had to find Rex as soon as she could in order to have that conversation before he made that decision.