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"I can't believe you can actually heal people down to a cellular level just by touching them." Green Lantern shook his head slowly. "I mean, I've seen things that heal better than that, but you just touch people and they're healed? Bull. Shit."
Naruto snorted. Lantern would probably have a mental breakdown if he met Karin. "Believe it or not, it's not going to change what already is."
"I get that the power's yours, but you don't ever just look at yourself and wonder 'how is this possible?'"
Naruto had to admit that he had done just that during the war but learned to just roll with everything that came his way no matter how random or absurd.
It till felt unbelievable that his life had gone from training to fight a terrorist organisation to fighting reanimated corpses to fighting against a terrorist backed up by the power of a primordial being who got betrayed by the relic of the past who became the container of said primordial being and ended up turning into a goddess after a betrayal by his own subordinate that happened to be the creation of said goddess.
And it all happened in nothing but a few days. Days! That wasn't even counting that he actually died and met a supposed-to-be-a fictional character who had actually been the one to give everyone chakra and seal the goddess, who happened to be his own mother, into the very same moon that was supposed to have been orbiting the world since the beginning of time. His mother, who if she had been a trained fighter or at the least a critical thinker, would have made quick work of him.
Kaguya's act of sending him across dimensions had been what got him interested in the concept of dimension travel in the first place.
"I just don't care all that much." Naruto shrugged. "I can keep people from dying on my watch, that's good enough for me."
"Have you ever thought of becoming a doctor?" Flash asked Naruto who was examining a construct of the milky way that Green Lantern made. "With the ability to heal anything just by contact, you'd make a killing in the hospital."
And have multiple government agencies looking to capture him for examination and cloning, but he was sure Naruto could take care of himself.
"I've never really thought of doing that." Naruto admitted. "Being a medic's not really my thing."
"Are you sure? Doctors make good money, you know. Just diagnose a problem, heal it, get paid and move on to the next patient."
"I'm not sure he's particularly suited for the career." Kakashi chimed in. With Naruto's brand of humour, he'd probably leave them feeling worse than they were when they arrived.
"What do you mean by that?" Naruto's eyes narrowed. "I can be a doctor just fine."
"No you can't, you're more into fighting people than healing them."
"I'm a dynamic person. I change with the times. When we get back, I'll start healing people for money."
Kakashi could only imagine how that would go.
Naruto, clad in a lab coat, walked into the office where a woman and her daughter were waiting.
"So the test results came out." Naruto started. "But before I say it, hey little girl, do you like to sing?"
The girl nodded. Where was he going with this?
"Nice, nice." Naruto smiled at her. "Complete this for me. Thirty days have September~"
The girl brightened up. "April, June and November~"
"You forgot one though." Naruto grinned. She frowned at him.
"Which one?"
"You!" Naruto burst into laughter. "I've been waiting to do that to someone for so long now, high five!"
He raised his hand up at the glaring mother who had her wailing daughter in an embrace. After a few seconds, he put his hand down slowly.
"Maybe Kakashi was onto something about my timing…I can cure her by the way…don't want to listen? Well, come back soon. I'm the only one who can cure her so it's best if you bring her back here, well not exactly your best option, more like your only option since I'm literally her only chance of survival. Anyways, come back if you want her to live. Before the end of the month, too. Or at least before next month. I can't bring back the dead. At least not dead cancer patients. Maybe I can, I've never tried to bring them back before."
"You know, your daughter's the first cancer patient I've ever had to heal. I should name this variant after her. Miyuki strain, nice. Your bill's sixty two thousand ryo but it's six hundred and sixty two if you bring her back for healing. But if she croaks before you bring her back, I know a guy who makes coffins for as cheap as ten thousand ryo. If you want her cremated, I also know a guy who'll do it for a bottle of water."
"It's probably best to leave it to Sakura and Lady Tsunade." Kakashi ruffled Naruto's hair. "You're too important to us to spend your days in a sterile building."
"Important?" Flash asked.
Kakashi perceived Batman's scent become bolder and sighed inwardly. Of course the man would be listening in. "He's the reason we didn't go into famine after the war. His healing ability works with plants too."
"I wish we could have someone like you too, Naruto." Flash folded his arms. "Well we do, but she's an eco terrorist who only raises forests filled with poisonous trees and carnivorous plants."
"I read somewhere that they absorb excess nitrogen out of the air." Naruto tried to reason. "Maybe she's trying to help you out in that aspect."
"If there's anything that we need to be rid of, it's carbon." Green Lantern scoffed. "Global warming's going to end us before Darkseid does."
Naruto had no idea what that was but it was dangerous.
"What exactly gives out this carbon?" Kakashi asked.
"Carbon's a by-product of combustion." Green Lantern said. "Everything that burns releases it. Even people. Combustion happens when you breathe, you know."
"Your lungs burn when you breathe?" Tsunade, who'd been listening to them, joined in. Either the man didn't know what he was talking about or his anatomy was different from theirs.
"It's not burning." Flash explained. "Combustion is the breaking down of chemical bonds, heat's just a side effect of it. In the lungs, it's the heat and breaking down, but without the fire. It's why the air you breathe out is warmer than the one in the atmosphere. Your body's giving out excess heat as well as carbon."
Tsunade hummed contemplatively. "I'm guessing you're a doctor in your world?"
"Heh, close." Flash chuckled. "I'm in forensics."
"What's that?" She asked.
"It's kind of hard to define." He closed his eyes in thought. "But I think the best way to say it is that we're the guys who use science to investigate crimes. Run tests on whatever trace of DNA we can find, fingerprints, blood, stuff like that."
"I see." Kakashi made a mental note to try establishing something similar in Konoha. ANBU usually investigated crimes and they had the cryptology department, but the former weren't specialists and the latter specialised in decryption.
Tsunade placed an arm over Flash's shoulder, causing the man to gulp when her breast pressed against him. "Let's talk about your investigation methods."
Green Lantern watched her leave with the man. "Do you think she likes him?"
Kakashi snorted. The woman had turned down every single man who tried their luck with her, including Lord Jiraiya who she'd known since they were genin.
"If you knew her, you wouldn't be asking that." Naruto looked amused.
"What do you mean?" Green Lantern frowned. Naruto and Kakashi looked at each other and shook their heads.
"Don't worry about it." Naruto waved him off. "So do you think there's any way to absorb and store the energy output caused by a supernova?"
Martian Manhunter understood that he wasn't a very approachable person. Even the superheroes that had tried to speak with him often had stopped, put off by his quiet demeanor, stony gaze and curt replies.
Only a few like the Flash still insisted on trying to involve him in outings and the like but since they had arrived here, the man, like Green Lantern, had been occupied by the one of the strangers, Naruto was his name, who was all too eager to learn about their world.
He stared at the three men, wondering whether or not to try joining in their conversation. He doubted any of them would mind, but he had no idea what to say other than answers to whatever questions Naruto would ask him.
The slight disturbance caused by someone sitting next to him made him turn to see the redheaded boy, Gaara, staring at the three also. He nodded at the boy who nodded back and was about to go back to watching the trip when the boy spoke.
"Naruto's an inquisitive person." He started. "Always wanting to learn everything. The first time he came to my village, he wanted to know how we observed our hygiene in the absence of consistent water."
"That sounds mildly offensive." Martian Manhunter said tentatively. Gaara noticed that and shook his head.
"He didn't ask it to be condescending. He was just curious." He said. Temari hadn't been as understanding and gave the blond an earful that day.
"I see." Martian Manhunter wasn't sure what to say.
"I'm sure he would appreciate it if you shared your knowledge with him as well." Gaara continued and upon the Martian's questioning look, he explained . "I saw you staring at them, you looked like you were wondering how to join in."
"I am content with where I am."
"I imagine you are, but there is no use in having an opportunity to be amongst people of differing backgrounds if you do not interact with them." Gaara said.
"You have made no attempts to speak with any of us either." The Martian blinked. "You did not humor Batman with a conversation."
"Only Naruto would be able to tolerate the man's behaviour. He is lucky he did not go to Lady Tsunade. She would not settle for simply ignoring him." Gaara looked at the blond who was examining some construct Green Lantern created.
"You have a high opinion of him." Martian Manhunter observed.
"If you knew him like I do, you would as well."
"I see." The alien turned to look at Naruto who tried to touch the glowing ring, causing Green Lantern to be enveloped in it's light and float out of his reach. The feat only got an amazed look from the boy.
His expression reminded him of his niece when she arrived on Earth. Everything about the world, even though primitive compared to Mars, awed her. "I would like to talk with him."
Gaara nodded and watched the Martian walk to Naruto who started off by asking why he was green. He snickered. Just like with Suna.
He noticed Black Canary and Green Arrow engrossed in whatever conversation they were having with each other. They probably felt out of place among everyone because even for lovers, they clung to each other too much.
"You encourage him to talk with others but you don't do the same. Why?" Wonder Woman spoke from behind him. He looked at her, noticing how her shield looked cleaner than it had been when she first arrived. She had probably occupied herself by polishing it.
"I have little to gain from any of you." He said. Wonder Woman raised an eyebrow.
"And we, even less but it doesn't stop us from trading words with you, does it?"
Gaara stared at the woman. "I guess it doesn't. Thank you then."
"For what?"
"You made yourself someone for me to talk to." Gaara shrugged.
"It's better than just sitting by your lonesome." Wonder Woman idly spun her shield and as she admired how the light highlighted certain parts of it, her mind went back to the arenas of Themiscryia.
She'd been planning to pick up from where she left off with Naruto, but Flash and Green Lantern got to him before she did, leaving her with nothing to do but polish her shield and listen to Superman and Batman argue about something she couldn't be bothered to think about.
"I suppose you're right." He agreed. "No wonder Naruto's interested in you."
"What?" Wonder Woman blinked.
Kakashi, who heard the little exchange, sighed. Naruto really needed a subtler wingman.
Batman had Superman notify everyone that he was ready to start reading and took a seat in the center. He noticed out of the corner of his eye that Naruto and Wonder Woman sat beside each other and closed his eyes briefly.
She had tried getting closer to him once and he had to admit that he'd been harsh in his rejection, but he didn't like knowing that she was trying to or had moved on to someone else, even less when that person was currently the largest known threat of all the unknowns.
"Arrow, Canary, that's enough." He snapped at the two lovers. "The next chapter is about to begin. Focus."
"Sheesh, Bats, who pissed in your coffee?" Green Arrow grumbled.
"He's not wrong, Arrow." Black Canary shrugged. "We'll continue this later."
"... Fine." The archer folded his arms.
"Quite the authoritarian, isn't he?" Naruto whispered. Wonder Woman snorted next to him.
"He tries." She whispered back. "In fact, he's a lot better than he used to be."
"He was worse than this?" Naruto asked unbelievably.
"More than I can tell you." Wonder Woman smiled. The man was very used to being in charge, something gained from having two fresh protégés and had tried to enforce his rules on them after assuming himself to be the leader due to being the one funding their operations and giving the orders most of the time.
It had been her who reminded him that while they appreciated his help, they only obeyed him out of respect when she beat him to the ground and pushed his head into the dirt with her foot in front of everyone, only letting him up after he begged her.
The man's resentment towards her had probably been one of the reasons why he rejected her but she'd do it again if she had to. She didn't want to think of the kind of person he would be if he hadn't learned a lesson in humility.
For all the good it did though. The man had gone from trying to control them to creating contingency plans to defeat them in case they went rogue. Only Superman still fully trusted the man after that got exposed.
Batman, seeing that everyone save for Naruto and Wonder Woman had gone quiet, decided to ignore the two and read.
The screen reappeared as he opened the book.
Chapter 3 - Meeting the Justice League
"The what?" Naruto laughed. "What are they, the 'true' enforcers of justice?"
"Talk about a messiah complex." Kakashi scoffed, tucking his book away. The name didn't give him high hopes for this chapter.
Wonder Woman frowned. While she didn't like their reaction, she had to admit that the name sounded like something an egotist or someone with a saviour complex would think up. Maybe she should have protested against it more when they were still debating on what to name their group.
"I told you guys 'super friends' was a better name." Flash muttered.
"I get the feeling it wouldn't inspire respect either." Green Arrow replied.
"It's better than them thinking we're wannabe 'benevolent gods'."
A blonde girl in her mid-teens was lying on her back on a bed with several wires connecting her to various medical machines.
"I thought Naruto healed her already." Superman looked worried.
Batman looked like he got pinched in the side. He hoped his other self wouldn't have to suffer what he did. Four million was already a hefty amount to lose without adding in the cost of equipment replacement along with the amount of other miscellaneous stuff he'd have to buy to cover up his main purchase.
"He may have healed her, but she's been frozen for years. Her organs would have to resume work properly and when they do, she'll wake up naturally." Tsunade spoke. "The machines are probably just to keep her from malnourishment in the period she's asleep for and kept track of her vitals."
Superman nodded but wasn't comforted by the woman's words.
A strange assortment of people was gathered around her bed, looking at her curiously. Superman in his red and blue costume, a green-skinned humanoid wearing a blue cape, another man in a bat-themed suit, a scantily-clad athletic woman, a masked woman with angel-like wings, a Green Lantern wearing his Corps' traditional uniform, and lastly, a man in a red suit and mask with a lightning motif on his chest.
"Wait…" Naruto looked at Wonder Woman, then Superman, then Flash and lastly, Martian Manhunter. " You're the Justice League?"
"Surprise." Flash chuckled weakly.
"So that's what the costumes are for." Kakashi smirked. "You mustn't be the official enforcers of 'justice' so you hide your identities to escape identification by the actual ones."
"Well…" Superman scratched his head. The man wasn't exactly wrong, but they also hid their identities for utilitarian purposes. "We also do it so whatever problems we attract would remain ours alone and not involve our associates."
"So you do run around saving people and all that?" Naruto blinked.
"Yeah."
"Do you get paid?"
"We do it because it's the right thing, not for reward."
Naruto nodded slowly. It explained why Superman in the book was so against paying him for his services. He was used to being around people who simply did good for the sake of it. They were all good people. Not very smart, but good people.
"That's nice," Tsunade started. "But that's probably because you've all got something you're doing on the side. If you only had this 'hero' life of yours, I doubt you'd be alright with just taking a 'thank you.'"
"I imagine it's a very time consuming lifestyle." Kakashi pointed out. "And since you still need to hide your identities, that means you have normal lives. How do you balance both?"
Flash looked deep in thought. It only just occurred to him that almost every member of the league was not only financially stable, but either had jobs that didn't require their constant presence or were their own bosses.
Superman worked shifts, meaning he could go hours to days without being needed, Batman and Green Arrow were CEOs, Wonder Woman was an ambassador, Martian Manhunter had no normal life, Black Canary was a lawyer, he was in forensics meaning he only really had to work when there was a case and Green Lantern was presumed dead on Earth, meaning he had no normal life either.
But what of the ones that weren't in their shoes? The ones who, unlike them, had to work to make ends meet and still had to go out and risk their lives for indefinite periods of time? The ones who had to juggle two equally demanding lives, unable to fully dedicate to either?
"In the end, you have to choose one." Batman spoke. "The point at which the choice has to be made arrives later for some than others, but it's inevitable."
He'd made his own choice long ago. Bruce Wayne was nothing but a disguise now.
"And the ones who can't afford to choose? Or rather, can't afford to choose the path of the vigilante?" Kakashi asked.
Batman knew the others wouldn't like his answer so he didn't respond.
Kakashi stared at the man expressionlessly before turning his gaze away at the sight of Naruto shaking his head.
"What's with those gaudy costumes? Void, it's so cringe! I'm getting goosebumps." Naruto muttered and raised the sleeve of his right arm to show the fox on his shoulder proof of his words.
Flash looked offended. "Sorry we didn't consider aesthetics when creating practical suits to fit our respective abilities."
"If you weren't considering aesthetics, you'd have simply created customisable uniforms." Kakashi pointed out. "All of you are dressed uniquely, some of you even have insignias."
"You're all dressed differently too!"
"I am wearing a uniform, Gaara's not from the same place as me and he's of a higher ranking, Lady Tsunade is retired and Naruto hasn't reached the rank where he'd be given the uniform."
"You are in the lower ranks?" Wonder Woman asked Naruto who sighed.
"It doesn't really matter considering I could wipe the floor with pretty much everyone higher than me." He said. "In a friendly fight, of course."
"Nice save." Green Lantern smirked.
"It's understandable." Wonder Woman said. "It took me many centuries before I could rise to where I currently am. Mostly because my mother insisted on me not being ready."
Naruto nodded and froze when something she'd said finally registered. 'Centuries?'
Kyuubi snickered when he saw Naruto's hairs standing on his forearm and his skin looking like that of a chicken.
While Naruto and Kyuubi were talking among themselves in their native language, the green-skinned man spoke.
"Her vitals are stable. The condition of her body is remarkably good. She's brimming with vitality. If you did not tell me that she had been in cryo-sleep for nearly 30 years I would not believe it. Now, we just have to wait for her to wake up naturally."
Tsunade smirked. She loved it when she was right.
"You don't need to thank me," Naruto said complacently. "I wouldn't mind a bonus to my paycheck though."
Superman sent Naruto a weary look. "You're already extorting me out of four million, what more do you want from me?"
"He wants everything you have." Wonder Woman replied seriously. "And if you can't pay, he'll take Kara away."
"He can't do that." Superman said quickly. "We'll stop him if he tries."
"Meaning he can sue you for even more money." Black Canary grinned. "Not only did you renege on your agreement with him, you took away someone he rescued, meaning you kidnapped her and last but not the least, you assaulted him. I see nothing less than twenty million in compensation for those charges coupled with jail time if you're unlucky."
Naruto bit his cheek to keep from laughing at the man's expression.
The other seven people in the room all looked at him, their faces displaying various emotions. Some looked at him with curiosity, others with wariness while others with a helpless look on their faces.
"I think the only one helpless there is Batman." Tsunade folded her arms. "He's the one who'll have to pay whatever amount Naruto's asking for."
Batman paused to glare at Superman and Naruto who pretended not to see him.
When the Almeracian ship appeared on the Watchtower's radar and Superman contacted the Martian Manhunter to give them access, upon getting down from the ship, nobody questioned Superman in regards to who the visitors at his side were because they could see the unconscious girl in his arms and the urgent expression on his face. But now that things settled down, they naturally became curious.
Anticipating their questions, Superman said. "We should let the girl rest in silence. We'll discuss more in the conference room."
"Let me get this straight: you took the Javelin without telling anyone anything, went off chasing a crazy alien bounty hunter, got yourself captured and then ended up destroying the Javelin in a brawl and came back with a debt of almost 4 million dollars?!" Green Lantern, a middle-aged black man shouted at the top of his lungs, his voice betraying his disbelief.
"Why is the Green Lantern here dark skinned?" Naruto asked. "I thought they were all just your alternate selves."
"Wait, I know that guy." Green Lantern racked his brain for a second. "Oh yeah, he was one of the new set of recruits I saw before coming back to Earth."
"You think he just took your place in that universe and you're not a lantern?" Flash asked.
"Or he's my replacement. I could have just been assigned to another sector." Green Lantern frowned at the man. If he didn't become a lantern in that world, it meant he was probably dead.
"Wait, you're going to leave Earth if you get assigned to another one? Like forever?" Flash looked sad at the thought.
"I wouldn't really have a choice. I'm only here because they assigned me to this sector." Green Lantern shrugged. When he saw Flash's look, he quickly added. "But even if I did, I'll still make time to come visit, it just won't be often."
Flash nodded. He didn't want Lantern to leave, he was the only who hung out with him in the watchtower.
Given that Green Lanterns were the protectors of the Universe, John Stewart was naturally aware of what a unit mass represented for aliens. 1 mass unit was equal to 1 kg (2.2 pounds). Converting 70 mass units of gold into US dollars, the final result was that Superman had a debt of over 4 million dollars.
"Well shit." Green Arrow whistled. " Over four million? You really got yourself into some serious stuff, Superman."
Superman looked sheepish. "I got it taken care of, I hope."
"You mean I got it taken care of." Batman looked annoyed.
"I'll pay you back, Batman."
"I own your workplace. You're literally going to be paying me with my own money."
"You bought his workplace?" Naruto frowned. "I don't think you value money much if you use it on stuff like that."
Wonder Woman nodded in agreement. She'd seen the man blow millions to either prove a point or help someone out.
"He's not like that." Superman jumped in to his friend's defense. "He uses his money for good reasons too. He even helped me clear the bank debt on my house."
"Really? How'd he do that, buy the bank?"
"..."
"I can't believe it." Naruto shook his head.
"It's hypocritical of you seeing as how you were willing to throw away a hundred thousand ryo on a bet." Kakashi pointed out. "I'm collecting that by the way."
"The planet wasn't called Argo." Naruto rolled his eyes.
"I'm very sure it was implied. The chapter was titled 'welcome to Argo'-"
"No it wasn't."
"But it involved going to Argo. And you went to a planet, which happened to be where Superman's cousin was. And he said he also rescued his cousin from Argo. I can't be the only one seeing a connection here."
"And I landed in a city." Naruto smirked. "And Superman said Argo is a city. In Krypton."
Kakashi sighed and fished out his wallet. "Oh, I don't have a thousand on me. Can you put it on my tab?"
"Get your money up, not your funny up." Green Arrow laughed at the man.
"Oliver, you have absolutely nothing on you now." Black Canary whispered into the archer's ear, silencing him.
"Holy Molly...!" Flash gasped.
Flash could understand how his other felt. There was something overwhelming about witnessing people talk about money that was more than you'd ever made in your entire life.
Wonder Woman seemed not to be fully aware of just how huge that amount of money was. Although she had left the Paradise Island a bit more than two months ago, she had yet to truly interact with the society of the 'world of men'.
"Heh, world of men?" Naruto grinned at the amazon.
"It's what it's called on Themiscryia." She huffed.
"I know, but world of men? That sounds worse than it actually is."
"My sisters are…not fond of men." Wonder Woman tried to play it down.
"They tried to kill us!" Flash cried. "And that was after we saved them from petrification. I didn't expect them to worship us, but a 'thank you' would have been nice."
Kakashi imagined an island filled with only women that looked like Wonder Woman and sighed wistfully. Lord Jiraiya would have gladly died to catch a glimpse of such a place.
Batman was massaging both of his temples with his hands.
If the caped crusader didn't have to hold the book, he was sure he'd be doing the same.
In contrast, a certain Thanagarian woman could not help herself.
"Puhu!"
She tried to mask it by coughing in her hand but when she took a look at the mixture of awkwardness and shame on Superman's face, all her restraint disappeared.
"Ahahah!" She laughed out loud, beating the conference table with her palm.
Wonder Woman soon joined her in laughter as did Naruto and Flash. Superman buried his head in his hands.
"I kind of wish Hawkgirl was here now." Flash clutched his belly.
Kakashi was just surprised there was a person with wings. She was hot, very much so, but he just couldn't bring himself to focus on anything other than her wings.
"See something you like, Hatake?" Tsunade gave the man a teasing smile.
"I can't be the only one surprised that she has wings." Kakashi stared harder. "Natural wings at that."
"Their whole race have wings." Green Lantern said. "If you see a Thagnarian without wings, chances are they're lying to you or they got cut off."
"That sounds painful." Naruto winced.
"I'm sure it is." Gaara agreed with him.
"Hawkgirl! This is no laughing matter!" Green Lantern barked.
Tsunade raised an unimpressed eyebrow at the man on the screen.
"She's your teammate, not some brat to yell at, Lantern." Naruto shook his head. "I'd probably laugh more just to spite him."
"It's not me." Green Lantern sighed. But yeah, Stewart was out of line with that. Knowing Hawkgirl's infamous temper, he'd be lucky if she didn't tear him down verbally.
But Green Lantern's outrage only made her laugh harder.
"Guess you two are similar." Kakashi noted. He could tell the woman was angry, but she was only laughing to spite the man now.
"Dude, over 4 million?! This is plain robbery!" Flash said while looking at Naruto wide-eyed.
"Is it now? Is the life of the last Kryptonian and the last Argonian not worth that much?"
Kakashi chortled. "The last Argonian! Pay up, Naruto."
Naruto sighed.
Allow me to enlighten you about other outcomes. Had I captured the two of them and sold them to the Psions I reckon I'd have enough money to even buy a terraformed moon in the Vega System. A whole moon."
"You can buy moons in your world?" Naruto blinked.
"Some terraformed moons have resorts or homes built on them." Green Lantern said, looking sour. "But they cost more money than the net worth of some planets."
"And I'd get that much if I just sold them to the Psions?!"
"Don't say that like you regret saving me and my cousin!" Superman cried frantically.
"I don't, but damn. That's billions, maybe even trillions and I had to haggle four million with you. Other me should have charged a hundred or two hundred million."
"It's too late for that now." Superman looked smug. "Take your four million and go, robber."
That's how valuable the last survivors of these two races are. I'm actually suffering a huge loss by giving them away to you basically for free."
"I'm not sure how comfortable I feel to know he's just talking about giving me away like I'm a gift."
"It's business." Batman shrugged. "You can't do business from a moral or humanitarian standpoint."
"True that." Green Arrow nodded. It was part of why he gave the business to a relative and simply collected his shares of the profits. He didn't have the heart to focus on profits alone rather than consider people. He couldn't even fire people without feeling like a piece of shit.
A chill went down everyone's spine at those words. Superman himself appeared to be very perturbed. But even more unsettled by the revelation was Green Lantern.
"You would sell 2 innocent people to those monsters?!" John Stewart shouted.
"Do you know who those guys are?" Flash asked.
"They're a race of maniacs from Vega System, a planetary system outside of the 3600 sectors of the Universe protected by the Green Lantern Corps. They have a hobby of dissecting and experimenting on people, trying to create new races and creatures. One of the worst tumours the world has ever seen." Green Lantern said with a dark expression on his face.
Everyone who didn't know about the Psions looked revolted. Some of the superheroes sent the mute Naruto suspicious looks. Had they been wrong about his character?
Superman shuddered. And Naruto would have sold him to those people and made him live his life out on an operating table? He'd rather kill himself than go through that.
"If the other me is anything like I am, he wouldn't give you two to them, no matter how much money they offered him." Naruto sounded troubled. "It just wouldn't be worth the guilt that would follow. I can't condemn a person to that just for money."
Kakuzu had been a lesson to him about what the love of money could do to a person. The man had dedicated his whole life to it, all his decisions were guided by money, from deciding who he fought to joining the akatsuki. The man had met his end because his greed made him come back to rob Asuma's grave for his head. Just like they predicted he would.
Wonder Woman patted him in the shoulder comfortingly. "I haven't known you for long but I believe at the very least that you're not that kind of person. You're better than that."
"Thanks." He gave the woman a small smile. It hurt him a bit to know that he'd never meet someone like her after this was over and they parted ways.
He had to find a way to go to their world. He wouldn't be able to live happily if he failed to.
Naruto made a pause.
"Of course that I wouldn't sell people as if they were livestock. Luckily for the big guy and that little girl, I do have some morals too, ya know?"
Naruto let out a relieved breath. His other self was just threatening them.
But if you try to double-cross me..."
None of the people in the conference room was deaf to the undisguised threat in his words.
"That's enough. You will have your gold in 24 hours." Batman who had been silent until then spoke.
"Why twenty four hours?" Kakashi asked.
"Gold isn't something you can take from the bank without getting questioned. I'd have to file a special request for it and pay extra to make sure it actually gets approved on the same day. " Batman explained. "After that, I'd need to arrange for its delivery to an inconspicuous location after which I'll have it conveyed to where Naruto pick it up. He's lucky it's only going to take a day."
Naruto smiled at the man. "Doing that much work to get Superman out of trouble. You're actually a really good guy inside, aren't you?"
Batman didn't answer him. He knew deep in his core, he wasn't a good person.
"What about fuel for my ship?"
"You can refuel here, at the Watchtower."
"Aren't you worried about a fire?" Kakashi asked them. "What if something ignites all that fuel?"
"The fueling area is at the outermost part of the watchtower." Superman said. "In case of a fire, we'd open the door.
"What's opening a door going to do?"
"Space is a vacuum. It'd drain the area of air, causing the fire to die out. It helps us conserve resources and reduces the risk of the fire spreading rapidly."
"Oh."
...
"And I thought that Flash was a glutton." Hawkgirl muttered while looking at the nine tailed fox cub that was sitting on the table in the kitchen of the Watchtower, gorging himself with food. Half of their food supply had already disappeared into the tiny being's seemingly bottomless stomach.
"I'm not a glutton." Flash huffed. "Being a speedster doesn't just mean I run fast, it also speeds up my metabolism."
"My metabolism is too fast compared to normal people so I need a lot of calories to sustain it. But I'm curious what this little fox' special power is." Flash said and raised his hand in an attempt to pet the fox.
"Don't do that." Naruto warned the man.
But Flash cried out startled when one of the nine tails of Kyuubi suddenly enlarged and slapped his hand away.
"Woah!" Flash jumped. "That had to hurt."
"You're lucky he didn't try to bite your hand off." Naruto said.
"He doesn't like being played with?" Wonder Woman asked.
Kakashi chuckled. Naruto was the only one who tried to play with the mountain sized creature rather than take off in the opposite direction.
"He'd probably be cool with you." Naruto told her. "So long as you stroke his ego and don't treat him like a pet."
"I'll keep that in mind."
"Hey, that's not fair! Why can Wonder Woman touch it and I can't?" Flash complained.
Wonder Woman looked happy at finally being able to hold Kurama.
"See, I told you he'd like you." Naruto said.
Flash grumbled.
Wonder Woman was currently playing with one of Kyuubi's fluffy tails, showing a gentle expression that made a stark contrast with her normally stoic attitude as a warrior princess. Hawkgirl also tried to touch Kyuubi after Flash but her hand was slapped away too. Now, she was sulking at his side. In fact, Wonder Woman was the only one Kyuubi allowed to get close to him.
"Okay, it's kind of weird now." Naruto rubbed his chin. "You treat him like a pet and he just lets you?"
What the others did not think about and what Kyuubi did not know either was that, as someone carrying the name of the Goddess of the Hunt, Wilderness, and wild animals, Wonder Woman had been blessed with an increased degree of affinity with wild animals and nature in general.
"Okay, that's neat." Naruro whistled. He only got an affinity for animals after learning senjutsu because they could sense the residue of nature energy on him but it sounded like she had it to a greater degree.
"The lion whisperer." Flash said in a high pitch, causing Green Arrow to laugh.
To Kyuubi, her presence did not feel threatening and he could also sense her emotions or, better said, the lack of her negative feelings. In addition, having the fur on his tails caressed so gently was a wonderful feeling too (something that Naruto never did).
"You should take care of Kurama's fur more, Naruto." Diana chided him. "A creature like him deserves to be groomed to the best of your ability."
Naruto rolled his eyes. The ninety year might have mellowed Kurama out, but the tailed beast hated having his tails touched. The last time he tried it, Kurama booted him out of the seal and refused to talk to him for weeks.
"He doesn't like you. Plus, it's common sense you don't normally touch animals when they eat." Naruto said without looking up from the tablet in his hands.
"Who are you calling an animal you stupid pig?" Kyuubi suddenly growled and Flash, Hawkgirl and Wonder Woman backed away from the table startled.
"It'd be a shock of course." Wonder Woman blinked when everyone looked surprised about her being surprised. "Animals typically don't speak."
"Don't call Kurama an animal to his face either." Naruto advised.
"It talks?!" They unknowingly cried out at the same time.
However, Kyuubi did not seem to care enough to press the issue. He was currently busy with chewing on an entire chicken, straight out of the freezer. With food in front of his face, it was like the outside world ceased to exist.
"Gluttonous fox." Superman grumbled. He wasn't over nearly getting eaten on the ship.
Naruto found himself appreciating Kurama's laziness. He didn't want to think about how he'd deal with a gluttonous creature that could fit a dozen cows in its mouth.
Naruto was also busy tinkering with the device in his hand. He was checking on the job offers that his information brokers and business partners had sent him over the past week. He had to go through several dozens of them.
"A mercenary's work is never done." Flash said with a deep voice before drowning. "Ah drat, I should have said 'there's always more money to be made.'"
He raised his voice. "Everybody pretend I said 'there's always more money to be made.'"
"Isn't that what you said?" Naruto asked.
Flash grinned at him. "Yeah, it is."
The three members of the Justice League looked at each other in dismay. The Martian Manhunter had tasked them with "babysitting" the mercenary and his 'pet' while he, Batman, Superman and Green Lantern were going to have a private conversation about how to deal with them until Batman managed to acquire the gold (~155 pounds of it).
Batman sighed again.
"They're talking about us, Naruto," Kyuubi said after he finished the raw chicken and licked his whiskers.
"I know his ears are large, but damn." Green Lantern looked surprised.
The walls and doors in the watchtower were deliberately made excessively thick to lower the chances of eavesdropping. The fact that the fox was still able to hear them was amazing.
"No surprise there." the blond replied. "What are they saying?"
"They wanna keep us here until we leave. According to that Green Lantern, it would be a disaster if they were to let us loose on Earth." Kyuubi said.
"We're mercenaries, not terrorists, Lantern." Naruto gave the man a pointed look.
"It's not even me." Green Lantern raised his hand.
"Wait, how can you hear them? They're on several floors away." Hawkgirl asked.
Naruto grinned at Kyuubi's words and although his face could not be seen due to the mask he was wearing, his voice was filled with mirth.
"I didn't really care about visiting the Earth again but now that they want me to not go there, I will go. For the hell of it."
"Yeah, let's spite that black idiot." Naruto grinned.
"Damn, Naruto. If I didn't know better, I'd take your words the wrong way." Green Arrow snickered.
"What do you mean?" The book described the lantern as black.
"It's nothing. Don't worry about it." Black Canary stopped Arrow from responding. Racism probably didn't exist in Naruto's world and she'd be damned if Oliver was the one to introduce it, even if indirectly.
Kyuubi revealed a toothy grin and he left the rest of the food on the table. With a small bend of his lower limbs, the fox leapt up like a spring from the table back to his favourite place - Naruto's right shoulder.
"I've got to know how it keeps doing that." Superman said.
"If you asked, he'd probably tell you." Naruto told the man.
A moment later, without warning, several small marbles fell on the floor and a very intense light flashed, blinding the rest of the people in the room. A startled shout came from them at being temporarily blinded. They did not even know that Naruto and Kyuubi had already teleported away, straight back to their ship.
"The army won't have a fun time with this. An unidentified alien spaceship invading their airspace would ring almost all their alarms." Green Lantern said. It had been exactly like that for him when he'd returned to Earth as a lantern.
"You say it like he's going to the states." Flash said. "How can you be sure about that?"
"Flash, every alien lands in the states."
"True."
The blast doors of the Watchtower's dry dock were shut but Naruto was not worried about how to get out. At his age, after a lifetime of acting as an intergalactic mercenary, cautiousness had become his second nature. He was no longer like his teenager self who used to jump head-first into situations without thinking. That said, he had made a habit out of leaving markers outside of the planets or spatial stations that he was going to land on, to give himself a way out in case things went south. Better safe than sorry.
"You can even leave markers in places you travelled to in the past so you wouldn't have to start mapping out new portal coordinates, huh." Green Lantern rubbed his chin. They really had to meet with the Almeracians.
The warship that Naruto had stolen from Almerac was not large. Being designed mostly for scouting purposes, it was only 150 feet long and a bit less than 70 feet wide, having a sharp triangular shape. It had a highly advanced ion reactor, cloaking capabilities such as becoming invisible and it was focused on speed.
"A scout ship." Green Lantern nodded. "For someone who travels around a lot, it's perfect."
While its camouflage, speed and mobility were excellent, the downsides of such a ship were its lack of firepower and the small capacity of its energy shield. But it fit his needs perfectly - his purpose had never been to go at war against fleets of warships, but to travel the Universe.
Naruto looked envious of his other self. He wanted to travel the universe too.
Arriving in the control room of his ship, Naruto firmly placed one hand on the board and his other hand made a ram seal. A fantastic scene happened: in the next moment, the entire ship disappeared! A blink of an eye later, the ship appeared several hundred miles away from the Watchtower, next to another one of Earth's numerous artificial satellites.
"What…the…fuck?" Green Arrow dropped the arrow he was playing with in his shock.
"I agree. This is shocking." Martian Manhunter spoke.
"That wasn't teleportation technology." Batman looked at Naruto. "I don't think any technology needs you to make a prayer gesture with your hands. What was that?"
"Your guess is as good as mine." Naruto stared at the screen. His other self had used the hiraishin!
An invisible spaceship entered the Earth's atmosphere, heading towards the dark side of the planet where it was night. Generally, the more advanced a civilisation was, the more fantastic its night sky was too. It was a rough but not necessarily inaccurate way to gauge the progress of a backwater planet such as the Earth. And, naturally, he went towards the brightest agglomeration of man-made lights: the Northeastern Coast of the United States since, at that moment, it was night on the American continent.
"I told you. America." Green Lantern pointed at the screen.
"Yeah yeah." Flash waved him off.
The ninjas stared at the screen intently, interested in seeing that Earth looked like.
...
One hour later, Naruto and Kyuubi were in a late-night restaurant at the outskirts of Boston. They were the sole customers. At first, the clerk tried to stop him from entering with his 'fox pet' but a low-level illusion technique later he stopped all the ruckus.
"You can cast illusions?" Wonder Woman stared at Naruto, her mind going back to Circe.
"Yeah, I just don't need to use them often." He said. The sage's gift of perfect chakra control and universal chakra comprehension had given him the ability to use every ninja art that involved chakra including genjutsu that had once been considered unlearnable for him.
Illusion making. Batman filed that into Naruto's list of abilities.
Now, Naruto was wolfing down one burger after another with an expression of content on his face. He was not as big a glutton as Kyuubi but he did love food too. It was one of the finest pleasures in life.
Naruto, Wonder Woman and Flash nodded.
"It's one of my goals to try every dish in the world." Wonder Woman said. Her interest mainly lay in ice cream, but Flash's food tour had mad
Naruto smiled at that. "I travelled around the world to test every noodle dish in the different lands. You'll be surprised how many kinds of ramen there are."
Kakashi sighed at that. He knew Naruto had been bullshitting him when he said the toads called him to Noodle Country.
"I just like to eat." Flash said, bringing out a flattened packet of chocolate.
"What's that?" Naruto stared at the item in his hand.
"If there's a perfect food item from our world to introduce you to, it's chocolate. I'd bring soda too or ice cream," Wonder Woman brightened up. "But our meeting happened on short notice."
"Uhh, here." Naruto took what looked like a stick out of his jacket. "It's a snack in Demon Country. I don't know what it's name is, but it's delicious. Careful though, it's spicy."
Wonder Woman stared at them enviously as they exchanged the bars. She was surprised when they both broke them in half and offered them to her.
"Can't leave a fellow connoisseur out of this matter now, can we?" Flash said with Naruto nodding in agreement.
She grinned at them and they all bit into the bars at the same time.
"Can't believe how good this is. This also looks like a cheap restaurant. Who would've thought that Earth had such good food." Naruto said.
Kyuubi made a hum of approval. Then, he lifted a bottle of Coca Cola even larger than his own body and gulped it all down in one breath.
"He downed three liters in one go." Superman whispered.
"I can do that too." Flash said as he fanned his mouth.
After that, a sonorous burping sound rang from his throat for almost 20 seconds. Man and fox burst into obnoxious laughter. Fortunately, they were the only customers in the restaurant at that late-night hour.
"So who's going to pay for all that food? I don't think Naruto has any dollars and space credits aren't valid on Earth." Green Lantern asked.
Everyone turned to look at a resigned looking Batman.
"Wish they had ramen. Come to think of it, very few planets I've been to had it. On some planets, they don't even eat food. Imagine a life where ramen doesn't exist. Why even live?"
Naruto nodded. He didn't eat ramen all the time anymore, but he couldn't imagine a life without the noodle dish.
"What do you think those planets used in place of wheat flour?" Flash asked curiously.
"I'm not sure, but I know one that made instant noodles by crushing worms, seasoning the paste, shaping them into strips and patterns and baking them to hardness with a few agents to keep it from melting when it got cooked." Green Lantern closed his eyes.
"That…sounds disgusting." Naruto looked green.
"For them, it's a delicacy."
Even after ninety seven years of being away from his homeworld, Naruto's obsession with his favourite food had not disappeared. Though he had eaten many other dishes that were admittedly much tastier and richer in flavour than ramen, eating ramen always hit him differently from any other food.
"We all have that food." Flash said. "Mine's pizza. With all kinds of topping."
"Even pineapple?" Green Arrow asked.
"Except pineapple."
It was because ramen also had a sentimental value to him in addition to its good taste. It reminded him of the first 2 people that had ever shown him kindness while almost everyone else in his village hated him - Ichiraku and his daughter, Ayame. It reminded him of home.
Naruto felt everyone's eyes on him but kept his eyes on the screen.
Kakashi looked sad at the reminder of Naruto's early life. He knew he could have made things better for him. Lord Third would have probably allowed him to adopt the boy, but he never tried to.
Tsunade knew what he was thinking and frowned. "I've seen your files, Kakashi. You were in no state to raise a child."
"I know…" He knew the woman was right but it didn't feel less like an excuse. He could have at least tried getting closer to the boy. It would have probably helped him a lot.
Wonder Woman looked at Naruto. "Why would the people hate you?"
"I'll tell you later." He said simply. "People just like having someone they can freely blame."
After Kurama nearly lay waste to Konoha, the people were understandably grief stricken. Naturally, they couldn't take it out on the tailed best, so the best option was to do so on the next best thing. The child that held him. He was sure if it weren't for the old man, people would do more than ignore him and curse at him.
Superman could understand the boy's words. People often turned against him in the wake of destructive fights.
"Oy, waiter, bring me some more roasted chicken! And do it fast!" Kyuubi yelled at the clerk but then yelped when Naruto grabbed one of his large ears.
"Don't be a prick, Kurama." Naruto said. "It's bad enough that we're making them go against their policy and they'll probably get fired for it."
"Don't be an asshole, you could've at least say 'please'." Naruto rebuked.
"Exactly."
Kyuubi tried to bite him but Naruto let go before he had the chance.
"You cocky little shit, one of these days, I'll have to teach you to respect your elders," Kyuubi growled.
"Pipe down, twerp. Did you forget what happened the last time we brawled?" Naruto said with a smirk, making the fox wince at the memory.
Wonder Woman looked at Naruto disapprovingly. "Why would you harm Kurama that badly?"
"Are you kidding?" Naruto scoffed. "I won, but I was the one who looked like a walking bruise."
"So you lost in a fight with a bite size fox?" Green Arrow chuckle.
"Remember when Kurama became as large as a horse?"
"Yeah?"
"He can become as large as a mountain if he wants to. That's what I fought."
"Oh." Green Arrow blinked. Naruto's words made more sense now.
"It's impressive that you even survived." Black Canary complemented him.
Just then, none other than Batman and Wonder Woman appeared next to their table.
"It's Batman! Scatter!" Flash faked panic.
Batman rolled his eyes.
"Why did you run away from the Watchtower?" Batman said.
But when they saw the food disappearing into Naruto's mouth despite wearing a mask that covered his entire face, Wonder Woman asked in curiosity. "How are you doing that?"
Kakashi looked proud and Naruto grinned. Together, they both spoke at the same time. "Magic."
"Would you believe me if I told you it's magic?" Naruto said jokingly but Batman did not seem to appreciate his sense of humour if the narrowing of his eyes was anything to go by. "Anyway, how did you find us so fast? I thought you'd take a bit longer. I mean I fried all the tracking devices you've planted on my ship."
"It's not as if I'm going to run around wreaking havoc, Batman." Naruto glared at the man.
"Most aliens who come to Earth deliberately do so with malicious intentions. It's better to be safe than sorry."
It was Kyuubi that anwered. "That woman planted a tiny tracking device on one of my tails. She thought I wouldn't notice."
"And he didn't attack you." Naruto couldn't believe it. "He must really like you."
"I wouldn't do that to him." Wonder Woman quickly said.
"I actually like that other you did it." Naruto said, surprising her. "You were right to be cautious. I'm just surprised that Kurama let you put a tracker on him."
She smiled at him.
"If you knew what she was doing, why did you let her?" Batman asked suspiciously.
"Wait, you knew?" Naruto also asked.
"Well, someone had to pay the bill after our late-night dinner." the fox said with a shrewd look in his eyes.
Green Lantern laughed. "They tricked you into coming so you could foot the bill."
It was not only Naruto that burst into laughter but even Wonder Woman let out a soft giggle too.
"I like hearing you laugh." Naruto blurted out.
"What?"
"I said I like hearing you laugh. It sounds nice." He repeated himself.
Wonder Woman felt her face burn as she stared at him incredulously. "I…thanks."
"Subtle." Black Canary smirked. With how they'd been acting with each other, she'd be surprised if they didn't kiss before the book was over.
While no outward sign of anger could be seen at Batman, Kyuubi knew how annoyed he was thanks to his Negative Emotions Sensing. But Batman's ire became apparent when he had to pay a bill of several thousand dollars.
"Kurama can sense emotions?" Green Lantern blinked. "That's bullshit."
"Only negative." Naruto said.
"Even that's bullshit! Can you think of how that is? No enemy would be able to hide from you! You would be able to tell from miles away regardless of if they were disguised or in hiding!"
"Yeah, he's awesome that way." Naruto grinned.
It was not having to pay a few thousand dollars that triggered him but the audacity of Naruto and Kyuubi to take advantage of the Justice League like that - first, by extorting Superman of a huge sum of money knowing that he could not refuse his services and now making him pay for their food after they left the Watchtower without their accord.
"It's funny that this would have been avoided if you just left him alone." Green Arrow said.
"And let a potential threat go around freely? I don't think so."
"And I didn't extort you." Naruto ignored the second part of the man's thoughts. "It's not my fault that Superman can't afford the amount I asked for."
"You gave me that amount because you knew I wouldn't be able to say no." Superman sighed. "No matter how you slice or dice it, it's extortion."
Regardless, he calmed himself down. As irritating as the two of them were, according to Superman, they were not interested in living on Earth. So Batman consoled himself with the thought that this headache-inducing duo of aliens would disappear the next day after they got their gold.
"I can't wait for you to leave." Batman sent Naruto a pointed look.
"The other me or me?" Naruto asked.
"Both."
"Why? I haven't been of any trouble, have I?"
"You have."
"Oh no." Naruto feigned a sob. "Anyways, keep reading."
Batman closed the book. "The chapter's over."
Superman sighed. Finally. "Let's take an hour or two and gather again. Who's reading next?"
The book flew out of Batman's hands towards Gaara who caught it with his sand, surprising the ones who hadn't seen it before.
"It appears I've been chosen." Kakashi stated the obvious.
"He's the chosen one." Flash muttered in awe.
"Batman got chosen too, so there are two chosen ones." Green Arrow pointed out.
"There can only be one!"
"He has the power!" Green Arrow raised an arrow into the air.
Naruto at least, got that and turned to Gaara. "Quick, Gaara! Raise the book into the air and shout 'I have the power!'"
"Why would I do that?" Gaara asked confusedly.
"Nevermind." Naruto sighed.
I love how family guy sometimes stretches the jokes beyond the point of humor. At one moment, you're laughing but as it drags on, the humor's died out and you're just uncomfortable. Good times.
I thought I'd be able to write a full on conversation between Gaara and Martian Manhunter but damn, it's a lot harder than I thought it would be.
I can't blame Kurama for drinking that much coca cola. I practically live off the stuff.