"Someone is following me." Sanji says to his roommate as if it's the most natural thing in the world.
"What?" Usopp looks at the chef in shock. They have lived together since college and Sanji had never been one to pull pranks or make jokes like this.
"I think someone is after me. I just wanted to let you know."
"Have you notified anybody!?" Usopp asks, feeling panic start to seize him.
Sanji sighs, blowing some smoke out between his lips, "He hasn't made a move, and I'm sure I can take him."
"W-what does he look like?"
Sanji shrugged nonchalantly, "Dunno, haven't managed to get an actual look at him."
"What if he comes here, and attacks me?" Usopp squeeks.
"Why would he?"
"Well why is he after you?"
"Can't say" Sanji seems to think it over, "Angry customer, rival restaurant, angry boyfriend… I really have no idea."
Usopp is sweating nervously, "How are you so calm about this!?"
"I can protect myself."
"But who's going to protect me?" Usopp has started shaking.
Sanji placed a soothing hand on his friends/roommates shoulder, "Look I just told you so you would know. Just don't open the door to strangers, and if anyone asks don't tell them anything about me."
Usopp nods, trying to calm down, "y-yeah, I c-can do t-that."
Sanji smiles brightly, "I knew I could count on you. How about some dinner?"
"Comfort food?" Usopp asks.
The blond laughs, "Sure, I'll even make you some tea to help with your nerves. Seriously relax, you'll probably never even see the guy."
It had been a few weeks after that conversation and Sanji never brought it up again, and slowly the whole thing seemed more like a dream than a memory. In fact Usopp -despite being a nervous wreck for a few days after the talk- had almost completely forgotten about the conversation all together.
Right now he was in the middle of creating a new invention, and was missing a part that was supposed to be delivered by noon today. It was already past noon though, and Usopp was getting frustrated, especially with how hot the apartment was. Yeah, the AC had sounded like it had been on all day but no matter how much he tinkered with the damn thing it didn't actually work.
It was what he was working on now, a new AC unit that would work properly, considering the apartment's maintenance didn't seem to give a damn about their tenants burning to a crisp in the blazing summer heat.
When the doorbell finally rang Usopp ran to the door, his shirt already sticking to his body uncomfortably and sweat dripping down his face and back.
In his eagerness for the missing part he hadn't even bothered to check the peephole.
It wasn't a delivery man with a package outside the door, but a very large muscular man, with a scary looking face, and short spiked green hair. The man had a fucking scar running along one of his eyes, and looked like he could break someone in half with his bare hands using minimum effort.
Usopp froze, like every character in every cliché horror movie did.
"Sanji home?" The man asked.
Suddenly his and Sanji's conversation was very much remembered. Usopp screamed and tried to slam the door back closed. Instead of the satisfying sound of the door slamming into the doorframe the door stopped before it could close. A very sturdy, well worn combat boot placed itself between the door and doorframe.
Usopp screamed again, and tried shoving at the door, but the foot in the way didn't budge. "You're Usopp right?" The man asks, "I just want to talk."
"T-talk about what?" Usopp feels like crying, and his voice is barely there, a shaken whisper.
"Sanji"
Oh man, this guy is going to try and kill his best friend, isn't he? He's going to torcher Usopp till he squeals and then kill Sanji.
Sanji did say he could take this guy though, didn't he? Sanji wouldn't want him to sacrifice himself, would he?
"I'll tell you everything you want to know, just please don't hurt me!"
"Um, okay?" the man's deep voice agrees from the other side of the door.
Usopp nervously opens the door and the intimidating man walks in, "What exactly do you want to know about Sanji?" he asks nervously.
"Everything" It sounds more like a grunt than a word.
Usopp takes the mission to heart and starts telling the man anything and everything he can about Sanji. He tells him Sanji's favorite color, animal, book, song, and movie. He tells him all about Sanji's job and how great of a cook he is. He tries to explain what a great person the chef is as well, in hopes that the man may decide to not try and kill his friend after all.
He tells this man everything, like a load of word-vomit. He tells him about Sanji's mannerisms, what he was like during college, and what he's like as a roommate. He even tells him about all the products Sanji uses on his skin and in his hair, and that the guy even has a morning routine.
He basically tells the man anything and everything that anyone could ever possibly want to know about someone and then some.
The man's eyebrows raised at some point while Usopp gave away every last little detail pertaining to Sanji, but after a while his face became neutral, as he continued to listen.
Finally Usopp took a deep breath, "That's everything I know about him, I swear."
The man just stared at him.
"I could try to think up something else." Usopp raked his mind for anything he hadn't mentioned.
"No thanks."
Usopp looked nervously at the door, "Ummm…" How do you politely ask a serial killer to leave?
The man seemed to get the message though, and scribbled something on a piece of paper. "Give this to him" He handed Usopp the piece of paper which only had a phone number on it.
After the man left Usopp hid in his room shaking like a leaf, pretty sure he survived a near death situation. He even ignores a knock on the door later from the actual delivery man, too afraid that the scary man from earlier would be back to kill him.
He only ends up leaving the confines of his room later on when Sanji comes back home. He rushes to the front door when he hears it open and Sanji walks in with the delivered -and left at the door- package under his arm.
"Your package arrived," Sanji says, while placing it down and starting to untie his perfectly polished dress shoes.
"Sanji!~" Usopp runs over to him and practically tackles him with a hug, "I almost died!"
"Get off me" his roommate shrugs him off, before standing back up, now shoe-less. "What are you talking about!"
"The guy who has been following you came here to kill you!"
"What?" the blond chef looks around the apartment concerned before looking back at Usopp, "What happened?"
"He forced his way in and was asking about you."
Sanji gaped at him, "You didn't tell him anything, did you?"
Usopp could feel himself start to sweat at the question, bullet sized sweat drops started to drip down his face, "The great Usopp never betrays his friends like that." Sanji obviously isn't buying it, so Usopp keeps talking. "He threatened to kill me if I didn't tell him everything I knew about you, but I told him, 'I am the great Usopp with 10,000 armed men ready to defend me at a single call' but then he pulled out three swords!"
"Three swords?"
"Yeah, one in each hand and he held the last one in his mouth! We had a great duel but I grabbed my slingshot and hit him right between the eyes and like the story of David and the goliath the guy fell to the floor, so I threw him out and shouted, 'Never show yourself around here again!' and the guy begged for forgiveness before he ran away with his tail between his legs."
Sanji sighed, "Did he hurt you?"
"No, but he did leave this for you." Usopp handed the piece of paper with the number on it to Sanji like it was somehow dangerous.
Sanji took the paper, stared at it for a moment before pulling out his cellphone and started punching in the number.
"W-what are you doing!?" Usopp felt his heart race.
"If this guy threatened you and left his number I'm calling him. If he's got a problem with me he shouldn't be taking it out on you."
Usopp didn't want the guy to show up again -so he was happy Sanji was going to deal with him- but at the same time he was worried about his friend. The guy was really scary. What if he hurt or killed Sanji?
"Oi asshole, what do you think you're doing scaring my roommate? If you have a problem with me you deal with me, no one else, got it?"
There's a short pause, Usopp assumes whoever was on the other line said something.
"Zoro?" Sanji asks, looking shocked. Did Sanji know that terrifying man from earlier somehow?
Usopp can't hear the other side of the line and he's not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. He's assuming whoever is on the other side of the phone is talking again but Sanji's face just turns redder and redder within the span of a few seconds.
Whatever the man on the other side said managed to really fluster his roommate very quickly. Sanji sputters a bit before quickly hanging up the phone.
"Sanji…" Usopp asks cautiously, "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," Sanji say's before dashing toward his room.
Usopp trails behind him, "Did you know that guy?"
There is a ping of a new message on Sanji's phone and any amount of flush that had disappeared from the cook's face is back in full force when he looks at his phone.
"Forget about it Usopp" Sanji says.
"But-"
Sanji's expression is stern as he glares at Usopp making his knees buckle and shake in fear, "I'm serious. Forget about it, Usopp. You'll probably never hear from or see that guy again,"
Sanji slams his door shut leaving a confused Usopp still standing in the short hall, "That's what you said last time." he mumbles softly under his breath. Heaving a sigh, Usopp goes back to the living room to pick up the package with the part he needed and gets back to work on making the new AC unit.
Usopp has been friends with Sanji for years so he can easily pick up on Sanji's mood and behavior and Sanji has been pretty "off" recently. First of all the blonds phone is going off constantly, he'll ignore it a few times before he finally snarls and writes back what Usopp can only assume is an angry text back.
This lasts for a few days, until one day he notices that Sanji keeps responding to the plethora of texts he's getting and is no longer scowling. He does occasionally roll his eyes at whatever he reads or snorts at the messages, it's not really angry per say.
After that things start to change a little more. Sanji is suddenly making a lot of green food, and a lot of traditional Japanese dishes. When Usopp brings it up, Sanji gets all flustered and the dishes go back to normal… for about three days.
Now Sanji is always smiling and laughing at all those texts that he's getting. He notices that the blond chef bites his lip when he responds now, and has been humming a lot more.
About a month later that all changed…
Sanji comes home late, looking angrier than Usopp had seen him in a long time. His roommate bakes the entire night and doesn't respond to Usopp in anything other than one word responses. His phone pings a few times and he even hears a phone call coming in but Sanji turns his phone off.
The next day Usopp get's a text from a unknown number reading, 'This is my new number. Sanji.'
To say that he's worried about his friend is an understatement.
It's not just him who notices, Nami, a mutual friend, sends Usopp a text.
Nami: hey do you know this guy?
The picture attached is a profile picture of the scary guy who came over to their apartment that one day.
Usopp: yeah, he came by one day. Was asking about Sanji, why?
Nami does not respond back.
Usopp decides to dig a little and ends up finding the guy on social media. Apparently he's Japanese, into Kendo, around their age, and recently got in a relationship with some supermodel named Komurasaki.
He sees that Zoro and Komurasaki started dating about the same time that Sanji had gotten upset.
It all clicks together for Usopp. Zoro and Sanji were probably both trying to get with this lady and she chose Zoro instead of Sanji.
Poor Sanji.
Usopp runs to the store and when Sanji comes home Usopp already has the ice-cream dished out in bowls and Sanji's favorite comfort movie ready to go.
Sanji doesn't say anything at first, it's not until the movie is over and an entire pint of ice-cream is eaten that Sanji smiles at Usopp, "Thanks" is all he says. Usopp just smiles at him and pulls him close, wrapping his arm around his friend.
"Only an idiot wouldn't choose you"
Apparently it's the right thing to say because Sanji seems to cheer up just a little.
Usopp gives himself a mental pat on the back and the next few days Sanji is smiling again, even if it doesn't reach his eyes. His friend is starting to recover and is on the up-and-up.
So it's a shock when one day someone is pounding angrily on their door. Sanji had gone out for groceries so Usopp assumes that his hands are too full and is kicking at the door so Usopp will let him in. So Usopp is very surprised to open the door and find Zoro glaring angrily at him, "There you are" he snarls before barging in, "Where the fuck is the cook?"
Not only does Usopp not know what's going on, but this guy is somehow even scarier than usual when angry.
"Y-you c-cant j-just barge in h-here" Usopp tries to sound intimidating, but he's so scared that it's difficult.
"It's not enough that he fucking changed his number but you also moved!"
That throws Usopp for a loop so much that he stops shaking, "We didn't move."
"Yes, you did!"
Usopp looks around, "We never moved, we've lived here for the last like five years."
Zoro looks around and seems to come to the realization that Usopp was telling the truth, "Stupid moving buildings and roads, it's so confusing."
"Look, please don't hurt me, but can you leave?" The man glares at him, but Usopp tries to remain strong, "It's going to upset Sanji to see you."
"Why!?" Usopp finally realizes how distressed the man looks, he looks like he hasn't slept well, and looks beyond frustrated, "What the hell did I do to deserve the cold shoulder?"
Usopp actually feels bad for the guy, "Well I can't say for sure but I think it started when you and that supermodel started going out."
Zoro somehow looks even more frustrated than before if not angrier than he looked earlier, "What?"
"I could be wrong."
Zoro runs a hand down his face and takes a deep breath, seemingly trying to calm himself down, "I'm not dating a supermodel"
"Oh?" it's Usopp's turn to be confused, "Did you two break-up?"
"I was never dating a supermodel" the green haired man growls.
"Not according to your profile page."
Zoro steps closer to Usopp and Usopp may or may not pee his pants a little at how intimidating this man is, "What are you talking about?"
"H-here" Usopp struggles to turn on his phone and find the man's profile because his hands are shaking so bad but he eventually pulls it up and shows it to him.
Zoro snatches Usopp's phone from him and looks over the page, before muttering a very angry "Fucking women"
He throws Usopp's phone carelessly back to him before pulling his own phone out.
"W-what's going on?" Usopp asks, scared and confused.
"Fixing my fucking profile." Zoro almost seems to have a dark aura around him, "If she ruined this for me…" he grumbles angrily.
Seemingly fixing his profile he takes a deep breath, "When will the love-cook be back home?"
"I-I don't know" Usopp squeeks out honestly.
"Fine" The man grunts and sits on the couch, he folds his arms over his chest and stares a hole into the wall in front of him.
When it becomes apparent that the man isn't going anywhere Usopp fidgets. It's not like he can continue his day as if there isn't some terrifying stranger sitting grumpily in his apartment.
"Soooo, you and that lady aren't dating?"
A curt "No" is rumbled out between a clenched jaw.
Usopp nods his head, still fidgeting, "Are you just going to sit there and wait for Sanji to come back home?"
A grunt and nod.
"You may have to wait a really long time…"
No response, just the man staring at the same spot on the wall.
Usopp lets out a deep breath. This guy is obviously not going anywhere. Usopp considers texting Sanji and telling him that Zoro is here so he can come home faster but if he tells him it's also possible he just won't come back home at all and Usopp doubts this man is going anywhere until he sees the chef.
Resigning himself to whatever happens next Usopp goes back to fidgeting with some stuff, keeping an eye on the stranger in his peripheral vision.
To his relief about twenty minutes later he hears keys jingle and someone opening the door. Usopp holds his breath, not sure what he should do. Should he stick around? Open the door for Sanji? Hide in his room?
Apparently he takes too long to decide because the door opens so Usopp just stays where he is hoping that he somehow magically turns invisible.
He refuses to face whatever confrontation is about to happen so he just stares down at the machine on the floor in front of him instead.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Usopp shivers. It's been a really long time since he's heard Sanji sound that genuinely angry.
"You suddenly ghosted me."
He hears what he can only assume is Sanji putting down the groceries he had just bought, his voice is clipped and cold. "Three's a crowd, I'm sure your girlfriend-"
"I love you."
Usopp feels like his heart stops at the green haired man's words. What!?
Sanji seethes, "Bullshit!" he doesn't know what Sanji just slammed into the top of the table because Usopp definitely can't look now. He should definitely not be here for this conversation. This should not only be a private conversation, but it's a very different conversation than the one he thought was going to happen. "Get the hell out of my house!"
"I'm not seeing anyone"
"You publicly put it on your profile, asshole!"
"She must have hacked my account"
"That's a lie!" Sanji screamed.
"It's not" Usopp was shocked by himself, hearing those words come out of his own mouth. He turned around finally to see both men looking at him, Zoro's face unreadable, but Sanji looked shocked, "I know a lie when I hear one. He's telling the truth."
Sanji's mouth snapped shut and he had a deep blush on his face. Usopp didn't realize that it was Zoro he had been heart-broken over, Sanji didn't even like men… which meant that whatever his roommate was feeling was the real deal. He wanted him to be happy.
"I'm going to head out for a bit" Usopp announces, "I'll be back later"
Usopp puts on his shoes and does just that. He goes out to eat, stops at a few stores to look around at new gadgets and gizmos on the market, before finally heading back home.
When he opens the door to his apartment again he can't help but smile. Zoro is still over it seems, but they are both now laying across the couch, Sanji asleep, laying against Zoro's chest, with Zoro's arms wrapped around him. At first he thinks they are both asleep, but notices Zoro takes a moment to peek at him with his one good eye before closing it again.
He definitely needs to ask Sanji about everything -from the beginning- later, but for now he heads to his room to tinker, feeling happy for his friend. He's also happy that Zoro isn't actually a murderer sent to kill both of them, in fact it may come to Usopps advantage to have such a scary looking friend around.