human caroline forbes to newly transition vampire

TRIBULATION

chapter two pain

Caroline found herself locked in a random bathroom floor as she sat in the corner sobbing with her knees up to her as a way to find herself comfort. She drank a lot tonight with the idea of forgetting everything about life, but Matt wanted to dance, she didn't feel like it but she smiled anywaysβ€” to please him.

She still has not ended things with him because she doesn't know how to. She knows that everyone knows something is wrong with her due to her lack of energy and how she quit cheerleading the other day because she can't do anything at all. A knock cut her train of thought off.

"Hello, is someone in there?"

Caroline stood up as she steady her breath, "Yeah, sorry give me a minute."

Caroline moved to the sink as she carefully grasped the cleanser in the corner of the white stain sink as she rubbed it on her delicate knuckles. She did not realize the tears coming out of her as she just rubbed her hands harder and harder in frustration for everything in life.

She wanted to go home. She splash water on her face to clear her tears away, she steady her breath. She went to the door, You got this Caroline, she thought to herself. She opened the door as it revealed a classmate of hers but before they had time to question her state of mind she rushed past them heading down the stairs, and exiting the house not caring to say goodbye.

Caroline walked down the dark street with nothing but tears in her face as the luminous yellow street light flickered upon her. She hated life as she has been drinking a lot lately. Her weight is concerning since she is losing a lot but no one actually notices. In reality she skipped meals, to completely stop having meals, yet why did know one see her struggling? Does anyone care about her?

One month, four weeks, thirty days since she stopped remembering everything about what is happening to her. Is october, her birthday is in exactly two days and she will be seventeen soon. She really doesn't care for birthdays never has but this one hurts the most. She hated herself. She hated how some scars and bruises are still on her no matter how much healing cream she puts on it.

It does not heal and all she wants is those ugly scars to be gone because the moment that she became trapped in her own mind everything in life has blur into one. She tries to remember but she can't.

She found herself at the bridge instead of her home. On the ledge staring down at the water down as dark blue lake reflected her pain. She closed her eyes. She did not want to live anymore but why didn't she jump?

She enjoyed the light breeze on her face as it felt very welcoming to her. All she had to do is take one-step and peace will come to her. But what if it did not bring her peace?

"What are you doing?"

Her eyes snapped open as she faced an old man with clear beautiful green eyes as its melanin skin shune under the moonlight. Is like he understood her as he offered her his arm which she accepted as she stepped down the ledge. She felt ashamed as she stared on the ground, "Thank you."

The old man moved his hand lightly gesturing for them to sit down on the curb. They sat down on the curb silently, "I'm Ali."

"Caroline."

Ali nodded at her as he sighs, "Now, I don't know what is going on in your life right now but I can promise you, life will get better and it might not be now but it will be eventually."

Caroline nodded as she knew that but she wanted the pain to leave now. She sighs as she faces him, "How do I make life bearable at the moment?"

Ali gave a slight chuckle, "Oh my dear child that is the million dollar question. But find something that brings you joy like listening to jazz music or baking goods. Now, what is something you enjoy doing?"

Caroline thought for a moment as she wondered what were the things she enjoyed. She gave him a small smile, "I enjoy sketching clothes and designing my pieces to bring alive. Anything music related, to listening to music, singing, writing, and playing instruments."

Ali gave her a small smile, "Then let those things bring you back. When it gets hard and life will probably get harder then let those things be your strength."

Caroline nodded as she will do her best to do that. Ali stood up, "Let's get you home."

𐄁𐄁𐄁𐄁𐄁𐄁𐄁𐄁

Is her birthday today, thankfully it is sunday so she doesn't have to attend school. She got a bunch of text messages from her friend because apparently there is something going on but no one tells her because it is for 'her protection.' But didn't they realize she was slowly dying?

Her mother gave her an apology as she had to go to work because apparently work is more important than her. She sobbed to her pillow as she was curled up in her bed. After all her tears came out, she got out of her bed changing into some leggings and a hoodie.

Before she puts her hoodie on, she noticed how skinny she was. Her bones were noticeable as she gently caressed them. She shook her head as she put her shoes and some light makeup on her to cover the tiredness in her eyes.

She went down, pulled a piece of muffin out and stared at it. She didn't want to eat it. She wasn't hungry. Tears came out of herβ€” her tembeling hand gripped the muffin as she took a bite and tried to forced it down her throat.

She sobbed as chew that piece, not being able to handle it. She took a deep breath as she swallowed that piece and took three more bites until she was completely full. She shut her eyes as her mind consumed with her thoughts, be proud of yourself, this is progress.

She drank some water before heading out the house, proud that she ate for the first time in a week. She headed to the music store to buy an electric guitar. Entering the store she felt completely safe as this may be her passion in life.

She immediately fell in love with a lilac guitar with sage green, pink butterflies on it. She bought it and immediately thanked the cashier and ran back to her home feeling joy for the first time in a while.

She rushed to her room and sat down on the floor with her leg crossed. She put the guitar down as her delicate finger caressed the string as a beautiful sound came out of it. Caroline squealed in joy feeling like maybe things just need time to heal.

𐄁𐄁𐄁𐄁𐄁𐄁𐄁𐄁

It was the founder day, after she won mystic falls. She did not know how she won as she was anything but beautiful. Most of her bruises and scars are gone minus some which are taking time to heal. Her relationship with food is still rocky but she makes sure to at least have one meal a day. Which she is proud of herself for trying.

She has changed a lot lately. She was with Matt in the back building as it was quiet between them. Carolines sighs as she fiddles with her fingers, "I think we need to end things."

Matt had his jaw opened as he fumbled with his words, "What? Why?"

Caroline closed her eyes as she tried to gather her words together, "Because you don't like me in that way and I am not ready to be in a relationship. Also you still like Elena."

Matt clenched his jaw, "So, this is about your jealousy with Elena?"

Caroline shook her head, why is he not understanding her? Matt's cold tone hit her, "Me and Elena are over. You can't let your jealousy get in the way. Grow up, Caroline life is not a competition."

Caroline felt tears prinkle in her eyes. Why did he think so low of her? She shook her head, "No this about you and me not working. You still are not over her and I will not be the person you settle for, because you can't have her."

Caroline walked away and entered Tyler's car as he was giving her and Matt a ride home. She leaned her head against the window as tears prinkle against her. She looked ahead, "Tyler, watch out."

𐄁𐄁𐄁𐄁𐄁𐄁𐄁𐄁

"Tell the salvatores game on"

Caroline's mind is shut down as darkness is being drawn upon her. Her cries slowly fade away, as she resists and squirms, pushes up her legs, scratches with her hands, chokes on cheap linen, and feels the oxygen and life slowly leave her body.

Nothing else exists and the world blackens and ceases to exist, it rings loud and true. It shocks her back into existence, back to consciousness. It compels her to stagger out of the uncomfortable hospital bed.

It intensifies the horrific agony in her gums and the horrible dryness in her throat, and instructs her to sink sharp, lethal fangs into the sweet, innocent nurse. Caroline sips deeply and gulps the blood like it's water.

She freaks out as she pulls away from the nurse. Seeing the same fear that she had when……

Damon drank from her. She shook her head, she promise herself no matter what is going on she will never ever use an innocent person like that because it is not fair to wake up with bite or bruises not knowing what is happening to you, as it feels like you are losing your mind.

Caroline held her gently as tears came out of her, "You will forget this ever happened, you had an accident."

The nurse repeated the words back to her and walked away leaving her alone in a hospital gown with blood on her face, her hands, and tears sobbing out of her. She fell on the floor as all the memories rushed to her like the same car crash that ruined her life.

The images are suffocating. She can't place them in the right sequence or link them together as easily as she would want. Which came first, her girlish grin or his cocky grin? Did she say yes or was it forced upon her? No, she hadn't said anything. Yes, she laugh first.

Did she want it? Did she ask for it?

𐄁𐄁𐄁𐄁𐄁𐄁𐄁𐄁

She was in her bathroom sobbing. She hugged her knees as she is a vampire now. She killed a man two weeks ago, and all her memories came back to her. They all rushed to the surface and she couldn't breathe. Everytime she closes her eyes she feels Damon on top of her.

But apparently she does not matter because her best friend is always with him and a bad guy is apparently trying to kill her.

But what about her?

Why did she not matter?

Why did she have to be okay with being around Damon? When she can't even stand to see him because she completely breaks down.

But here she is sobbing on her bathroom floor for being alone. Her mother abandoned her and left the house after finding out the truth. Bonnie can not even talk to her.

And herself?

She feels disgusted as she barely drinks blood as her hunger is still not really there. And she finally remembers everything that happened to her.

Damon had raped her and she has to prentend that it never happened in order for everything to work out.

In order for her to get better.

notes!

THOUGHTS?!?!

please note the timelines will blur into one as much won't be canon because is really about caroline thoughts and journey!

I hope I am doing Caroline's journey to recovery okay and her thoughts! It is hard to write this as I take breaks in between but is important for me to write it because I feel that she never had justice and when she gets better it will her to avenge herself!!

we still have lot to heal because next chapter we will see her ignoring everything that has happened as she distracts herself with stuff and dealing with someone

we will see her use music, sketching /designing clothes as way to cope!

please note when I describe her clothes it would be today's fashion trends because I don't like that time's fashion