Any situation exposed to both ghosts and Danny's parents immediately became unforgiveably stupid, no matter what it started out as. Vacation? Mental health crisis? Dinner out? PTA meeting? School dance? Political speech? Discussion on how to save the city from a ghost invasion? Chance encounter with a friend in the grocery story?

None of it could resist the sudden environmental drop in IQ.

If anyone asked, that was what Danny was going to blame the current situation on.

He crept around a display of soda cans (10% OFF!) while keeping one ear on the murmur of his mother's conversation with Mrs. Foley. One of the new cashiers had just moved into town last week, and the grocery store was infested with wish-construct ghosts. Invisible wish-construct ghosts, because Desiree had convinced the poor ignorant, gullible cashier to wish them that way. None of the other shoppers had noticed.

On one hand, this was great. He finally knew where Desiree had been hiding out all week and what she'd been doing. On the other, it would be nice if he wasn't the only one noticing the problem. Or if, at least, everyone was running away from the problem. Or if his mom didn't know he was in the store.

Oh, to be a superhero in civilian identity creeping around a grocery store, trying not to break anything while fighting invisible nasties that were influencing the shopping habits of everyone who passed by. It sucked.

He sprinted, almost silently, after a thing that was animating grocery carts. He couldn't blast it out while he was in human form - what if someone saw? - so he'd have to catch it when it moved between carts. This brought him back into range of the conversation.

"I just wish he'd say what he was thinking," said Maddie.

Danny heard Desiree giggle and felt her magic settle over him like an enormous sticky cobweb. Oh, come on! That was just unfair! Not only did he have to hunt down Desiree and her minions, he'd have to do it while, what, having no brain mouth filter? Is that what? Was it too much to ask for a break?

His mother and Mrs. Foley turned to him with wide eyes.

"Oh, no, I said all that out loud, didn't I? Gosh, I'm an idiot, and she's definitely going to use this to make me think of wishing, make me think about wishing something, shut up, you idiot, you're going to let something slip!" He backed away.

"Danny," said his mother.

"No, no, no, absolutely not, she can't know about Dani, or Cujo, or- Desiree!"

Green mist curled between him and his mother, forming into the genie ghost. "You mentioned something about wishing for things? I can make that happen."

Worst thing was, Danny did know, and it wasn't like he'd never thought about things like that. Never thought to wish for- Maybe this could be a way to get Desiree back into the Zone, he'd wished her way before, if he could only think of one- Or allies, he could use some backup. Then again, he'd always wanted to- He had to negate this wish if he wanted to get anything done-

Danny tripped and stumbled over words as thoughts flicked through his head, faster and faster. He bit his tongue several times. Desiree had started out looking amused, but now she seemed rather bored, even though she was dodging blaster shots from Maddie, who had taken cover behind a shelf of produce.

Honestly, Danny hated ghost fights. Especially ghost fights like these.

"Then why don't you wish to stop?"

"Because obviously that would go against my-" He slammed his hand down over his mouth. It kept moving but the words were muffled. He had to come up with a way to keep this thing from making him do something that would reveal his secret! Wait! That was it! He removed his hand. "I wish I couldn't do anything that would reveal my secret!"

In Danny's defense, this situation involved both his parents and ghosts. He wasn't immune from the idiocy either.

He felt the second wish settle over him, pulling some power from the first, but he also felt a great jolt, like getting hit with the Plasmius Maximus tear through him, and his awareness of ghost energy dropped to zero.

"Anything else you would like to wish for, dear? Perhaps some long held childhood dream? A present you never got for Christmas?"

About a dozen thoughts about ghosts and hunting and Phantom and his powers rattled through him, but since he couldn't articulate any of those, what came out was, "I always wanted a puppy."

Cujo poofed into Danny's arms and gave him a big lick across his mouth. Bleh.

"Oh," said Desiree, disappointed. "You know each other. I was hoping for a rampage."

Ugh. Why couldn't a nice ghost have Desiree's powers? Like Cujo.

"What?" asked Desiree, alarmed.

"What?" asked Danny, confused. He was spewing so much nonsense he wasn't entirely sure what he was saying. Were his thoughts always like this? It seemed really chaotic.

Then Desiree's face softened into something almost… dopey? Her tongue lolled from her mouth and she… Licked him?

What?

"You aren't eating my son, ghost!" shouted Maddie.

This was so embarrassing. Danny wished they were somewhere else right now. Which, considering that he said that out loud, caused space to warp around him, Desiree, and Cujo. They were deposited in the park. The blessedly empty park.

"Ha!" said Danny. "Your mistake! Now I can- Oh, no, I can't, can I crap, crap, crap, that was a stupid wish. I just had to say something that would-" Keep his ghost half out of reach. "I can't even say it!"

Desiree barked at him. Danny froze.

"Wait. Cujo? Is that Cujo in there? Did my wish put you in Desiree's body?"

"Idiot!" Danny jumped at Desiree's voice emanating from Cujo's body. "My powers are attached to my body! Of course the mutt is in there!"

"Ha!" said Danny. "Serves you right! Don't go granting wishes all over the place like that if you don't like it."

"You think the dog is going to do any better? Wish me back!"

"No! You'll just start trying to take over the town again, or turn my friends into ghosts, or erase my memory, or-"

Cujo, apparently deciding he wanted more of Danny's attention, jumped him. When Cujo was a puppy, this was cute, a bit of a discipline issue, but cute. In the body of a fully grown and scantily clad ghost, however…

Suddenly, it was a lot less funny.

"Oh no, this is like Poindexter all over again. How do we fix this?" He wished Sam and Tucker were here. They always knew what to do about things.

Wait. Those were words coming out of his mouth and-

Sam and Tucker popped into place to either side of him with a puff of ectoplasmic smoke.

Sam pulled her toothbrush out of her mouth. "This had better be good," she said.

"Nooooo," said Tucker, dropping his game controller and falling to his knees. "My win streak!"

"It isn't," said Danny, "it's horrible." Cujo licked him. Again, as a dog, cute, as Desiree-

Sam dropped her toothbrush and activated her wrist ray, something dangerous in her eyes.

"Wait!" said Danny. "It isn't what it looks like!"

"Then what is it?"

Danny spewed out the whole story, and then some. It took twice, maybe three times as long as it should have because not having a brain-mouth filter encouraged his brain to follow the weirdest tangents and it was also hard to explain some parts while not being able to talk about Phantom or being half ghost or any of their past fights with Desiree.

"Okay," said Sam, as Danny continued narrating every stray thought that crossed his mind, which, unfortunately for him, included some thoughts about how Cujo-in-Desiree felt pushing against his arm, and, oh, that sure got him a glare. "I wish that all the wishes Danny made today were undone."

Well, since Danny was still saying everything he was thinking, he was pretty sure it hadn't worked.

"Of course it didn't work! He's a dog! You can't make a wish that complex and expect him to understand."

"Oh! I have an idea! What if I say, 'I wish Desiree and Cujo would get their brains back in their heads.' Do you think that would work? Oh, no, I said that out loud, too, I'm-"

There was a pop and more smoke - Desiree's powers really had a lot of smoke effects, didn't they? - and when it cleared, Desiree and Cujo had their heads back, sure, but they were also on the wrong bodies.

"Oh," said Tucker. "That's just messed up."

"You will pay for this, Danny Phantom. Mark my words, you. Will. Pay."

"That doesn't sound like the words of someone who needs help, does it?" asked Sam, venomously.

"How about we get rid of Danny's wishes before he makes things worse again, okay?"

Honestly, Danny didn't know how he could make things worse. Unfortunately, his imagination was all too willing to supply some examples and in short order they were dealing with an earthquake, an alien invasion, and carnivorous daffodils.

"I wish Danny went back to normal!" screamed Tucker as he was beamed up into a spaceship.

'Normal' to Cujo evidently meant that Danny was in Phantom form, which was fine. He had control of his words again! He wasn't stumbling over his thoughts because what he was saying distracted him! Victory!

The aliens were still there.

"I wish all the wishes Desiree and Cujo have granted in the last week went away without hurting anyone!"

When the smoke cleared, Danny, Sam, and Tucker were sitting in the middle of the park, Desiree looming angrily over them.

"You!" she said. "I am going to- Why am I itchy? Why am I-? Oh my gosh, do I have fleas?"

"I wish you were back in the Ghost Zone!" said Sam, quickly, taking advantage of her distraction.

"For at least a week!" added Danny.

Desiree groaned. "Fine," she said. "But this isn't over, Phantom!" She melted into the air.

Cujo yipped happily and crawled into Danny's lap.

"Let's never speak of this again," said Danny.

"Agreed," said Sam. "But first we're getting Cujo a flea collar. I know you let him sleep in your bed sometimes."