You grew up fantasising about true love, reading stories and thinking about the day your world would turn to colour and you would find the one destined to spend the rest of your days with you. It's not hard to imagine your joy at the age of eleven, when in your first year of school everything seemed to be heading towards its happy ending.

Sirius wasn't quite what you expected, but you thought you could accept the differences, learn to love him beyond your expectations and prejudices, and you were really willing to go the extra mile to make the two of you work, but the Black boy didn't.

At first you were just kids, but as you grew up Sirius grew further and further away from someone you could tolerate by your side, until you gave up completely. Despite having you, he was surrounded by girls who he tried hard to rub in your face, drank until he dropped and hardly seemed to accept your bond, which made you deny it yourself too.

Over the years, the hope you felt turned to rancor. You couldn't stand Sirius Black, and you made that clear to anyone who cared to know, including himself. To you, Sirius was a spoiled, irresponsible, reckless boy you were much better off away from. In the end, you seemed to have come to a mutual agreement to ignore your connection and live life normally.

Your childhood expectations and dreams were shattered, which hurt, but you had learned to accept it. Your parents weren't soulmates, but they managed to love and marry anyway, and you would do the same. You didn't need Sirius Black, and you didn't want to be tied to him.

You were trying to get to your transfiguration class when you spotted Black standing in the hallway, a girl on either side touching him too indiscreetly for a Wednesday morning. You lowered your head and quickened your pace in an effort to go unnoticed, but it didn't seem to work.

"Good morning" Sirius greeted with a smug smile on his face, making you sigh.

"What is it, Sirius?" You asked dejectedly. The boy dismissed both companies and walked over to you, hands in his pants pockets and the usual boastful attitude that made you want to smack that needlessly perfect face.

"Where are you going? In a hurry, or running away from me?"

"To class" You didn't stop moving and he had to accompany you "You know what that is, don't you?"

"I do, you want me to explain it to you?" You rolled your eyes at the question.

"I want you to pretend I don't exist, goodbye" You sped up your pace, leaving behind an even more smiling Sirius Black. You would never understand what he found so satisfying in teasing you, but it seemed to be one of the things he most enjoyed doing.

Arriving at the class, you took the free seat next to Lily Evans who scribbled drawings on the blank parchment. When she noticed your presence she looked up to you, her green eyes looked scared.

"Your face looks awful, what happened?" You had barely noticed that you had tensed your face muscles like you used to after meeting your soulmate.

"Guess what" You replied knowing she would know exactly what it was.

"Sirius again?" She sighed as you nodded your head positively "To me, that much hate can only be love. You look like two children with the communication skills of a walnut."

"Don't talk nonsense" You took the books out of your bag "I don't hate Sirius Black, I just don't like him and would like him to keep his distance from me. Is that too much to ask?"

"Well, you two are soulmates" She argued.

"It does not mean we're good for each other."

Lily was opening her mouth to reply when a voice calling your name caught your attention. Standing next to you was a Ravenclaw boy from your year, you remembered taking a few lessons with him, Bertram Aubrey was the name.

"Hey, Aubrey" You tried to smile gently, he didn't deserve to face your bad mood because of Sirius "What is it?"

"I'd like to know if you want to go out with me Friday night." The voice was steady, though the body language hinted at some nervousness. "I'd like that, if you like it too."

You blinked a few times, needing to digest what had just happened.

"That was very sudden" Was all you managed to say.

"I know" The boy admitted with an embarrassed laugh "It's ok if you don't want to, I just…"

"No" You interrupted him "I do, it's fine."

He smiled in relief.

"Great! I'll owl you the details later, but this isn't my class, so…" he pointed to the door indicating he needed to leave.

"See you, Aubrey" You waved as he walked away, and when you looked back at the girl in the seat next to yours she looked incredulous.

"Are you crazy?!" She asked "You have a soulmate, we were just talking about that!"

"A soulmate I have no interest in" You clarified "I need to keep my options open, it's no big deal."

"Sirius won't like that." Lily's voice was thick with worry, as if she was already anticipating tragedy.

"Sirius won't mind" You were sure "He has other girls to worry about, not me"

"You're a fucking clueless" You heard Lily mutter but decided to ignore it, needing to focus your attention on the date in two days.

You had never thought of Aubrey that way, but he was cute and deserved a chance, maybe he would end up being the love of your life, that kind of thing is very unpredictable.

You and Lily went to the great hall together at lunchtime, and when you walked through the door the girl was saying for the fourth time how what you had done was a bad idea. It was unusual for you to be happy to see Sirius, but this was one of those situations. Calling his name, you dragged Lily along with you to the place at the table where he was sitting.

"To what do I owe your visit?" He asked, turning his body towards you.

"We don't have anything and we can date other people right?" You asked right away, knowing the answer would be yes.

"Of course." He shrugged, nonchalant.

"I told you" You said turning to the redhead "Excuse me now, I need to find my friends."

You waited for the letter with the details of the date for the rest of the day, and then for the rest of the next day too, until at Thursday night an owl knocked on your window with the envelope. You unfolded the paper excitedly, feeling the accumulated anxiety of the two days dissipate, but the contents weren't what you expected.

"I think we'd better cancel our plans. It wouldn't work, I'm sorry.

And don't worry about me, the infirmary isn't that nasty, at least I'm not taking classes.

Please tell Sirius I'm sorry again.

B.A"

You felt the blood heating up in your veins as your thumbs involuntarily crumpled the paper, rage overwhelming you.

Sirius Black. Sirius Black was involved in this.

Without much thought and following the initial impulse of anger, you walked out of your room with the letter in hand, determined to find him and finish him off. You didn't know what he had done, but he had done something. Why was he so into the idea of ruining your life?

Lucky for you he was at the door of the Gryffindor common room. There were other people around but you didn't care, you had already been too patient with him.

"Sirius Black!" You yelled, approaching him "What the fuck is this?!" You hit the paper almost completely destroyed on his chest, you wanted to have hurt him at least a little, but the smile on his face told you you weren't even close.

Sirius quickly ran his eyes over the words and let out a laugh, loud and rumbling. You could hardly believe he was laughing at your face.

"You think it's funny?!" You slapped his shoulder as hard as you could, "What did you do?!"

"Relax, I just had a chat with him." He didn't seem to care at all "I explained our situation."

"What situation are you talking about?!"

"I told him that he can't mess with other people's women." The shock of anger was so great that you couldn't control the chuckle of disbelief that escaped your lips.

"Are you crazy? I'm not your woman!"

" Yes , you are." You needed to take a deep breath to control yourself.

"Why is he in the infirmary, Sirius?" Your tone was serious.

"Because at first he didn't want to listen to me." He shrugged.

You ran your hand through your hair and took another deep breath, trying your best to calm down. At this point, a small audience had already formed around you, trying to act like they weren't paying attention.

"You said…" You had to breathe again "That we could date other people, nothing holds us together!"

"Yeah, but I didn't think you'd actually do that!" Sirius raised his voice for the first time.

"You hypocrite" You accused him "You´re surrounded by girls all the time, and I can't date one boy?!"

"It's different, they're nothing to me" He gestured restlessly.

"I'm nothing to you either!" Sirius' expression faltered and he dropped his arms, at first you felt satisfied thinking you'd won the argument, but then he smiled satisfied.

"You look really pretty when you're angry." He rested a hand on his hips.

"I'm going to kill you!" It was necessary for James Potter to enter the middle and hold your arms to stop you from attacking the boy in front of you. You felt tears of anger and shame start to form in your eyes "This time it's for real Black" Your voice was nothing but a heavy breath but you knew he could hear you "Forget I exist!"

Some girls took you back to your dorm and gave you a calming potion, the effect starting to kick in as Lily ran her hand through your hair, letting you cry on her lap.

"This time I won't forgive him, I won't," You muttered as you started to feel your eyelids closing against your will.

"Oh, sweetie…" Was the last thing you heard before you fell asleep.

The next morning Sirius looked for you during breakfast, and sat down next to you on the bench.

"Are you still mad at me?" You didn't answer or look at him. "What can I do to make you forgive me? Do you want me to go over there and mend Aubrey's arm?"

"Tina, pass me the toast please" You asked your house-mate across the table.

"Are you giving me the silent treatment? Is this serious?" Again you ignored him "Alright, be angry for as long as you need to, it won't last a week" He lightly tapped your shoulder before getting up and walking away.

The thing is, it lasted much longer than a week, 16 days to be exact. At first Sirius would approach you and talk, talk to you even if he didn't have an answer, apologize and say you looked beautiful, bring candy and try to make you laugh, but over time he lost motivation. He watched you from afar with a melancholy expression, he knew he was wrong.

You couldn't lie, it was weird to see Sirius Black down, and even weirder to miss him, to sit at the table and hope he would talk to you, so he'd have some acid comment or try to follow you to class. How ridiculous you felt, hoping for crumbs of attention from the man who had rejected your connection.

You had forgiven Sirius, you really had, but there was no magical way to get things back to normal. You were soulmates, but he didn't want to know that, and you knew you weren't good for each other.

By the end of the third week you thought he'd totally given up on you, but still when you got to your room after class there was a note under the door.

"I wish you could forgive me, because I miss you terribly. I wanted to talk to you about everything that's been going on, I think I need your animosity right now. I hope you're okay.

S.B"

A tear rolled down your cheek as you collapsed onto the bed, clutching the note to your chest. That fucking soulmate bond, why couldn't you just let him out of your life? Why does everything draw you back to him? Why after so many years was he still the first thing you thought of in the morning?

You decided to go for a walk, taking advantage of the last few minutes before curfew, and were about to turn into a hallway, but stopped when you heard a conversation behind the wall.

"Get out of here, Regulus, I don't want to see you" You recognized Sirius' voice looking exhausted as he spoke to his brother "You can all forget about me."

"Mother and father are right, you are a disappointment to the Blacks" The younger's tone was loaded with resentment, and you weren't sure why. You knew Sirius had a difficult situation with the family, he had talked about it before but you never opened up enough to know the details "You're a disgrace, and I won't call you my brother anymore!"

"That's exactly what I want."

After that, Regulus stomped down the hall and you heard Sirius sigh, releasing the tension in his body.

You felt guilty for listening to that conversation, it seemed too serious, too personal. Carefully, you stepped out from behind the wall, Sirius' eyes widening in surprise at the sight of you.

"Regulus is an idiot" You said "You are no disappointment, I know that."

Feeling the awkwardness of the situation, you turned and went on your way, leaving the boy behind, speechless.

The next day was Saturday, and all the students knew that the Gryffindors were having a party in one of the abandoned hallways. You decided not to go, you weren't in the mood to party and you knew very well who would be there.

When the time came and there were no more students in your common room, everything became too silent, too depressing. You couldn't stand that situation, silence was the perfect soil for you to plant ideas you didn't want.

You grabbed a book you were reading and went downstairs to a spot close to the party, where you could listen to the music and conversations without having to participate. That was much better.

When time passed and the movement you were hearing started to subside, you decided it was time to go back to your room.

You were walking down the hall when you heard a familiar voice calling you from the shadows.

"What's wrong, Sirius?" You asked, seeing him approach the light, a bottle of alcohol in his hand, his clothes askew, his hair disheveled and a cigarette he quickly tossed to the floor and stubbed out with his foot. He was drunk.

"I thought I was going to see you at the party, I looked for you but you weren't there."

"I wasn't in the mood" You shrugged.

Sirius dropped the bottle to the floor, his eyes unreadable.

"Please talk to me" He begged, getting closer, making you need to take a few steps back "Scream at me, curse me, you can even hit me, but talk to me ."

"I'm talking to you."

"Not like that" He kept walking towards you until he had pinned you against the stone wall behind you "I want you to really talk to me, to feel something."

And you felt it, felt your heart fluttering as you looked deep into his eyes, as you felt the scent and heat of his body next to yours. You looked carefully into that face, who had allowed that man to be so handsome?

"What do you want, Sirius?" He lowered his eyes to your lips and carefully cupped her chin, lifting her head.

"You" was all he said before pulling you towards him, sealing your lips, one hand on your neck and the other down to your waist.

At first you wanted to resist, you thought about pushing him and running away, not letting yourself be used like other girls, but my God you wanted that so badly.

Just once. You would kiss Sirius Black just once, and you would make it worth it .

You gripped him tightly by the collar of his shirt and pulled him closer, dropping your book to the floor, both desperate for as much contact as you could get. Then you let your hand climb into his hair, threading his fingers through the long strands.

Sirius ran his hand down your thighs and lifted you into the air, pinning you against the wall with his body without breaking contact for even a second.

You needed more, you ran a hand up his abdomen under his shirt, feeling his hot skin tighten at your touch.

Sirius left your lips and gently nuzzled your neck, making you shiver. He carefully breathed in your scent as both hands on your thigh tightened more and more.

"My God…" he groaned before kissing you again, this time with even more force.

You have no idea how much time passed before Sirius walked away, leaving you in need of more.

"I'm not feeling well…" He announced, falling to his knees.

"Sirius!" You exclaimed in concern, bending down beside him "How much did you drink?"

"Very much" He confessed as his body swayed from side to side, his eyes starting to grow heavy. "I wanted to forget"

"I'll get help" You said getting up "Stay awake!"

"No!" He grabbed your wrist preventing you from going "I just need to rest, stay here with me, please ."

You still thought you should get help, but you couldn't say no to him. You sat down on the cold stone floor and let him rest his head on your lap, while you gently ran a hand through the strands of black hair.

"I love you, did you know that?" He asked in a voice so low it was almost a whisper.

"Don't be a fool" You scolded him even though the words messed with you. That was what you always wanted, wasn't it? But it was just another drunken raving, which broke your heart.

"I really do" He insisted, eyes closed.

As you didn't answer, after a while he spoke again.

"I ran away from home" He admitted with the last ounce of energy he had "I´m no longer a Black"

"What?" You asked in disbelief at what you heard. So this was the situation he'd mentioned in the note, and what he'd been talking about with Regulus the night before. You felt like the worst person in the world, Sirius had said he needed you, he had been trying to talk and you were too busy being childish "Sirius?" You called him again but he didn't answer, he didn't have the strength.

You looked down at the sleeping face in your lap and traced the line of his jaw with your index finger. Sirius didn't deserve to be going through this, especially not alone, you were his soulmate, you should have been there when he needed you.

"I'm sorry" You muttered "I wish we could work out." You confessed not knowing he could hear you.

Lucky for you, a few minutes later Remus and Peter appeared and helped you carry Sirius back to the Gryffindor common room.

You were just finishing putting him on the couch when James came downstairs looking worried.

"What happened?!" He asked, joining the group around the couch.

"Too much drinking, it seems" Remus replied.

"He was talking to me and then he passed out" You added, hiding the part where the two of you were making out in the hall.

"You were talking to him?!" James raised his eyebrows in surprise. "He must have died of ecstasy then, he's suffered a lot these past few weeks."

"Don't be ridiculous" You looked coldly at the boy beside you, even though hearing that you had made Sirius suffer hurted your heart "He was drunk, he'll sleep until tomorrow night and then he'll be fine."

"We'll take care of him from here, thanks." Peter and Remus dragged him up the stairs, but Potter stayed by his side.

"Sorry for the inconvenience I caused" You sighed "When he wakes up…" You changed your mind "Forget it, good night, James."

You were already walking out of the door when Potter called back your attention.

"He loves you, in case you didn't know."

"Yeah" You replied without turning around, your mind too full to have the energy to talk "I already heard that today. Good night."

You didn't see Sirius on Sunday, probably because he didn't come out of his room, but Peter sent a note informing you that he had woken up and was fine, so you could at least relax.

Everything was too much in your head: Sirius had ran away from home and you didn't know what would happen to him, he had told you he loved you, he could have said he loved you because he was drunk, and most of all, you couldn't stop thinking about how you wanted to touch him again.

When Monday arrived, you skipped breakfast. You couldn't think about food when your mind was a mess.

You were walking to potions class when you were suddenly pulled into an empty classroom. Sirius seemed fine, which was a relief.

"We need to talk" He announced "You can't keep running away from me"

"I'm not running away" You calmed him down " What do we need to talk about?"

"Are you serious?" He was looking at you like you'd lost your mind. "About a lot, to say the least."

"Are you feeling better?" You interrupted him, changing the subject. You needed to make sure he had recovered.

"Do you care?" His eyes were locked in yours.

"Of course I do"

At your answer something in Sirius seemed to change, the look that he had previously seemed full of haste and despair relaxed, becoming almost melancholy.

"I can't do this again" He said more to himself than to you "I'm too selfish."

"What are you talking about?" You asked, not understanding what was going on.

"I've tried to be selfless, I've tried to do what's best for you, but I'm selfish." His dark eyes stared deep into yours. "I can't do that again."

"Sirius, you're not making sense." You placed your hand on his shoulder to try to reassure him.

"You deserve more than me. I'm a mess, my family is a mess and my life will surely be a mess too" He took your hand on his shoulder and squeezed it "I always knew that, so I wanted to keep you away, but I can't. I´m selfish, I want you close to me."

"Sirius…" He didn't let you interrupt him.

"You deserve a fairytale, and I can't give it to you." Your heart clenched as you saw tears threatening to form in his eyes. "But if you take it, I can give you everything I've got."

"I never wanted anything more than that" You used your thumb to caress his cheek "I wasn't with you when you needed me, I was childish and I regret it but I want to be from now on."

"Are you sure about that?" He asked, seeming afraid your answer would be no "If you accept me I won't let you go back."

You rose on tiptoe and touched your lips to his. What started as a peck developed into a deep kiss, filled with years of repressed feelings, until you had to lean on one of the tables to keep yourself upright.

"Absolutely sure" You managed to say when you parted, a smile invading both of your faces.