You weren't exactly a fan of truth or dare with alcohol and veritaserum, let alone surrounded by Gryffindors, but when Remus Lupine personally said it would be cool for you to join in, you didn't see how to escape.
You two were not best friends, his circle of friends was very exclusive and closed, but you had grown closer in the last year when you did work together for transfiguration, and you didn't like to admit it, but you fancied him. It was a shame he wasn't your soulmate, not that you knew who he was even though you could see colours. In any case, you were hoping that Remus would like you a little too, and the game seemed like a good opportunity to invest in your situation with him.
Mary called your name excitedly after the bottle pointed at you.
"Truth or dare?" She asked.
"Truth" You chose since the challenges were at a level you didn't want to reach, including the Ravenclaw girl lying on the floor after having had to down six shots of vodka.
"Is it true that you can already see colour?" A series of "uuhs" were emitted by the people in the circle, which made you roll your eyes. You didn't usually talk about it as it made you feel a little weird and it got too close to the truth that you didn't want to have to tell it. Still, that question was easy.
"It's true" Reactions were mixed, but the girls seemed more excited overall.
"What?" Lily Evans practically stood up from her seat in shock, you had been friends for almost two months and she didn't know it, nobody knew "Who is it?!"
You opened your mouth to say that you were not obliged to answer, but the effect of the potion forced you to answer it truthfully.
"I don't know. It was a Werewolf" You covered your mouth with both hands immediately as soon as you finished speaking.
Sirius spat the dose he was downing into his mouth, coughing uncontrollably afterwards.
"Cancel the game! We need to investigate this from here!" Mary looked too excited, which didn't exactly match your emotion at the moment. You never wanted people to know, you knew exactly what kind of reaction you would get.
You noticed that Lily and James were exchanging strange looks and looking tense, Sirius was still trying to recover from the alcohol in his throat and a few other people were leaning forward curiously, but the only reaction that interested you was from boy next to you, who you couldn't see the face. He hadn't said anything, or moved, in fact he was static as a stone.
"I don't want to talk about it" You managed to say it because it was the truth.
"No one here is going to bite you, but it's an interesting story" Marlene smiled curiously, the pun too unfortunate for you to find funny "How do you not know who it is?"
"Not knowing" You sighed realising that you would have to answer to get out of that situation "I was nine, I was visiting an aunt's house in Yorkshire and when I looked out the window he was there, on the street. I never saw him again. That's all'
"Your aunt didn't know of any Werewolves in the area? To help you find him?"
"No, and he's never been seen by anyone in the neighbourhood. I don't think I'll ever see him again either."
"Soulmates are attracted to one another" Mary said in an affectionate tone of voice "I think you will eventually find each other."
"I hope not, poor thing!" A seventh year girl you didn't know started to speak "Have you ever thought about being stuck with a Werewolf? She'd better get on with her life."
"I don't know if I could handle being in your situation" Another girl added "It's like a nightmare."
"I don't think so" You replied, starting to feel irritated by all the opinions "I would like to meet him if I could."
"He's a monster" Lupin opened his mouth for the first time. You got the impression he was paler than usual, but you thought it might just be the lighting.
"You can't talk about him like that," You corrected him, feeling your heart wither, even Remus was against you "What's wrong with you guys? He's still a human being."
"No, he's not" You've never heard him use that tone of voice, as if he was really angry and trying to hold back, which made no sense to you.
"Remus…" Potter called with a look full of concern, you didn't understand what that one word meant, but it seems he did, because he soon got up.
"I'm going to my room" Was all he said before heading up the stairs as fast as he could, with Sirius trailing behind, struggling to keep up despite his weak legs from the vodka.
"I think we better wrap it up for today." Lily stood up smiling, but you could tell it wasn't real. Why was everyone so weird? "James, why don't you go see if… Sirius needs help?" She suggested and like a puppy James obeyed, also heading up the stairs to the boys' dormitory.
After that you decided you'd better go up to your room too, a strange feeling invading your chest, like a bad feeling.
And then suddenly, you had become the girl with a Werewolf soulmate, and everyone at Hogwarts knew it. It wasn't easy to ignore the comments and stares of people wherever you passed, but after about two weeks the fervour of the novelty wore off and everyone seemed to have forgotten about it, only to be brought back in an even more flashy way.
You were in the library at night doing research for your history of magic work when a group of students came in screaming your name, which immediately freaked you out. You didn't know most people, but a Hufflepuff girl you'd had a few lessons with was the first to find you and tell you the news, everyone else following and forming a circle around her.
"She saw it!" The girl said, trying to catch her breath after running around Hogwarts looking for you "Melissa from Ravenclaw saw a Werewolf!"
"What?"You jumped to your feet immediately upon hearing the words, but still hardly believed that they were true. How could a Werewolf show up at school on the first full moon after you secret got out? "Is this some kind of sick joke?" You asked.
"No, seriously!" Another boy replied "Come on, let's talk to her!"
You followed the group to a girl sitting in shock in the garden, she was shivering and telling the story for what felt like the thousandth time, given her low-spirited voice.
You sat down with everyone and listened to what had happened, and the story was quite simple: The Ravenclaw girl was reading a book under a tree when she heard strange noises coming from the forest and got up to investigate, looking behind some bushes, she came face to face with a Werewolf who chased her for several metres until she entered the castle, and then disappeared.
"Look at the footprints, I'm not lying!" She argued defending herself from those who said she had made up the story for attention, and indeed it was possible to see huge footprints in a patch of mud near where you were.
"Maybe it's a student" Another boy suggested and they all nodded, some looking quite scared.
"It's the only thing that makes sense, he couldn't have gotten this close to Hogwarts if he wasn't a student" The girl who had been stalked stated "And it has to be a human other than during full moons."
"You are all delusional" You said even though you believed the theory. They were right, but if that Werewolf was your soulmate you needed to protect him, not draw attention to him. "He could have come from anywhere, Dumbledore wouldn't let a Werewolf attend Hogwarts."
"She's right too, it would be reckless."
"Let's forget about this one, it was a one time occurrence" You suggested, though you hoped he was a student and you could find out who it was. You never thought you'd actually find your soulmate, so being this close made your heart race.
Dumbledore did not comment on the matter, in fact it seemed that the plan was to let the matter become something of a rumour among the students until it disappeared completely, which was working well, quickly other more recent gossip occupied people's minds, but not yours.
"What do you want to buy in Hogsmeade?" James asked as the group walked to the train station "We´re going to Zonko's, the slytherins are gonna have a hell of a night"
"How childish" Lily scolded him "We girls are going to have coffee, as the civilised witches that we are."
"Does anyone really think Marlene is civilised?" Sirius teased, getting punched in the back shortly thereafter.
You and Remus walked side by side in silence, close enough to almost touch, but not close enough. It was noticeable to anyone who observed the mutual interest between you, but neither of you had the courage to take the initiative. In fact, Remus had been weird since the game of truth or dare, looking at you in a different way and often getting sad out of the blue, as well as seeming to sulk whenever someone brought up the Werewolf subject.
You liked to think it might be jealousy, even if you didn't believe that was the real reason.
"You're not listening to me, are you?" Remus asked, pulling you out of your thoughts.
"I'm sorry, what were you saying?" He smiled, amused at your distraction.
"I asked if your family was okay, your father had a bad cold, didn't he?" You were interrupted by the strap of your bag that snapped, scattering all your belongings on the floor.
The rest of the group in front turned around, but Remus waved them away.
"You can keep walking, I'll help her."
Sirius laughed at something you didn't understand and they departed, leaving the two of you alone scavenging on the floor.
Your blood ran cold as Remus held your notebook that had fallen open, seeming to pay close attention to the contents.
During the last few weeks since the werewolf's appearance, you had been doing research on the subject, finding out everything you could about the creature in order to somehow try to find your soulmate. You took the notebook with you in hopes of being able to interview the residents of Hogsmeade about what they knew and if they had seen anything in the area.
You didn't want anyone to know, and you hadn't told anyone what you were doing.
When you looked at Remus you were shocked by his expression as he read the words on the paper. Lupin was always so calm and poised, you had never seen him with that expression of pure anger on his face, his knuckles white from squeezing the leaves and his breathing getting heavier that second. When he looked up at you, you felt like you might die.
"What is this?" He asked, trying to control his voice.
"This is personal" You replied, pulling the notebook out of his hands and standing up, which he soon did too.
"Still having those stupid ideas in your head?" He chuckled in disbelief. You had never seen him like this and it scared you "You don't even know if it's the same wolf! Do you know how many there are in Britain?!"
"I know it's him, but none of this is any of your business." You lifted your chin, trying not to look like he was hurting you.
"You're a fool. You're chasing a monster!" He was gesticulating a lot, expressing the irritation he felt inside.
"He's not a monster!" You screamed too, raising your index finger in his face "And you have no right to talk to me like that!"
Remus seemed to return to his normal self for a split second, his brows lowering and his eyes turning kind, but then he snatched the notebook from your hands, taking it out of your reach.
"I'll keep this" He announced putting the pile of leaves behind his back "And you stop playing monster hunting, you'll end up hurting yourself."
" Who are you? " You were unable to recognize the boy in front of you. That wasn't the Remus Lupin you liked, he was someone different, someone you liked very little at the moment.
"I'm someone trying to protect you." This time his voice was loaded with a strange, sad feeling, something that sounded like him on the night of truth or dare. Still, it didn't change how hurt you were.
"I didn't ask you to do that, now give me back my notebook." You reached out without breaking eye contact, but he didn't move.
"I'm sorry, but I'm not going to do that." He took a deep breath before walking a few steps away. "Tell the others I've changed my mind, I'm heading back to the dorm."
"You can't do that!" You let your voice overflow with all the frustration you were feeling.
"I've already made my decision" And you got the impression that he was talking about something deeper, something you didn't know.
Remus could have taken away your research, but not your willpower. In fact, you had committed yourself to proving him wrong, to showing that you weren't crazy. A few days passed, and your relationship was strained, as if the two of you were mutually pissed off at each other and avoiding each other as much as possible.
The sun was starting to set, and this would be the first full moon since the last one. You wanted to see him, hoped he'd show up again, which was why you'd stolen James' Invisibility Cloak and fled to the gardens, near where the Ravenclaw girl had last seen him. You were still sitting on the grass getting ready for the night, but as soon as you saw Sirius and Lupin approaching you knew you should have put your cloak on, because they were heading straight for you.
"What do you want?" You asked when the two of them stopped behind you without saying a word.
"Don't let you kill yourself" Lupine replied looking exhausted "Sirius, take her."
The black haired boy didn't need a second encouragement, he grabbed you and threw you over his shoulders, taking you back to the castle while Lupin picked up the cloak from the floor.
"You have no right to do this!" You protested as you were dragged along, your feet dangling in the air.
"It's for your own good." Even Sirius who used to be always energetic was in a despondent voice "Lily will be keeping an eye on you today."
You felt like a prisoner when they locked you in the girls' dorm, Lily all the time by your side to make sure you didn't try to escape.
"I think you've lost your mind" She said "What kind of thing goes through that airhead of yours? Going after a werewolf alone?" Your friend's voice was full of affection and concern, which softened your bad mood a little.
"I wasn't going to hunt him, I just wanted to see him" You sighed looking out the tower window "What if he is lonely? That's a hell of a secret to carry, I wanted to be there for him."
Lily didn't respond this time, just wrapped her arms around your neck, pulling you into a hug.
"Your intentions are good, but the whole of Hogwarts already knows your situation, if he is a student and didn't come after you..."
"It's because he doesn't want to" You finally admitted what you've been fighting to avoid, Lily was right, it wasn't just up to you. You struggled to hold back the tears in your eyes, you didn't want to cry about it, you didn't want to look weak. Still, certain things in life are not under our control.
When the day dawned, you left before the boys had a chance to see you. They were right, you were being a fool and putting yourself at risk.
At some point in the next month things just went back to normal. You had given up chasing your soulmate and Remus seemed satisfied with that, having even returned to his usual calm and pleasant state. Nobody mentioned it, and even you tried hard not to think about it. You had decided to move on with your life, to leave behind the hope of finding someone who didn't want to be found, and even though it was difficult, you were doing well.
"I can't believe Snape really fell for this!" James laughed outrageously at the story Peter had told about the Slytherin waking up with red hair "Sirius Black, you're my idol!"
"I really am amazing" Sirius replied with a smug smile "But that was her idea" He pointed at you "The worst people are always the ones we least expect."
"I'll take credit for that one, thanks." You finished placing the last card in the tower you'd built, and watched Sirius drop it for the thousandth time " So mature."
"Sirius has always been an example of maturity" Remus commented without taking his eyes off the book he was reading "I'm surprised he's out of the first year."
"Remus, can you ask your friend to stop taking down my tower, please?" You asked.
"No" He looked up and gave a mischievous smile "I'm kind of enjoying watching you try."
"How great that my frustration amuses you" You got up off the floor leaving the cards "What are you going to do tonight?" You regretted your words immediately when you felt the elephant in the room, that was the first full moon of the month.
"Me and the boys will stay in the room" Peter said looking agitated "Right? Nothing special, nothing different, a quiet and ordinary night!"
Sirius rolled his eyes as if his friend was the biggest idiot in the world.
"Why?" Mary asked entering the conversation "Want to do something? We can have a girls' night if you need to."
"No, it's ok" You tried to fix the atmosphere you had created "I just asked to ask, forget it."
After a full day between classes and homework it was finally night, and you'd made sure everyone saw you go to your room by giving a resounding "Good night" in the common room. You didn't want anyone thinking you'd try one more madness, it wasn't fair to make them worry.
Sleep didn't come easily that night, you couldn't help but think that he was somewhere close by, and that he was suffering, but there was nothing you could do. Eventually you fell asleep, until you woke up around five-thirty in the morning covered in sweat and heart pounding. Something wasn't right, that feeling in your chest wanted to say something.
You jumped out of bed when you heard a voice call your name. There was no one in your room, it wasn't a physical voice, but a kind of sixth sense that guided you out of the room, out of the castle.
You looked out the window, the sun was already starting to rise even though it was dark outside, so it was no longer dangerous for you to leave the room, the Werewolf would no longer be in his creature form.
When you walked out to the common room there was no one there, and also no one in the hallways or classrooms, the early morning silence at Hogwarts was unsettling.
Your intuition guided you to the lawn beside the Whomping Willow, where the image you saw shocked you, sending you running in despair.
"Remus!" You screamed approaching the boy lying on the ground, his clothes torn and several cuts bleeding all over his body, you deduced that he had been attacked by the Werewolf you defended so much "Remus! Are you listening to me?" His only response was a groan that sounded a bit like "yes".
Maybe Lupin had been right from the start, maybe it was a monster that had attacked him, because those marks were claw marks.
"I'm going to call for help!" You brushed off the locks of hair covering his eyes "You're going to be fine."
You barely had time to get up before a hand held your wrist.
"No, don´t do it" Remus said between groans, "You can't call anyone."
"How can I not call anyone? What do you want me to do?!" You asked in desperation "I'll get the boys, I can't carry you alone."
"They're not in the dorm." You wondered where they were, but that wasn't important at the moment. "Help me up."
You helped by allowing him to put an arm around your neck and holding as hard as you could to keep him on his feet, your clothes smeared with his blood.
"Where are we going? We won't be able to go very far."
"An empty classroom" He groaned in pain once more, "Fast, please."
When you found an unused room on the first floor, you helped Remus down onto the professor's desk, using it as a stretcher of sorts, and stripped him of his destroyed shirt, more clearly revealing the claw scars. Not only new scars, but several already healed and white, even if that didn't catch your attention at the time.
You needed to clean those wounds and sew some up. You weren't a nurse but you had learned the basics and could help you as long as you had the right materials.
"Where are you going?" He asked when he saw you open the door to the room, not wanting to be alone.
"I'll be back soon, I promise."
You've never travelled that way so fast in your life, but you managed to break into the infirmary, steal some materials and return to Remus within minutes.
"This is going to hurt" You warned putting a cloth over his mouth so he could bite. "I'm sorry" He shook his head saying you didn't need to and you started your work.
It took some time for your hands to stop shaking and you were able to do the stitches accurately, ignoring the muffled cries of the guy you were sewing. When you were finally done, Remus let his sweat-covered body relax and fall to the table, trying to control his erratic breathing.
"It will leave scars." You ran a wet cloth over the freshly stitched wounds to clean the blood, trying not to think about how you were running your hand over his chest.
"I don't mind, I already have plenty" He tried to smile but couldn't.
"He was the one who did this to you, wasn't he?" You asked biting your lip "The Werewolf attacked you."
Remus stared into your eyes for a few seconds with an unreadable expression and then laughed. Not a happy laugh, but pure shock.
"You really don't understand, do you?" He seemed to find some humour in the situation.
"I don't understand what?"
"It's me," He said, taking one of his hands to his chest. " I'm him , I did this to myself ."
"But…" The truth actually hit you, knocking the words out of your mouth. You had to sit in the chair next to the table when your legs shook "You said he was a monster" You reminded him.
"I'm a monster" Remus said, signalling his injured body "I think you can tell."
"You yelled at me" You reminded him again, trying to process the facts you had with the new information. You felt silly, you should have realised, something had to have given away the secret "You said I was a fool."
"You're a fool" His look was a mixture of sadness and affection "But that doesn't give me the right to put you in this situation."
"What situation, Remus?" You couldn't even look at him.
"Trapped with a freak for life, couldn't do this to you" Remus hated himself, you realised. You didn't understand how someone you loved could not love himself, but he didn't.
"This decision is not yours to make" You played with your fingers trying to ease the anxiety "You lied to me."
"And I don't regret it, I did what I did to keep you safe, and it worked" He smiled and tried to hold your hand, but you wouldn't let i t"This, us, would never work.
"If you weren't so weakened I would be beating you right now" You confessed.
"I can let you do that later."
"That night when I told you about my soulmate" You remembered his reaction "You did not know it was me?"
"I don't remember anything when I transforme, but one day I escaped from the shelter in my house during a full moon and went outside, and when I woke up from the trance I could see colours" That made sense, that's why he was so distubed that night. "I never thought I'd find out who it was, and I didn't want to."
"And all this time I've been in love with you like an idiot while you've run away from me" You didn't care anymore that he knew, it actually felt good to get it off your back.
"Me too" His answer surprised you, making your heart race and your gaze locked on his. If he liked you too, there was no way you would let him go "That's why I can't do that. If I cared less about you maybe I could" He shrugged his shoulders looking sad and reached out to try to touch your hand one more time, and this time you allowed it by threading your fingers through his.
"That's not an option" You lifted your joined hands and brought the back of his hand to your lips, placing a gentle kiss "Because I'm not leaving your side. I also have a choice in this, and I choose to be with you, I don´t care about your condition. We´ll work it out."
"I adore you, and I want to be with you, but…Are we going to be okay?" Remus asked looking startled, unsure he was doing the wrong or the right thing.
"I'm sure we will" You rose from your chair and approached carefully, touching your lips to his lightly. Lupin lifted one of his hands to your face and tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, deepening the kiss, but you soon had to part when he groaned again in pain from the effort.
"What if I hurt you?" He muttered, pulling away.
"Let's not let that happen" You replied, giving him a peck.