It just doesn't make sense! by Aster Selene

by Professor Guttenberg

This is the first fanfic by Aster Selene, based on the movie adaptation of the spoof spy TV series. She was once active online not just on FFN but also many other sites like Youtube and Deviantart and a big Digimon fan. She had been beta reader, who reads stories and spots grammatical errors for fellow authors. By now, she has all but left elsewhere. Way "freezeframe"

Get Smart » It just doesn't make sense!

Author: Aster Selene

"Max and the rest of CONTROL have just tried so hard, but...there doesn't seem to be an answer. Semi/crack-fic; humorfic"
Fiction Rated: K - English - Humor/Suspense - Reviews: 6 - Published: 08-22-08 - Updated: 08-22-08 - Complete - id:4492632

Max didn't want to face it: it was impossible.

Never, ever, had CONTROL ever faced such a problem. They'd tried various disguises so they could go up and ask the question directly, but the answer kept changing every time. They'd gone up to the government, requested to see the information, but it either came up blurred, or somehow missing. Perhaps it was intentional, but Max couldn't see why such a minor piece of information had to be hidden. Maybe it was just a streak of bad luck, but Max couldn't imagine luck turning that bad (and coming from him, that was a lot).

Of course, CONTROL knew that there could be some people who knew, but they could never get in contact with them, and even if they did, they would sit down, have a nice lunch, have an interesting conversation with him or her - so interesting that by the time they'd finished the lunch, they'd realized that they'd forgotten to ask the question. Sometimes they did remember, but then they would realize that if they asked the question, the other person would get suspicious and they'd blow their cover of being a secret agency.

There had been brief, minor moments of glory when he'd thought he'd gotten the answer, but they always turned out to be wrong. There had been times when Max was absolutely, definitely sure that the answer would be there, but it never was.

This had gotten to be a bad case. And even the Chief had gotten involved, and Larabee had tried to help (although he had never really done much). But still, no cigar. Max didn't even have a trace, a single clue of what the answer was.

Agents 13 and 44 had gone through the worst places just to find out the answer, and they still didn't know. They'd sent Fang everywhere, everyplace, but he'd gotten nothing. Even Hymie couldn't analyze the situation to the point where he'd ended up freezing and restarting constantly.

99 could easily tell that Max was stressed, and often tried to calm him down (as his wife, she was obliged to), but sometimes it only made Max feel worse; he knew that the problem was staring him in the face but he couldn't get around it. He hadn't told 99, of course, he had to keep it a secret from her, and she understood, although she had frankly no idea what it was about.

There had to be an answer. Somewhere. But they could never find it.

Of course, there were many factors in the problem. Maybe it had changed somewhere along the lines, and they just didn't know. Maybe there had been an attempt to wipe it out of existence, and CONTROL just hadn't gotten there in time. Maybe it was a mixture of lots of different problems and it had gotten beyond where CONTROL could take it down, but that didn't make Max feel any better; he had to solve it.

It plagued Max at night, what the answer might be, what might happen if he never found out the answer. He had almost considered getting Siegfried and Shtarker to help him, but what could they do? Chances were, they wouldn't have any luck either. And Max would bet in trouble for even considering that. No, it was something CONTROL would have to do on their own, but they wished they didn't need to.

Max knew he shouldn't fuss over such a small thing like that. It would be easier to just ignore it and move on without it, but he couldn't get it out of his mind; in fact it had been on his mind for more than he realized, but he hadn't properly acknowledged it at the time. Maybe if he had, this would all be so much easier, but it was too late now.

CONTROL had taken every effort to help, but there didn't seem to be a way; and one day, during a long night when the Chief and Max and stayed up for much too long, living off coffee and small bits of food, trying to figure out the answer, the Chief decided that it was impossible, that they should stop working on it, that they were wasting time trying to solve the inevitable.

"But, Chief – "

"I don't think we'll ever find out. We've scanned the birth documents, legal documents, but nothing comes up. I don't think it even is possible to find out 99's name."