A Second Act—Part 3

Author's Note: Continuing with this one—let me know what you think! Italics are a flashback.

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Donald Ressler sat with Liz at a picnic bench on their lunch hour. He was playing with entwining their fingers and she was smiling at him.

"Ressler, we need to have an awkward conversation, " she said as she cringed her face in worry.

"Okay..." he said, suddenly leery.

Liz took a deep breath and gave him a small smile.

"Have you been with anyone since Audrey?" Liz asked him.

His face fell.

"Liz..."

"I'm not prying or judging if you have, but for STDs..."

"Liz, " he said as he gripped her hand in his. "It's only been Audrey. The last time was after the doctors said there was nothing they could do. She was so..."

"Ressler, you don't need to..." She interrupted, her voice hitching.

"No, you need to...I need to..." he stammered. "She was adamant and I was so scared of hurting her...and in the end, I held her more than anything, and it was horrible and heartbreaking and wonderful and beautiful and the last time I was with anyone."

Liz wiped at her eyes.

"But since? Uh... " he held up his right-hand palm facing her and chuckled. "Meet my only sexual partner since."

She snickered and wiped at her eyes before she leaned forward and kissed the palm of his hand.

"Nice to meet you, " she said to his palm. "Thank you for taking care of business. I'll take it from here."

Ressler burst out laughing and pulled her in kissing her forehead.

"I've had some partners since Tom, " Liz admitted and he nodded. He knew she had dated over the years. "Always protected with a condom, never not. And nobody in a couple years. "

He looked at her surprised.

"I think I'll need to introduce you to some of my friends that live in a box in my nightstand; Mable and Giselle and..." Liz chuckled.

"You named all your vibrators with girl names?" He asked amused.

"They're all various shades of pink and lavender, " Liz blushed. "It would be weird to name them Fred or Barry. "

He snickered and looked down.

"Why no one for a couple years?" Ressler asked softly.

Liz swallowed hard.

"I just wasn't interested, " Liz answered.

He swallowed and nodded. He knew there was more to it than she was saying but he didn't push.

"Are you on the pill?" He asked, knowing they had enough kids and didn't need any more. She was also only 40 and could still get pregnant.

"No, uh, that's another thing..." Liz said as she bit her lip. "Remember when my appendix burst about 4 years ago?"

He nodded.

"It didn't, " Liz admitted. "I had a hysterectomy. "

He looked at her confused.

"I decided I didn't want more children, and I didn't have the heart to tell you and Audrey because..."

"Because of Brady?" Ressler asked.

"Yes, but also because almost five years ago, Audrey asked me to be your surrogate and..."

"What?!" Ressler asked surprised.

"They're having fun, " Liz smiled at Audrey as they say in the beach in South Carolina.

"He loves kids, " Audrey chuckled as she watched her husband playing with the 3 girls and squirt guns in the water, running around and laughing. "They're going to gang up on him any moment. "

Liz laughed. "Yeah, he's egging them on. "

Audrey smiled and then turned to look at Liz.

"Tom still being a dick about visitation?" Audrey asked.

Liz nodded. "He thinks visitation means show up when you like not when scheduled. "

Audrey shook her head; she never liked Tom and always thought Liz could have done better.

They sat in silence for a few minutes before Audrey broke it.

"When they gave me the hysterectomy, we extracted and fertilized some eggs, they've been on ice since, " Audrey said.

Liz nodded; she knew this and wasn't sure where Audrey was going with this.

"Are they still okay? Nothing has happened to...?"

"Yeah, their fine. Seven little possible Resslers frozen, " Audrey smiled.

"Oh, okay, good, " Liz smiled at her and chuckled. "You scared me for a second. "

She watched Audrey take a deep breath and give her a small smile and Liz suddenly felt unexplainably nervous about whatever Audrey was about to say.

"Liz, I haven't spoken with Don about this, so it's just between us, " Audrey said as she met Liz's eyes. "I'm wondering if you might consider being our surrogate?"

Liz looked at her shocked. Carry Audrey and Ressler's child? Carry the child of the man she loved but rarely admitted to even herself never mind others? Carry a part of him in her and then have it taken away forever? Be somehow part of him creating another child with his wife who he loved fully and completely? Liz felt overwhelmed and her stomach tossed.

"Sorry, " Audrey said as she gasped Liz's arm. "I shouldn't have sprung that on..."

"No, it's...uh... it's fine, " Liz said as she took a couple of breaths.

"Look, no pressure, " Audrey said. "I just know that we both love you and if there was anyone, anyone, I'd trust with my child it would be you. You love my girls like your own and I love Agnes like she's mine. I... maybe it was stupid..."

"No, it wasn't crazy to ask, at all, Audrey, " Liz smiled at her and took her hands. "And if I could, I would..."

"I know it's a lot to ask, " Audrey said.

"I'd do anything I could for you and Ressler, Audrey, you know that, " Liz smiled at her.

"It's a big ask, "Audrey admitted with a nervous smile.

Liz nodded.

"Take some time, a few months..." Audrey said. "No rush, unless you're sure you don't..."

Liz swallowed hard. She wasn't sure about anything.

"I'll think about it, " Liz smiled at her. Audrey reached over her chair and hugged her tight and kissed her cheek.

"No pressure, but I can't imagine anyone better than you, " Audrey said with a huge smile.

"And you hadn't had a hysterectomy but then you did? " Ressler asked, confused.

"I was tempted to be your surrogate, " Liz admitted. "To have that with you...I was tempted. "

He waited for her to continue.

"Then Audrey was diagnosed and I knew it would be too tempting to fix everything by carrying your child; giving that to you but destroying myself in the process. Because I loved you and I never let on, or tried anything... but with Audrey sick and me carrying your child... I'm not sure it would have been a good situation for any of us."

"You could have just said, you didn't need to..."

"She didn't ask me again, Ressler, " Liz frowned. "She was too worried about the family she had to consider a family member she didn't have yet, and I wasn't interested in being pregnant again or stepping into that with you and her once she was better... but she didn't get better..."

"She never told me "He sighed.

"I think she wanted to work it out with me first, then bring you in, " Liz explained. "And I knew you'd do anything for her, you loved her so much. Even if it meant your best friend carrying the fetus and birthing your family's third child. "

"God, that sounds twisted, " he chuckled. "You didn't tell me either..."

"No, I figured once she got ill it would be years before it was a discussion again and then she died and I figured it wasn't... it didn't matter because she was gone. "

Ressler nodded.

"I should have told you, " Liz sighed.

"No, that may have broken me, " Ressler said honestly. "I would have wanted to fulfill that wish for her. As misguided as it would have been with everything going on. And right now, I would have had a... what... three- or four-year-old and the girls?"

Liz nodded.

Ressler shook his head in disbelief.

"I got rid of the fertilized embryos six months after she died, " Ressler said.

Liz leaned forward and kissed his hand joined in hers.

"She was gone and so were any possible kids, " he said softly. "I didn't even want to do the eggs, but she was so sad after Brady and I would have done anything, literally anything, to make her happy again. Fertilizing eggs for possible future kids seemed to bring her some comfort. "

Liz nodded. She remembered Audrey's obsession with harvesting eggs before they weren't viable anymore.

"She wanted to get a surrogate right away and I told her I wasn't ready, " Ressler said softly. "I wanted to put her off for a few years so she wasn't making a rash decision after the baby. But then she didn't mention a surrogate again... then she got sick..."

Liz leaned her forehead against their joined hands.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, " she said softly.

He placed his one free hand on the back of her head and kissed her hair.

"Thanks for making a good decision for all of us when Audrey and I may not have, " Ressler said softly. "I'm sad you felt you needed surgery to..."

"The hysterectomy was for me as much as it was to take me out of that equation, " Liz said looking into his eyes. "I wasn't interested in having more children and I was dating then and... it just made sense for my own peace of mind."

She watched his Adam's apple bob. He was still feeling responsible for her choice.

"So, no worries about pregnancy or STDs unless your hand or my Mable has been out carousing," Liz chuckled and he joined her in a loud laugh.

"Good to know, " he smiled.

"And Ressler, " Liz said as she looked at him with soft teary eyes. "No pressure. After Audrey, it may take some time before... we can always just kiss or make out, or just sleep, I know it's going to be..."

He leaned forward and kissed her softly. "I love you for that. "

She smiled back and nodded.

"I just want you to know, whatever happens is okay, okay?" Liz said.

He nodded and smiled at her. They sat in silence for a minute before he spoke.

"I told the girls, " he said with a sigh.

"Last night?" Liz asked, knowing she and Agnes had been over for dinner then left about 8. "How... what happened?"

"It went... good, " he said.

"That doesn't sound good, " Liz said, her stomach in knots.

"They love you, " Ressler reassured. "Erin was very... excited. She seemed incredibly happy when I told them we had started to date and that I loved you. "

"You told them you loved me?" Liz asked surprised.

"You said we needed to be honest from the start, " Ressler reminded her.

She swallowed and nodded. She would have started with dating and waited a bit before talking about love.

"And Carolina?" Liz asked.

"Seemed happy, but quieter, " Ressler said. "She's a percolater though. She'll need some time and then she'll come back to me with questions. "

"Are you prepared for her questions?" Liz asked.

"I'm sticking with honestly," Ressler said. "She's 12 so I'm thinking the questions won't be too deep but she's old enough to hear whatever answers I have for her. "

Liz nodded. She wasn't sure what questions he was anticipating from Carolina, but it looked like he was ready for anything.

He pulled at her hand to get up. Their lunch was over and they needed to get back. He wrapped an arm attune her waist as they walked and she snuggled into his frame.

"It's going to be good Liz," he said as they walked back.

To be continued. Let me know what you think.