A Second Act—Part 8
Author's Note: Some more thoughts about our little Keenler family. Anything in Italics is a flashback.
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"So, how's the reno going and the, you know, new family dynamic?" Aram smiled and asked Ressler one day as they were walking back from picking up lunch.
"The reno is its own monster right now, " Ressler chuckled. "Everything is costing almost double and taking three times as long. We were supposed to be in the house a month ago and we're going to be lucky if we're there for Christmas. "
Aram nodded. "And the family blending situation? You haven't said much since you all first moved in together. It's been months and..."
"As good as can be expected with 3 almost or already teens," Ressler chuckled as they walked through the parking lot. "It's good we didn't move anyone's school or that would be another layer. "
Aram raised an eyebrow.
"Carolina now wants everyone to call her Cara and feels like Agnes and Erin are ganging up on her, " Ressler explained. "And... well, they probably are, but they just get along better and have more in common..."
Aram nodded.
"And she's...a very moody thirteen-year-old so I don't blame them for staying away."
"But besides...?"
"Really good, " Ressler smiled. "A few hiccups along the way but honestly, Liz and I have been in each other's kids' lives since birth so it was more about getting them to stop calling us Aunt or Uncle because that just sounds really weird when you say 'dad and aunt Liz' and are pointing to a couple holding hands"
Aram laughed with him as he hit the button for the elevator.
"They just call you Don and Liz?" Aram asked.
"The girls call her Liz mainly, but Agnes tends to call me dad, " Ressler said as they stepped in the elevator "Tom lost his shit on the phone when she said it to him a couple months ago. It was the first time he'd called in 6 months so I'm thinking he needs to maybe be more of a dad if he wants that title. "
Aram nodded.
"What do you mean call her Liz, mainly?" Aram asked.
Ressler cleared his throat.
"Both girls have called her mom, possibly by accident, but Erin tends to do it a lot more lately. I think she really just wants a mom. I feel both happy and sad about that all at once, " Ressler explained.
"I get that, " Aram agreed. "But Liz will be their mom for the rest of their lives. Not taking away from Audrey but... uh... can't you have two moms or dads like you and Tom for Agnes?"
"Yeah, but Tom's just a shit dad, " Ressler said as they opened up the elevator and walked into the war room. "Audrey was a great mom and we don't want her forgotten, but...I mean Liz is their mom in every way now...it's complicated. "
"What's complicated?" Samar asked as she approached them.
"Family dynamics, " Ressler replied as Aram handed her the salad she asked for. "Where's my better half?"
"She got a call and took it on your office, " Samar gestured with her head toward the office he shared with Liz.
Ressler walked with her wrap toward their office and saw she was still on the phone and when he walked inside, she looked up and indicated he wasn't to speak.
"Sweetie, you won't know unless you ask, " Liz said quietly into the phone. "You said..."
Ressler looked at her confused. Was she on with one of the kids?
"I know, " Liz sighed. "But boys aren't always... uh, they don't always see things like we do and until he knows he may really not know, does that make sense?"
Ressler furrowed his brow and wrote 'Carolina?' On a piece of paper and put it down in front of her.
She nodded and wrote back 'Eric'
He sighed and sat down. Eric was the boy she seemed to like because she talked about him constantly.
"You know, you don't have to..." Liz started. "I know, oh honey, don't..."
Ressler sat forward, alarmed.
Liz mouthed 'crying' to Ressler and he got up and gestured that he wanted her to hand him the phone. She shook her head 'no' and kept listening to Carolina.
"Okay, I think that's smart, " Liz smiled into the phone. "I wanted you to... I know, I know babe..."
"But you don't need to do this today because..." Liz started. "You aren't going to lose... Cara...Cara... if he's lost that easily then...I know, I know..."
"Okay, so you're..." Liz started and then nodded as she listened to Carolina. Then she laughed and looked up at Ressler smiling. "No, daddy won't murder..."
"I promise I won't let him..." Liz smiled and winked at him. "No, he's not back yet. But I can let him... okay, not until... okay..."
Ressler huffed, impatient.
"Feel okay now?" Liz asked her.
She chuckled softly and nodded.
"I love you too babe," Liz smiled into the phone. "You've got this!"
She laughed.
"Okay, get Sara's mom to drive you two back so you aren't late though, okay?" Liz asked.
Ressler looked confused.
Liz disconnected the call and sat back on her chair sighing.
"My God, I never want to be 13 again, " Liz said.
"What the hell is going on with Carolina?" Ressler asked anxious.
"She's fine, " Liz started. "They got permission to walk to the store to pick up some supplies at lunch for their project and Sara's mom met them there. Cara borrowed Sara's phone to call me because she wants to ask Eric to see the new Marvel movie but she was sort of panicking about it. "
Liz reached for her wrap and started to undo it. "And I promised I would drive them with you so you didn't kill Eric or threaten him or ask him probing questions. "
"She asked him?" Ressler asked.
"No, she's going to, " Liz bit into her wrap and chewed.
"But he could say no, " Ressler noted, not sure if him saying no was such a bad thing.
Liz chuckled. "Cara looks like Audrey, no boy is saying 'no' to her if she asks him out. But we decided on a group date. Sara and Peter and Melanie and Cleo all said they'd go too so it wouldn't seem so date-y, which is what I originally suggested but... well, she's finally agreed. "
"So, we're driving all these kids?" He asked confused. They didn't have a minivan.
"No, we'll drive Cara and Eric and they'll meet up with... look, I have 5 minutes to eat before the briefing. All is good Ressler and you know none of this until she tells us after school today. Cara is going on her first date this weekend and it'll be great."
He sighed as he watched her eat. He wasn't sure how he felt about Carolina dating but he knew it was inevitable at some point. He wanted all of the details, but would get them later because she did need to eat.
"Crying though?" Ressler asked; he couldn't help but find out that one detail.
"Nerves," Liz said with a full mouth. "He's clueless that she likes him. "
He shifted and furrowed his brow.
"Don't pretend like you have no clue what that's about, " Liz wagged a finger at him before she took another bite.
Ressler's mind immediately went to how he learned Liz was interested in him.
They had arrested and got the confession from Pete Malone one of the largest smugglers of crack cocaine in the USA. His specialty was getting kids addicted and becoming dealers before the age of ten. It had been a while since they'd had a win like this.
When Reddington died he'd left them with boxes of files and information on some of the biggest players on the world stage but, without his insight or connections, making the cases and catching the criminals was much harder. They knew it would be difficult, but it had proven to be much more challenging than they expected. Dembe had assisted them with some cases but he had other interests that involved some humanitarian causes near to his heart.
So, closing this case was a big deal; they needed to celebrate. Clancy's bar was their go-to for years. It had been a pub with an old man behind the bar who spun tall tales, where Celtic music played, the drinks were simple, and the crowd was nothing to write home about. After this case they found themselves there again but in a very different bar. Clancy's son Connor had taken over the bar and made some changes. Like fancy drinks, dancing, and live music most nights that drew a younger crowd.
He was sitting with Aram talking while they watched Liz and Samar dancing in a crowd. Ressler was happy, slightly buzzy, but feeling OK about being out and having fun. It had been hard to do that since Audrey died but he had accomplished it on occasion. This was one of those.
"They're having fun, " Ressler smiled at Aram as he watched Liz and Samar dancing and laughing.
"Are you sure you don't want to..." Aram gestured toward the dance pit.
"I don't dance, " Ressler shook his head. "Now, Liz... she looks like she's got the moves. "
Aram was suddenly looking at him strange.
"Why haven't you really tried dating?" Aram asked.
Ressler shrugged and took a pull from his beer. The truth was, he wasn't sure why he hadn't taken to dating. Audrey was gone but he had no interest in other women. His life was good; he had two great kids who seemed to adjusted fairy well to the death of their mother, he had Liz to talk with, hang out with, and get advice from, he had a great job, nice friends... he didn't feel he needed to add a woman to the mix. But it would be nice to actually have sex again at some point... but he wasn't in a rush.
"Leaving Audrey out of the equation," Aram stated. "Because I know how much you loved her and feel her loss... is there any perso... or reason that's keeping you for looking?"
Ressler looked at him confused.
"You're just not interested?" Aram asked.
Ressler shrugged. "I guess not. "
Aram sighed and smiled at Samar as she walked toward their table.
"What's up?" He called over the music.
"I know you love to dance, " she pulled at his hand.
"Oh, but Ressler..." Aram started.
"I'm fine, go, enjoy, " Ressler said dismissively.
Samar leaned into Ressler. "He's not going to enjoy dancing if you're sitting here, so come on and just sway if you need to."
"Oh, I'm not dancing, " he chuckled as she pulled at his arm.
"I recall Reddington saying you were a great dancer..." Samar said as she continued to pull. Aram was already on the dance floor with Liz.
"I'm not..." Ressler persisted.
"Please come so Aram will stay and dance, please Ressler?" Samar asked.
He sighed heavily.
"Fine, one song, " he huffed before he downed his beer and got up walking to the crowd.
Aram and Liz cheered, surprised he was joining them, and he started to dance. More like sway, but in a large crowd that worked. He actually was a good dancer but it had been so long he wasn't sure if he was anymore. Audrey had never been much of a dancer either.
Liz was having fun, probably slightly tipsy, but having fun. It was good to see. She almost glowed with happiness tonight. Liz had always been a pretty big part of his and Audrey's life but she had been his... everything, since Audrey died. They had deep talks, she didn't make him talk when he didn't want to, she shared his grief, but as the last almost two years had gone on, he couldn't imagine his life without her. They spoke every day, worked together, she advised him about the girls, brought some fun back into their lives, and was the person who he felt most normal with.
He moved closer and danced with her; her happiness always felt contagious. She smiled broadly and wrapped her arms around his neck and moved with him; her hips swaying in tune with his. They smiled at each other and he liked this closeness. It felt good. Really good. And Ressler started to feel his heart race, not from the music but from her. His best friend; who smiled at him and who was gorgeous and smart and fun and thoughtful and...
He started to sweat and feel slightly dizzy. This was overwhelming. Maybe it was the alcohol or the dancing or the closeness of her or the fact that he hadn't ever thought of her that way until this moment or that he felt his body come alive for the first time in a very long time... he needed air. He felt like between the loud music, her body against his, his closed throat and his heart hammering in his chest he was losing his balance, losing his ability to think, losing himself.
Then, her arms were off him and she was pulling her phone from her back pocket and looking at it.
He stepped back from her for a moment and breathed heavily as he looked around at the crowd; it was a dizzying experience.
Liz leaned in and he felt his heart in his throat and his lower half humming. He felt the sweat soaking through his shirt, his stomach in knots and his head spinning.
"Sorry, I need to call Agnes' sitter," she said before she squeezed past him and off the dance floor.
Stunned, Ressler watched her go down a hallway, probably in search of quiet.
Samar was looking at him oddly as she danced in a circle a little closer to him.
Ressler was just about to leave and get air and find his footing when Samar grabbed his arm and leaned in.
"If you aren't ever going to do anything about Liz, you need to tell her, so she moves on and lets go of you, " she said over the music.
He turned and looked at her stunned trying to focus on her words and her face as his brain buzzed and his vision blurred. Ressler suddenly walked off the dance floor, grabbing his jacket and leaving the bar to call an Uber and get home.
When he got home that night he showered, tucked in his kids, and found himself pacing his living room and kitchen. He had, obviously, reacted to her because he was attracted to her; he had deep feelings for Liz that probably went beyond those a best friend should have. And, based on Samar's words she was attracted to him as well and had feelings for him too. And, the more he thought about it, the more Samar's words sunk in. Liz dropped everything to help him whenever he needed something, was supportive, fun, friendly, and hadn't really told him about dating anyone since Audrey died. He thought it was out of courtesy because he was alone.
She was the person he actually enjoyed being with, always. And she hadn't ever once indicated she was interested in him as anything more than a best friend but, in light of Samar's words, pieces to a puzzle started to fit together and create a picture that he'd, somehow, missed. A picture of a woman who cared for him in ways beyond what a best friend would or should.
He picked up his phone; it had kept vibrating since he got home. There were four messages from Aram saying, various ways, that Samar was drunk and didn't know what she was saying. He dropped his phone and went back to pacing until there was a knock at his door.
He opened his door to find Liz on the other side. There was a cab sitting on the road behind her waiting. She looked upset.
"Are you okay?" Ressler asked, concerned as he stepped forward and took her by the elbow.
"Ressler, I know what Samar said to you, " Liz said, her voice hitching. "Please forget it, please don't ... I don't want this to ruin our friendship... what we have is great and... and what she... it's nothing, OK? Things don't have to be weird..."
She stopped talking and just looked at him; her face falling.
It felt like over a decade of memories with Liz flooded his brain suddenly and he was physically slammed by them. Her great laugh, the way she played with a thread sometimes while she talked, how badly he felt the need to protect her and keep her safe, her love of her daughter, her love for his kids and Audrey, the way she looked at him across a room, her saving his ass time and time again, Liz in a black bathing suit when they went to the beach and him trying not to think too much about her that way, her walking around all cocky and bad ass in black jeans and high heel boots, the way her hair smelled...
"Jesus, please say something, " she begged him, her face flushing as she pulled her arm back.
He then thought of his kids, the importance of her friendship, his dead wife, and the loneliness he felt in the pit of his stomach whenever Liz left his house. Ressler thought this could be a huge risk doing anything with her, and that the safe choice, the better choice, was to do what she suggested and forget that she was attracted to him. Forget that he was also, obviously, attracted to her. Forget that they obviously had deep and romantic feelings for each other that neither had acted upon.
"I don't want to forget it, " he said, honestly. "But, I also don't know what to do with it. "
She looked surprised and bewildered, but also disappointed.
"I need to go, " Liz said before she quickly turned and made a beeline for the waiting cab.
Liz!" He called after her, but she didn't stop. She quickly got in the cab and was gone as he stood at his doorway dumbfounded, enlightened, scared and worried.
"She's so happy," Liz said as they watched Carolina and Eric exit the car and join their friends outside of the theatre.
She looked toward Ressler and noted his hands squeezing the steering wheel.
"Babe," Liz said as she placed a hand on his thigh. "She's fine."
He sighed and started to drive away as the kids opened the door and walked inside.
"Don?" Liz asked, concerned.
He continued to drive.
She got concerned and turned her attention toward him a little more.
"Babe?" Liz asked.
"I'm fine," Ressler sighed. "Just a headache."
She nodded and sighed. She knew it wasn't that but also recognized that he always spoke when he was ready; not a minute sooner. And, her experience with him over their many years together was that Ressler needed time to process everything and didn't make personal or emotional decisions quickly. After he learned she had feelings for him and that he felt things for her that he didn't quite understand, he took 10 days off work and she didn't hear or see him for over two weeks. It was the worst two weeks of her life; her stomach was in knots her nerves were frazzled and if she got any sleep over that time it would have been a miracle. She may have lost her best friend and Agnes may have lost her friends and the closest they had to family. But, two weeks later, after no contact with her, he appeared at her door and pulled her outside in the snow and kissed her like she'd never been kissed before. She didn't even feel the cold; all she felt was his heat against her. She didn't hear the wind; all she heard was him telling her all the things she hoped he would. And she didn't taste the heavy snow that was falling and getting them soaking wet as it landed on her sweats and her hair and her lips; all she felt was his arms around her, his body pressed against her, and his lips on her over and over again in between the words that were coming from his mouth.
They drove for a few miles before she turned on the radio and started to sing along; she wasn't going to get into a bad mood after all had gone so well with Cara.
He looked at her annoyed and continued to drive.
She continued to sing; aware he was unhappy with her but choosing to ignore that fact.
When he pulled into their driveway a few minutes later and got out without saying a word. She furrowed her brow and followed him inside. Agnes and Erin were playing at their friend Hailey's place.
"Okay, you mind letting me in on what's got you in a mood?" Liz asked as she walked inside after him.
He huffed and walked to the kitchen to get out some Tylenol.
"Yeah, this level of communication is working so well," Liz huffed as she sat on one of the bar stools.
"You were singing and carefree as if..."
"As if Cara is happy and on her first date? Yeah, I'm happy for her and you're going to have an aneurism if you keep this up," Liz complained.
"Boys at that age are all hormones and have lizard brains," Ressler swallowed back some pills. "I know, I was one of them."
"And did you go on a date at 13?" Liz asked.
"I was sleeping with a girl at 14," Ressler said rubbing his brow.
"Was she 14 too?" Liz asked.
"15," Ressler said as he rubbed the back of his neck.
"Well Cara is 13 and she is hardly comfortable wearing a bikini never mind getting naked..."
"Liz, stop talking about her like..."
"Like what?" She challenged.
"Like you aren't trying to protect her," he snapped.
"I would gut anyone who laid a hand on her," Liz challenged back as she stood and walked toward him. "But she's also 13 and on a group date and happy. And you know how unhappy she gets...I am happy she's happy. That's all. Why can't you be?"
"Because it's my job to..."
"Raise a smart, independent, and capable young woman?"
He sighed and looked down at his feet.
"We're not at odds here," Liz said. "We're on the same side Ressler. We're just looking at the same situation from different angles. Because you may have been a horny 13-year-old boy but I was a girl a lot like Cara and, as insecure and moody as I was, I wouldn't take shit from any boy and neither will Cara."
He chuckled and shook his head. "I'm sorry. It's just hard..."
"What?" She asked, confused. "Cara growing up?"
"You knowing more about my kids...our kids...than I do sometimes," he admitted. "For years it was me and them and now it's more you and them and I feel a little like an outsider again."
"Again?" Liz asked.
"When Audrey was alive," Ressler said as he placed his hands on her hips. "I didn't realize until after she got sick that I was the outsider. Then she was sick and it was all about me and the girls and it has been since she died. Now you and the girls are like your own little club and I'm..."
"An outsider again," Liz sighed as she leaned her head against his chest. "I'm sorry babe, I didn't realize..."
He kissed the back of her head and sighed.
"It's stupid, I know..."
"It's not," Liz said. "I need to be more cognizant of...well, of not taking over. When she called me I should have incl..."
"No, she wanted to talk with you, needed to...but..."
"But you hated that it wasn't you?" Liz asked.
He lifted his eyebrows.
"Maybe a little?" Ressler smirked and admitted.
"Maybe a lot?" Liz countered with a smile as he chuckled.
He nodded.
"I will do more to not exclude you, okay?" Liz said. "And you tell me when somethings wrong instead of stewing about it for days, okay?"
He nodded and smiled at her.
"Now, Mr. Ressler, if you are wanting to relax...we have all three children out of the house and I can think of some techniques that..."
"I'm sorry about earlier," he said, honestly.
"I know," Liz smirked at him. "Now, about those relaxation techniques?"
He chuckled and quickly scooped her up and slung her over his shoulder and started to the stairs and she squealed and laughed.
To be continued...let me know what you think.