There comes a time in everyone's life that they stumble across their own fabled white rabbit, just like the one that Alice discovered while playing in the meadows. And like Alice, that same white rabbit that one blindly zeroes in on will oftentimes take them down a deep rabbit hole, filled with mysterious abound; some remarkable revelations more pleasant than others. Almost everyone will one time in their lives discover their own rabbit hole that will lead them down to the bowels of Wonderland, and if not, then that fabled white rabbit will come to unknowingly lead them down a path that they might not otherwise take.
Haise Sasaki, a young Japanese investigator who specialized in missing person's cases, had stumbled upon his own white rabbit the moment he entered into the hospital room of the eye-witness who he had been waiting to get a statement from, Ken Kaneki. Having followed the nurse up to the younger Japanese man's room, Haise stood beneath the doorframe of the entrance and felt his blood run cold the moment he and Kaneki locked eyes with one another.
Adjusting his white tie and fixing the collar of his white trench coat with one hand, Haise couldn't help but to feel something stirring deep within the pit of his stomach the longer he stared at every feature he could make out from Kaneki's nervous expression. 'What the hell…? Am I looking at a reflection, or something? That kid looks an awful lot like me…' Haise thought bewilderingly to himself, while maintaining a polite expression on his face as he approached Kaneki's bedside. '… A little too much like me, for my comfort,' Haise mused to himself, after noticing how identical their eyes and facial features were.
Although the nurse felt obligated to stay within the room for the patient's own sake, she had other patients who needed her expertise. "… Here at Saint Peter's hospital, we usually are required to escort our visitors and stay with them at all times," the nurse spoke aloud while standing near the opened door of Kaneki's hospital room. "However, I have people who are relying on me to be there for them, and we're rather short staffed so… I believe an open door policy will suffice, Investigator; so long as I trust that you're not going to harass Mr. Kaneki?" The nurse asked with furrowed brows, and stood by as Haise looked over his shoulder to smile reassuringly to her.
"You have my word, ma'am; I'll play nice," Haise replied back with a playful sarcasm to his voice, which earned him an amused smirk from the nurse who was beginning to lower her guard.
"That's what I like to hear…" The nurse chuckled with a content expression on her face, as she turned around to take her leave, but not before looking over her shoulder one last time to bat her eyelashes towards Haise's direction. "And if you're too busy after you're finished talking to my patient, Mr. Sasaki, then maybe you and I could do a little talking of our own… Maybe over a cup of coffee, or two?"
Immediately picking up on the nurse's flirtatious tone, Haise had almost forgotten that he was within arm's distance of someone who might as well have been a spitting image of his younger self. Blushing and laughing uncomfortably by just how forward the older woman was being with him, Haise felt his cheeks beginning to heat up as he tightened his grip on his briefcase. "Oh?! Uhhh…! Y-Yeah, I mean…?! S-Sure, that sounds like, uh… L-Like a 'latte' fun! Hehe, ha, haha…! Ah…" Haise laughed awkwardly after realizing that his pun wasn't well received by the nurse, who stared back at him with a deadpan expression.
"Uh, yeah… Just uh… Just meet me down at the lobby at six o'clock later, if you're still interested in going out for a cup of coffee; that's the time I'll be off," the nurse said as her parting piece, before turning around to do a half-jog down the hallway, toward where she had spotted a light going off above the doorway of a patient who needed her.
Left alone without his nurse to monitor whatever the muttering investigator wanted to talk to him about, Kaneki took the opportunity to compare his own looks to Haise's, while the other man was distracted with opening his briefcase. "… Are you… Are you going to actually do it?" Kaneki asked nervously as he watched Haise retrieve a tablet out of his briefcase and an old raggedy diary that he kept on his lap, before putting the steel case down beside the foot of Kaneki's bedside table.
Having been lost in his thoughts about the whole situation himself, Haise subtly snapped out of his own trance as he reached out with his free hand to grab a nearby chair meant for visitors. "What do you mean by that?" Haise asked casually with a friendly tone, as he sat himself down by Kaneki's side before unlocking his tablet to begin navigating towards the application he used to take notes.
Immediately becoming shy the moment Haise looked back at him, Kaneki averted his gaze away from the investigator's grey eyes and towards the corner of his room, as he frowned anxiously. "Oh, uh… I-I'm sorry, I, uh… I-I was talking about the nurse…" Kaneki stuttered out, while fumbling with his words. "It's uh… I-It's none of my business, I-I shouldn't have asked that…"
Squinting his eyes at the mannerisms and nervous behavior being broadcasted by his doppelgänger, Haise couldn't help but let out a soft chuckle as he smiled wider. "Oh wow… You remind me a lot of someone who I know… You two probably would get along just fine," Haise mused more so to himself rather than to Kaneki.
"… You mean like Kimiko Kaneki?" Kaneki asked back with as much courage as he could muster up. Wanting to see how Haise would react upon hearing that name, Kaneki tried his best to not look suspicious as he intently analyzed everything he could get from the way he saw Haise raise his brow at him.
"… Who's Kimiko Kaneki?" Haise asked politely with an intrigued look in his eyes, as he quietly typed the aforementioned name into his records, all without breaking eye contact from Kaneki.
Realizing that Haise genuinely didn't know who he was talking about, Kaneki couldn't help but to feel stupid and embarrassed upon opening himself up for a question that he knew would make him look socially awkward in front of the investigator. "She's my mother… Sorry, I, uh… I-I just thought that maybe you knew her, was all. On account of that, uh… I don't know where I was going with that," Kaneki lied with his cheeks becoming flushed, as he involuntarily raised a hand up to hold his chin with his thumb and index finger crossed over one another.
"Your mother? Huh…" Haise muttered to himself, as he made sure to type into his tablet that Kimiko was Kaneki's mother. "Tell me, does your mother know anything about what happened on the night Rize Kamishiro went missing?" Haise asked with a hopeful tone, as the thought of finding another person to add a statement to help him further solve the case of the missing ghoul made him feel optimistic.
However, that momentary happiness he felt faded away, after picking up on the subtly saddened way Kaneki was looking back toward his direction. "I… I'm sorry Mr. Sasaki, but… My mother passed away about eight years ago," Kaneki informed with a heavy heart, as even after all the years of his mother having been absent in his life, the subject still made him feel uncomfortable and melancholy.
"… Jesus, I'm sorry, Kaneki; I-I didn't mean to upset you," Haise replied back with a sympathetic look on his face, all while remembering to type into his notes to remind himself to verify Kimiko's death certificate later, when he had the chance. "I couldn't imagine losing someone that close to you at such a young age… Hopefully, she's in a better place, watching over you," Haise said with a solemn smile on his face, before adding, "I mean… It'd make sense, right? Surviving what you went through… That in itself is a miracle, wouldn't you say?"
Although Kaneki was never religious in the least bit, he could tell that Haise meant well when he spoke of his mother having watched over him like a guardian angel, during the night Rize had tried murdering him. "Yeah… Y-Yeah, maybe…" Kaneki muttered back with a reluctant smile forming across his lips, as he realized that Haise was trying to slyfully steer him into talking more about the person who he was searching for. "I… I'd like to ask something of you before, we uh… Before we discuss what happened that night, and about what I saw before… You know…" Kaneki said, with a notion toward what he was implying, as he gave Haise an uncomfortable shrug.
"Please, I insist that you feel free to open up and ask me about anything, Kaneki; you and I are here to work together. After all, I'll be asking you some questions too that I expect you to answer honestly, so it's only fair that I answer yours as well," Haise said in a calm and disarming voice, which seemed to work well in his favor as soon as he noticed Kaneki's shoulders relaxing and him beginning to lay back a little more against the pillows beneath his head and back. "So… What did you want to ask Ol' Sasaki?"
Chuckling quietly at how Haise was talking to him with such a friendly and playful manner, Kaneki felt a momentary feeling of serenity before once again becoming nervous, as he thought of how Haise was going to act toward his next question. "… I'd like to address a couple of 'elephants' in the room, if that's okay with you," Kaneki explained with an anxious look in his eyes, which only grew more intense after he saw a momentary look of nervousness flash over Haise's friendly demeanor.
Having been satisfied with focusing on his job more so than addressing the obvious similarities between him and Kaneki, Haise already knew the nature behind at least one of the questions that were about to be thrown his way, and he was already preparing himself to answer. "'Irrelephant' of whatever metaphorical elephants you're wanting to address, I'll do my best to answer them!" Haise said while being sure to throw in a pun for good measure.
Upon realizing the wordplay that Haise had accomplished, Kaneki became silent for a few moments before suddenly letting out an amused cackle. "O-Oh?! I-I don't think I've ever heard of that one before…!" Kaneki mused while laughing quietly to himself, as he once again found himself becoming less reserved and cautious the longer he spent around Haise. "That was actually kind of funny…!"
"Thanks! I pride myself on being almost funny," Haise replied back with good natured sarcasm, and felt himself becoming more proud of himself after seeing Kaneki cracking up more at his jokes.
Calming himself down enough to get to his first question that he wanted to ask the investigator, Kaneki couldn't help but to think to himself, 'Wow… This guy reminds me of Hide! I could see Hide cracking up at this guy's sense of humor…! I wonder if the two of them could ever become friends…' Kaneki thought amusingly to himself, before once again regaining his focus.
"Mr. Sasaki… I couldn't help but to notice just how strikingly similar you and I are when it comes to our appearances," Kaneki declared with a soft, yet anxious, smile on his face, as he raised a hand up to point a finger at his own face. "Other than your hair style and contrasting and monochrome color you've got on your head, you and I… We look just like each other, it's got me wondering if… I don't know, if… If you and I are somehow related, you know?"
Although the idea of them somehow being related was one that popped in Haise's head earlier, and he admittedly considered it to be a possibility, it was an idea that the white-and-black haired man dismissed with a chuckle. "Oh trust me, Kaneki; I had the same thought the moment I first laid eyes on you," Haise replied back with a friendly tone in his voice, before politely shaking his head.
"You… You did?" Kaneki replied back with a mixture of concern and excitement brewing in the pit of his stomach.
"Yeah, I did, but… I don't know; it's sort of far-fetched, isn't it? We don't share the same family name, after all… I'd think that I'd at least have an idea who your mother was if she were mine as well; considering that every investigator goes through an extensive background check," Haise reasoned with a raised eyebrow, and although Kaneki was usually someone who didn't pry into matters more than he had to, something compelled him to not let off of the subject so easily.
"… Well, even so… W-What about your father?" Kaneki argued back with furrowed brows, and gripped his hospital bed's sheets slightly tighter within his grasp the moment he saw Haise's smile waver from the question.
Being caught off guard by the question, Haise quickly regained his composure and tried to play off the intrusive inquiry. "Yeah? What about my old man?" Haise asked with a recomposed smile on his face, as he crossed one leg over the other, while leaning in slightly with one hand resting beneath his chin.
Shrugging while trying to brush off the apparent shift in the way Haise was acting, Kaneki smiled nervously as he stuttered back, "I-I don't know… It's just that, uh… I-I never knew who my father was, and uh… My mother never really told me who he was, so… You know?" Kaneki chuckled with a visibly uncomfortable look on his face, as he watched Haise's smile disappear. "So, uh… W-What about you? What's the situation with you and your father, if you don't mind me asking?"
Now becoming bothered by the fact that what Kaneki was saying was beginning to make him once again consider the fact that he might be getting a statement from a long-lost brother of his, Haise tapped his fingers against the backside of his tablet, as he thought of what to say next. "Well, uh… T-That's sort of a whole other can of worms that you're wanting to crack open there, Kaneki… Besides, uh… I-I think that we outta stay on topic, you know?" Haise said as an excuse to not dive further into the rabbit hole that Kaneki was trying to lead him down towards.
Visibly showing an expression of uncontentment with the way Haise was refusing to elaborate more towards the possible discovery of Kaneki having an older brother, the young man lowered his gaze down toward the sheets bundled in his hands, and let out a disappointed sigh. "… Y-You're right. I… I apologize if I came off as assertive, Mr. Sasaki… I'm ready to answer questions as needed," Kaneki apologized, before beginning to give his testament on the night that Rize had attacked him, all while Haise was using the diary that he had brought up with him a reference to the kinds of questions he asked the younger man.
Later that day, Kaneki had found himself sitting in the booth of an American diner called 'Big Girl', after he had been sweet-talked into going with none other than his best friend, Hideyoshi Nagachika. After they had given their orders to the cute black-haired waitress who had handed the two their drinks of choice, Kaneki fiddled with the business card that Haise had given him with one hand, while using the other hand to hold the iced black-coffee that he was sipping on casually.
Having been told everything by his usually private best friend, from the testament he gave to Haise about how he was attacked by a ghoul, to the way he describe how similar he and the investigator looked, Kaneki took a gentle sip from his glass cup, before setting it down to gaze up at the shocked expression plastered across the blond man's expressive face.
"… Holy shit, man. Y-You actually survived a ghoul attack?! That's the actual reason you were in the hospital for all that time?!" Hide blurred out with a flabbergasted tone in his voice, which managed to gather the attention of the staff and patrons of the greasy diner.
Upset and annoyed that Hide was giving them unwanted attention, Kaneki leaned forward across the table to cover his palms over the mouth of his loud-mouth best friend. "Hide…! D-Don't yell that out so loud…! I-I wasn't even supposed to tell you that to begin with; this case is still on-going…!" Kaneki shushed his best friend, before retracting his hands away from Hide's mouth.
Sitting back down at his booth while Hide was visibly disgusted with the taste of Kaneki's sweaty palms on his tongue, the young man listened anxiously over the sound of his best friend trying to scrub the taste of of his tongue with a wet napkin, as he eavesdropped on what those around him were muttering and whispering.
"Great… See what you did Hide? Now I can't show my face around here again…" Kaneki groaned in defeat, as he laid his elbow down on the table top to rest his chin in his palm.
Shocked by the fact that Kaneki was more disappointed over the reputation he barely had at the American diner more so than the fact that he survived getting almost brutally murdered, Hide let out a scoff before leaning forward to clamp his hands down on the surprised boy's shoulders. "Forget your street-cred, Burger-Boy! This is gonna be big news once this gets out! Don't you know that there hasn't been a ghoul attack in Tokyo since, like… Half a year?" Hide muttered to himself with a shifting tone in his voice, after realizing that six months wasn't all that impressive.
"… Did you just call me 'Burger-Boy'?" Kaneki asked with glaring eyes staring down at Hide as he retracted his hands from his shoulders. "Anyway… I highly doubt that the incident, which you should definitely stop speaking casually out loud about, will be as big as you think," Kaneki explained while emphasizing on how he wanted Hide to shut up about his encounter with Rize. "Anyway… If it's all the same, I'd like to discuss another topic; I've talked about this whole ghoul-thing for long enough for one day, I think."
"Oh… Yeah, for sure man; we can talk about something else," Hide replied back, while feeling slightly disappointed that his best friend had expressed his unwillingness to talk more about his attempted murder. "So, uh… It's been a couple weeks since you've last been to school… What are your plans for the rest of the semester, Kaneki?" Hide asked with a mildly worried look on his face, that he tried his best to hide behind his usual smile.
Having almost completely forgotten about his education, Kaneki silently cursed under his breath while leaning forward to bury his face in his arms. "Goddamnit; as if I didn't have enough problems…! Ugh… I-I don't think I'm going to be able to catch up at this rate…!" Kaneki groaned in despair, before letting out a heavy sigh. "I… I don't know, Hide. What do you… What do you think I should do?"
Leaning back in his seat while intertwining his fingers together behind his head, Hide frowned and looked up toward the ceiling as an elongated sigh escaped past his parted lips. "Sheesh… Make me the bearer of bad news, why don't ya?" Hide muttered more so to himself than to Kaneki, as he let out a humorless chuckle before once again frowning. "I… I think you already know what my answer is gonna be, Kaneki."
Whatever brief moment of hope that passed through Kaneki's mind quickly vanished as soon as it came, as whatever lie he had tried telling himself went out the window the moment after Hide had told him those sobering words. "… So, uh… I-I suppose I don't really have much of a choice here, huh?" Kaneki asked with a humorless smile forming on his despaired face, before once again burying his face into his forearms. "… Hopefully, given the circumstances, dropping out this late into the semester won't reflect too negatively on me in the future."
"… I wouldn't get my hopes up, Kaneki," Hide said begrudgingly, and gritted his teeth. "Kami University probably won't be giving too much of a damn about you and your circumstances, given how the only thing keeping you there was a scholarship to begin with… It's not like they're going to be getting any generous donations on your behalf to earn their sympathy anytime soon," Hide said with disgust in his tone for how the wealthy university carried itself behind all of its garnished 'prestige'.
Hearing the bad news that he already knew deep down inside, Kaneki let out a defeat groan as he slowly raised his head up to stare aimlessly toward Hide's direction. "Great… I managed to beat the odds and survived getting my stomach turned into hamburger meat, only to have my education taken away from me, just because I'm a charity case whose a diamond-dozen, apparently," Kaneki muttered with self-pity in his voice. '… I should have just gone home and jacked off, instead of agreeing to go on that stupid fake-date,' Kaneki thought cynically to himself, as he felt nothing but hatred for Rize for wronging him so much.
Not wanting to see his best-friend wallowing in such despair, Hide crossed his arms over his chest and lowered his head with his eyelids closed. In a deep state of meditating, Hide thought over several ideas that were formulating in his head before cautiously lifting his head up to spout his 'hail-mary' plan to Kaneki. "Hey, uh… I know it's not really your style to step out of your comfort zone and be the center of attention, but-"
"-You're right, it's not," Kaneki interjected with hopeless sarcasm in his voice, as he stared out with an empty gaze while resting his chest on his crossed forearms that lay on top of the booth's table. "My life's already spiraling out of what little control I previously had of it; the least you could do is let me keep whatever dignity I have left…"
"Look buddy, just hear me out, okay?" Hide argued, while not wanting to tolerate or accept Kaneki's reluctance to act outside of his comfort zone. "Universities like Kami are all about political crap; either that be money, or the reputation they have within the media and government. They don't give a crap about their students or their tragedies if they're nobodies like us, right?" Hide mused with a serious expression on his face, all while Kaneki couldn't help but let out a humorless and dry laugh after being called a 'nobody'.
"Pffft… Yeah, okay, sure…" Kaneki replied back unenthusiastically, while not giving too much hope into whatever scheme Hide was trying to be forthcoming about. "What, uh… W-What about it?"
Sensing Kaneki's expected skepticism, Hide didn't take his best friend's rude response too personally, and instead smiled back at the gloomy young man as a way to better sell his idea to him. "Picture this as a headliner: 'Brave Young Student from Kami University survives ghoul attack!'" Hide said with his arms held out wide and above his head; over exaggeratingly twirling his hand over the imaginary headline that he wanted Kaneki to envision for himself.
"I don't… I don't get it," Kaneki replied back with unimpressed eyes staring up at Hide's overzealous smile. "What? You want me to play the role of the tragic survivor to earn sympathy?"
"More or less, yeah," Hide replied shamelessly, as all he thought about was making sure that his best friend was taken care of above all else. "Look, all you gotta do is agree to participate in some interviews and keep up with this Sasaki guy, so that you have more material to keep the media interested in your story! That way, Kami University would have no other choice but to work with you, in order to keep you as a well-cared for student that they can use to advertise just how they're all just a bunch of philanthropists who are looking out for the little guy…!" Hide explained while adding a touch of sarcastic humor to the end of his sentence.
'… Sounds to me like that plan has nothing but trouble written all over it,' Kaneki thought cynically to himself, as he couldn't help but to think about how far-fetched and desperate Hide's half-cocked plan sounded to him. '… But then again, Hide has a point… If I drop out and claim it's because of an emergency, there's a good chance that I won't be allowed back on account of my situation being too controversial for those big-wigs to want my poverty-stricken self back…'
"… The way I see it, Hide, there's a high chance that this whole situation is going to be in the public's eye, one way or the other," Kaneki explained with a bothered look in his grey eyes, as he raised his head up with one palm resting beneath his chin, and one elbow propped up against the table top. "As infuriating as it is, unless I use this early opportunity to gain enough notoriety to pressure Kami to take me back with possibly a full-ride scholarship back into their graces… I don't see how else I'll be getting back into any institution of education outside of community college at this rate," Kaneki replied with a grim and worried look on his face, as if to express that he really didn't want to proceed with the plan Hide had laid out for him.
"I mean… Y-You don't actually have to do any of that, if you don't want to, Kaneki. I'm just shooting the breeze here, I'm sorry if I got a little overboard there…!" Hide replied back with an uneasy smile, after realizing just how far he had reeled his best friend in with his far-fetched plan. "While what I just said would be amazing if it actually all worked out according to plan, chances are that it would probably blow up in your face if you actually tried that, so, uh… W-Why don't we just put that hail-mary plan on the figurative 'back-burner' for now, and just focus on what we should do, now that you're not going to be getting a strippend or your own dorm room?"
Although Kaneki was mostly relieved after hearing Hide reassuring him that he didn't need to become a public figure in order to move on with his life, a part of Kaneki couldn't help but to feel slightly disappointed from the fact that Hide had admitted to him that he didn't really have all that much confidence in him to carry on with the aforementioned plan to begin with. "Ah… You're right; since I'm not going to be getting money from the school anymore, or at least until after I officially drop out of my classes, I should really figure out my living situation, shouldn't I…?" Kaneki mused with his worried expression deepening, as the thought of losing his dorm room and becoming homeless seemed more like a probability now more than ever.
Throwing caution to the wind, especially if it meant easing his worried friend's mind, Hide didn't think twice about his next plan as he slammed the laminated menu down against the table top with determination fueling his motivation. "Kaneki! Why don't ya just move in with me?! You and I can get jobs, and move out of the college dorms to get our own apartment?! That way, we can get you situated while I can help you gain enough popularity to pressure Kami into letting you back in?!"
Blinking twice with disbelief written all over his face, Kaneki frowned and scowled at Hide before saying, "I thought you said to put that plan on the back-burner…? Besides, non-authorized residents in the dorm rooms are forbidden; you'd be risking your own education if-"
"-Yeah, forget what I said and all that legal junk; if we're gonna double down, we gotta go all in, baby!" Hide dismissed Kaneki's argument while waving his hand casually at the bookworm's concerns. "With you and I living together, we can probably honestly just skip college altogether and maybe try focusing on starting up our own business together! Maybe even get our hands in on some of that 'dragon' money that everyone talks online about…!" Hide said with a half-joking tone in his voice, which was quickly turned down with a scoff coming from his best friend.
"Absolutely not, Hide… I might be willing to try moving in with you and getting jobs together, heck, I would even be okay with eventually starting a business with you,' Kaneki said with an exasperated tone, "But, there's not a chance that I would ever, and I mean EVER, risk my life or your life trying to pull some 'get-rich-quick' scheme…!"
Being scolded, Hide let out a short chuckle and raised his hands half-heartedly up in a yielding fashion. "Alright, alright, I get it, I get it! Going out to fulfill the call of adventure isn't really your thing…!" Hide mused humorlessly with a wide smile, before slowly lowering his arms against the table top while staring off past the beautiful young waitresses and out through one of the many glass windows built into the white and orange walls of the Americana diner.
"… It'd be pretty cool though, wouldn't it?" Hide mused with a look of wanderlust in his chocolate-brown eyes.
Not knowing exactly what Hide was referring to, Kaneki couldn't help but to roll his eyes before picking the menu in front of him to help him decide on what he wanted to order. "What? What are you going on about this time…?" Kaneki murmured in a slightly disinterested tone, as part of him already knew that the answer he was about to get would be one that he very much wouldn't agree with. Focusing on the menu past the 'artificial meat' options to keep himself from saying anything he would later regret saying, Kaneki waited for Hide to speak while thinking to himself, 'I always get the beef patty with vegetables… I really should try getting an actual cheeseburger this time…'
"I'm just thinking out loud here, Kaneki; shooting the breeze and all that jazz," Hide said as a precursor to what he was about to share with his best friend. "Have you ever thought about how exciting it would be to go outside of the walls for once? Like, to live as life exploring the ruins of what used to be thriving cities, just outside of Tokyo's city limits? To live a life of adventure, making a killer living off of looting and slaying those creatures? Think about how many girls a guy could get with the reputation of 'a United Front Knight' underneath his belt…!" Hide chuckled humorlessly out loud, making it clear to Kaneki that the last part of his speech was just him joking around.
While Kaneki had to admit that the way Hide was describing the life of someone who made their living exploring the ruins just outside the safety of Tokyo did sound exciting, he knew better than to be swayed by just how much Hide was romanticizing the reality of what actually happened in the wastelands just outside their barricaded walls. "… You're forgetting the part about how the casualty rate for those guys is astronomical… And that's not even accounting for the fact that those who are insane enough to journey outside of Tokyo are likely to be killed by fellow humans or ghouls, just as much as they're likely to be picked off by some unspeakable abomination…! Ugh; it gives me the chills just thinking about it," Kaneki said with a soured look on his face, as he instinctively wrapped his arms around himself for comfort.
"Well… Aren't you just full of rainbows and sunshine~?" Hide replied back with sarcasm in his voice, as he let out a quiet chortle.
Furrowing his brows defensively at Hide's smart-ass remark, Kaneki put the menu down on the table to glare at the blond young man sitting across from him. "What…?! I'm just speaking the truth of it, is all," Kaneki said on his own behalf, to which only made Hide feel more amused by just how seriously he was taking his banter.
"Chill man, alright? I wasn't actually thinking about doing it! I was just speaking my mind, that's all; it's not like I'm unaware of the occupational hazards that come with going down that path…!" Hide said with a smooth smirk spread across his face, while also managing to calm the already stressed out young man out with the way he spoke to him. "For crying out loud, Kaneki… You take things way too seriously, more than you should sometimes…"
"With the way you smooth talk me Hide, and how you somehow always manage to pull me into your schemes, a guy like me can't help but to be cautious around you…!" Kaneki replied back with his own varying degree of sarcasm in his voice, as he settled back into the cushion of his chair while letting out an annoyed sigh from beneath his breath. "Are you ready to order, Hide? I'm too hungry to put up with anymore of your crap…"
"Cranky, now aren't we~?" Hide joked with a wide smile that only made Kaneki feel that much more irritated with him, despite being his best friend. "Yeah, I know I'm gonna get, don't worry about it… Hey didn't we order an appetizer like, twenty minutes a-"
"-One order of chili-cheese fries with extra bacon?" Their waitress, Oohashi, suddenly interrupted with a cheerful grin across his pink-curled lips.
Having discussed so much with his best friend about varying topics, Hide had almost forgotten just how attractive their petite and young waitress was. Looking up past her dark eyes and admiring her fair skin and straight-cut black bangs, Hide couldn't help but to blush a bit as he thought of what to say while taking the white plate of fries from her delicate and small hands. "Why, thank you beautiful! I'm sure you hear this a lot, but I think you look very, very cute in that little retro skirt of yours!"
Not a fan of ever feeling like the third wheel everytime Hide would try to flirt with a girl in his presence, Kaneki felt a heaping helping of second-hand embarrassment as he sank deeper into his seat. "Ugh… Give me a break…" Kaneki muttered underneath his breath, as he rolled his eyes while Ohashi's face lit up brightly.
"Oh, my…! I-I, uh…! T-Thank you for the compliment, sir!" Oohashi replied back with an overzealous and shy smile of her own, and stood there while fluttering her eyelashes at the smittened blond boy. "Pardon me if this is inappropriate of me to say, sir, but…! I-I've always noticed you everytime you and your friend come in here, and uh… If you don't mind me saying, I… I-I think you're the tastiest thing that's ever been here at this restaurant…~!"
While Hide was initially excited and enthused beyond all belief that he actually managed to flirt with a girl who actually reciprocated his advances, it was an extremely short lived victory that was tarnished the moment he realized what she had said. "Uh… T-Tastiest huh?! Wow, uh… T-That's certainly something, isn't it…?" Hide brushed off with an uneasy smile on his face that took the lustful waitress off guard.
Sensing the awkwardness that was a result of what she said, Oohashi immediately regretted stepping out of her bounds after realizing what she had said wrong. "I-Oh…! Oh God, that's not what I… T-That's not what I meant at all…!" Oohashi insisted with a horrified look in her dark eyes, as she immediately lowered her voice while her skin grew as pale as a ghost.
Curious as to what the big deal was, especially since he wasn't interested in it to begin with, Kaneki lazily took a side glance toward Oohashi as she subtly crossed her arms together in order to try and cover up the armband that she was legally obligated to wear around her bicep. 'Is that…? Oh… Oh shit…' Kaneki thought to himself while feeling extremely uncomfortable with the situation, after it became apparent to him what their waitress was.
Realizing his mistake as well, Hide perked up in his seat and became serious as he watched the ghoul do her best to hide her panic attack from the other patrons and staff of the diner. "Oh no…! N-No, that's not what I- I-I wasn't trying to imply that you'd actually-"
"Please…! N-No more talking about this; I've heard enough already about what happened to your friend…" Oohashi whispered with a pleasing look in her eyes, as she gave an apologetic yet terrified look over to Kaneki, before once again bringing her focus to the ashamed blond man. "I eat the artificial rations the government gives me like everyone else who wants to live peacefully… Please, forget that I said anything, and just… J-Just enjoy your food; I'll be back with your cups shortly," Oohashi said with tears threatening to leave her watery eyes, after picking up the barely touched cups of the two young men before quickly making her way back to the kitchen to get away from all the peering eyes of the customers in the dining area.
"Well… That totally didn't make me feel like a garbage human being; really, it didn't," Hide chuckled out loud in a humorless, and bummed out sort of way, as he stared uninterestedly at the appetizer sitting in the middle of the table. "Have at it, Kaneki; I think I sort of lost my appetite after making a clown out of myself…"
While Kaneki had to admit that he felt bad for Oohashi after thinking that Hide was profiling her to be on the same level of savagery that Rize was in, the truth was that Kaneki was hungry, and that his appetite was more intense than it usually was. "Really? Even after you insisted we ordered this, instead of the onion rings that I wanted…?" Kaneki mused cynically with a mentally-exhausted look on his face, as he reached over with his fork to pick up a stack of crunchy french-fries that were smothered in house made chili and melted cheese.
"Yeah… Yeah, I think that about did for me," Hide replied back with an unamused smirk on his face, as he rested his chin in his palm while staring toward the direction that Oohashi had left with their drinks in her hands.
"Well… Fair enough, I suppose; suit yourself," Kaneki said with a remorseful tone in his voice, and felt guilty for having had an influence that made the tensions between ghouls and humans within the Big Girl restaurant even more tense than they always were. 'I really shouldn't be the one feeling guilty here… If there's anyone to blame, it's Rize Kamishiro… Because of her, things between ghouls and humans are going to go backwards, thanks to her violent nature…' Kaneki thought to himself with a slight bit of righteousness in his head, as he chomped down on a mouthful of food that instantly tasted rotten and spoiled, despite the fact that he knew it wasn't.
"… I really think that I should man up and apologize to her. What do you think, Kan- Holy crap!" Hide burst out with shock in his voice, as he leapt out of the booth in time to avoid being caught in the splash zone of Kaneki violently vomiting out the bite of chili-cheese fries he had tried taking. "Dude, what the hell?! Are you okay?!" Hide asked frantically with a concerned look on his face, as he rushed over to Kaneki's side, while Oohashi came running over their table to clean up the mess left behind by the heavy-breathing young man.
"It's… It's probably just a side effect of the stomach implant I got," Kaneki said dismissively with an embarrassed and ashamed look on his face, as he watched Oohashi wordlessly scrub away his vomit from the table while looking like she had been busy crying from the way her glossy eyes were bloodshot. "I'm sorry, Ma'am; I'm so, so sorry… I-I can help clean up…!"
"D-Don't worry about it, sir; I'll get this cleaned up," Oohashi said reassuringly as she could with a weak smile on her face, as she scrubbed vigorously at the table with a washcloth and a bottle of disinfectant spray in her hands.
Feeling like now was as good as time as any to make up for what had happened, Hide pulled out a small stack of money from his wallet and handed it Oohashi to pay for their tab, while also using that as a way to segway into him apologizing for what he had said. And as Hide used his high charisma to charm the waitress into not only forgiving him for what he had said, but managing to get her phone number after agreeing to meet her up at her place later that night, Kaneki stared worryingly at the plate of food within reach of him; food that he should have been able to tolerate, had he been human.