The Last Coors Banquet in the Valley
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Characters: Johnny Lawrence, Miguel Diaz, Daniel LaRusso, Eli "Hawk" Moskowitz
Summary: During the zombie apocalypse Johnny Lawrence searches for the last Coors Banquet in the valley, but instead he finds a 16 year old kid living alone in an abandoned apartment block. He decides to teach the kid how to be a badass Zombie killer.
Tags: Zombie Apocalypse, Alternate Universe - Zombies, Humour, Comedy Horror, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, California, Alcohol, Eventual background Lawrusso.
(I know some people don't like major character deaths in fic, but there are no 'on screen' character deaths in this fic, although any person not listed in the tags above is assumed to be a zombie or missing. Spoiling it slightly, but any character listed in the tags above isn't going to die.
There also isn't a lot of horror in this because it's not really about Zombies, it's about finding love and family at the end of the world :-P
Rating may be subject to change with later chapters due to some of the mild horror themes, so please subscribe if you filter out M fics and still want to read this one. Thank you.)
Chapter 1 of 6
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Johnny Lawrence was the coolest person Miguel had ever met, and since Zombies had taken over the world three months earlier, he was the only person Miguel had met, or the only person who hadn't tried to kill him on first sight.
See, for Miguel it started with the world very quickly collapsing around his ears while he was out buying supplies for the coming school year. He hadn't had much time to look at Twitter or Instagram while they moved into their new apartment, and yeah he'd seen the odd post about a new form of rabies, but he thought it was just some meme he didn't really have the context for, so he dismissed it as a joke.
So when he was leaving the Dollar Tree on Ventura with an arm full of notebooks and pencils he was surprised to see people running out of Petco screaming, and jumping into their cars.
Two cars smashed into each other in their haste to escape, the drivers jumped out, and began fighting each other in the parking lot. Miguel backed against the window of a hair salon, trying to keep out of their way as they punched each other viciously, and he heard the sound of the TV that was just inside the door blaring out loud, raucous tones and a voice that said, "This is a test of the National Emergency Broadcasting System," over and over.
Miguel decided to make his way home as fast as he could, avoiding the busy roads that were filled with overloaded cars trying to escape the city. He ducked behind buildings, and tracked through alleyways, keeping away from the streets where people were fighting each other over a bag of groceries and packs of toilet roll.
When the alley ran out he had to cut across a boulevard, and found himself outside a store which had flat screen televisions in the window. Most of the sets were showing the emergency broadcast system message, but one small set in the corner was showing flickering, pixelated images of a news report. The panicked presenter was shouting, and although he could hear no sound, Miguel got the message. The world had gone to shit, and the scrolling ribbon at the bottom the screen said, "Zombies attack Los Angeles."
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When Miguel arrived home the apartment was locked, and when he let himself inside he was surprised to find it empty. He waited for his mom to come home, listening to the world outside slowly go quiet until there was nothing but the occasional sound of distant explosions as looted stores and apartment buildings burnt.
On the fourth day he saw his first walker shuffling down the empty street, moaning loudly as it dragged a backpack behind it by the strap.
On the fifth day his mother arrived home, and he wished she hadn't.
He cried as she scratched at the apartment door with dirty, torn fingernails.
He wanted to let her in.
He wasn't sure for certain if he was going to put her out of her misery, or let her put him out of his misery, but in the end he did nothing. He hid behind the door with tears running down his face until she wandered off into the night, and left Miguel alone in a world populated by monsters.
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After the food ran out he started venturing into the complex. He locked the gate to the apartment block so that nothing from the outside could get in, then started tapping gently on doors to find out if any of the creatures were lurking inside.
And everything was fine, until the day he went outside to tap on apartment doors, looked back, saw that the gate to the apartment block had been left open, and he heard the sound of a zombie groaning to his left.
A hand covered his mouth, and despite his sudden urge to scream, Miguel obeyed the voice that quietly said, "Don't make a sound."
The hands that grabbed him turned him around, and he was faced with an older, blonde haired guy with a black strip of material tied round his head, holding a finger to his lips. He whispered, "You understand, right?"
Miguel nodded, and the guy released his hand from across his mouth, then motioned for him to follow.
He tiptoed behind him, and then CRACK as Miguel stood on a shard of glass that snapped with an audible echo around the courtyard, and every undead eye turned towards them.
"Shit..." The guy said, rolling his eyes, as he pushed Miguel out of the way, between two dumpsters. "Stay down, OK."
The first walker stumbled towards him, moaning and reaching out with its rotten hands, and the guy raised his leather covered fists, then smashed the creature in the face. It fell, as another zombie reached for him, and he jumped, spinning in the air as he unleashed a savage kick to its face.
The first zombie was trying to get to its feet when the guy smashed his foot into its head crushing its skull, then he smashed a fist through the face of the other writhing creature.
Two other corpses were attracted by the sound, lunging towards him, and the guy grabbed the lid of a nearby trash can, and smashed the rim of it into the head of the first zombie, dropping it instantly, then he spun on his feet, dropping to the ground, and sweeping the legs out from under the second one, then smashed the trash can lid into its neck, severing its head from its body.
Miguel had seen some pretty cool things in his life, but he'd never seen anything as cool as this guy in a red leather jacket emblazoned with a snake, standing over the bodies of the four zombies he'd just killed.
"Wow!" Miguel said. "That was just like something out a Marvel film."
"A what?" The guy asked.
"Like Iron Man or Black Widow," Miguel said, and when the guy raised an eyebrow, he asked, "You've never seen a Captain America film?"
"Nope," the guy said, as he threw the trash can lid into the dumpster.
"You really should watch them," Miguel said. "They are SO cool."
"Well, that'll be the first thing on my to do list as soon as the movie theatres reopen," he said as he turned and started walking away.
"Can I come with you?" Miguel shouted after him, then he cringed at his own desperation.
The older man paused, eyed him suspiciously, then shook his head. "I'm not looking to be someone's father, kid."
"You're gonna leave me here on my own?"
"What can I say?" he said backing away, out of the gate, holding his arms out. "The world's a shitty place."
"So you're just going to let me die?" Miguel said, following him out into the street, and closing the gate behind him.
"I can't take care of you," he said, as he opened the car door, and a beer can fell out into the street. "I can barely take care of myself."
"Are you kidding me?" Miguel exclaimed. "You killing those zombies was the most badass thing I've ever seen."
The guy smiled, then started the engine of his red sports car, and slowly pulled away.
Miguel stood watching as the car pulled out into the empty street, then the tail lights came on. The car waited, its engine purring in the silence, then the passenger side door opened.
"Are you getting in or what?" the guy shouted.
Miguel sprinted down the street, then jumped into the car before the guy could change his mind.
"You won't regret this," Miguel said, as the car sped down the street. "What's your name?"
"I think I regret it already," the older man sighed. "Are we really doing this?"
"Doing what?"
"When you know someone's name you actually have to give a shit if they live or die."
"You don't care if I die?" Miguel asked.
"Well, I didn't, but I guess now I kinda have to since I'm guessing you're about to tell me your name."
"Miguel," he said. "My name's Miguel Diaz."
"Yup, there we go, now I'm responsible for you."
"I can take care of myself," Miguel said.
"Yeah, it sure looked like it when you were surrounded by those four zombies."
"I could have handled it," Miguel said. "I can run faster than them."
"Yup, I imagine you could beat them back to your apartment."
"Definitely."
"And they would have followed you, and before you know it you've got a fully fledged horde waiting outside your door."
"Wait, they do that?" Miguel asked.
"If one of them sees you, it'll follow you if you're on foot." The guy said as he turned the car onto Ventura Boulevard. "They don't seem to connect cars with people as much, so usually you can drive right past them, but if you run into a building, and one of them is wailing outside the door it's not going to be long before it attracts more."
"I didn't know that," Miguel said.
"Well, first lesson's free," he said. "After that you'll have to start paying me in canned goods."
Miguel sat in silence for a moment, suddenly missing his apartment. He'd never seen the world beyond the view from the gates into the quiet residential street, but now as the car weaved its way through burnt out wrecks, along the once busy road that was now lined with looted stores, and strewn with dead bodies, reality was beginning to hit him.
Everything was gone. The world, and the life he'd known, had simply ended overnight, and there wasn't a single thing he could do about it.
Miguel could feel the older guys eyes on him, and then he said, "My name's Johnny, but you can call me Mr. Lawrence."
"OK, Mr. Lawrence," Miguel replied.
Johnny snorted and said, "I'm kidding. Johnny is just fine."
The car turned onto a residential street, driving past beautiful houses with white picket fences, and rotting corpses in the driveways, before finally pulling up in front of a gate.
"Is this your house?" Miguel asked, as he looked up at the enormous white marble mansion, surrounded by a high fence.
"It is now," Johnny said, as he pressed the button on a little black box that opened the gate.
"What happened to the people who lived here?"
"They're over there somewhere," Johnny said, motioning towards a pile of zombie corpses. "They were assholes though so don't worry about them."
"You knew them?"
"Worked for them a few times," Johnny replied, as he pulled the car into the driveway, and closed the gate behind them. "Few times too many, but just enough times to know where the spare key was kept."
Johnny opened the front door, and let them both inside, carefully closing and locking it behind them. Johnny walked up the stairs, pausing to say, "Never use the elevator. If it breaks down and you get trapped in there I don't know how the hell to get it open, so you'll be stuck there for all eternity."
"This is an incredible place," Miguel said, as he followed Johnny through the building, looking out through the tall windows onto the fire pit and water cascade pool that lay outside in the courtyard, surrounded by high walls.
"OK, the rules are this," Johnny said as he wandered across to the kitchen. "You can go anywhere in the house apart from the garage and the master bedroom on the third floor left hand side. Those are mine."
"OK," Miguel replied.
"You don't open any of the gates, and doors must be closed after you at all times. And don't make too much noise if you're outside cause it makes them gather and you never know when they'll learn to step on each other and get over the walls."
"No noise," Miguel nodded. "Got it."
"If you're hungry help yourself, but don't go too mad, because that stash has got to last us a while, and now it's feeding two," Johnny said, nodding towards a door that led off the kitchen.
"And don't touch the booze either, because you are way too young," then he thought again and shrugged his shoulders. "Actually help yourself. There's no one left to charge me with child endangerment so who cares, right?"
"OK," Miguel nodded.
"Cool," Johnny said with a nod, then he wandered round the corner into the next room, so Miguel walked after him.
"Oh, so you're gonna follow me?" Johnny said, seeming almost surprised.
"You're the first person I've seen in months."
"Shit, yeah so probably wanna actually talk to me?" Johnny replied with a wince.
"Well, yeah."
"OK, OK, we can do that," Johnny said, rubbing his chin. "How old are you?"
"I'm 16."
"Cool, cool..." he said. He sat in silence, biting his lip, then said, "Nah, that's all I've got. Why don't you ask me something?"
"Do you know why the electricity is still on?" Miguel asked. "I thought all the power stations would be offline by now, but it's still working."
"Not that," Johnny said quickly. "Ask me something else."
"OK, what does that patch mean?" Miguel asked, looking at Johnny's jacket. "What's Cobra Kai?"
"Cobra Kai is the most badass, elite zombie fighting squad," Johnny said proudly.
"Wow," Miguel said. "Do you think I could be a member one day?"
"Definitely not," Johnny replied, then he stood up and moved towards the stairs, "Well, getting to know you was awesome. I'm going to the garage now. Do NOT follow me or disturb me for any reason."
"OK, I got it," Miguel said. "You need some alone time."
"That's right, I need some time for myself, so no spying on me," Johnny said, as he took off down the stairs, then he popped back up. "By the way that sounded like I was gonna be jerking off in there or something. I'm not, OK?"
"OK," Miguel said with a smile.
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About an hour later Johnny reappeared in the kitchen, and said, "You hungry?"
"Starving," Miguel replied, as even though he'd been given permission to eat anything he wanted, he still felt nervous about taking from the other man's stash.
"Here, go wild," Johnny said, throwing Miguel a can.
"Wow, peaches I haven't seen any fruit in weeks," Miguel said. "You wanna share this with me?"
"I don't eat green shit," Johnny replied, as he slapped something into a pan, and started frying it.
"It's not green though, it's peach," Miguel said jokingly. "It literally says that right here on the can."
"I'm kidding about the peaches, put that shit down," Johnny said with a smile, then he tipped what he was cooking from the pan and onto a plate, and held it out. "Here try this."
Miguel took the plate, picked up the thin burger, and took a bite. "It tastes like McDonald's!"
"That's because it is," Johnny said proudly. "There are two just down the street. They're empty now, because all the burgers are right here in this freezer."
"This is amazing!" Miguel said, wolfing the burger down. "I never thought I'd taste a McDonald's again. I've actually been dreaming about them."
Johnny picked up a bucket, and motioned for Miguel to follow him, as he headed outside, closing the tall glass door behind them.
It was getting dark outside, but the patio was lit by hidden lights that illuminated the plants and the pool, and it was still warm enough to enjoy the evening air.
Johnny slumped onto the sofa by the fire pit, and switched on the lights that decorated the edges. "Can't have the fire on 'cause it's run on a gas tank, not the main house supply, but it's still cool to pretend."
Miguel sat on the nearest chair, as Johnny pulled a bottle out of the bucket, and asked, "You wanna beer?"
"I'm not sure I should," Miguel replied. "I'm only 16."
"Budweiser is closer to water than a duck's ass, so it'll be fine," Johnny said, as he held out the beer again.
"OK," Miguel said with a smile, taking the bottle.
"Like piss water, eh?" Johnny asked, as Miguel took a sip. "Now, Coors Banquet. That's a man's drink."
"It's my first beer," Miguel said, taking another sip.
"Shame it has to be such a shitty one," Johnny said, as he took another drink, "But needs must, until we find that Coors."
"Have you tried the Mini Mart in Reseda?" Miguel suggested helpfully.
"Believe me, kid, I've tried everywhere," Johnny said with a sigh.
"Shame."
"Well, only losers quit, so I'm gonna keep going till I find one."
"I thought of a question that I wanted to ask you, but it seems kinda personal," Miguel said.
"OK, go for it," Johnny said. "As long as it's not where babies come from."
"I just kinda wanted to know, since I lost my m-mom and my Grandma," Miguel said, stumbling over his words. "What happened with you?"
"I got lucky, I guess. I didn't have a family to lose. My mom died a while a back, long before all this," Johnny said quietly, trailing off. He drained his beer, then took another from the bucket. "And hopefully my shithead stepdad was one of the first to be eaten, because he definitely deserved it. Asshole."
They sat in silence for a while, drinking their beers, and then Miguel asked, "Can I ask another question?"
"Go for it," Johnny said, kicking his feet up onto the side of the fire pit.
"Have you ever killed a person? Like not a zombie, but someone who wasn't dead?"
"Wow," Johnny said, his eyebrows shooting up. "You sure know how to pick your questions, huh?"
"I'm sorry," Miguel said. "You don't h-"
"Once," Johnny interrupted, picking at his beer label, not even looking at Miguel. "I'm not sure if it counts though because he was infected. Once one of those things gets you you're already dead, even if you're still breathing."
"That must have been hard," Miguel said said.
Johnny stood up. "Well, I think that's about enough beer and misery tonight. Get some sleep. Early start tomorrow."
"What's tomorrow?"
"Supplies run," Johnny replied. "We can swing by your old apartment and pick up your stuff too."
Johnny picked up his bucket, then said, "You can use any bedroom you like apart from the master. All the beds are made up, and make sure you close all the doors behind you," then he vanished into the enormous house.
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Miguel woke early the next morning, and spent the first 30 seconds confused as to where he was. After a quick shower he spent some time exploring the cavernous mansion, and was surprised to find a gym, and a home cinema, complete with tiered seating, and soundproofed walls.
"Did you know there's a cinema room on the ground floor?" Miguel asked.
"Yeah," Johnny replied, checking his weapons before heading out. "It doesn't work though. It's just static."
"Have you tried playing DVDs?"
"There's no player. It just seems to have a bunch of wires."
"It probably used to run on streaming, but there's bound to be a HMDI socket on there somewhere," Miguel said. "If we could get a Blu-ray player from one of these houses, and it wouldn't take long to set it up."
"You can do that?" Johnny asked, and Miguel nodded.
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They were driving down Ventura Boulevard again, and so far the only responsibility Miguel had been entrusted with was to skip to the next track on the 80s CD if a song came on that Johnny didn't like.
"Bullshit, skip it," Johnny said. "What's the next track?"
Miguel read the back of the CD case. "Uhhh... A band called Simply Red?"
"Even worse, skip again."
Finally they found a track that Johnny liked, and he opened a beer, drinking it with one arm out of the open window as he manoeuvred the car down the street, singing along to a song called Nothing but a Good Time by a band named Poison that Miguel had never heard before, but it sounded pretty cool. Miguel could almost have felt like it was just another sunny day in the valley, if it hadn't been for the overturned school bus in front of them.
Miguel looked through the windows of the bus and saw ash faced children, no older than ten years old, pawing their hands against the windows, trying to get out. He looked away quickly and asked, "Why are we driving over here? Shouldn't we be checking houses in Encino first?"
"Ha!" Johnny exclaimed. "Trust me kid, all those rich idiots in Encino are into some strange shit these days. Everyone must have been following some vegan, fresh food diet because every house smells like a sewer from all the rotten vegetables, and you won't find a single can of hot dogs in any of those joints."
"We're going to Reseda?" Miguel asked, recognising where he was.
"That's right," Johnny said. "If you want decent food you have to go into Reseda where they don't have none of that gluten free crap, just freezers full of meat and hamburgers. Real man's food."
As they drove Miguel looked out the car window between skipping tracks on the CD, and noticed that some of the doors had red crosses spray painted on them. "I wonder what those crosses mean," he said. "Do you think it's some kind of cult?"
Johnny laughed. "Nah, it was me."
"You painted them on places with zombies?"
"It means I've checked in there for Coors Banquet," Johnny said, as he pulled the car up outside of the apartment block. "Go on then, go get what you need."
"You aren't coming with me?" Miguel asked.
"I'm not going to leave you, if that's what you're worried about," Johnny said.
"What if there are zombies inside?" Miguel asked.
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Thirty minutes later they were driving again. Johnny had come inside and kept watch while Miguel packed a small bag of clothes, then asked, "Photos?"
"All on my phone," Miguel said holding it up.
They pulled into a small block of residential houses, and Miguel asked, "What do you do if there are people still living in the houses?"
"Most people died in the first few days or they cleared out," Johnny said. "You were the first living person I've seen in six weeks."
Miguel sat for a moment, and Johnny asked, "Do you want to stay in the car?"
Miguel shook his head. "I want to come with you."
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The house was thankfully empty, devoid of both human and undead life, and they quickly searched the cupboards for food and supplies. They filled shopping bags with canned food, bleach, alcohol, and toilet rolls, and hunted through DVD and CD collections.
"Holy shit," Johnny said, as he pulled out a plastic cover.
"What is it?"
"Only the best film ever made," Johnny said, holding up the scuffed copy of Iron Eagle.
"Never heard of it," Miguel replied.
"Come on, we need to find something to play it on, because you are are about to get an education," Johnny said, excitedly slapping Miguel on the shoulder.
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Back at the mansion it hadn't taken Miguel long to hook the Blu-ray player they'd found up to the HDMI socket on the projector, and after some tinkering with the sound levels, they finally settled back to watch the film with some out of date bags of Chips, and a mini fridge full of Coors Light.
At one point Miguel looked over at Johnny, and saw how misty eyed he was at the death of Chappy, and how much he was genuinely enjoying the film.
"What did you think?" Johnny asked at the end of the film.
"It was a bit of a Top Gun rip off, don't you think?" Miguel asked.
Johnny held a finger up. "Iron Eagle came out four months before Top Gun."
"Oh!" Miguel said. "It was pretty cool."
"Cool," Johnny said. "You kids these days wouldn't know a good film if it bit you on the ass."
"No, no, I enjoyed it!" Miguel said quickly.
Johnny left the cinema room, carrying a bucket full of empty beer cans, and had a quick look through the glass doors, checking the perimeter before heading up to the kitchen, where he tipped out the empties, and refilled the bucket with more beer.
"You want another?" Johnny asked, as he perched the bucket on the edge of the the fire pit.
"I think two is enough for me," Miguel said with a laugh.
"Come on then," Johnny said, holding out his hand.
"What?"
"Hit my hand," Johnny said. "Hit it as hard as you can."
"Nahhhh..." Miguel said, shaking his head. "I don't want to hurt you."
"As if you could," Johnny laughed. "Come on. Let's see what you've got."
"OK," Miguel said, as he raised his fists like a boxer.
He punched.
"Harder," Johnny said.
He punched again.
"OK, tuck your thumb in," Johnny said taking hold of his hand. "Now try again."
Miguel punched again, harder this time.
"Not bad, not bad," Johnny said. "You better get to bed. Early start in the morning."
"Are we going to find more food?"
Johnny shook his head, as he pulled another beer out of the bucket, and cracked open the can. "It's your first day of training."
"Training for what?" Miguel asked.
"You're going to be the second most badass zombie killer alive," Johnny said.
"Really?" Miguel asked excitedly. "Who's the first?"
"Me, duh," Johnny said. "Wasn't that obvious?"
Miguel broke out into a wide smile. "And you're going to be my teacher?"
"No," Johnny said proudly. "I'm gonna be your sensei."