I'm sorry Cabin AU fans. I know the whole Cabin AU is meant to be a way for people to cope but, I wanted to give it a dose of reality. I couldn't get this idea out of my head and had to write it. It's probably rushed and filled with grammatical errors and issues but, I really wanted to get this out. It's been sitting in my vault for too long. Hopefully some people enjoy it.
Keep Moving Forward
It was on that day when they all stepped foot onto Marley soil where he had made a horrid discovery.
A discovery that he knew from the very beginning.
On that day where Eren walked among mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, nephews, nieces, cousins, and children; innocent children where he had made his discovery. It was on that day where he...saved a boy being brutally attacked for stealing.
It was on that day where he made his stunning realization. A realization that kept him up all night and festered in his mind like an open wound during the day.
A realization that made him despise his own birth.
It was on that day where he realized how disappointed he was with the world.
It was on that day where he realized that he was no different from Reiner, that he was the biggest piece of shit imaginable.
It was on that day where Eren realized how true it was.
He was a monster.
He was a monster.
He was a monster.
A monster.
Monster.
Then night fell, underneath that starry canopy where he lamented his destiny in silent agony. He had looked up at the stars and wondered if things could be different, if there could be another way. If a monster like him could be given some form of reprieve.
She had found him first like always.
Mikasa.
The girl he had fallen in love with.
No, that was a lie.
He had always been in love with her from the start, since the day he first wrapped that scarf around her. He merely didn't know what the emotion was as a child.
She came to him, telling him of his importance to their people. Yet, Eren didn't care, all he could think about was the future and his role in committing the worst act imaginable in history because of his monstrosity. As he quietly continued to lament this, there was still a part of him that hoped; hoped things could be different. So, in act of desperation and need, he turned to the women standing next to him and began speaking.
"Mikasa, why do you...concern yourself with me?"
"Huh?" The women questioned in confusion but, Eren continued all the same.
He needed to see.
"Is it because you were saved by me as a child? Or...is it because I'm family?" he paused taking a deep breath, hoping the agony wouldn't come for him all the same.
"Mikasa..." A pause and another deep breath.
"What am I to you?" He questioned, looking at the women in desperation.
He knew the response yet, he still hoped.
He still hoped.
He pleaded to whatever being stronger than Ymir.
He hoped this being even existed.
He pleaded to it in hope.
He hoped that it could listen to a devil.
"You are..."
Eren snapped his head in attention, giving her all his attentiveness. He gulped and held his breath while awaiting her answer.
"You are..." she repeated, trying to formulate her answer. The women looked down, burying herself in the damn scarlet scarf to avoid eye contact.
"You are..." she repeated once again but this time, she turned her head up and stared into his eyes with conviction. With rosy cheeks and a shy smile she uttered her response.
"You are my most beloved, my dear."
Eren's eyes slowly widened. His brain trying to understand what the women had said. It took him a minute but, his brain slowly started to piece together her words. Then, his brain exploded. Like a strike of lighting, it all came together, he was no longer on a set path. He could take a different road.
He was free.
Free to do whatever he pleased.
Free to change the outcome.
Free to change the future.
He was free.
Yet, he was always free.
He immediately wrapped his arms around Mikasa's waist and roughly pushed his lips against her own. Mikasa widened her eyes in shock before she started to reciprocate the kiss, understanding Eren's response. She wrapped her arms around his neck and messily kissed back. Tears rolled down Eren's eyes as she reciprocated and he started to thank her.
"Thank You"
"Thank You"
"Thank You"
He repeated in his head.
She had given him a chance.
She had freed him.
Yet, he was always free.
Once their kiss had come to an end, they separated and panted heavily with rosy cheeks. They stood there in silence for a bit, just enjoying the moment while pressing their foreheads together. It was calming until Mikasa spoke up in a haze.
"Eren, let's run away. Lets run away from it all!"
Eren's grip tightened around her waist and Mikasa buried herself into his neck.
"Please, lets just forget about it all and live in peace." Mikasa pleaded.
Eren's face scrunched a bit in sadness as he listened to Mikasa's desperation. He wanted to run as well but, he couldn't.
He just couldn't run away from it all.
Eren had to... move forward.
This was his chance, a chance to change things and yet...his heart screamed. It screamed and whispered at him to run. To run far away with the women in his arms. To a small pocket of bliss carved out for just them. A place where they could just love each other.
A world just for them.
It sounded like a dream.
He tilted his head down and nuzzled Mikasa's hair, sighing a bit and ready to give his response.
"Mikasa." He whispered trying to grab the women's attention. Mikasa simply buried herself into his neck further and Eren chuckled a bit at this. He knew the women was scared of his response so he decided just to tell her. He took a deep breath and whispered.
"Okay."
Mikasa widened her eyes in shock and slowly pulled herself from Eren's neck to take a look at his face. He was smiling ever so slightly and she realized that Eren had not misspoken. With tears in the corner of her eyes, she nodded in affirmation and Eren grabbed her hand. Their fingers entwined together before they took off into a sprint.
They ran away.
They ran far away.
Far away from hell to a place where they could just love each other for a brief period of time.
At least, that is what was supposed to happen.
The truth is, reality is never so kind and this brief period of peace between the lovers would not last.
After all...it was just a dream for Eren knew the truth, even at that moment.
A monster like him could never be content with peace.
He would never accept an ending like that...
Eren grunted as he swung the axe down, splitting the log into two. Mikasa sat on the bench, smiling softly as she watched.
The two had found an alcove nestled deep in the mountains surrounded by lush trees and expansive meadows. They found it after a long time on the run. They didn't have a plan, the two just wanted to be as far away as possible so they couldn't be found by their friends. They took the train until the end of the line and then they just kept walking further and further away. As they kept walking, they happened upon a small town outside the forest. The couple decided it would be best to begin their new life here but, not in town. They didn't want to be discovered but, that mattered even less to them. They just wanted to be alone. A little pocket of perfection for themselves.
A perfect dream.
So they went into the forest and walked until they found this perfect alcove at the base of the mountain.
The two immediately knew it was what they wanted.
It was the perfect place for them to live out their fantasy away from hell. They rarely went to the town but when they did, they always did it in a secrecy. They still needed other basic amenities such as money, meat, and soap. They still hadn't reached full self sufficiency yet but, they will in due time. It was a small price to pay for a home, their home.
As Mikasa and Eren continued to live their lives in happiness, there was still a gnawing question in the back of their minds. Neither of them spoke of it, for fear of their dream being destroyed. So, they just ignored it and continued to enjoy themselves as it had been only a few months.
Mikasa decided after a couple of minutes of watching Eren to speak up. It was lunch time and she didn't want the food to get cold.
"Eren, the wood can wait till after we eat. The food will get cold."
Eren grunted a bit before chopping the final piece of wood. He took a couple of seconds to catch his breath and proceeded to wipe the sweat from his forehead which caused Mikasa to blush. Eren smirked before responding.
"Are you sure? I can continue to provide 'entertainment' for the princess while she eats."
Mikasa's whole face blew up in red before she tried to hide it behind her red scarf. Eren could only chuckle at her cuteness before hearing Mikasa huff and then pout. Eren knew Mikasa liked his new hairstyle as well and it was making her flustered. Eren now supported shorter hair after they arrived at their home because Mikasa liked it that way. She never really liked the long hair and Eren quickly picked up on it and got it cut.
Unfortunately, it seemed Mikasa didn't like his teasing because she was upset now. Mikasa crossed her arms before turning back into the doorway of the cabin shakily yelling, "J-j-just come eat lunch!" Eren could only smile a bit and chuckle a little more as he placed the axe onto his shoulder.
When he saw Mikasa had disappeared into the cabin, Eren turned around quickly with a cold expression upon his face. He stared directly towards one of the tree's a little bit away from himself. Underneath the shadows of the canopy stood...him.
A man with green eyes and brown hair tied into a bun.
The man looked at him with disgust and disappointment while Eren could only stare back in cold anger.
No words were exchanged between the two; they continued to stare at one another before the man decided enough time had passed.
"Pathetic." The man uttered.
Eren tightened his grip on the axe.
"I don't want to hear that coming from you." Eren responded fiercely.
"You ran away." The man continued.
Eren got ready to respond-
"Eren!" Mikasa yelled from the cabin, their home. Eren tilted his head back to focus on Mikasa's voice before turning back towards the man.
When he did this, Eren blinked his eyes a few times to have them focus. The man was un-wavered and supported the same cold look on his face. So, Eren merely turned around with an annoyed look. Yet, before he walked towards his home, Eren still had a response for the man.
"I didn't run away."
The man with green eyes just scoffed.
"Liar." He said
Eren grit his teeth and didn't respond, he merely walked forward as his future self continued to look at him in anger at his blatant stupidity.
A few more months passed and, that future version of himself had continued to follow him wherever he went. When he tried to enjoy his dates in the town with Mikasa while window shopping, the apparition watched. When he went fishing out on the lake, the apparition appeared in the seat before him. When he got ready for bed with Mikasa, the apparition appeared by the window. When he arose for the day, the apparition would appear in the kitchen during breakfast. He was always following. He was everywhere and every time the apparition appeared, he was met with a face of anger and disgust.
He would ignore it.
Every. Single. Time.
He would ignore it.
Yet, it was obvious his mental fortitude was slipping with every look at himself. It seemed the apparition was catching onto it as well because today, there was something different waiting for him outside at his wood cutting spot.
Eren gripped his axe as he looked at the person.
A child.
The boy looked to be 9 years old. Eren wasn't exactly sure and he shouldn't care too much for accuracy.
After all, the boy was himself.
The younger version of himself sat on a stump that he'd use as a seat for breaks from cutting wood. Eren grit his teeth and ignored the child while grabbing a log. Just like before, he would try to ignore him. With that in mind, Eren placed the log onto the stump while his younger self continued to look at him in confusion. Eren kept his face of indifference and ignored the boy while grunting in his goal of chopping wood. He grabbed another log and swung...he grabbed another long and swung...and Eren repeated this activity for awhile.
As Eren did this, his younger self continued to stare at him with his piercing green eyes. Unfortunately it seemed Eren's resolve has finally cracked. With one more grunt, Eren split a log; panting a bit as he wiped the sweat from his brow. He looked at the child and muttered out a single word.
"What?"
The child blinked a couple of times obviously shocked at the hearing the mans voice. The boy figured Eren would keep his antics going for longer but, it seemed the man was tired of it. So the boy tilted his head and responded.
"Why are you doing this?"
Eren raised an eyebrow looking at the pile of logs.
"I need to cut wood so we can use it for things like heating the house."
The boy merely shook his head.
"No, not that. I mean, why are you doing something boring like cutting wood?"
Eren raised an eyebrow at this.
"I'm not sure what you're asking."
The boy tilted his head again.
"I mean, do you not have a whole world to see?"
Eren grit his teeth and, gripped the handle of his axe while the boy continued.
"Is THIS the version of freedom that we wanted?" The boy questioned in disbelief, almost as if he was...disappointed at him.
Eren shook his head violently while he gnashed his teeth harder. The wind blew violently and Eren squeezed his eyes shut, trying to stop the invasive thoughts. He started to breath heavily as his mind wouldn't stop conjuring up the future. Screams of terror, literal hell. Women and children running in fear as they-
"Eren!" A women yelled.
It was Mikasa.
It drew Eren immediately out of his mind and back into the present. He looked to see Mikasa standing in the doorway of their home, looking at him in confusion.
"Eren, didn't you hear me? Dinner is ready."
Eren sighed in relief and smiled a bit.
"Sorry, I just got lost in thought."
Mikasa walked towards Eren and quickly placed her hands on his cheek.
"Are you okay?" She asked in worry.
Eren smiled and chuckled deeply.
"Yes, I'm fine. Especially now that you're here." Eren responded flirtatiously.
Mikasa blushed and ducked her head down in embarrassment causing Eren to chuckle again. He tilted Mikasa's chin and saw the pretty red that dusted her cheeks, it made him want to kiss her.
So he did.
Mikasa sighed into the kiss and closed her eyes as Eren moved his lips against her own. This continued for a bit and Mikasa's hands began to wander, it was obvious she had wanted this and he continued their passionate kiss.
So they took it inside, ate dinner quickly, and enjoyed their night as a couple.
While Mikasa slept peacefully on her side of the bed, Eren watched the slow rise of her chest; knowing happily she's alive and well. The moonlight shined brightly from their windowsill and Eren couldn't help but admit that Mikasa looked the most beautiful in this light. In the moon, she looked perfect. In the sun she glowed but, the moon just fit her. It felt like she was a goddess of the moon soaking up its light to keep herself youthful.
Yet, as Eren turned to look at the windowsill, he saw the child staring at him with a...cold look of disappointment. His eyes glowed an ethereal green; it looked extremely bright with the moonlights backdrop of gray and white. It wasn't beautiful...not like Mikasa at all.
Eren grit his teeth and tightened his grip on their bedsheets. He tried to ignore the boy, he tried so hard. Yet in the end, Eren stared straight back. Eren knew he should've just rolled over and fallen asleep but alas, he didn't. Instead, Eren proceeded to place his index finger over his lips and blow out a little bit of air.
The boy knew the sign.
He was saying 'Shush.'
Eren didn't want to disturb Mikasa or himself.
Ludicrous, the boy thought.
A few more weeks had passed and, his child self continued to follow him everywhere just like the previous apparition yet, it seemed like that version just disappeared or...that's what he wanted to believe. Eren knew that apparition hadn't left him alone. This child served a purpose but he wasn't sure what it was, all he could do was ignore it in the best way possible. Still, it was becoming increasingly difficult. The child would follow them into town when the two went on dates or to pick up amenities and the child would always chime in, saying things that he didn't want to hear.
The child would say things like, "Wow, this is boring!" or "Is this all you two do everyday?"
Every time the younger version of himself opened his mouth, it raised his blood pressure. The boy just wouldn't shut up, constantly prattling on-and-on about dumb shit. That's why everything finally came to ahead in that moment. He was chopping wood logs for kindling, his child self sat on another stump, he was talking about seeing "lakes of fire."
And In that moment, Eren finally blew up.
"Just shut up!!" He shouted at the boy.
"Just stop talking about that crap!" He continued.
"It's over!" Eren screamed.
Eren panted and felt that prickling feeling in the back of his throat. Then the sting in his eyes.
He just wanted it to stop.
"Please, just let me...live in peace." Eren's voice cracked in despair.
He just couldn't take it anymore and collapsed to his knees. Sobbing and holding his head, Eren just wanted these apparitions to stop the torture. He wanted them to stop speaking. He just wanted silence and as Eren continued to grovel on the ground, he felt it finally came. Eren didn't hear his younger self respond and believed for a second that it was all over. His hell had ended and he could forget it all-
"Hey!" a gravely and immature voice spoke up, interrupting his thoughts.
Eren flinched and, he wanted to sob even more.
He knew that voice.
"You're pathetic." The voice continued.
Eren clutched his head harder.
"Please, stop." He begged the voice.
"You don't get to ask that of me." It responded.
Eren didn't want to look at him but alas, with his body shaking, the man lifted his head up and...
Standing before him was his 15 year old teenage self. The hotheaded, impulsive, reckless, and loud mouthed bastard that he was. He had feeling it wouldn't end at just his child self, the apparitions wanted to torture him by bringing the worst of himself.
The one who would be the most disgusted at him.
"You know all this" the teenager waved his arms around the area, his home...with Mikasa "is something you don't deserve."
A cruel statement but nonetheless, a cold truth.
"No, I-" Eren was then interrupted.
"Do you know the amount of people that lived like this and had dreams of one day achieving this?"
"I-" Once again, his teenage self stopped him.
"You don't get to act sorry for yourself."
"I'm not-" Eren tried but, the apparition wouldn't allow it.
"You're not some tragic hero." He continued.
"Please-" Eren sobbed out to deaf ears.
"That's right, you're not some tragic hero to pity. You're nothing but a psychotic mass murder who snuffed out the lives of countless people that never did you any wrong!"
And he knew that.
Eren knew that.
"I know!" Eren sobbed, clutching his head.
"Then stop acting like you have any right to feel sorry for yourself! Everyone on the outside was forced to live in a hell YOU created! Are you proud of yourself? YOU don't belong any where, YOU'RE not one of them and NEVER were! You're not even HUMAN ANYMORE!"
"I know! I know! I know!" Eren wailed.
"A piece of shit like us should've never been born!"
"I know!" Eren agreed, wailing.
"Mom probably regrets giving birth to us! A complete monster!"
"I know!" Eren continued.
"You shouldn't have been born! You know she deserves better! You know that she will be tons more happier without you in her life! You're nothing but a blight upon this planet!"
"I fucking know!" Eren cried out.
And as Eren continued to sob clutching his head, he felt another presence appear.
"Then stand." It stated in a deeper voice.
Eren lifted his head to see that version of himself with long hair.
"Finish what you started." The man continued with resolve.
"You don't get to run away and act like a tragic hero." His teenage self added.
Then another apparition appeared, his child self.
"You also know this isn't freedom." the child finished for the others.
Eren with a deep breath, looked at himself-all versions of himself and, with a broken sob he agreed.
Eren had to finish what he started so, he went to inform her, Mikasa-that they had to return to Paradis.
The war had already begun and they needed to hurry.
When the Rumbling began, Eren only had two goals in mind.
Freedom and, finishing what he began.
As Eren looked upon the destruction he was causing, all the innocents being trampled and the clear blue sky up above, the man realized something. He was at the town where they had ran off to.
Such a shame...
"They were good people in that town." Eren thought.
Then Eren realized, their cabin was there. He could see it amid the blood, destruction, and steam emanating from his army of colossal beasts.
He could just...move them around the cabin...
Saving it from destruction...
To try and leave it as a monument for his supposed humanity...
Then Eren remembered...
"If there's anyone who can bring change, it will be someone willing to sacrifice what they care for."
Yet, Eren never cared for anything. He had nothing to sacrifice.
"It will be someone who can throw aside their humanity in order to defeat monsters."
Humanity? What humanity? Eren is sure he never had anything like that to begin with.
"Someone who can't sacrifice anything, can't ever change anything."
He was, from the very beginning, from the minute of his birth...just...a monster.
"There's no time to figure out if this is the right thing to do."
That's an excuse and Eren knew that.
"Keep your hands clean."
Why? Why should he worry about that? He shouldn't worry about keeping his hands clean because... what monster has a need for such a rule?
Move.
All he needed to do was move.
Just Move.
All he needed to do needed was move.
Just Move.
All he had to do...was...move...
Just...keep moving forward...
And so, Eren destroyed the cabin.
Well, there you go. I originally wanted to post this on Eren's B-Daybut y'know...that didn't happen as it's months later now lol. I wanted to write a darker take on Cabin stories because so many them are extremely happy and....I wanted something different. So, I hope people enjoyed it!
I'm also not great with writing "happy" Eren, for some odd reason I can't do it. I can definitely write the depressed and angry one quite well but, I can't write him "happy." It's a weakness that maybe one day I'll get better at.