Author's Note: A oneshot based on a snippet from my story "I Can't Let Go" at the requet of one of my readers.
"How could you just lose him, Ron?" Ice blurted out angrily.
"Listen, I turned my back for two seconds and he escaped!"
"You make it sound like he's a lost puppy or a hamster!" Wolf chimed in.
"Okay, but honestly he's more like the Tasmanian Devil, right?"
Ice snorted. "If he was maybe we'd at least hear him, Ron!"
The trio stalked down the corridors of the unfamiliar Enterprise,looking for one missing Navy pilot. Merlin had taken a different route, with Merlin knowing the ship better than any of them, since this is where he had been stationed for a while, and Hollywood opting to stay in the higher decks.
"Don't tell me you're claustrophobic, Rick, you spend hours jammed in a cockpit!"
"I just…don't want to right now…the carrier seems different, like the walls are tighter, more confining…and I just don't, okay? I'll stay here in case he comes wandering back."
They'd all been through a lot…Wood and Wolf had been shot down that day, with Ice and Slider being shot and nearlyshot down and maybe even killed, if it wasn't for the maneuvering and skill of one also extremely traumatized pilot.
A pilot that was now missing.
A pilot who had been stationed on this ship and knew his way around.
A pilot potentially deep in the throes of a PTSD episode.
A pilot being searched for by another pilot and three RIOs who also had their own trauma nagging at them in the back of their minds.
But searching for Maverick was a great distraction, and they couldn't just not look for him….
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Maverick stumbled down the tight corridor, right hand groping the wall and keeping him somewhat steady.
Goose. He'd lost Goose, and he needed to find him.
He knew he was on the Enterprise, so shouldn't Goose be around here somewhere?
He heard a panicked cry in his mind, but it wasn't his voice.
We've lost Hollywood, I repeat, we've lost Hollywood!
Oh. They'd lost Hollywood too, and Mav needed to find him. Find Hollywood. Find Wolfman. Find Goose.
Deep into the ship he went, focused on a single goal: finding his teammates…
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For pilots and RIOs used to the open air of the skies, wandering through the bowels of an aircraft carrier can be a little disorienting. Sure they had all spent time on carriers, but this was different. They felt like rats in a maze, going down narrow corridors and carefully stepping through hatchways. They came to an intersection and almost ran full force into Merlin, who had gone around and doubled back.
"Any sign of him?" Merlin asked, panting.
The three others shook their heads. Ice pressed his fist against the bulkhead in frustration, then tapped his fist against it lightly.
"He could be anywhere…"Ice muttered.
"I mean you don't think he went all the the way down do you? It can get dangerous where the machinery is, and he's not exactly in the best frame of mind…" Wolf said, looking between his crewmates in concern.
Merlin sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
"Slider, why don't you come with me and we'll check again down one of the corridors back here, and you two keep searching down that way," Sam said, pointing down a corridor they hadn't gotten to yet. Slider, Ice, and Wolf all nodded and split up again, with Slider going a different way with Merlin.
Wolf and Ice didn't talk much as they moved through, checking doorways and rooms, looking for any sign of the wandering Maverick.
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Oh shit. He couldn't find Cougar either. Now he had to save Cougar and Merlin too. Cougar was supposed to follow Maverick back to the carrier, but had he ignored Maverick? Had he gotten lost?
Maverick sighed as he turned a corner.
Gotta find Cougar and Merlin.
Gotta find Hollywood and Wolfman.
Gotta find Goose.
Goose will help him.
Can't fly without Goose.
Can't live without Goose.
He went up a ladder through another hatch… calling for his RIO…
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Wolf and Ice had come to a dead end, so they doubled back, wandering through halls that all looked the same, before they eventually came to a stop, standing near a ladder and an open hatch. They could go back the way they, came, or left, or up.
Wolfman looked around, turning his head every which way, looking like a pedestrian checking the road before crossing.
He blew air out his cheeks.
"Okay, Ice. What do we do? Should we go back and tell Stinger?"
Ice frowned. He was not especially interested in going back and telling their CO that they had failed to find Maverick and would need additional help…
Then he heard it.
"Wolf, listen…do you hear that?"
Wolf craned his neck, tilting his head.
"Tom, what…"
"Shhh!" Ice shushed. Both men stood and listened…it was definitely Maverick. A voice floated from just above them, sounding scared and urgent.
…Goose, where are you? TALK to me, Goose…do you see…smoke in the air? Where's Cougar? Where's Hollywood?
Then a long silence before the pleading started again, begging Goose to answer him…
Ice felt his heart rate rising. It was as bad as he had thought it could be, if Maverick thought Goose was still alive andif Mav wasn't cognizant enough to remember that Cougar had turned in his wings weeks ago, before they'd even come to TopGun in the first place, and that Hollywood and Wolf were safe with him on the carrier.
He turned to his companion, pointing up.
"Come on, Wolf, we gotta move."
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Maverick had stopped in the hallway, groping along the wall for guidance. His vision was blurred, his heart was racing, panicking because he couldn't find Goose, couldn't find anybody….He'd called and pleaded for Goose to answer him, to talk to him, to be his eyes.
But the only reason Goose wouldn't answer him would be if he was…
Oh no…
Oh God, no…
Then he remembered.
His hand found an open hatchway and he entered, finding himself in some room, it didn't matter what room, nothing mattered, Goose was dead… nothing mattered…
He sank to the ground, his whole body shaking, his teeth almost chattering as he started to wail into the deck plate beneath him.
Landing in the ocean, struggling with his parachute, grasping for Goose's flight suit under the water…
Goose! Oh no, no, oh God, Goose! No…
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Ice kept listening, hoping the sound wasn't just an echo bouncing off some other bulkhead, wishing they had a tracking dog or somethingthat would help them get to Maverick faster…
"Hey Ice, I think we're getting closer."
Iceman agreed as they turned a corner, the only way they could go, and then they knew they were on the right track; Ice could make out the sound of someone maybe weeping, or having a panic attack…
An open hatchway to the left caught his attention and he poked his head in, breathing out a heavy sigh of relief. Maverick was obviously having a freak out but at least he was found.Ice stepped in and immediately knelt on the ground next to his fellow pilot.
"Oh, Jesus, Tom, look at him!"
Came Wolf's voice from the hatchway as he too stepped in to the supply closet.
Ice took it all in: Maverick was lying on his side, covered in sweat, shaking and shivering, hugging his arms to his chest and his knees drawn up. His eyes were open but unfocused until Ice put a hand on Maverick's shaking arm and got down right in his line of sight. It only took a second for Mav's eyes to focus on Iceman's.
"Ice?" Maverick whispered shakily.
Ice gripped on of Maverick's hands.
"Yeah, Mav, it's me. Me and Wolfman."
Maverick's eyes didn't leave his wingman's.
"Ice," he said again as sobs rose in his throat.
"Goose is dead," Mav said pitifully as his weeping began again, and the agony in his voice made Ice's heart clench. He was still shaking and shivering uncontrollably, but whether from shock or grief Ice couldn't tell.
Iceman sighed and glanced over at Wolf, who was having a hard time keeping his own tears contained. He looked down at Maverick again.
"I know, Mav. It's okay, we've got you."
"He's dead, Ice. I saw him. I…I held him. He's dead. Viper told me but I already knew. He's dead and I killed him."
The shaking got worse, the cries louder. Ice didn't know what to do besides grip Maverick's hand even tighter and look over at Wolf again, who quickly wiped his eyes and crouched down beside Ice next to Mav, leaning over so he could put his hand on Maverick's back.
"Come on, buddy. Come on, it's okay,". Wolf soothed as Maverick lifted his head slightly and saw the RIO.
"Wolf?" Maverick said softly, almost childlike.
Wolfman nodded furiously, patting Mav's back.
"Yeah, buddy, it's me. You went on a little adventure, huh?"
Maverick didn't seem to understand what "adventure" meant, and so he said,
"I was looking for you and Hollywood. Ice said you were lost."
Wolfman looked over at Ice as he said, "he did, did he?"
Ice nodded. "When you were shot down, I shouted 'we've lost Hollywood' over the comms."
Wolf's eyes widened in understanding, turning his attention back to Maverick.
"Is that it, buddy? You knew we were lost so you went looking for us?"
Maverick nodded, his eyes unfocused again.
"Had to find you and Wood. And Cougar and Merlin. And Goose. Needed Goose to help me but he never came." Tears came to the young pilot's eyes again as he looked up at Ice. He took a deep shuddering breath before continuing.
"Goose can't help me…I tried to find Wood. Cougar. Wolf. Couldn't find anyone. Needed Goose to help…but Goose is dead. And now I'm lost. Failed everyone."
Ice felt the knot in his chest twist and looked helplessly over at Wolf, who had tears in his eyes again.
"I'm…um…I'm going to call for Slider and Merlin, maybe they'll hear me…" Wolfman said as he stood on unsteady legs and hollered down the hall.
Maverick's brow puckered.
"Tom?"
"Yeah, Mav?"
Maverick sighed defeatedly.
"You're going to leave me too, aren't you?"
Ice felt tears start to prick his eyes. Poor guy, he thought. He should be in psych, on leave, not on a mission in the Indian Ocean…
"No, Mav," Ice said when he had regained his voice.
"I'm not leaving you. Not ever. Okay?"
He could hear Wolf start jogging down the corridor, his steps receding, as he heard a faint "okay" from Maverick.
Shit. Come on guys.
He could probably get Maverick to his feet but Ice was willing to bet that the other man would be dead weight at this point, and he'd need Merlin to help guide them back to their quarters. He had to try…Mav would have to get up at some point anyway…
"Pete…Maverick…" Iceman said, using his most commanding tone. Maverick's eyes widened as they looked up at him.
"Listen, you gotta get up, alright? I'm gonna get you up." When Maverick didn't protest Ice rolled Mav onto his back, got himself up on one knee so he'd have more leverage, and, sliding his arms under Maverick's and under his upper back slowly lifted him to a sitting position.
Maverick didn't resist Ice but he didn't really help either, and as Ice sat him up against the bulkhead he had to hold on to Maverick to keep him from keeling over. He had stopped shivering a few minutes ago but started again as he looked into Ice's blue eyes, Mav's green eyes filling with tears.
Ice rubbed his hands up and down Maverick's arms. He didn't feel cold, and deep down Ice knew this was an emotional and psychosomatic reaction. Rubbing Mav's arms seemed to be a natural thing to do, though, maybe it would at least keep Maverick grounded until they could get him to the infirmary.
"Ice?" Maverick whispered through chattering teeth.
"Yeah, Mav?" Where the HELL was Wolf?
"Ice. I couldn't save Goose."
Ice squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, his heart twisting again .
"It's okay, Mav. No one could."
Ice released a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding, and stopped rubbing Mav's arms to pull the other man into a hug, Ice still on one knee and Mav barely sitting up on his own, but Maverick managed to get one arm around his wingman, then, slowly, the other arm. Ice could feel the other man's body continue to shiver as Mav started crying into Ice's shoulder, that same pitiful cry he'd been doing earlier. Ice sighed and rubbed Maverick's back.
"It's okay, Mav." He repeated. "It's okay."
Blessedly, the sound of six footfalls reached his ears, along with Merlin's voice saying oh thank God and Slider's: thank goodness, Ice, there you are…
Ice looked up at the other men with concern in his eyes before saying,
"We have gotto get him to the infirmary. Or at least his bunk."
Merlin shook his head in amazement as he crouched down beside the pair, putting his hand on Maverick's back. Maverick's cries slowed after a few minutes and then he eventually lifted his head from Ice's shoulder and blinked at Merlin.
"Merlin? I was looking for you."
Sam's eyebrows rose. "You were, huh? Well you found me! Mission completed," Sam said, almost cheerily.
That seemed to relax Maverick, and he even smiled up at Sam a little. Then he yawned and rested his head against Ice's shoulder again, seemingly falling asleep.
Ice gave Merlin a look that was a mix of annoyance and amusement.
"How did you know to do that?"
Merlin shrugged.
"I didn't. It just seemed like the right thing to say. Now will one of you," and he looked at all three of the other aviators, "Please explain to me what the hell this all about?"
Wolf was having a hard time finding his voice after seeing the state Maverick was in, so Slider spoke up and explained what had happened to Goose, also needing to take a few steadying breaths to get everything out.
Merlin sagged back against the bulkhead.
"Oh, the jet wash…" he looked down at the dark-haired Lieutenant still slumped against Iceman.
"Poor Maverick. Jesus. Well that explains some things…"
"We can explain more things later, but for now can you guys help get him up?" Ice grunted from where he was kneeling on the deck plate.
Slider and Merlin hoisted Maverick to his feet while Wolfman helped Ice, steadying him as he shook the pins and needles out of his legs.
Maverick was, in fact, dead weight, supported between Slider and Merlin, and Wolf walked up and started patting Mav's face.
"Hey, Mav, come on, buddy, wake up…"
Maverick blearily opened his eyes, putting more weight on his feet.
"Wolf?" This time Mav said his name with more clarity, more recognition.
Wolf nodded and gave him a smile.
"Yeah, Mav. It's me, and Slider, and Merlin, and Ice, and we're gonna get you up to your bunk, okay?"
Mav slowly turned his head to look at Slider, and then over at Merlin.
"Where's Wood, Wolf?"
"Waiting for us. Come on, you gotta get upstairs and then you can see him."
Maverick nodded slowly, able to put weight on his feet again and allowed his friends to help him slowly make his way down the corridor and up another ladder.
Their quarters were closer, so they half-guided/half-carried Maverick in and Ron helped him lie down without much resistance from Mav, who was decidedly more clear-headed than he had been only a short while ago.
Hollywood had indeed kept his word and had been waiting on in their quarters for the others to return.
As he was drifting off to sleep, Maverick squinted at Hollywood.
"Rick? You're okay?"
Hollywood, unaware of everything that had happened below decks, shot the other guys a bewildered look as he answered Maverick.
"What? Yeah, Pete, I'm alright…you okay?"
Maverick sighed as he rolled over on his side, sleepily saying over his shoulder:
"Yep. I tried to find everyone…couldn't. Goose is gone. Got lost. Ice found me." Then he yawned and seemed to fall asleep again.
Wood, Wolf, Slider, and Merlin all turned to Ice, who shrugged and started moving towards another bunk.
"Can I fill everyone in later, after food and a nap?"
He laid down, looking at Slider while nodding over at Maverick.
"A Tasmanian Devil, huh Ron?"
Slider shrugged.
"I mean yeah, when he's awake."
Wolfman slung an arm around Hollywood's shoulders.
"Where is Tasmania anyway?"