Warning: This story has a dark theme, touching on the subject of depression and suicide. If these topics are a trigger for you, I advise you don't read any further. Though the story does have a happy for now ending.
August 8th
"Come on, Beautiful. It will be fun."
Steph pushed away from her desk under the window in her living room and walked toward the kitchen while Lester's voice carried through the cell phone's speaker.
"How?" She asked as she set the phone one the counter opened the fridge and pulled out a beer. She knew the date of Ranger's birthday was coming up. Hell, it wasn't something she'd ever forget. Who forgets the birthday of the man they love?
Still, she no longer saw it as an occasion to celebrate. This birthday was going to hurt in a way like no other. Though, if she were being honest, she hadn't stopped hurting since that fateful day back in October.
"What do you mean how?" Lester asked.
"How will it be fun? How will going out to celebrate Ranger's birthday be fun?"
Silence followed her question. Ah…gotcha Santos.
"Aww hell, Steph. We all know how hard this birthday is going to be for you. It's going to be hard for us too."
She blinked back the tears that once again appeared. She'd cried nonstop for nearly a week when they'd first received word that Ranger had been captured and was presumed dead. She continued to mourn, going through crying fits at least once or twice every week that followed.
That was already ten months ago. Just days after her last birthday. Since that time, she'd slowly become numb, with her emotions only flaring occasionally. Now being one of those occasions.
The last thing she wanted to do was go out partying with the guys. "I can't do it," she managed to say on a sob. "It's going to be hard enough without trying to put on a happy face."
"Nobody is asking you to," Lester said. "We just don't want you to have to be alone and lonely.
"What if that's what I want?" she asked, her voice barely louder than a whisper. "What if I want to be alone?"
"Not gonna happen, Beautiful. I'm coming over." Before she could tell him no, the line went dead.
She'd barely had time to drink her beer when there was a knock on her door. How in the hell did he always manage to make it here so fast? It wasn't as if she lived around the corner anymore. She opened the door to find both Lester and Bobby waiting on the other side. One look at them had the tears starting again and she allowed Lester to pull her into his embrace.
They moved down the hall and into the living room where Lester took a seat on her couch and pulled her down onto his lap. "I'm sorry," he whispered as she continued to cry against him.
Bobby eased a hip on the arm of the couch. "The experts all say that the firsts are the hardest. You've survived all of the other holidays and we'll get you through this one too."
She'd barely survived the other holidays, sitting alone in the dark in her apartment with only her memories to keep her company. When the guys had tried to include her in the various holidays, she'd used her now estranged family as an excuse. Her Merry Men didn't know about her fall out with her family. She shook her head against Lester's chest. "This is different than Christmas or Easter. This was his day."
"All the more reason for us to honor him," Lester said as he pushed her off him so he could see her face. "He was my cousin, and I spent a good portion of my life looking up to him. I miss him too and I want to honor him on his day."
She sniffled as she reached for a tissue. "I know and I'm sorry. I'm being so selfish."
Les reached out and tucked a stray curl behind her ear. "It's not selfish, Steph. You loved him."
"Love," she corrected. "I love him. I'll always love him. It's just so hard. When he stood in my old apartment and told me he was going in the wind almost a year ago, he told me it was for the last time. That once this mission was done, he was out. Then to have our someday ripped away without even a body to bury is beyond heartbreaking. I can't even go sit at a cemetery and talk to him, because they haven't been able to recover his body. How am I supposed to just go on without him?"
Lester's brow knit as he looked from Stephanie to Bobby. "He told you it was his last mission?"
She nodded as curiosity at his response to her statement had her looking between them. "Yes. He said that he had this one last mission to complete and then he was getting out and we'd be able to finally have our someday."
She snorted at her statement. "The irony of him losing his life on his last mission isn't lost on me, by the way. Life's continued cruel joke on Stephanie Plum."
Lester's frown grew. "That doesn't make any sense. The last time he signed a government contract it was for five years. When he left last year, he still had three to go."
Now her brow knit as she looked at him. "Are you sure?"
"Positive," he replied. "They wanted me to sign a similar contract, but I decided it was time to get out for good. So, I didn't resign at all."
"But I don't understand." She pushed completely off Lester and stood. "Are you saying he lied to me?"
Lester shook his head. "No, Steph. Ranger wouldn't lie to you. All I'm saying is that from the outside looking in, it doesn't make any sense."
Silence filled the air as they looked at each other, trying to find some meaning in this new information.
"None of that really matters now anyway," Bobby said. "What matters is what you want to do for his birthday."
"Nothing," Steph finally replied. She had her secret celebration planned and it didn't include the guys. "I want to lay in bed, watch television, eat everything that's bad for me and just be alone with my memories."
"You're not going to pull a Juliette on us?" Lester asked, causing Steph to frown. Why was it they always seemed to know what she was thinking?
"If I was going to do that, I would have done it already," she replied, but even she knew the conviction in her voice was absent. The truth was, she'd thought about it, more than once over the course of the past year. She even had a fresh prescription for sleeping pills sitting on the nightstand by her bed, just in case she decided to go through with it.
During previous thoughts of suicide, she'd managed to talk herself out of it, by telling herself she couldn't do that to the guys. Not when Lester, Manny, Bobby and Ram had so much money to lose.
Less than nine months after opening Sweet and Sultry, they were already in the black and growing by leaps and bounds. With the foundation she'd laid, the men could hire just about anyone to run the store, or they could sell it and get all their money back. So, she no longer felt quite as guilty about taking that out. Not when all she wanted was to be with Carlos again.
Lester held her gaze and she knew by his body language he didn't believe her. Maybe it was one of his ESP things again. Either way, if she managed to work up the nerve to take that route, it would be her decision to make, not his. Besides, she hadn't fully committed to that option…yet.
"Well…okay," he finally said. "We'll agree to leave you alone on Ranger's birthday, but you must agree to answer your phone if we call to check on you," Lester said.
"And the first time you don't answer, we're coming over," Bobby added.
"Fine," Steph replied as she folded her arms over her chest. If she did decide to check out, she'd just have to time it so that she took the pills right after one of their calls.
"And come out with us the night before," Lester added.
"Out where?" she asked as she narrowed her eyes at him.
"There's a new club in Ewing that hired Rangeman to provide security. It looks like a great place."
"Who's going to be there?"
Lester exchanged glances with Bobby. "Well, both of us, Ram, Hal, Vince, Cal, Raphael, Zip and Zero so far. Binkie and Junior have shift. Manny isn't sure if he'll be back from vacation in time, but if he does, he's going to come too."
Steph shook her head. "I can't be around all the guys like that. There's a reason I left Rangeman." Seeing the guys every day. Constantly walking by Ranger's empty office. It had all become too much for her to handle.
"We're not partying at Rangeman, Beautiful. Come on. The guys really want to see you."
"Steph." Bobby reached out to take her hand in his. "We all understand why you decided to leave. The guys are happy your business is doing so well, but they miss you. I know seeing them will bring back memories but cutting them off to ease your pain is hurting them."
"I promise," Lester began. "No talk of Rangeman work. No black Rangeman uniforms. It would just be a bunch of friends getting together to celebrate the memory of another friend."
Lester and Bobby, along with Ram and Manny weren't just her friends, but also her business partners. She already saw the four of them at least once a month to go over the books and orders for the month. Would it really be so bad to see the others? Plus, it wasn't as if Lester was asking her to go to Rangeman.
"Okay," she sighed. "I'll go."
August 11th
I'm done.
Ranger couldn't believe how after eleven long and torturous months, not only was the mission finally complete, but the bureaucratic bastards had actually kept their word. Though it took him pulling out the agreement they signed, to remind them of the deal they made. The mere idea of being taken to court over a breach of contract and revealing super-secret government work had them quickly remembering their part of the agreement. He'd take the shitty assignment, complete with the parameters they set in place and once the job was done, they'd rip up the remainder of his contract.
It took him about four months longer than anticipated, but the job was finally done, and Ranger was a free man. Happy early birthday to him.
He walked out of the non-descript building in DC and took a moment to look around. In two weeks, it would be a year since he left for the mission. Almost a year of his life that required more sacrifice from him than he'd ever given before.
Ten months living under cover in another country. Then nearly another month recovering from his injuries and being debriefed. Now it was time to go home and see if he could repair the damage his mission parameters would have undoubtably caused with Stephanie and his men.
The first thing he needed to do was rent a car.
Hopefully, Tank waited the appropriate amount of time before cancelling his credit cards and cell phone. Otherwise, he was going to be screwed for the night.
When the credit card for Marc Pardo cleared without issue, Ranger gave an internal grin. Not only had Tank held to policy, but the transaction would alert him that Ranger was on the move. He turned on his cell and slid behind the wheel of the Dodge Charger. He could have gone with something smaller or more economical, but he refused to fold himself into a compact for the three-hour drive North. Plus, he still had a reputation to uphold. He'd never live it down if he pulled into Rangeman in a Ford Taurus or Toyota Camry.
He'd just merged into the 295 traffic when his cell phone began to ring. A smile tipped his lips as he looked down at the screen. Thank God some things never changed and his best friend being aware was one of them.
He hit the button to connect the call, sending it through the car's speakers. "Yo."
"That's how you start this conversation?" Tank scolded. "Almost eleven fucking months of thinking you're dead and rotting in a pit somewhere and all you have to say to me is yo?"
Ranger's smiled widened. "Love you too, Tank."
"Prick," Tank snapped.
"Always and forever," Ranger replied.
"Can I assume by your rental of a car in DC that you're now on your way back to Trenton?"
"Affirmative."
"Is this a shock and awe homecoming or can I spread the word?"
"You can tell the core team, minus Steph. I'm going to swing by her apartment before I come back to Rangeman and tell her myself. I know I have a lot of explaining to do."
"You might want to rethink that, Ric."
Ranger narrowed his eyes as he watched road in front of him. "Why?"
"Well, first, Brown and Santos are out with Steph at some club, along with a bunch of the guys."
His brow knit. It was a Thursday night and they all had work tomorrow. "Why in the hell are they out on a Thursday?"
"Did you forget what tomorrow was?" Tank asked.
"No, I didn't forget."
"Well, they're out toasting to your memory and Brown and Santos convinced Steph to go with them."
Why would she need to be convinced when she hung out with them all the time? "Okay, so I'll just go to her apartment and wait for her."
"Yeah, that's not gonna work either, since she moved."
Ranger nearly steered the Charger into another lane. "What do you mean she moved?"
"She moved," Tank repeated. "As in no longer lives in that crappy little apartment anymore."
"Where in the hell did she go?"
"Ric," Tank sighed causing Ranger's frown to deepen. They were a lot alike in that aspect and Tank never sighed. "Just come back to Rangeman, please. There's a lot we need to discuss before you go see little girl."
Every moment of free private time Ranger managed for the last eleven months had been spent obsessing over how Steph took his MIA and presumed dead status. He wanted. No, he needed to see her for himself to know she was okay.
"Fine," Ranger finally agreed. "I'll be there in about three hours. Just make sure you scramble the cameras or do whatever is necessary to ensure nobody blabs to Steph before I reach her."
"Done." Tank said. "Oh, and Ric?"
"Yeah?"
"It's good to have you back," was the last thing he said before the line went dead.
It was damn good to be back.
Almost exactly three hours later, Ranger pulled up to the gate and using his fob let himself into the garage. Since all his parking spots remained in place and full, he chose to park the Charger in a guest spot.
He'd just opened the car door and pushed up to stand when Tank appeared next to the car. The smile on his face could have lit Trenton. "What are you grinning about?"
He pulled Ranger into a hug. "It really is you."
"Fuck, Tank." Thinking about the cameras he gave Tank a quick shove. "Did you turn into a pussy while I was gone?"
Tank laughed. "Don't worry. The cameras are scrambled. The guys on monitors are going crazy wanting to know what's going on. I told them to mind their business and they'd find out when they needed to know."
Tank took Ranger's duffel. "Let's head up to Seven and I'll fill you in on everything I mention on the phone."
Walking into the penthouse after being gone nearly a year felt more amazing than Ranger could express. It was funny, he'd never been one to miss a place before. People yes. Places no. Yet, he couldn't deny the feeling of peace that settled over him as he dropped the keys to the rental in the dish on the sideboard.
"You guys didn't change anything?" Ranger asked as he walked through the unit.
Tank shook his head. "Without an actual body as proof, none of the core team was willing to make any major changes." He turned to look at Ranger. "You're like a cat."
Ranger arched a brow. "A cat?"
"Yeah. You have nine lives."
Ranger shook his head and turned toward the refrigerator. On the offhand chance Ella kept anything in the fridge, he pulled it open and found it empty, except for a half dozen bottles of water.
"I'm guessing since the fridge is empty and the place feels clean and sterile, Steph isn't living here."
Tank sighed, causing a bad feeling to crawl up Ranger's spine. Really? Since when did Tank start sighing? "What?" Ranger asked as he twisted off the cap to one of the water bottles.
Tank motioned to the living room. "Sit and I'll explain."
Ranger dropped onto the couch and looked at Tank as he rubbed a hand over his bald head. "Okay, so Steph didn't take the news of your MIA and presumed dead status very well."
"I didn't expect she would," Ranger set his water on the side table then leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees. "But I told her that after this mission we'd be able to have our someday. So, she shouldn't have been completely freaked out over it either."
Tank paused and dropped his hand as he looked at Ranger with an expression that screamed are you stupid. "Did you tell her anything about the mission?"
His question had Ranger frowning. "You know I couldn't do that."
Tank met Ranger's frown with one of his own. "What I mean is did you give her any hint that this mission might FUBAR and if it did not to give up on your future together?"
Tank's question was answered with silence as Ranger looked up at him. He thought he'd been clear with her, but in hindsight, maybe he could have worded it a bit better.
"That explains a lot," Tank said.
"Instead of criticizing what I didn't do, why don't you start talking and tell me what's going on with Stephanie?"
Tank dropped into the chair across from him. "She was here working, the day we received notification. I don't think I've ever seen anyone as completely devastated as little girl. Bobby actually sedated her and kept her in the infirmary for twenty-four hours."
Already unhappy with what he was hearing, Ranger could feel the guilt beginning to build. Knowing there was probably a lot more to this story he leaned back.
"Then the guys took turns staying with her for the first couple of weeks. We were all worried she might do something desperate."
"Desperate like what?"
Tank gave him a knowing look that had the fine hairs on Ranger's neck standing up. Not Stephanie. No way would she do something like that.
"Anyway, after about a month she settled into a new, much sadder routine. She refused to use seven for anything when she was here. She said it hurt too much to come up here. By Thanksgiving we could all tell she was just a shell of the woman we all love."
His information had Ranger taking a deep breath as he fought his impulse to jump up and go find her right now. It wouldn't do him any good to leave without knowing the entire story first.
"I don't know how her Thanksgiving dinner went with her parents, but it definitely stirred up shit because instead of going shopping on Black Friday, she came in here, sat the core team down and told us she was resigning from Rangeman."
"What?" Ranger jumped to his feet. "I left her my shares of the company. She can't resign."
Tank held up a hand, signaling for Ranger to sit back down. "We explained that to her," he said as Ranger dropped back onto the couch. "Her response was that it was too painful being here without you and if she couldn't resign then she wanted to become a silent partner."
Oh, babe. Ranger leaned forward and scrubbed his hands over his face as the guilt continued to eat away at him. Steph was strong and resilient. He'd expected her to handle the situation better. Maybe that was wrong of him. After all, if the tables had been turned, he would have been moving heaven and earth to find her. If it turned out she was really gone there's no doubt in his mind that he'd follow her into the afterlife.
"She also moved out of her apartment to a really nice place over in Hamilton Township."
Tank's statement had Ranger dropping his hands as he looked up at his best friend. "When?"
"About the same time, she quit." Tank shook his head. "Actually, everything happened really quickly. She came back from Thanksgiving, quit, moved and started the new business all by Christmas."
"So, what the hell happened at Thanksgiving with her family?"
"Don't know," he replied. "She never would talk about it with any of us, but I can tell you that according to her trackers, she hasn't set foot back at her parents or her sister's house since Thanksgiving Day."
Every piece of information he received bothered Ranger a bit more. "If she quit here, how could she afford a really nice place? Please tell me she didn't go back to working for Vinnie."
"She doesn't know it, but Rangeman is supplementing some of her rent. We had her super tell her that he'd quoted her the cost for a two bedroom by mistake and reduce her rent by five hundred dollars. So that helped, but the biggest change for her was that with Lester and Bobby's encouragement, she opened her own lingerie store."
That information had Ranger lifting his head to look at his second in command. "Really?"
Tank nodded. "From what the guys tell me, she's really doing well too. Bobby, Lester, Ram and Manny are investors."
"Why the four of them?" He was happy to hear Stephanie had the courage to finally reach for her dream, but why had she picked those four men for partners?
"Manny helped her work up a business plan and I made the decision to give her the money from the account you created for her. You know, the one for all the paychecks she refused to take over the years."
Ranger smirked at his statement. Steph was notorious for only taking as much of her payment as she absolutely needed at the time, then she'd tell Ranger to keep the rest because he was overpaying her.
"I remember," Ranger said.
"Well, all the guys tossed in a bit to help her out, making it even bigger. Then we gave it to her. Of course, little girl being who she is, insisted that it was only a loan and that she'd pay us back."
"Of course, she did," Ranger replied and for the first time since this discussion began, he allowed a hint of a smile to form. That sounded more like the Stephanie he knew and loved.
He pushed off the couch and walked to window to look out over the city. Funny, when he set up his business here, he had no plans of staying. Yet, this place felt more like home than anywhere he'd lived in a very long time.
"Well, because of her history and lack of collateral, she couldn't get a loan from the bank and was really upset. That's when the guys got together and decided they could become investors."
Ranger turned to look at him. "What do you mean lack of collateral? She had my shares of Rangeman. That's plenty of collateral."
Tank shook his head. "She refused to put them up."
He held Tank's gaze as he asked, "Why?"
"She said that you worked too damn hard to turn Rangeman into what it is today, and she wasn't going to piss away your dream for hers when she wasn't convinced her dream would come to fruition."
While he loved her for wanting to protect his dream, as far as she knew he was gone. He'd left her those shares as a way to make sure she was taken care of. She should have used them to help make her dream come true. "Yet, she took the guys money?"
"Begrudgingly," Tank replied. "She fought them at first, but when it became clear that her options were put up your shares, let the men invest or not do it, she gave in and let the guys invest."
"And the place is doing well?"
Tank smiled. "It's thriving and best of all, those shrews in the burg have stopped bad mouthing her."
"Why's that?"
"Because nearly every one of them have stepped into her store, not realizing it was hers at first. Once they discovered she was the owner, and she now knew one of their dirty little secrets." He air quoted the word dirty with his fingers. "They pretty much shut up about her."
Since Tank had mentioned the burg, Ranger couldn't not ask the next question. Though he wasn't sure he really wanted to know the answer. "Speaking of the burg, did she go back to Morelli?"
Tank shook his head.
A small bit of relief washed over him. At least she hadn't gone back to the cop. That didn't mean she wasn't now involve with someone else though. "Is she involved with one of my men?"
Tank shook his head again. Causing him to relax just a bit more. "Okay, so who is she seeing?"
"Nobody," Tank replied. "She told Lester that you were it for her."
Shit. While Ranger was thrilled that she remained unattached and he'd still be able to give her someday, the guilt he felt for putting her through the last eleven months was overwhelming.
"There's one other thing you need to know."
That sounded ominous. "What?"
"She's not the same woman you left behind last year."
Ranger frowned. "What do you mean?"
"I don't think she realizes that we've noticed, but she never goes out anymore. The only two places we ever really track her is the shop and her apartment. The guys tell me she's pale and she's lost quite a bit of weight. She doesn't smile or laugh. Bobby's convinced she's fallen into a depression and he and Lester are worried that she may be planning to Juliette herself tomorrow."
Ranger's spine snapped to attention. Not his babe. Stephanie was strong and determined. She had her dream of owning her own business. Even if she was on the outs with her family, she still had her friends and plenty of people who cared about her. "Why do they think that?"
"It's the way she's been acting recently. The light and fire in her eyes have been gone pretty much from the moment you were declared MIA and presumed killed, but it's not hard for any of us who she still allows contact with to see she's hanging on by her fingertips."
"Why do you think she's planning this for tomorrow?"
Tank's brows winged up in question, causing Ranger to close his eyes on a shudder. Tomorrow was his birthday, and it would be the first one she'd face without him.
He pushed away from the bank of windows and stormed back toward the kitchen. No way was he going to allow her to do something that could ruin both their lives. Not when he'd worked too damn hard and sacrificed too damn much to get them to a place where they could finally be together.
"What are you doing?" Tank asked as he followed.
"Where are they?" Ranger answered with a question of his own.
"Club Onyx over in Ewing. Rangeman does security there."
"Let's go."
"You're going to go in your fatigues?"
Ranger paused, his hands on the keys in the dish. "You just told me that the love of my life is in crisis, and may be contemplating suicide and you want me to stop and change clothes?"
Before he could answer, Tank's cell phone rang. He pulled it from his pocket then frowned at the screen. "Yo," he said when he connected the call to Hector.
"I monitor Estephnia email. She send email to Lawyer" Hector reported in his broken English.
"When?"
"Now," Hector replied
Tank glance at Ranger and frowned as he answered Hector. "Why would she be emailing her lawyer at nearly twenty-three hundred hours?"
"I send you," Hector replied. "You read."
Tank opened his email app and a moment later a copy of Steph's email to her lawyer appeared.
Mr. Diestrum,
As of this email, I am relinquishing ownership of my portion of Sweet and Sultry to my business partners Lester Santos, Eric Ramsey, Robert Brown and Manuel Ramos. Please make the necessary changes to ensure that ownership of the business is properly transferred.
Sincerely,
Stephanie Plum
Ranger sucked in a breath and held it as he stared at the screen.
"Now why would she hand over ownership of her company to the guys right now?" Tank asked as he lifted his gaze from the screen to meet Ranger's stare.
She was planning on doing just what the guys thought. Either that or she was gonna run but based on what Tank had told him so far, it appeared the former was probably more accurate.
"Let's go," Ranger said.
They'd just made it out of the building into the parking garage when Ranger spotted the guys walking back toward the building.
Every single one of them stopped. Their eyes widening to varying degrees at the sight of him.
"I don't believe it," Hal said, while Ram uttered a 'mother fucker' under this breath.
"What the fuck?" Santo's said, then sprang forward like Tigger, bouncing around and vibrating with excitement at seeing his cousin. "Primo," he began. "You're actually here. What the fuck happened?"
"Are you injured," Bobby asked, his eyes assessing even as he asked the question.
"I'll answer all of your questions later," Ranger replied as he struggled to tamp down his irritation. "Where's Stephanie?"
Lester stopped his bouncing and his face slid into a look of sadness. "We dropped her at her apartment. She was miserable at the club, and we all felt bad for forcing her to go out."
"Is she alone?" Ranger asked.
Lester's brow knit. "Of course, she's alone."
"Shit," Tank murmured.
Lester's eyes widened in immediate concern. "Why? What's wrong?"
"We have reason to believe that you and Brown are right in your assumption that she's going to try and take her life," Ranger replied. "We need to go now, because my gut tells me if we wait until morning it will be too late."
"Shit." Lester murmured. "My instincts told me not to leave her alone, but she insisted that she was fine and that she'd answer the phone in the morning."
"Let's roll," Tank said as he rushed to his vehicle. Since Tank knew where Steph lived and right now Ranger didn't, he hopped into the passenger seat without argument. Lester, Bobby, Ram and Manny followed in their vehicle. The rest remained behind on Lester's orders and Bobby's promise to report whatever they found as soon as they could. If Stephanie was in crisis, she certainly wouldn't appreciate being overwhelmed by all the guys showing up at her door.
Ranger pulled out his cell and tried to dial her number as Tank drove. Just as he feared, it immediately went to voicemail. "She's turned her phone off," Tank said as his frown deepened. "She had no intention of answering the guys wellness checks tomorrow."
Ranger closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Hang on, Babe. I'm coming.
Stephanie stood in the dark at her kitchen counter and stared down at the glass of vodka and bottle of sleeping pills. Knowing the guys would insist on staying with her if she got too drunk while they were out, she'd held herself to only one Screwdriver. Also knowing she'd risk the chance of throwing up if she mixed beer and liquor, she decided to just pour herself a straight glass of vodka instead.
Strangely enough, she had no tears to shed. For the first time since she learned of Ranger's status, she felt a strange sense of peace settle over her.
She glanced over at the empty spot on the counter, where Rex's aquarium once rested. Her furry buddy had made the trip over the rainbow bridge two months earlier. Just another someone to leave her life that she loved and lost. Hopefully she'd soon be reunited with him too.
Taking a moment to assess her to-do list, she was pretty sure she'd covered everything. The note she'd left the guys apologized for leaving them and explained why she felt the need to do this. It even told them where to find her will. Not that she had much in the way of assets besides the shop, but she'd spelled out her desires regarding funeral arrangements and how she wanted her ashes spread along the beach at Point Pleasant. Listing Lester as the executor, and specifically requesting her family be cut from any decisions. She knew Les would carry out her wishes.
There wasn't a doubt in her mind that what she was doing would hurt her Merry Men. She could only hope that at some point in the future, they'd be able to find it in their hearts to forgive her. She considered each and every one of them friends, but as hard as they tried to make up for her loss, none of them were her soul mate.
She hadn't bothered to leave her family a note. It wasn't as if they would miss her anyway. Well, Grandma Mazur might, and her nieces might, but that would be all. Besides, there wasn't any need for more words. Being disowned and abandoned months ago, she'd already come to the conclusion that they'd be better off without her. They'd made their decision. Now they'd have to live with the consequences.
She looked back down at the medicine cup containing the first few pills from the bottle she planned to take. That feeling of peace remained. This was right. This would give her the chance to be with Carlos again.
Just the thought of her love had her lifting a hand to rub at the tingling along the back of her neck. That was a feeling she'd missed. Maybe now, she wouldn't have to miss it anymore. If she was timing this correctly, she'd pass into the afterlife just minutes into Ranger's birthday. Then they'd still be able to celebrate it together.
She reached down and picked up the cup, ready to seal her destiny when a pounding on her door nearly caused her to drop it and spill the contents.
Instant irritation replaced the serenity she'd experienced a moment ago. Who in the hell was banging on her door at eleven o'clock at night? The pounding came again, followed by a familiar voice. "Babe, open the door."
Stephanie whipped her head around to stare at the direction of the door. No way had she just heard Ranger's voice. Her mind was playing tricks on her. That was all. Maybe the pounding wasn't even really there. Maybe it was all in her imagination.
She reached down to pick up the cup and had it halfway to her mouth when the thudding of feet in her hallway had her once again turning toward the sound. She'd intentionally left the chain off, so the guys wouldn't have any problems getting in tomorrow. In her mind there hadn't been a need to have them destroy her apartment door and cause unnecessary damage.
The moment the men came into view, her fingers slipped off the cup as shock rippled through her system, pushing out the numbness that had taken over. Her eyes were deceiving her. No way was Ranger here. Ranger was dead.
He slid to a stop mere feet from her, a look of anguish on his face. "Babe."
She blinked, then shook her head as she stared at him. "This isn't real," she murmured. "You're not really here. You're dead. This is just my mind playing tricks on me."
Ranger shook his head. "That's not true. I am here. I am real."
She took a step back, her head still shaking in denial. "No. It's the alcohol messing with my head. That's all. That drink at the club was a lot stronger than I thought." She turned back to the counter and with a shaky hand began gathering the pills to put back in the cup. The hallucinations will stop soon enough. The pills would ensure that.
"No. Stephanie." Ranger's voice was right behind her, but she didn't dare turn around again. After all, there was no such thing as ghosts, right? This had to just be her mind freaking out again. She picked up the cup and began to lift it to her lips only to have it knocked out of her hand. Then two strong and very familiar arms wrapped around her, pulling her away from the counter.
"Let go of me," she shouted, but quickly realized she was overpowered, by whatever this was holding her.
"No," Ranger's voice was loud and strong against her ear. "I won't let you do this, Babe."
She practically fell on top of him as he pulled her down on the couch. He turned her to face him, his hands cupping her cheeks. "Look at me."
Instead, she closed eyes and whimpered. "You're not real. You're not really here."
"Stephanie, open your eyes," he demanded. Even in a hallucination, she would follow his orders.
Chocolate irises filled with concern stared back at her. "Do you see me?"
Slowly she nodded.
"Good." He rubbed his thumbs along her jaw. "Do you feel me touching you?"
She nodded again.
A hint of a smile tipped his beautiful lips, then he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to hers. "Do you taste me?" he asked as he pulled back.
She lifted a hand to her lips, touching them in disbelief. She had tasted his kiss and felt his touch. She could smell the soap on him. Not the Bulgari she liked so much, but something clean mixed with an essence that was all Ranger.
"I'm real, Stephanie," he whispered. "I'm just as real as Tank, Lester, Bobby, Manny and Ram are right now. The nightmare is over, Babe. I'm home. We still get to have someday."
The numbness that had returned after the initial shock began to recede, in his place came a flood of emotions. Relief. Joy. Caution. Unresolved grief. Together, they slammed into her like a runaway locomotive, crushing her with their intensity. Struggling to catch her breath, she let out a sob, then another and then another as Ranger gathered her against him, holding her tight to his body. He was really home.
Ranger looked up at Tank, as he held Stephanie against him. While it killed him to hear her cry, in this situation the tears were a good thing. Crying meant emotions and he'd take any emotion over the blank detached resolve he'd seen on her face when he first spotted her.
There was grief in Tank's expression as he stared down at Ranger. It was a sentiment shared by all his men as they gathered around him, standing guard over them. They all knew just how close they'd come to losing her this time.
Bobby walked over and knelt next to them. "I counted the pills. All but one is accounted for."
Stephanie turned her head to the side to look at Bobby. "I-I took one last night to help me sleep."
Bobby lifted a hand and rubbed it along Steph's back. "Bomber, how long have you been struggling with sleeping?"
Her fingers tightened on Ranger's jacket as she replied. "Ever since Ranger…" the rest of her sentence ended on a sob, but they all knew what she meant. She hadn't slept well in nearly a year.
"Manny, you and Tank pack her a bag," Ranger ordered. "Enough clothes for at least a week. Ram, grab Rex."
Steph sobbed harder at the mention of Rex.
"Um…Primo," Lester began. "Rex died a couple of months ago."
Well, shit. Ranger pressed a kiss to Steph's temple. "I'm so sorry, Babe."
"He was old," she murmured. "It was bound to happen."
"Okay, Ram, it will be your job to secure the apartment when we leave," Ranger corrected.
"I'm on it," he said on a nod.
Steph lifted her head and raised a hand to cup his face. "You really are here?" Her voice cracked with the question, as if she still couldn't quite trust herself to believe her senses.
He took her hand in his and lifted it to his lips. "I'm really here, Babe and I never have to leave on another mission again."
Ten minutes later, Ranger sat in the back seat of the Escalade with Steph plastered against him. Her blank look had returned, but this time the detachment was gone. Maybe she was still in shock. Either way, she appeared to be more relaxed as she clung to him. Bobby sat in the front passenger seat, turned on his hip watching them. "I'm going to call Doctor Cochran tomorrow."
Ranger nodded in agreement. Stephanie needed help and he was damn well going to make sure she got the best psychiatrist in the state.
"Also, while I doubt, she'll need it now that you're home, if she does still need a sleep aid, I'll work with Doctor Cochran to find her an appropriate one and I will administer it."
"Agreed," Ranger said as he rubbed a hand along her back. Words couldn't begin to describe how grateful he was. If he hadn't made it back when he did. If the rental car agency hadn't been open. If his guys hadn't been so in tune to her emotions and actions. The thought of what could have happened sent a cold shudder up his spine and he pulled Steph a little tighter against him.
Tank angled the Escalade up to the building's door and waited while Ranger climbed out, then he picked Stephanie up and carried her into the building. Bobby followed with her bags. As they stepped onto the elevator, Ranger noted how Tank was right. She had lost a considerable amount of weight. It was just another sign she'd been in crisis.
Once they were inside the penthouse, he took her straight to the bedroom and waited while Bobby turned down the sheets. "I'll take it from here," he said to his friend and business partner. "I'll call you right away if I think she needs more help."
Bobby nodded and set her bag on the bench at the foot of the bed. "What she needs most she already has and will get."
Ranger paused and looked expectantly at his friend, waiting.
"You and sleep," he said then waved a hand toward the door. "I'll let myself out."
Once he heard the outer door close, Ranger turned back to Steph and began undressing her. His fingers brushed over her ribcage, and he noted how he was able to count every single rib. The hollow at the base of her neck was deeper, just like the dark circles under her eyes. He felt like shit for putting her through this suffering and from this time forward he was going to do his best to make it up to her in every way he could.
Leaving her naked, he tucked her under the blankets, stripped, then turned off the light and joined her. The feel of her skin against his, warm and soft was a balm to his soul, helping just a bit to ease the pain he felt. Tonight, they'd both get some much-needed sleep. Tomorrow was soon enough to begin their Someday and they'd start it by celebrating his birthday, together.