006: A Cop, A Detective and A Superhero Walk into an Interrogation Room –

"Where's the Joker?" Growled The Batman.

"Moriarty." Sherlock said. "I need to know his current whereabouts."

"Well," Hachiman Hikigaya felt a bit nervous. He felt a bit intimidated. He was a small time detective cursed with limited omniscience. And these two were his idols. He needed to make a good impression. It didn't help that he was sitting on the wrong side of the interrogation room. But before he could answer either of their questions, he heard a banging noise coming from the other side of the one-way mirror.

"Ask him about Doug Judy." The voice could be heard getting louder and louder. "Ask him about Doug Judy! Ask him about Doug Judy!"

Hachiman Hikigaya watched as the one-way mirror shattered. Sherlock rolled his eyes. And Hachiman thought he heard the Batman let out a tired sigh. Looking to his left, where there was no longer a one-way mirror, he saw an odd looking, rather unusually cheerful guy, standing with one of his hands still raised, about to bang on the now nonexistent mirror.

"Right. I am Detective Jake Peralta." He said in a casual voice, addressing Hachiman Hikigaya. "I want your cooperation to capture my arch-nemesis, Doug Judy."

Sherlock Holmes scoffed. "He's hardly an arch-nemesis."

"Of course he is." Jake Peralta argued. "He even has a cool name. I call him – I mean in the criminal underworld he is known as the Pontiac Bandit."

"Jim Moriarty is a consulting criminal." Sherlock said without missing a beat.

"That doesn't sound impressive." Hachiman said. He wracked his mind, cursed with the knowledge of the known universe and different worlds and made a simple observation. "You should call him the Napoleon of Crime. That's what the other Sherlock calls him."

Batman looked intrigued. "How many versions are there?"

"I don't know. A lot." Hachiman admitted. "A bit like your lot, I suppose."

Batman had met other versions of himself. He didn't like it. All those different worlds, yet the same cruel fate. Thomas and Martha Wayne shot and killed by a mugger. Bruce Wayne becoming Batman. He didn't like it at all.

Of course he didn't have time to brood. Sherlock and Jake Peralta were acting like a bunch of bratty kids.

"You can't be serious." Sherlock said. "Judging by that name, your so called arch-nemesis steals cars."

"Well," Jake didn't think too long. "Jim is a stupid name."

For some reason, Batman of all people didn't like it. Perhaps he was thinking about his friend, the commissioner. He was called James Gordon, but he also went by Jim. He never thought he would be this affected. "We are wasting time. The Joker -"

"Are you deepening your voice?" Sherlock asked rhetorically. "What? Couldn't you afford a voice modulator, Mr. Billionaire?"

"Wait? Batman's a Billionaire?" Jake Peralta asked. A moment later he gasped and blurted out in an excited voice. "Wait! Don't tell me. Bruce Wayne is Batman. The Batman! I can't believe it. It makes total sense. Why hasn't anyone figured it out?" He looked really smug and crossed his arm over his chest. "Once again, Jake Peralta has proven himself to be an amazing detective-slash-genius. Take that Captain Holt. Wait, I need to tweet this!"

Jake Peralta reached for his phone.

Batman reached for his batarang.

Sherlock stepped aside.

Hachiman Hikigaya decided to stop them before someone got really hurt. "Doug Judy, the Pontiac Bandit. He has upped his game." Hachiman said quickly. "He stole an Aston Martin. He stole Hiratsuka-sensei's car."

"Yes!" Jake pumped his fist in the air. "Doug Judy has leveled up. Which means I have leveled up as well. Sorry, I got really addicted to gacha games after I came to Tokyo. I think it's starting to become a real problem. FYI, I'm in debt. Like crushing debt." He turned to Batman and spoke in an almost carefree manner. "Bruce, you are rich, right? Rhetorical question. Of course you are. Can you lend me some money?"

"I'm sorry. Are you trying to blackmail him for money?" Hachiman asked.

"It's called extortion." Sherlock supplied.

Batman glared.

Jake Peralta was confused. "Of course not! I'm an officer of the law. I'm a detective."

Sherlock scoffed. "Please. He's from Gotham. He's used to corrupt cops."

Batman scowled.

"Well, he is right. But," Hachiman tried to be sensible. "I'm sure there are a few good cops in the city. Like James Gordon for example."

"I thought it was Jim Gordon." Jake said. "Also, this Moriarty guy. Is his first name Jim or James? It gets really confusing. Same with the Joker. Bruce, tell me something." Hachiman could see that this guy had no regard for secret identities. "Do you call him 'The Joker' or just Joker?"

"Joker." Growled Batman.

"The Joker." Said Sherlock.

Hachiman grabbed his head with both his hands. Detective Jake Peralta continued to speak. "So which is it? To be 'the' or not to be 'the'. I'm quoting Shakespeare by the way." He said further. "I'm smort."

Hachiman sighed. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but for the sake of my sanity, let's forget about the Clown Prince of Crime and the Napoleon of Crime and focus on catching the Pontiac Bandit."

"Uh, correction please. From now on Doug Judy is officially gonna be known as the Pontiac-slash-Aston Martin bandit." Detective Jake Peralta looked like a man on a mission.

Hachiman Hikigaya, meanwhile, looked like he was going on a suicide mission, because he was bound to shoot himself in the head due to all this stupid nonsense. "If you will excuse me." He said to his two fallen idols and left the interrogation room, following the heels of the obnoxious detective who hailed from Brooklyn nine-nine.

The interrogation room felt quite. Finally, Sherlock got to his feet and as he was about to leave the room, he made a last parting shot at the caped crusader. "You are not the world's greatest detective. But I suppose you already knew that. Goodbye." He said in a chipper mood.

After he left, finally the Batman was left alone. He was still like a stone for a minute and then he shook his head. "I'm in a nightmare."

It got worse. "Um, Mr. Batman." A child's voice from the over head speaker started to speak. "Mr. L would like me to tell you that most of the detectives in the Kira Task Force found out your secret identity. Myself included."

Great. Just great. "And what's your name? You sound like a six year old."

"I am a six year old. My name is Conan Edogawa." There was a small pause. "I'm a detective too."

Batman didn't want to waste time, thinking how a six year old could be a detective and a good one at that because he was part of the Kira Investigation. But he did decide to voice some good advice. "You should come up with a better name, Mr. Edogawa. It's not your real name right?" Silence. Utter silence. Batman continued unperturbed. "Do you like the works of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle?"

Another moment passed in silence and as Batman was about to leave the room and pursue the Joker on his own, he heard a slightly different voice from the speaker. It sounded like Conan's but if he was older, maybe in his twenties. "Well, guess you really are a bit of a detective. Best of luck capturing the Joker. You will need it."

"Thanks."

A/N (1): The idea for this chapter came from "Fumagoshi", though I added a couple of things like you know, The Batman. Hope everyone likes it. And again, we have an omake, which couldn't make the cut, because it was too silly.

Please enjoy -

Omake

"Why so serious?" Growled the Joker with a knife in his hand.

"Because I can't get married, you jackass!"

And Shizuka Hiratsuka gave him the ass-whooping of his lifetime. When The Batman reached the scene of the crime, a crawling, bleeding Joker, reached towards him and before he collapsed and said something really stupid. "You don't wanna know how I got these scars." He shivered in horror. "You just don't."

Batman looked at Shizuka Hiratsuka who downed another drink in one gulp. She came towards him, bare feet, her heels were thrown off so that she could fight better. And she did. When she was finally face to face with the Batman, she gave another kick to the Joker. And then she asked in a drunken slur. "You here for my car?"

"No." Batman replied quickly.

"What!"

The Batman realized he had made a serious mistake. This woman turned out to be really dangerous. She took out the Joker. She might not be able to take him out, but he wasn't in the mood to get into a fight with a beautiful woman in a gorgeous dress. And she was drunk, which made her look cute. He chose his words wisely. "Your case is being handled by the police. Detective Jake Peralta is a…" The Batman, the Batman, found himself at a loss for words. He tried once more with the other alternative. "Hikigaya is on the case."

Shizuka Hiratsuka blushed. "He's a good guy. I like him." She turned to Batman and without a single bit of fear in her eyes, asked point blank. "Do you like someone, Batman?"

Batman deemed it fit not to reply to the questions put forth by a heavily intoxicated woman. He also had to leave. "Joker. You're coming with me."

"About time." Joker whined.

As they left, Shizuka Hiratsuka, with her alcohol addled mind made a completely stupid and false observation. "Huh. Batman likes the Joker." She made a face and downed another drink. "I think I'm gonna puke." A second later she ran for the washroom and did just that. And if anyone knocked on the door to the bathroom and asked her if she was alright, she swore she was gonna blame him for his own damn murder.

A/N: (2) And that was the omake. Hope you enjoyed it. Now, I will write a Gaara chapter and a Natsu chapter and basically, I will try to write every idea which all of you have suggested so far, because they are all great. But for the time being, I want to go back to the beginning and start from there. So, who should be in the next chapter – L or Kakashi Hatake.

And share your ideas about what you want me to do with them and I will try my best to write something funny.

Hope you had fun reading this chapter.

Take care.