Amplitude Magazine Vol. 24 No. 4
Bucky Barnes Retires from US Amputee Soccer and Reflects on 15-Year Career
by Larry Borowsky
Born and raised in Brooklyn, Bucky Barnes started playing soccer at age four. By age nine, his coaches recognized his natural talent and kept him in the goal where he so clearly belonged. Barnes proceeded to make his high school's varsity team as a freshman and helped the Hudson Creek Howling Commandoes through an undefeated season, even earning the nickname "White Wolf" for his ruthlessness, and the color of his jersey. Barnes dreamt of college scholarships and FIFA World Cups, until he injured his shoulder making a diving save in his first playoff game.
"They initially told me that it was just swollen from a few too many hard landings," he explained. But after three days of rest and ice failed to alleviate his pain, he returned for more scans, which revealed a large mass buried deep in his shoulder. That mass turned out to be Ewing's sarcoma, a rare bone cancer. Only seventy-five percent of patients survive to five years after diagnosis. Those that do often suffer long-term effects such as amputation, limb salvage, or other health complications from chemotherapy. "They told me right off the bat that I was going to lose the arm," Barnes said. At first, he was convinced he'd never see the inside of a goal again. Then, something changed. Barnes stumbled across a video of Josh Sundquist (former US Amputee Soccer player and author of the memoir Just Don't Fall, which was adapted into the TV series Best Foot Forward), describing the rules of amputee soccer as part of a stand-up comedy bit. "I felt like it was meant to be," Barnes said. "The rules say goalies can only have one hand, and I was about to become a goalie with one hand."
Barnes joined the US National Amputee Soccer Team right out of high school, training at University of Virginia during the school year. He exploded onto the global soccer scene at the Paris Paralympics, where he missed only one save in six games. Team USA took home gold, and months later Barnes was awarded an Espy for his incredible performance. While only massive success marked his early career, the later years were plagued with more ups and down. Barnes played only half of one match at the Los Angeles Paralympics, having spent three months earlier that year recovering from targeted muscle reinnervation surgery, which he underwent to alleviate phantom pain in his amputated arm. "By the time the Paralympics rolled around, my pain was still pretty severe. I thought it best for everyone that Lemar play most of the tournament," he explained, referring to his teammate Lemar Hoskins.
That wasn't the only hardship Barnes faced that year. Less than a month after the surgery, his husband was diagnosed with terminal lung failure. Steve Rogers, proudly announced as Barnes' fiancé during his Espy acceptance speech, had cystic fibrosis, a genetic condition which causes progressive and ultimately fatal lung disease. He had a lung transplant at age twenty, which Barnes revealed was the reason for his absence from the Mexico City World Cup. "I was in a bar getting hyped up for our first game with my teammates when my phone rang," Barnes recalled. "And then I was on a plane and back in New York within hours." The two weren't even romantically involved at this point in their lives. According to Barnes, they officially started dating immediately after the Paris Paralympics. "I was celebrating with the team, and he was celebrating with our family, but he left them to come and find me. We simultaneously realized that we'd always loved each other." They were married less than two years later.
"Those were the best years of my life," Barnes said fondly. "We were both as healthy as we'd ever been and just loving every moment we had together." The pair even wrote a children's book with characters based on themselves and their friends. Barnes and Rogers tells the story of two friends planning a birthday party while making sure that all of their guests, who have various disabilities and medical conditions, will be able to safely and easily attend. "It was almost a therapeutic experience, writing that book," Barnes remarked. "We were able to bring to life on the page friends we hadn't seen in years, and imagine what it would be like for us all to be together. The kids in our family…there are a lot of people they're never going to meet, so it was nice to create something that would always be there to show them who these people were." Among those people is Barnes's husband Steve, who passed away several years ago. He was twenty-seven years old.
Barnes continued to play in the years following, but claims he never physically recovered. "A lot of people don't realize the toll grief takes on you," he said. "It's not just emotionally and mentally exhausting, but physically too. I never could jump as high or run as fast with what felt like this weight constantly pulling me down." During that time, the team qualified for the Paralympics and the World Cup, but never medaled again. Now, at thirty-five, Barnes is younger than most athletes in the sport and, despite his comments about never returning to peak form, still a formidable goalkeeper. When asked why he chose now to hang up his cleats, he replied, "I'm moving on, both literally and figuratively." Barnes is engaged, and plans to move to Louisiana to be near his fiancée's extended family. "As much as I love my team and this sport, it's time for me to go. Make way for the next young guy who wants to prove himself."
Looking back on his fifteen years with the team, Barnes hopes his legacy is not one of perseverance. "On a team of all amputees, everyone's got a story. Even those of born lucky, as we call it, have had to contend with a lifetime of inaccessibility and ableism. I just want to be known for my skills in the goal. And maybe my sense of humor," he added. When asked what he'll miss most, Barnes answered without hesitation. "My teammates. We've seen each other through a lot of highs and lows. It will be a big adjustment not to see them every day. But they'll always be my boys." It remains to be seen how the team will fare on the field without its superstar goalkeeper, but the retirement of Bucky Barnes undoubtedly marks the end of an era.