First supergirl fanfic that started as a one shot but seems to have grown into something more. Might become a two-shot, not sure where the story will take me. The story starts after the revelation of Kara being Supergirl right before Lena was going to introduce her for the Pulitzer prize and deviates from that point on. All mistakes are my own, I do not have a bèta and English is not my first language.

So, without further ado, I hope you enjoy.

Chapter 1: The distance between us

Kara landed on Lena's balcony with a soft touch of her feet. She wouldn't have bothered to be careful when she was just Supergirl but now the cat was out of the bag and Lena still hadn't said anything. Kara had tried to talk to Lena after her amazing speech but had been unable to reach her. Too many people, too many congratulations and conversations that she was unable to be present for, her mind occupied by the only person she'd really wanted to talk to. She'd looked for her between conversations and after the party, but she had already left.

And now she'd landed on the balcony in her Supergirl costume, whether that was a mistake she was about to find out. With a trembling hand she grabbed the door handle and paused for just a second. She felt unsure, knowing it would be unlocked for Supergirl, especially for her, but not knowing if it would still be open for Kara. She slid the door open, relief flooding her body.

"Lena?"

The penthouse was dark, save for a single light coming from the bedroom.

"Lena?" She called out again, a bit louder this time and saw a figure coming from the bedroom where the lights were on, only to be draped in darkness when Lena turned them off.

"Why are you here?" There was a sharp edge to her voice that made Kara cringe a little.

"I… I just…" Kara took a few steps inside trying to get closer but on seeing Lena keep her distance, thought better off it.

"I'm sorry. I should've told you sooner." She started rambling while taking a few steps back, carefully keeping her distance. "I was so scared to tell you. I didn't think it would a good idea with how many… I just… I needed you to be safe. And it wasn't just that, I guess, I… O Rao… Just there's already so many people trying to kill you and then I would just be piling on that many more. And I've said just so many times now already and I… I... I can't…" She closed her eyes, trying to gather her thoughts in the flood of so many feelings. She tried to hold back the tears, needing to get out what she wanted to say. The words getting choked up in her throat. Taking a deep breath, she opened her eyes and looked straight at Lena. She was surprised to see she had come a bit closer but she still kept her distance. "Lena, I can't lose you. You are everything to me."

There was a silence in the air. It felt thick like it was getting hard to breath. A silence full of expectations and of possible disappointment. Lena slowly made her way towards Kara. She still hadn't said anything and the silence was making Kara more nervous by the second. She was within arms reach and it took everything within Kara not to touch her or hug her. To make all this uncomfortable space between them comfortable again. Lena put her hand on Kara shoulder and reached behind her for the door handle. Kara just looked at Lena expectantly and it took a few seconds to realize what Lena was doing. She stepped away looking sheepish while Lena closed the door. At least Kara was now inside.

Lena turned around and walked right passed Kara towards her scotch and poured herself a glass.

"So, you decided to come over here in your Supergirl costume right away? Must be nice to not have to hide anymore." Her voice wasn't inviting or soft, or laced with a soft gentle warmth Lena only reserved for Kara. It was distant, reserved. A remembrance to a place in the beginning of their relationship they had long since passed.

"I'm sorry. I didn't think. I just wanted to get here as fast as possible."

"Why did you come here Kara?" Lena's voice was now laced with much more warmth and curiosity. Kara was completely zoned in on any differences in her voice, hoping to hear her Lena. Hoping to hear that voice that will assure her everything is alright. She hadn't stopped staring at Lena until she snapped out of it and started pacing.

"I… uhm… wanted to thank you for your speech. It was amazing. I'd just told you this huge thing and you didn't say anything and I was afraid…"

"Afraid of what?" Lena interrupted. Kara's eyes snapped back up to Lena's.

"I didn't mean afraid I..."

"Yes, you did. What where you going to say?"

Kara tried to search for a way out of this conversation, to avoid saying what she was about to say because it would inevitably make things worse and it didn't mean that she didn't trust Lena but she knew she'd take it that way. She ran a hand through her hair, sighing exasperated. Maybe if she was honest it would work itself out.

"I was afraid you would say something about me being Supergirl."

"Ah, so you don't trust me. There it is." Lena crossed her arms. Kara saw the walls going up before she could stop them and she'd expected it already.

"No! It was never about not trusting you. I knew this was exactly what you were going to say but it was never about that." Kara slowly walked toward Lena but the lather was already walking away, ready to refill her scotch. Kara reached her before she could and grabbed her hand.

"Lena please, it was never about that." Lena let go of Kara's hand but didn't put any more distance between them.

"Then what was it about Kara?" The question was almost a whisper. A plea to please explain why this one huge thing that was between them was not something she could've shared sooner. That Kara couldn't have plucked up the courage to tell her before her brother did. Kara fiddled with her hands, reached for her glasses that weren't there and then started pulling at the hem of her sleeve, while looking down at the ground. Lena grabbed Kara's hand to stop her and lifted her chin to meet her gaze.

"Kara, tell me why you didn't tell me sooner?" There she was. The Lena she knew and loved. With a warmth in her voice that made her feel like she had found her home. Kara looked deep into Lena's eyes.

"I was scared. I was afraid to hear that you would tell the world I was Supergirl not because I didn't trust you but because that would mean I would've lost you. It was never about you. Well, I mean, the keeping you save part was but I needed you. You are the only person I can be Kara with, just Kara and no one else. No Supergirl responsibilities, none of that. I love being just Kara with you and I didn't want to lose that. I'm sorry." A few tears trickled down Kara's cheeks. Lena went to the kitchen and grabbed a few tissues. To Kara's disappointment she did not come as close as she did before. She even refilled her glass and leaned against the counter in the kitchen, one arm in front of her the other nursing her scotch.

"Kara, I already knew."

"Wait, what?" Kara felt the ground beneath her feet shift a little. Unconsciously she took a few steps back. "How?" She asked shocked.

"Courtesy of my brother. One last going away present. Exposing the one person I trusted above anyone or anything. He has a way with words, always did. He knew exactly what to say to make the impact of the revelation as painful as possible. And now here we are." She gestured towards Kara and downed the last of the scotch.

"I'm so so sorry you had to find out that way." Kara looked at the ground, guilt evident on her face.

"Of course you are. Doesn't change the situation now does it." Lena made the remark offhandedly while rummaging through her cupboards to find more scotch. Sighing she looked at Kara. "Any chance you could use your super speed to get more scotch?" Kara just looked at her, making Lena roll her eyes.

"Lena, I really am very sorry. I wish I would've told you sooner." Kara walked towards Lena.

"Yeah, me too." Lena said, letting Kara come closer to her but as soon as Kara was within arms reach she turned away. "I think it's time for you to go."

"No! Lena there has to be something I can do to make this right. You won't even let me come close to you."

"This is not something you can hug away Kara. Not this time. I need space to figure out where I stand." Lena left for her bedroom and closed the door. A clear dismissal if Kara ever saw one. She entertained the idea of staying and sleeping on the couch for a second but realized that wouldn't solve anything nor would it give Lena the space she needs. Closing the balcony door behind her, she knew there was only one person she could go to who would understand.