I leave hogwots with no where to really go, Harry Ron are now scared of what's happening- they've obviously stepped back from me, well of course they have one minute I'm their age next I'm the same age as some of their parents.

I feel totally alone no family no friends and no husband.

I leave the school premises and apparate to the only place that comes to mind other than hogworts…. spinner's end…

Not sure if this is still our home I try to enter worrying that my magic will not be recognised.

It's dark unwelcoming cold and damp it's completely un loved nothing like the home we had made it before.

I'm that moment I have flash back to us cooking together, listening to Sunday morning radio the laughter, kisses, lounging in comfy clothes, him sitting in the armchair reading the paper. My head swims a little, I pause for a moment to steady myself.

Standing inside the hallway a terrible smell hits me, the house appears to have been abandoned. A thick layer of dust, some a putrid damp smell.

I try the light switch nothing, the electric is off so I light my wand to locate the fuse board Severus always used to turn it off. Once the power was back on I prepare to exam each room. The hall in front of me has three doors, one to the left and one to the right, the staircase is straight in front of me.

The third door is the kitchen this is set back past stairs, this is also closed.

I turn to enter the left door which is the living room two wing chairs and chesterfield sofa in front of empty fireplace- a book lined room I gaze around the room took in the pictures in frames on the walls. They were such happier times I think to myself.

I come back out of there and back into the hallway, I hover at the bottom of stairs look at the second door "his office".

I hesitate to go in there, so I make the decision to go through into the kitchen area instead. The kitchen is as dusty our table and 4 chairs to left side of room the same small U shaped kitchen with a larder off of it.

A small window above the kitchen sink, the dirty windows hold old cobwebs in the corners of each pane. Look how filthy those net curtains are, I think to myself .

Sitting on the window cill are pot plants all curled and dead. Looking down, sitting in the sink are two tea cups, our cups from breakfast all that time ago.

I Hold on to the sink and cry.

Wiping the tears away, gulping the cries back I turn into the larder where tinned and dry store food still sit in rows. All out of date.

I move to leave the kitchen back out to the hallway, same decision stairs or office? stairs or office? Upstairs I go.

Top of the landing 4 doors all closed. I already know what's behind each one but I choose the furthest one bathroom… it's a small room shower over the bath, hand basin, toilet small window all white with white tiles on the walls. An emerald green shower curtain hung full width across bath hiding the area of the bath from view, nervously I move the fabric back so I can peek behind it. Nothing, I don't know what I thought would be hiding I berate my childish behaviour.

Only thing waiting for me were my old shampoo bottles and rusted razor and a very hard dried up cracked bar of soap.

I open the mirrored bathroom cabinet, I wonder how many times I've looked into this mirror before 100's / 1000's?

Only his razor and shaving foam and two lonely toothbrushes. A half empty mouthwash bottle now so old it looks slightly discoloured. On the higher shelf and couple of bottles catches my eye. His own potion bottles, recognisable by his spiky handwriting, pepper up and headache cure and my contraceptive potion.

I close the cabinet door to revile my own image in the mirror once again. I turn to the towels neatly on the rack and I leave the room going back onto landing- I them move to enter into the third bedroom, this was his childhood room, long since changed from that time, but in there is a single bed nightstand with a lamp. It's still dressed ready for guests but the bed looked a little crumbled possibly slepted in?

I move quicker now back out and into the second bedroom large window with dirty nets my chosen pretty pink flowered wallpaper is hanging down in the corner of the room, this saddens me I'd worked so hard in here to make it nice. Still, sitting there is a double bed, two side cabinets with matching lamps and a double wardrobe where I used to store our old winter cloaks. Nothing is out of place just a musky smell and cold it's so very cold. I come out and close the door.

Back on the landing to our room hesitantly I open the door, my large bed is in front of me and our two side cabinets sitting framing the bed - an opening off the room for our dressing room on the left hand side my dressing table under the window, I move over to it as if it was calling to me.

Perfume /make up/ hair clips/ hair ties littered the top I pick up the perfume a very muggle channel bottle half full, theres a dust ring left on the surface below I take off the top to smell it, it's such a familiar odour to me but I resist spraying it to my skin, place it back and my eyes scan and lock on his items, roll on deodorant and a small red bottle of his own design. I lift it up and smell, it's him in a bottle spice / cedar wood/ clean linen/ fresh cut grass all into one unique fragrance. I put the bottle back with a bit more force than I should have, a picture frame that was on the edge falls and making me jump.

Stealing myself, I already know what photo it is… I pick it up and smiling back at me in a moving image is us in a close up on our wedding day. I can't help myself the tears fall as I watch image of him laugh as he realises the camera is pointing at him over and over again. He's dressed in a muggle navy blue suit his hair is shorter and me in a plain white dress with head veil the unmistakable bride.

I lay the image face down, no longer able to see his kind eyes looking back at me.

The curtains are mostly pulled in this room so the room is darker the street light outside makes the shadows of the room look like luming ghosts towering high behind the bed and cabinets. I scan the room and my eye catches sometimes poking out from below the pillow, on my side of the bed. I hadn't seen it from the foot of the bed but from this angle it is just visible, I move to take a closer look the bed looks like it's been laid on the made up bed had the unmistakable image off a body crumpled on the cover and pillow on his side!

Hiding under my pillow is my nightdress I recognise it immediately, it's my green silky nightgown. No longer folded like I'd normally leave it, it's been stuffed back under the pillow and just a small corner showing. Knowingly he must have been back here the house, it had not been abandoned entirely. Hope rises again, I try to tamper it down.

I move back out onto the landing head back down stairs to the last room other than the basement, this one feels more personal like I'm going into someone's private area.

Opening the office this was not dusty, evidence of a recent fire lay in the fireplace, on his desk lay papers and books, I run my fingers over the titles - the theory of memory charms/ restore and relive / age reduction/timeturner fact or fiction.

Now this title made me laugh he was scraping the barrel with these ones but maybe he'd tried all the rest? 100% he'd been here and recently.

A empty tumbler was on his desk and I lifted it to smell the tell tell sign of fire whiskey remained. I shook myself what was I looking for what did I think I was going to find, I was acting like a detective. I put the glass down and headed back to the kitchen and called out for Dibsy.

With a crack Dibsy was standing in front of me our little house elf that was wide eyed at me, I bent down to her level and open my arms as she hurriedly fell into them I cried as her little arms wrapped around me.

"Oh Mrs Hermione I have missed you, her calling me by my old nickname for me as she always did made me laugh through my tears. She always wanted to address me so formally and I wanted her to just call me Hermione, so we came to an understanding so that's how Mrs Hermione was born.

"Dibsy thank you for coming to me"

"I'll always be here for you, you are the talk of the Elf's back at Hogwarts". "Is that we're you've been all this time" I question. "Yes as master is there and that was where you or the younger you was"

"Oh Dibsy, have you been caring for master"

Dibsy looked nervous "he wouldn't let me Mrs Hermione I tried, but he told me that hogwarts was my home and that I was no longer needed here"

She started to cry and my heart broke for her. We pulled apart, I needed her comfort I think more than she needed mine. She looked about and said "Mrs Hermione the place is awful dirty I can clean"

"I'm not sure I'm allowed to stay here Dibsy". "Well" she said, "it won't hurt to give it a little tidy whilst you decide what you want to do". I looked about my old kitchen and nodded "yes Dibsy, your right but I don't want you getting into any trouble by helping me" she looked almost a fended "no Mrs Hermione it would be my honour to assit you once again"

"Well, I suppose I should just sort out somewhere to sleep and I need to get some food in as I'm starving" Dibsy raised her had and disappeared and within a second was back in front of me with a couple of other hogwort elf's smiling at me. Their pointed teeth were a little unnerving but that thought disappeared when one said "Hello Mrs Snape, curtsied one "pleased to finally meet you Mrs Snape" said the taller elf.

Dibsy explained these were her friends at hogwarts and they too would like to offer help to me, I was taken back I shook both of their little hands and thanked them the little elf said her name was Pie and the taller elf was Benson they both beamed at me with sharp crocked teeth and we set to work.

It was late in the evening, I was exhausted and now so hungry I took a look through the larder again to see if anything was salvageable dry pasta and rice few tins of beans and a tin of tuna that I promptly throw out… I called out to Dibsy "I think we need to stop and eat"… she agreed but said "wait here I'll grab some items from the kitchens at the school"

I breathed in to voice my objection but before I had even had chance to say something she was gone.

I filled the kettle and set it upon the stove to warm I took a seat at the table now feeling now very, very weary. Dibsy popped back into the kitchen holding a tray with a bowl of soup and chunk of thickly buttered bread, she hoped into my bench and set it in front of me and kissed my forehead and with a promise to return tomorrow disappeared with a second pop.

I lifted the spoon to my lips and devoured the contents, it was delicious.

I don't remember much else but I woke with a start with the sun streaming in, I was still in my clothes but was under the blanket and I was in my our room, my bladder was screaming at me for release, I reluctantly got up and took myself off to take care of business, stood under the shower and the hot water was much needed to soothe my aching muscles, quickly washed my hair happy that I had plenty of my products left Do these go out of date I wondered oh well I shut the water off and used one of the towels that now smelt fresh and clean one of the house elf's must have done this yesterday, I thank them to myself. I wrapped my dressing gown around me and folded up the towel but left my hair wrapped up onto of my head in a hand towel and headed down stairs to try to make a drink…

As I got to the bottom step the smell of coffee reached my nose, I quickly entered the kitchen to see who was there, I'm not going to lie I did hope it would be him, but it was little Pie busily adding some pancakes to a plate and a fresh coffee was steaming on the table

"Good morning Mrs Snape I hope you slept well"

"Good morning pie, thank you so much but I don't want to get you into trouble for being here" Little Pie waved me off and said she had been given expressed permission by the head elf to make sure I was ok.

"Well, that's lovely but why?" "Because you been through so much" she stated simply… I was already tucking into the pancakes they were delicious and it was just like being at hogwarts the thought made me feel sad for a moment but in popped Dibsy - "Morning Mrs Hermione did you sleep well" "Mmmm yes thank you Dibs" I said through mouthful of pancakes - "how are u"

"Good, good" she was carrying brown paper bags and was already emptying these out they were stuffed full of food shopping and she hastily put these away. The two elf's were out the kitchen and I was left alone to finish my breakfast… the last sip of coffee was as good as the first and I took both plate & cup over to the sink to rinse off, the two tea cups from yesterday were washed up and back on the shelf, this made my heart sink again that feeling of unease that the last remains of his presence gone.

I took the towel from my head and my damp curly hair sprang free, I was about to take myself off to put some fresh clothes I stopped mid turn to my husband standing just inside the back door.

Standing to his full height wearing his black travel cloak and his normal scary death eater look.

"What do you think you are doing? "I'm "

I stammer "did I speak a different language granger" he spat, that really got my back up " who the hell do you think you are speaking to I shout back at him"

"I'm talking to YOU" he raises his voice he fully enters the kitchen swinging the door shut behind him. We both stand glaring at each other he's breathing heavy and my legs feel like lead i couldn't move even if I wanted to!

"What are you doing in my home" his lips curl as he said MY "it's MY home too" I reply I wince at how childish my reply sounded. All I needed was the stamp of the foot to finish the look! "You have NO right to be here" I square my shoulders "Severus you made it quite clear yesterday you didn't want to see me, so why have you come here to antagonise, to confront me"

"Had you had the decency to ACTUALLY Talk to me yesterday" He cut me off moving further into the room

"I have NOTHING to discuss with YOU"

The venom and his advance into the room rocked me backwards, I took a couple of steps back, not watching where I was going my head connected with the open door to the hallway behind me

Crack, I whimper the pain as my head whacks straight into the corner of the door, i fall in a crumbled heap, I cry out lifting my hand to the area of pain I bring my fingers to the front of my face and the bright red smear of blood covers my finger tips.

In a split second he comes towards me, confused and scared that he's coming to harm me I try to get away, scrabbling on the floor like a floundering fish, as if I weigh nothing he lifts me bridal style and takes me directly to the lounge where he carefully deposits me on the sofa.

In the flurry of movement I cling to the front of his robes, his smell, my mind is chanting safe,safe,safe but it's conflicting as only 2 seconds ago he was so angry I thought he was going to kill me!

"Granger, unhand me…. Granger LET Go"

I don't let go, if anything i bury my nose into his robes further, he's trying to untangle himself from me but unable to with both his arms trapped underneath me. he's stiff and my head is swimming " Hermione" he gently says" him saying my name snaps me back to the living, I lift my eyes to him but still make no move to let go

"You need to let go, I want to check your wound". I give a silent nod reluctantly I release my fingers and he's able to fully remove his arms from under me. Gentle fingers touch my head, I forget myself and hum in appreciation if he heard me he doesn't say anything maybe he thinks I did that in pain but in reality he was there and he was touching me! His finger made contact with the sore point and I give a yelp, "its looks superficial " he says almost to himself his voice was at my ear level, goosebumps rise and at this moment its like he noticed them too. I look down to look what he's staring at and realise my dressing gown had become lose and had risen up to the top of my thigh and my right breast exposed. I rush to cover myself self conscious my knee jerk reaction that had him standing back across the room by the fireplace as far away from me as he could be.

At this moment Dibsy walks into the room where I'm laying on the sofa with my mousey hair is wet with a little blood and Severus is looking like he's about to run from the room. The brave little Elf speaks up "Mrs Hermione can I be of any assistance?"

We both swing our heads to her and Severus says "your joking, you've got the bloody elf here too!" Dibsy lifts her chin and states "Mrs Snape needed my help, Dibsy will always be there for Mrs Snape" before Severus could cut her with a barbed comment I say " thank you Dibsy I'm completely fine, Severus is helping me I fell in the kitchen and bumped my head, see"

I point to my head and Dibsy follows my bloodied finger that's pointing to my head.

I continue "could you get me a glass of water please and maybe a coffee for Professor Snape"

Dibsy not completely convinced bows and leaves the room.

Severus snots, "she thinks I've harmed you"

I don't even reply, but internally I say you have, more than your'll ever know!

We continue in silence, Dibsy re enters the room with the same tray she served soup on and pops it on the table closest to me "here Mrs Snape" "thank you Dibs"

"Mrs Hermione, I just wanted to let you know I've finished the last rooms", eyeing Severus she says "would you like me to stay".

"No,no Dibs I'm completely fine thank you and please pass my thanks to the others I'm very grateful to you all, I open my arms to her and she hesitated but came to me and I gave her a quick squeeze and said " you head back now if I need you I'll call"

All the while Severus is watching from the furthest point in the room. She pops away

I tried to reach the glass but the pain in my head makes me make a face of pain, Severus maybe unconsciously moves towards me to hand the glass to me "here stay still let me get it" I lift the glass to my lips the water tastes like heaven. Severus still eyeing me takes his own cup and retreats to his chair.

We sit in silence again…

"I need to heal your head, will you allow it? "Yes please, thank you" I sit cradling my now empty glass. Severus with wand in hand waves a silent in-cognation and the pain reduces massively, " ah that's better thanks". From a pocket of his cloak he un corks a vile "here"

I don't even question what it is I simply take it from him and swallow it in two large gulps.

"Always so trusting Miss Granger" he tried to sneer but it didn't have the same nasty tone to it. "It's Mrs Snape" I immediately replied "and yes, one SHOULD trust her husband"

He returned to his chair and picked up his coffee cup again.

I don't know how long we sat there, but I just needed to rest my eyes.

I woke up and it was early evening. Bloody hell I thought, I've literally slept all day. On the sofa a blanket has been placed over me and the fire was lit but I was alone.

Sadness doesn't come close to how I felt at that moment, yes he covered me up and lit the bloody fire but he just left, he left me….. a sound broke through my despair and immediate terror had me spring from laying down to up and wand drawn! I moved down the hallway to the where the sound came from and into the kitchen I crept.

Once inside the sight of Severus with cloak removed and sleeves rolled up washing up pots and pans had me almost laugh out loud. My movement made him look over his shoulder and he saw me placing my wand away. "Ah your finally awake" "yes I'm sorry what was in that pain potion?" "Nothing more than pain relief I assure you". Then I smelt food, "have you cooked?" "Yes" he simply said "sit"

I moved over to the table he had already laid the table ware he wiped his hands and cancelled the warming spells bringing the plates over to the tables.

Lamb chops, new potatoes, peas/ carrots with minted gravy all my favourites my mouth watered Severus took his seat opposite me and we started to eat in silence. Severus is a wonderful cook, he always used to be the better one of us to make dinner - he used to joke that he was the modern man, but I think it was the safest option to have him cook seeing as some of the disaster dishes I'd served him up over the years. It was completely surreal just like to million times before we shared a dinner together.

Once finished, I put my knife and fork together and pushed my plate slightly away from me, Severus had already finished "well" he enquired "better than i remembered" a small smile flashed across his face but it was gone a quick as it came - but I knew that face that was a face of satisfaction of praise.

"Severus" I started "Hermione, he cut me off" I don't think tonight is right for the conversation you want" "but". "No, Hermione I won't have that conversation now"

"I don't understand, what have I done to make you so angry with me"

"YOU LEFT ME, he shouted it just came out of him, it made me jump. he got up from his seat and paced "Hermione I don't want to speak of it"

"I left you? "Severus I had my memories taken i was stripped of who I was!

I've was transported back to being an 11 year old child!" "Ah I know Hermione I know, I've had the pleasure of having my full memories of our prior life together every last one but when you came back I got fucking privilege of getting to teach you and the other dunner heads for the last 6 years not know what the hell was going on or what had happened to make you younger, I told you I do not want to talk about it Hermione, not tonight "But" he continued completely ignoring my interruption "I've felt like a fucking pedophile for the last 6 years Hermione. Completely terrified that you'd remember your horrible old professor shagging you!!

But not you, the young version you! How the fuck did we go from being a married couple, to you disappearing from the face of the earth to come back as an 11 year old! How is this possible" I draw breath to speak but he cuts me off

"I've worried every god damn day that you'd be killed by the dark lord or one of his minions, having to balance life and death situations on a day to day basis- having to hide my previous life from you know who.

"And, I can assure you he took great delight in rooting through my head to find my weakness and my weakness was YOU!" He ran out of air but he was not done…. you and those stupid pair nearly got yourselves and me killed on multiple occasions so yes I'm fucking angry at you"

You took risks that morning you left, I begged you not to go, it was not safe. but oh no, not Hermione, she does what Hermione wants and everyone else mainly ME was left to pick up the pieces"

"But I didn't know any of this at the time Sev, please I'm begging you. We can work this out right, there's so much I need to tell you. But your acting so cold, don't you want to come home"

He stood hands on hips defeated and said In a whisper "I'm broken Hermione, I'm not the same person I cannot be who you want or need I have NOTHING left to give. He made a move to leave, i jumped in his path and caught his arm, first time that I've touch his skin in over 6 years. I said quietly

"Please don't go, I never would have left you willingly, you know that! Severus please"

6 years may have passed but to me it's like I went out to work yesterday and now I'm home, tears brimming my eyes "you've got to understand I still feel the same, I Love you"

He made an attempt to pull free from me, my hand slid down his arm to grip his hand "please, I need you to hear me say this, I Love you and I will continue to love you, you are my life Severus without you in it, I just can't bear the thought of not being with you and you hating me" He looked down at our joined hand and replied "I don't hate you" "but I can't be who you want or need Hermione, I'm damaged goods" "the things I've done". "It came out almost like a cry he was rubbing his forehead with his other hand. I squeezed his hand

"I don't care about any of it" he cut me off " I care, Hermione I CANNOT be the man the husband I was before don't you UNDERSTAND!

I let go of his hand and took a step back "so that's it?" "You don't want to hear what I've got to say? just want to give us up just like that?" He looked down at his empty hand and looked resolved and this made me mad. "Hermione, he said in a quieter voice "it's not for me "just"like that. I gave you up 6 years ago"

I took another step away from him, burned. I didn't want to cry in front of him, he hated seeing me cry, but two big tear tracks already found there way down my face. I swallowed

"I think you should leave now, he looked up at me turmoil written all over his face but he'd said it you can't take that back"Hermione" he said " and in that one word I could feel my heart shattering. I squared my shoulders " Severus please leave"

He stood still and if possible I saw him shrink,

he made the move to grab his cloak and turned once more to glance at me, then he was gone…

My legs moved me to the door he'd just left through , I turned the lock and made a point to bolt it top and bottom as to shut out the words that I had just heard.

The plates we had just eaten off still on the table, I moved passed them switched off the lights to the kitchen then through to the hall,

I walked to the front door like I had done a million times before but now on auto pilot, slid the lock and bolt into place to keep the bad guys out I thought . I moved up the stairs numb into our, NO! my bedroom. I sat on the edge of the bed, I went to run my fingers through my hair but I'd completely forgotten about the now dried blood, frustrated I got up and went to the bathroom the image that greeted me in the mirror was awful, no wonder he left I thought look at you… my hair was mated with blood and frizzy wild mess, my face was drawn and pale and I was all wrapped up in a bright red dressing gown that your granny wouldn't be seen dead in!

Disgusted with myself, I turned on the shower and stripped and finally let my tears fall with the water.

After a while the water went cold, an indication that I needed to get my arse out and to bed. I dried and tried to sort out the mop that is my hair, heading back into the bedroom

I closed the door on what was the worst day of my life.