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Next morning was cloudy just like my mood good hope everybody's is a miserable as I was! I rolled over and with my muscles screaming at me I got up. I padded downstairs and headed straight into the kitchen and the plates that we had used were all long gone, I gave Dibsy a silent thank you wherever she was.

Life… my days went in a blur consisting of writing/ reading / researching / brewing/cooking/ eating/ sleeping all in no particular order at at no particular time either. Days became my nights and nights became my days.

It had been over 2 months since I last saw Severus, or anyone! Not one person had reached out. The only other person I speak to has been Dibsy, she alone would come sit and see me, but she was a busy little elf now at Hogwarts, she would drop by with food parcels - This morning started like all the others I boiled the kettle and made myself a cup of tea and sat at the kitchen table… what will I do today i pondered?… as if the gods of "I need to make you more miserable" we're working, there was a owl scratching at the window. Intrigued I jumped to open the window to a beautiful white owl, I immediately thought of Harry and hurriedly unattached the envelope gave the owl a treat and closed the window shut.

Looking at the writing I knew immediately it was from Minerva, I took it back over to table I need to have at least a sip of tea before opening that.

The opened letter and empty tea cup were in front of me. It's an invite ie you "Must" come to the pre planned order meeting tonight at Grimmauld Place 8pm sharp. Perfect I grumbled, these are still bloody going on! Isn't the war over?

I busied myself all day dusted some of the books in the lounge, made myself a basic lunch but honestly my heart was not in it. I couldn't go on like this I needed to have a plan, what am I going to do for money? I couldn't keep having food squirrelled away by Dibsy- Can I stay here? Do I want to stay here? I didn't really want to go tonight, but I was also a little excited to have some human interaction.

Before long, it was 5 minutes to 8 and I've swung all day from not going to going to turning up early to arriving late, so here I was standing in my hallway buttoning up my beautiful navy blue travel cloak ( ignoring the fact that this was a gift from Severus on our last Christmas together, I'd looked at it longingly for weeks at Madam Malkins window not to mention the un mentionable he purchased too for us to enjoy from there too but that's a different story. I wasn't going to allow myself there) one last glance at the mirror I was ready to apparate to Grimmauld place.

Brushing the soot from my shoulders I entered the living room of the headquarters, the living room was empty apart from Luna lovegood

"Evening Hermione"

"Hi Luna, we're is everyone?" "Kitchen" she sings " I don't really like crowded places so until it starts I wanted to wait in here"

Seemed like a good idea. "Do you think they would even miss us if we didn't go in?"

"Me, maybe but you, I'm afraid not she laughed"

"Mmm" I grumbled, I go to walk to the direction of the kitchen I hesitate " he's already here"

I steel my shoulders "thanks Luna "

No need to ask who the "he"was!

The door is already open as having this many people already sat and standing around the large wooden kitchen table made it near impossible to close. The room was loud with several conversations all happening at once. That was a little intimidating, I shuffle in trying to blend in behind the nearest tall person.

As if my fate had already been sealed, the person I decided to stand behind must have felt me behind him turned out it was Fudge " oh hello there Hermione sorry my dear please come in come in" the room went silent at the mention of my name. "Honestly I'm fine here, I try to shake him off I can literally feel everybody's eyes on me the heat raises to my cheeks, this was quite scary.

"Nonsense, come through look there's a chair here for you". Dear god kill me now they all part like the Red Sea and I've got no other option than to let him lead me to the middle of the fucking room, slap bang next to the red head boy who 100% doesn't want to be sat next to me!

Professor mcgonagall at this point makes a small cough and brings the attention back to her. "Right, well now I have your attention, I want to thank you for all coming on our quarterly meeting. We have quite a lot to get through but first things first I want to address Hermione". At this point I'm starring daggers at my old professor what is she doing!

"I know many of you are all very curious and judging how full we are tonight, no doubt some of you are going to try and pounce on her at the earliest opportunity. But, I'm warning every single one of you that you will deal with me if you over step the bound of decency towards her and hers"

I snort and a small ripple of nervous laughter happens, I want to reply to her that no one here falls into that category. No one here at all.

A slight shuffle catches my eye, Severus hiding at the back with a perfect view to me, I just continue to stare at Minerva head, he had moved just slightly, his eyes lock on mine. I look away quickly, I do not want the tears to come.

"Right, so with that out the way let's have the current reports on where we are with last lot of surveillance and updates from the ministry"

I completely tune out, it was dull and uneventful nonsense. Each passing minute made my anxiety grow. I start planning my escape, why oh why did I voluntary come this. I must be mental! Beside me, Ron rocks slightly side to side I can see he's almost vibrating. He never turns to me never acknowledges me, next to him is Harry and Ginny both of them are listen with rapped attention to Minerva and they make no attempt to speak or even look at me.

I take a sly peep around the room -they are all here the whole bloody order, it's like a school roll call!

All listening and eyes on Minerva but I can't see who's behind me and that makes me a little uncomfortable.

"Ok, lets have a quick break and I'll see you back in 10"

I shoot out my chair and out into the back garden. The night air is cool you could feel autumn in the air.. I should just go now? "Hermione"

I turn to see Minerva standing in the doorway "can I have a word" I nod " I'm sorry I haven't had chance to call on you before tonight " I shrug " that's ok". it wasn't ok, it wasn't ok at all.

The truth is no-one had made any attempt to make contact with me. She continued " I've been so very busy at the school as you can imagine but I just wanted to make sure your alright?" Alright, I let the word alright wander around my head, no I don't think alright cuts it! But I don't want to sound crazy, " yes I'm fine, how are you" I say internally cringing at how happy and chipper I sound. Her eyes squint a little at my crazy smile but I must have convinced her enough, "well of your sure?" I'm always here for you"

"Of course, feeling a little ashamed that I was being a bit unfair to her, she does have quite a lot on her plate. "it's been a bit of a transition, but I think I've got everything memory wise back to normal and I'm back in the right body" I laugh, "as normal as it can be when you've be pushed through time unwillingly"

She nods with a sad expression on her face, "ok, my dear we'll catch up properly soon come in don't get cold come have a cup of tea, Mollys made a lovely cake and Ron's on his second helping, there be none left and you look like you've lost weight, we need to fatten you up" We both laugh, but I laugh to stop me busting into tears.

"Ok, coming right in". I'm smiling a fake smile right back at her and I not sure if she knew it!

I make the decision I will head back in only to be stopped by Severus replacing Minerva on the doorstep.

"How are you" his deep voice is like liquid sex "oh I'm fine, you?" " I am. Well".

"Good that's great, GREAT" I say the last word a little louder than meant too! I wait for the next barbed comment, he's eying me like a cat watching his prey.

"I wondered if after this "meeting" he said in disgust " I could have a moment of your time to discuss our, he paused "next move"

This shocks me the last time he basically ran away from me "Well to be honest I'm not sure we have anything else left to say, you made your Feelings - I made the inverted commas using my fingers "quite clear last time. I was going to actually trying to leave, I was only going to stay for Minerva". He moved his head to the side almost like he was having trouble understanding what I just said.

"You are about to leave?" "Yes,"

He looked at me puzzled, I don't know what you want me to say Severus? "This is painful for me, I have nothing here to stay for these people are strangers to me".

"What, the two boys not playing nice with you"he sneered. Ah there he is, I knew he couldn't stay civil for long…I paused before responding, "something like that". I knew not biting would piss him off more. But, I couldn't help myself "actually, Fuck You. I must admit the shock on his face was delicious "how dare you come out here to me with the "how are you crap" you don't care don't pretend to care Severus and then when all else fails you kick me with some jealous shit" he looks over is shoulder to see if my little outburst had been witnessed seeing he was in the clear he was about to respond but I cut him off "Goodbye Severus" and I promptly turn around and apparated on the spot.

Back at the house I was pissed. I'm done with this shit. I was pacing, broiling for a fight. I literally haven't been contacted by any of these people I've been here for months!

Hey never mind that I 'd been through a massively traumatic experience guys, pushed back through time became 11 years old re entered school - been chased around the country by serial killers in masks after me. Friends, my parents have been killed, I've been on the run experienced & fought in a war. lost my two best friends who I'm now old enough to have been their mothers and the fucking cherry on the cake is to have all this put to rights to somehow find my way back to my rightful time and place to lose it all again and the love of my life doesn't want anything to do with me. I scream into the empty house. I should be rocking in a corner somewhere. Maybe I am going crazy?

I slump at the corner of the kitchen table, exhausted. They didn't care about me, what the hell am I sitting here waiting for? Severus doesn't want me he wasn't coming home, Harry & Ron couldn't even look at me tonight! - Minerva who I'd always looked up to as a mother figure is far too busy rebuilding the school and running the order everyone else either wanted their gossip or were horrified by what happened and wanted to stay the hell away from me as it might be catching!

I will do the only thing I know how to do, I straighten up and headed for the office, I slump into the chair grabbed a pen and paper off Severus's desk

I needed a plan-

What did I want to do as a career?

Where did I want to live?

I pondered on those a two questions. Its quite funny when you actually write things down it focuses the brain- I came to realise quickly to find some space and hopefully some peace from what happened, the answer I kept coming back to was that I needed to leave the UK. Way to many people knew who I was, I would never be free.

I thought, I still loved potions I had my mastery I could maybe turn my hand to that but for this my second problem was money. So I made note to work out how to get some out of Gringotts . "Mmm will I be able to do this and will they even let me in after the dragon incident" I say aloud. I chewed on the end of the pen… and pondered well in my previous life, I'm mean this life I did have my own savings, Severus always said it was good to have my own gold to spend on whatever and however away from our joint account. Would I be able to access this?

So without further a do, I wrote two letters one to Minerva apologising for leaving early and explaining how hurt I'd been at the lack of contact from anyone in the whizzarding community before tonight.

I informed her that I planned to leave the UK for a fresh start and that once settled I would Owl her my location. There short and sweet.

The second letter not so easy. I crumpled up the third attempt and flicked it with my wand towards the fire, lounging in the office I was surrounded by basically everything Severus.

Dark panelled wood, rows and rows of books. Dark and knowledgeable I thought!

I looked around for inspiration how will I write what I want to say without harming him more than I already had.

Dear Severus,

By the time you read this I will have left spinner's end.

I apologise for last night, it was a little over whelming! But, I was rude to you and I'm sorry.

I hope one day you can find it in your heart to forgive me for what I've done.

With this in mind I relinquish all rights to our martial home / funds and possessions. I believe this is what you you would've wanted to discuss when you said "next move"

I have wrote to Minerva explaining the same but I have not given her my destination.

I need you to know that our marriage and the love we shared was the most happiest of times in my life before any of this happened. I truly have only ever wanted your happiness but I now know my daily presence here will never afford you that and with that knowledge I cannot bear to stay.

I wish you well

Yours

Hermione Snape.

The final dot after my name felt like a bullet penetrating the final pieces of my heart.

There it was done.

I would send them both tomorrow and be gone.