Chapter 9

I'm here

Reluctantly, we pulled apart for air, I lifted my head slightly to look into his eyes "are you real". Are you really here?

"I'm here" This was the greeting I wanted, the reuniting I've been dreaming of"

He rested his forehead on mine and took hold of my was hands. He whispered " I don't want to stop, but I feel I owe you an explanation of my behaviour."

We took a step apart and I motioned for him to come take a seat in the living room. Severus followed my lead but was scanning the room. Old habits and all that!

I politely ask if he wanted tea which he declines, so I sat close but I gave him space.

This was a tale I wanted to hear, but I have a feeling, I'm about to rock his world with my tale too!

"I suppose firstly, I should really should ask what your last memory is?

I nod in agreement this bit is quite painful "yes ok well, I remember the morning we were at home and had breakfast"

Ashamed now I add "we had a huge fight about me going with mad eye,it was on dumbeldores orders. You didn't want me to go." I blink back the tears."

"I didn't even say goodbye to you" I add sadly.

I was about to continue but Severus interrupted.

"Yes you have remembered it correctly, the headmaster wanted you to accompany them on an assignment as we had word about a raid that was happening that day. Obviously, since the first war my job as spy was far from over. I still had my feet in both camps as it were."

I sat frozen I didn't want to even breathe too loudly. Did he know?

"I had given him the heads up that there were members of the original death eaters that were reorganising. Risings up so to speak. I was absolutely furious that you were being bought in to assist the arrurs again, when he knew your position was already quite precarious by your association with me."

I had to bite my tongue as this was a standard fight we always had about me being involved in any order business. But, I had to remind myself that this happened years ago in reality, but the feeling of ike still prickled.

I had for years played the dumb wife of a death eater and pretended that I didn't know what he'd signed himself up to all those years ago, before we were married.

I kept quiet and he continued, "Obviously, back then we were heading to what we now know full scale war, rumours were rife that the dark lord would return, it was becoming more and more dangerous."

"The death eaters were becoming careless, you will remember, I would very rarely be summoned to participate in any gatherings seeing as we were without the dark lords presence anymore. But, I had for the previous evening and they murdered a family of muggles just for fun. Raped and tourchered a girl. I was, I feel understandably, uncomfortable with you going! He shuffled in he seat but added dryly "The very next day."

I nodded yes I remembered, "All of that is a mute point because you went anyway, so I have my suspicions who cast the spell at you but I had absolutely no evidence."

He lent forward in his seat, looking very uncomfortable, uncharacteristically placing is hands sandwiched between his thighs, looking down he continued.

"Once you disappeared you truly had been removed from everyone's memories, completely wiped. I need you to know I did try to find you. You quite literally vanished off the face of the earth. I also need you to understand, I then had a roll to play at being completely obvious to you when the dark lord finally returned."

He lifted his head and eyes to me now and continued.

"I've built many walls Hermione, in my life. most that you were able to penetrate through from my early childhood, you know this. But, once I lost you." He took a depth almost cleaning breathe.

I had no other purpose or anchor, I lost myself and I became all that you know from your second time at school.

I was mean, cold and heartless man, because I didn't want to feel anymore.

To feel hurt more so I did become dark, I'm ashamed of what I became."

"Once I fully shut myself of to the world, I gave myself over to it as I knew he" Severus stumbled on saying his name "Voldermont" he spat "must have been aware of the spell on you or had sanctioned it in some way for my betrayal of him."

"The year he came back fully was when I knew I'd lost you forever. I can only believe whatever had been done to you must involve your connection to me"

I shock my head sadly, he didn't know, but I allowed him to continue.

"I believe they did this to test my loyalty to the cause but one of the things I didn't understand or give credit to is that they left me with absolutely all my memories but if you completely oblivated a persons existence there are certain rules that they didn't stick to"

"They thought it was hilarious and would joke that they would get me a girl to play with and she was "right up my street."

I knew who exactly who they were indicting. But through it all they couldn't have realised you would end up being the right hand man and strategic to the boy who lived!

"No, I interrupt. it wasn't any of them!

Confusion written all over his face at my outburst.

"Your right about the first bit the bit about Dumbeldore wanting my assistance but it wasn't for the raid it was for a completely different reason."

Severus didn't make a sound he was completely still. I shuffled in my seat, my turn to put my head down.

He wanted the resurrection stone and I was tasked to get it…

"you can't be serious dumbeldore sent you on a suicide mission for the stone? But he said he got it in this timeframe?"

I looked up at him he was perplexed"Yes so it seemed, but he'd got me in on all the research beforehand we knew the stone had been placed into a ring and was the property of the Perverelly family then onto the gaunt family when Marvolo Gaunt ended up with the ring he didn't know what he was in procession of!"

"Do you remember Marvolo died in Azkaban? " Severus nodded he's eyes wide so I continued "it was passed onto his son."

"Dumbeldore knew Voldermot had got hold of the ring from the unsuspecting young boy and made it a horcrux. Curtsy of help from lose lipped Slughorn."

Severus shock his head in disbelief. I continued. "He re hid the now horcruex, I mean ring I stumbled "back into the Gaunt shack, where I had to go to retrieve it"

Severus looked like he was about to say something so I pressed on.

"I got the ring no problem it was when I was back in Dumbeldores presence was when I had trouble. Once the headmaster was in possession of the stone it's like he was in a trance, he wanted to try it to see his own dead sister and we argued."

"I called him selfish and not thinking of the bigger picture reminding him that I'd just risked my life to get it for the greater good. He wouldn't listen."

"I've now found out after viewing memories that he did end up putting the ring on his finger in my second timeline and was cursed immediately. I saw you treated him for this and extended his life but, I gulp but pressed on "I witnessed him when he tried to use the ring in my presence to see his own dead family, but he thought I'd done something to it before bringing it to him as it wouldn't work for him.

He must have kept the ring as he needed all the other horcruxes. This is where he must have realised he truly needed Harry because of prophecy.

I stood and paced the room

"Can you believe that, he thought I had something to do with the ring not working" he went crazy severus, I don't know what messed with his mind, I'm not sure but I was enemy number 1 at that point!"

"What are you saying Hermione?" he sounded deadly. I stopped pacing " and faced him "what I'm saying severus is that Dumbeldore was the last one I was with, it was him who cast a spell at me!"

Next thing I know I'm waking up in hospital wing 6 years have past and my life had gone to shit!

He closed his eyes aghast with this new found information every emotion filtering across his face " but then his eyes fixed on me "Hermione are you absolutely sure". I nod

"That fucking bastard". He stood to join me directly in front of me "Hermione I swear If he wasn't already dead I'd fucking kill him again.

In that moment I knew he meant it. Severus pulled me into a hug, "I'm so sorry my darling , I had no idea. I was looking in the complete wrong direction!"

I breathe him in, he just felt like home, nothing or no one could hurt me whilst I was in his arms. "I literally cannot work out who was the worst Master" he rages. "How could he , to you to us?" His grip tightened.

"I wouldn't have ever told" my eyes wet from tears that were leaking out of my eyes, "I mean if we never spoke again I would've taken that knowledge to my grave"

"I want the whole fucking world to know what he did Hermione ".

He pulled back to look at me and held my hands but we stood still together for a moment in silence.

" Why did he do it Hermione I can't bear it!

I paused before answering " I've thought of nothing else.

"You know he left me in his will the Beedle & Bard nursery story book which at the time was weird but now I think it was his way, I mean he was trying to show me a way back.

Harry's snitch opened at the end revealing the stone" we were pawns Severus" all of us.

The main thing to him was to defeat the dark lord and he didn't care who he used to get the job done. "he needed me to fetch the stone. I think in a moment of weakness he wanted to use it for his own gain but think about it. I was the component to make sure to have your complete loyalty" severus looked deadly " I pressed on…

"you see he had nothing else over you, of course the story of Lilly is lovely and all that but you and I both know that's not quite the real story" but you had to go along with it.

Severus softened and nodded I continued- "he needed you to toe the line and by having me right there at school meant you weren't going nowhere.

He knew us too well. I would protect Harry, you'd protect me! I was repeatedly told I was the brightest witch of my age only thing is I wasn't my age was I!

You blaming the dark lord on his return or any of the other death eaters was a sensible line for you to go down and I'm sure he was happy that you came to that conclusion on your own. But, I never was at any raid that night I was already gone. It was Dumberdore."

My next full memory is aboard the hogwarts express joining the school and meeting Ron & Harry.

To think it was the bad guys we needed to worry about all along it was much closer to home!"

I took a deep breath glad I'd fully been able this all out. "So now we know Harry needed the stone at the end and Harry needed me, the headmaster didn't care who got hurt or killed in the process.

I suddenly feel exhausted.

Severus finally spoke "I want to be part of your life Hermione"

I looked at him and hesitated as I needed to be completely honest now "I don't think I can go back to England Severus"

You don't have to go back right now Hermione "

"NO," I say a little louder than I meant it to come out…. "you don't understand I don't think I can ever go back"

We don't have to make any decision right now Hermione. But if not going back means I get to keep you in my life then I want to be wherever you are! Besides, he pushed a piece of my hair behind my ear. "What do I have to go back for either?