Dean isn't planning on avoiding Cas. He just realises that he put Cas to work on his truck, then dragged the poor guy around Lebanon and then took him straight on a hunt. Cas just came back from the dead. He needs to rest.

Dean ignores the flash of disappointment that he thinks he sees in Cas's eyes when Cas asks what their plans are for today, and Dean answers 'nothing'.

Dean makes breakfast, as always. Just because Dean is going to give Cas some space, doesn't mean that he's going to let him starve. Cas asks for eggs and bacon, and Dean is happy to oblige.

Cas is wearing his human clothes; Jeans and a T-shirt. As he sits there with a content smile on his face, petting Miracle behind his ear, it's easy to forget that five days ago, he was dead. He looks nothing like the celestial being that he is. Dean wonders – not for the first time – what the hell Cas is doing here. Why does he choose to hang around two humans? When will he get tired of them and leave?

All those thoughts make Dean feel restless, and his hands itch to do some kind of work on Baby, but he doesn't know how to explain to Cas that he wants to work alone. Especially because Dean doesn't actually want to work alone. It was fun showing Cas his way around an engine and he'd love to show him some more.

But not today. Today, they are just going to relax. In separate rooms. So Cas doesn't get tired of him - them - too fast.

It has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Dean spent two hours last night just looking at a jacket with a bloody handprint.

He's not even sure what he was thinking about during those hours. He had just sort of sat there, feeling the rough fabric around the red imprint.

So when Dean goes back to his room after breakfast, he's determined not to get the jacket out of the closet again. Instead, he takes out his laptop and tries to watch a movie. But not even a Western can catch his attention.

His thoughts keep going back to yesterday, when his back was burning, and Cas made it go away. And those 20 seconds afterwards when they just sat on the floor, Cas's hand on his shoulder, and everything was okay.

And there's something else. Something he knows is there, but that he refuses to see. Like a shadow just in the corner in his eye, but Dean resolutely doesn't look.

After an hour of trying to watch a movie, he gives up. He is too wound up to just lay still. He needs something to help him relax. He pushes the laptop aside and gets up, making his way towards the kitchen. Maybe he should find Miracle after he retrieves a beer. The furball can usually calm down his nerves. Then again, he left him with Cas, so that might be a bad idea.

But Dean doesn't even get to the kitchen. When he steps into the library, a shadow in the corner that is not usually there, catches his eye.

For a split second, his fingers twitch to reach for his gun. But then his brain catches up and stop his reflexes. "Cas?"

Cas doesn't react. He's just sitting hunched in the chair, staring at nothing on the floor.

Dean should just keep walking, get that beer, and get back to his movie. But the look in Cas's eyes pulls him in; Fear. And Dean can't just ignore that. With a sigh, Dean takes a step closer. "Cas?" Cas still doesn't react. So, he takes the final two steps and puts a careful hand on Cas's shoulder. "Cas?"

The moment his fingers feel the trench coat, Cas jumps in his seat. It brings Cas back from wherever his thoughts went, but there's still a haunted look on his face. "Dean. I didn't hear you."

"Well, I only called your name three times." Dean lays the sarcasm thick to make sure it gets through to Cas.

Cas twists his hands and doesn't look at Dean. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright. You looked pretty far away." Dean takes a seat in the chair next to Cas's, only a small table between them. "Penny for your thought?"

Cas continues avoiding eye contact. "It's nothing."

Well, it doesn't take a shrink to connect the fear in newly resurrected Cas's eyes with his brooding in a dark corner. Dean states; "The Empty."

Cas sighs but gives an almost unperceivable nod. He swallows and talks to the floor. "I haven't thought much about it. Mostly at night, when you and Sam are sleeping. But we have been so busy. Hanging out. Hunting. I haven't had too much time to think about it. Until today."

"I thought you needed a day off." Dean doesn't know if it is an apology or an explanation. If he'd known a day off would leave Cas lonely and getting lost in old memories, he would never have pushed Cas away like this.

Cas just smiles, or at least attempts to, but it looks sad. "I shouldn't monopolize your time, Dean. You need to rest as well."

"Come on, Cas." Dean growls. "You just got back from the Empty. If you need anything, I'm here, okay? So, what's eating at you?"

Cas's eyes become distant again. "You know, how the Empty shows you, drowns you, really, in your biggest regrets. It is not so much an experience as it is a feeling. Like every bad feeling you've ever felt, just amplified. It was awful. So to be back here makes me very, very happy. But last time I was happy…"

"You got taken by the Empty." Dean finishes, running a hand down his face.

"I know that I've paid what I owe, that the Empty no longer has a hold on me. Still, every time I realise how happy I am, I can't help but to expect another portal to open and swallow me whole. Then I feel bad about not appreciating this second chance that Jack has gifted me, so I try to focus on being happy. Only to be drowned in fear again." Cas shakes his head. "It's irrational."

"No. No, Cas, it isn't." Dean leans forward, elbows on knees, trying unsuccessfully to catch Cas's eye. Well, no eye contact is probably better if he's going to actually say what he's thinking about saying. "It's been… 13 years since you pulled me out of the pit. 13 years. But when I have blood on my hands, when there's people, I can't save… Every single time I think; Will this be what gets me thrown back into Hell?"

"You are not going back to Hell." Cas states, almost punctuating every word.

"You don't know that." Dean argues. Now that he's opened up this can of worms, it's like he can't stop. "All the people I've killed. I carried the mark of Cain. I became a demon. My soul has already been to Hell-"

Cas cuts him off. "I already told you that all you have ever done, have been for love. Your actions have been pure, even if misguided at times. Your soul is pure. You went to Hell to save your brother's life, and Jack will not allow that to keep you from going to Heaven. The rules have changed, Dean. And a good and caring man like you does absolutely not belong in Hell."

The words are like a calming balm on one of Dean's most inner fears. He tries to breathe deeply through his nose because he doesn't trust his mouth. He rubs at his eyes, rubbing the moisture away before it can form into something worse.

Before Dean can produce an answer, Sam walks into the library. Dean pulls back, suddenly realising that he has been leaning closer to Cas as they have been talking. Sam's looks at them, clearing his throat. "Hey guys. What're you doing?"

Finally, Cas looks at Dean, but only to silently communicate that he doesn't want Sam to know what they were talking about. No problem, Dean doesn't want Sam to know either.

Dean clears his throat. "Planning a movie marathon. How does Back to the Future sound?"

-.-.-.-

Dean almost doesn't sleep that night. He's busy surfing the internet. When he finally settles in to get some sleep, he wakes up minutes later, disappointed by how slowly time is moving. He tries again, and again, and again.

It's not until 5:18 that he remembers that Cas doesn't sleep, so Dean is just torturing himself for no real reason. He jumps out of bed.

He balances his laptop on one arm as he knocks on Cas's bedroom door. He hears a confused 'yes?' from inside the room and takes that as an invitation.

Cas is sitting on the bed, the damn romance novel in hand. "Dean?"

"'Morning Cas." Dean smiles. "Am I interrupting something?"

Cas marks the page in the book and puts it on the nightstand. "No, please, come in."

"Awesome." Dean drops down on the bed next to Cas and turns the laptop towards him. He has a trillion tabs open in his browser. "Look, I've searched the web for things to do and there's lots of stuff we can go see."

Cas frowns. "What do you mean?"

"Activities, events, theme parks, even a museum or two, but only cool ones!" Dean says excitedly. Cas only looks more confused, which makes Dean feel a little nervous. Maybe this was a stupid idea. He clears his throat. "I just figured… Well, with fewer hunts and more time on our hand… I once mentioned to Sam about going on a vacation, and, uh… Sounds like you might like to make some new, happier memories too, so…" When Cas still looks confused, Dean pulls the laptop towards himself, getting ready to get up from the bed. "You know what? It's a stupid idea. Forget about it."

Before Dean can get up, Cas catches his arm. "Dean!" Dean looks back at him and Cas continues. "Did you spend all night finding all these?"

Dean wets his lips to buy just a second of time. "Not all night."

Cas huffs a small smile. "It's a lovely idea. I would like to see what you have found."

Dean smiles, confidence restored. He settles back on the bed. "Alright, anything special you wanna do?"

"I don't know. You have… so many things." Cas smiles. "Is there something you would like to do?"

"Well, now that you ask." Dean knows this is not supposed to be about him, but he didn't even know this was a real thing until he happened to find it and almost fell out of bed in pure excitement. He opens the very first tab, the only one he has also bookmarked in case the browser gave up during his search. "Look at this little piece of Heaven on Earth."

Cas takes a second to read the headline and reacts with a fond chuckle. "A pie festival?"

"Hell yeah, a pie festival!" Dean gives a little jump in his seat, making the mattress bounce. "Why haven't I heard about this before?"

Cas chuckles again. "Okay, we are definitely doing that."

Dean starts opening tab after tab. He lets Cas decide which ones to keep open and which ones to close, but Dean can't help letting it show when there's something he's really excited about, and Cas usually lets those tabs stay open. But no matter how much Dean tries to argue for a trip to Vegas, Cas states that he has no desire to go to a whole town of iniquity – The one den was enough. Maybe Dean can drag Sam there. If his brother finally pulls himself together and puts a ring on Eileen, they are definitely going to Vegas.

Luckily, Cas also rejects some of the things that Dean just kept in the mix to give Cas the choice, like seeing the world's biggest ball of yarn.

Then Dean opens a colourful tab, and Cas goes quiet. Dean looks over at the angel, and he has a wistful look on his face. "Cas?"

Cas ducks his head, and Dean's not really sure what to make of that. "In Heaven, I often visited an autistic man's heaven. He only relived one Tuesday, flying his kite in a park. I found it… peaceful."

Dean looks at all the colourful kites depicted on the homepage for the kite festival. He taps his fingers on the keyless part of the keyboard, and murmurs; "Sounds a bit lonely, too."

Cas tilts his head a little, contemplating. "Maybe. It didn't feel lonely at the time. At least not before I met you and your brother."

"So, let's go look at the kites together. Won't be as peaceful but it won't be lonely either."

Cas turns and looks at Dean. "That sounds great."

Dean didn't realise how close they were sitting. There's only a few inches between them. It's been a long time since Dean has been this close to him. Probably back when he had to keep reminding Cas about personal space. Dean takes the opportunity to look at him, really look at him.

Cas is looking at him with such… devotion. A world of gratitude for Dean doing this for him. As if it's a chore to do things with Cas. Dean isn't sure if Cas has always looked at him like this, and Dean just didn't notice before Cas spelled it out for him. Or maybe Cas just didn't dare look at Dean like this before, afraid of how Dean might react.

The thing that Dean has been trying really hard not to acknowledge pushes its way into his mind again. Dean tries to ignore it, but it's so damn difficult when Cas looks at him like that. His mind flashes to 'a candle in the window on a cold, long winter's night'. Cas's mouth falls open and Dean can't help but to look down and follow the movement.

Cas's breath hitches, and that is enough to bring Dean out of whatever spell this is.

Dean abruptly sits back. What just happened? Had he been leaning forward? Why had he been leaning forward? They were already sitting too damn close!

Dean sits up straight from where he has been leaning too-comfortably against the headboard. He rubs his neck, making sure that his arm covers his view of Cas's face. "Right! Kite festival is on the list." There's still plenty of tabs to go through, but Dean needs to get out of here. Now. "You know what? That lack of sleep is catching up with me." He scrambles off the bed, almost dropping the laptop on the floor. "I'll go catch a few Zs, you know? We can, er, we can look over the remaining things later."

Dean doesn't look back at Cas as he all but runs out of the room.

He doesn't feel safe before he's in his own room. Even then, he stands by the door for God-knows-how-long, listening for steps in the hallway, fearing that Cas might follow him.

What the hell just happened?

He wasn't about to- He didn't- Why would he-

He almost jumps out of his own skin when Miracle comes scratching on his door. Dean puts the laptop on his desk, running both hands over his face and into his hair, grabbing at the strands to pull himself together. He wants the floor to open up and swallow him whole.

But Miracle whimpers outside, clearly worried about why his master's door is suddenly closed. How is Miracle going to jump up on his bed and wish him a good morning like this?

Dean can't deny that damn dog anything, so he grabs his jacket and leaves the bunker with Miracle in tow as quickly as possible, luckily not meeting Sam or Cas on his way out.